Itachi's homesickness didn't last forever, but there was more than a runaway's homesickness a woman in the Akatsuki had to worry about. The hormone-driven newbies were always a pain in my ass. Like back when Hidan started, he tried to get with me, unfortunately, I was on my period at that time…
I. Was. Pissed. Not only had my period started, but Pein had just told me that the new boy, Hidan was arriving soon. I shut my self in my office and went though all of the paperwork I had been missing. The bills, the legal damages, therapy, strip club fees. God, what did these guys do when I did the laundry? Well, it explains why I had so much laundry to do. I sighed and went through my work.
It took me three days to get all that work done. When I left my office for the first time that week, I was "lucky" enough to run in to Hidan first. Extra sarcasm on the "lucky" part. He responded to me as if it had months since he last saw a woman. With a very snide grin he walked right up to me and grabbed my boobs and squeezed them as hard as he could.
I grabbed his arms and flipped him in to the wall. Then I stomped on his chest and ripped off his head and threw it at Tobi, hitting him square in the face and knocking him over. Kakuzu walked in at that moment. "Are you on your period again?" He asked. I tore out two of his hearts. I stormed back to my room and washed the blood off of my arms and changed my pad before lying on my bed.
There was a tap at my door. "Come in." I snapped. Pein entered. "I guess I should have warned you about Hidan, huh?" He asked. "It wouldn't have mattered if you did. He would have done it anyways and the results would have been the same." I said, glaring at him. He raised his hands up in defense. I rolled my eyes. "At least the dick is dead." I said. "Umm, actually, as it turns out, he's immortal. Which makes him the perfect partner for Kakuzu, right?" He said. "Damn it." I said. Pein chuckled. "I'll make it up to you. Date night is this Saturday." He said. I smiled at that. I always loved date night with Pein. The others would always go to a bar or something while Pein and I would… Never mind, you're too young to hear about that stuff.
I wish I could say that Saturday came up faster than a cheetah on a newborn antelope. But if I did, I would be lying. Hidan didn't learn his lesson after that first day. The next morning, I had decided to wear a skirt while making breakfast. When I stepped back, I found Hidan looking up my skirt. We made eye contact for five seconds. Then I did what any girl would have done, on their period or not. I screamed "You little fuck" at the top of my lungs and slapped him with the hot frying pan hard enough to send his head flying through the wall in to Kakuzu's shower.
"KONAN!" he whined. "CONTROL YOU FUCKING PARTNER ASSHOLE!" I screamed back. That wasn't the only attempt that day. When I went to his room for his laundry, it was all over the place! Mostly blood stained underwear. I wondered if Hidan was actually a girl and was on her period. As I bent over to pick up the laundry, Hidan chose to walk out of his bathroom. Ass. Naked. He walked right up to me with a snide grin. "I knew you wanted me." He said. Unfortunately for him, I had a kunai. Needless to say, by the time I walked out of the room, he was an American Unicorn.
What's an American unicorn? It's a guy with his junk on his forehead. You may now roll on the floor, laughing with tears rolling down your face like Enya is.
Thursday was no better. Hidan walked in on me while I was in the shower, stripped down and tried to hook up with me in the shower. Then later when I got back from grocery shopping, he yanked down my pants and Bit. My. Ass. I screamed, ripped off his head and gave it to Tobi and told him to enjoy his new toy. I have no idea what Tobi did to him, but now the Jashinist is dead terrified of Tobi. I probably should have kept Tobi with me for the next day.
At seven the next morning, while I was half asleep and half awake, Hidan came in to my room, tore off my shirt and stuffed his face in my boobs and motor boated me. I was really awake then. And there was a Hidan shaped hole going through thirty five sixteen inch thick walls. I think after that Hidan got it through his head I'm not the girl to fuck. Because Pein almighty pushed one of Sasori's puppets up his ass then off a cliff. After he was done falling, Pein screamed down "KEEP YOUR DICK AWAY FROM MY GIRLFRIEND YOU FUCKED UP LITTLE- (A/N: TECHNICALL DIFFICULTIES!) PUSSY BITCH!" Needless to say, I was very thankful when Saturday rolled around. Of course, with the Akatsuki around, some thing is bound to happen or follow them home from bar night.
In this case, the best two things to happen to the Akatsuki.
AUTHORS NOTE: I have notice I am leaving cliff hangers at the most terrible places, but this story is ultimately plot less. New territory for me. As for the extremely short chapters, well, the only two allowed to bitch about it are The-Music-Loving-Anime-tard and VeeandreaHart because they're the only ones close enough to me to do so. So put up with it for now and when something hilarious happens that I can put in here, I will. Eventually there will be a long chapter, but this is not this chapter. Goodnight everybody.
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