Still own nothing!
Castiel finally found a suitable spot to meet his heavenly brothers in. He decided to reflect a bit more before making the call. Death had called him mutated and that still bothered him. He felt different. Reaching into hell, taking plagues ring of power, carrying the leviathan and then finally taking Sam's hellish ordeal on board; he knows it's all changed him. He's just not sure how it's changed him. One thing he did know for certain however was that every angel that came into contact with him now ended up wanting to kill him and ended up dead in the process. Cas knew he had to somehow stop destroying his brethren he was feeling ever more guilty with each death. Was that too human of him? Well he was going to stop fighting heaven. He was going to stand up to his family and they would sort this out together like families should. He called them down.
They appeared naked in their true form. As brilliant flashes of pure light, which eventually settled and dimed to invisible humanoid sized figures. Cas could see them all quite clearly and heard their soundless voices
"Castiel we are here to prevent the first angel suicide and thus prevent the opening of the gates to heaven"
"I know" Castiel replied
"We have decided to kill you making it is impossible for you to kill yourself thus ending this threat"
'Why does my family have to be such a bunch of dicks?'Cas thought but said "That's your solution? I could just put myself in harm's way for some righteous cause; do you have any 'one way' righteous causes that need attending to?"
"Not at the moment" Cory replied "The last one was retrieving you from purgatory a few died achieving that. There are no plans of that scale on the foreseeable horizon"
"I could wait till something came up" Castiel offered
"No! For even having thought that sinful thought you are now the biggest threat to heaven that there is. All angels everywhere would feel safer if we dealt with you now"
"Fine, then I must warn you that I'm ridiculously hard to kill. To date I have notably survived our brother s Lucifer and Raphael. I have also more recently been stabbed multiple times with angel swords; the last one didn't even break flesh"
"Have you ever tried archangel sword?" Cory asked his tone toneless "I have gathered all of them"
"You've come prepared then" Cas stated without hint of concealed irritation
"Yes your escapades have been quite interesting" Cory said with a subtle hint of an invisible smile "I will admit to missing your bizarre escapades after this. You're different brother but not harmless; angels seem to die in your presents all too frequently which alone is cause for quite some caution. Shall we proceed?"
Two angels came to stand either side of Cas firmly taking hold his shoulders. Their natural form was red hot to the touch and burnt through his over coat scolding his flesh. Cas winced and glanced down to see the damage they were causing to his coat, Cory used the distraction to stab him in the gut. The blade passed through cas' torso like a hot knife through butter. The angels looked on with as much pity for their brother as a bunch of total emotionless bastards could.
"Could we hurry this along please?" Cas asked tearing up a bit after seeing the needless damage wrought upon his damn coat. It was only going to get worse.
Cory looked bewildered "Sorry" He muttered and quickly plunged another arch angel sword into Cas' torso. This time a little light escaped so a third, fourth and fifth blade was added. A little more light shone through, a lot of blood squirted, but Cas still stood there unimpressed.
"How it this possible?" Cory sighed puzzled "Does it even hurt?"
"Compared to recent events, no not really; it's not even that uncomfortable" Cas said with an air of bored disappointment.
Cory shook his first attempted look of dismay and placed a white hot hand onto Castiel's forehead. Cas lit up instantly and fell limp as his light slowly extinguished.
"Blimey I actually had my doubts for a second there" Cory said looking at the equally relieved angels around him.
"Your doubt was not misplaced" Came Cas' calm voice from where he now stood behind the other angels.
Cory turned, took in the undamaged angel, turned back to observe the pile of swords now heaped at his feet and sighed "Shit, I wanted to get away early today as well"
Ooo
"Now what's happening?" Crowley growled as Michael and Lucifer stood silently staring for longer than his patients could stand.
"Well" said Michael "Castiel is still alive"
"Well duh!" Lucifer mocked "If he survived being zapped by me then a knock from a little hack like Cory's not going to do anything"
"Cory has been successfully defending the heavens for millennia, he's no hack, he's just not met Cas before" Michael said just because he liked correcting Lucifer.
"He is rather an unassuming gnat" Lucifer said "We need to make this more interesting. Suggest to Cory that he gets the big guns out" He urged Michael "Go on he'll do it if it comes from you, no one's had a chance to play with those old weapons for ages it would be good to see those babies in action again"
"Weeell" Michael said considering the pros and cons of this idea "God has given us the perfect opportunity here with our unbeatable brother; and we do need to know if those things still work after Balthazar chopped them all up"
"Disrespectful bastard, if you can't revere an honest to God holy weapon than what hope is there?" Lucifer said disgusted "Honestly I have to wonder if I'm really all that bad compared to the rest of you"
Michael looked at Lucifer pointedly before broadcasting to the other angels "Fetch all of heavens holy arsenal something in that box of tricks will work"
"Finally you are all beginning to understand" Cas said "Luckily I had all our holy weapons returned"
Cory looked reluctant "Such heavenly power of mass destruction should not be tested lightly" He said placing his hand on Castiel's head once more and zapping till he felt he could pass out.
Cas stood unmoved, a little wisp of smoke was the only sign that anything significant had just taken place "If you really want to do this then I suggest you fetch the weapons" Cas growled
"Okay fetching the weapons" Cory agreed
Ooo
"Can we get a TV in here for this?" Lucifer asked Crowley
"This is hell!" Crowley roared "The cage no less, in the lowest pit in hell and you want..."
"But we're not just talking about Moses' little stick here they are going to be using everything! ALL the holy confiscated arsenal" Michael said noting the lack of excitement on Crowley's face "The really big guns!" Michael finished adding his 'beg' face to Lucifer's
"Fine" Crowley relented as like all boys he loved big guns "Let's do this then. Minion! Set cameras up on that field! You fetch a plasma from my suite and you bring the chardonnay; might as well make an evening of it"
Crowley magic'ed up a few couches for them all "Comfortable?" He asked without really looking at his permanent guests and sat down to watch the show. His moment was ruined however as an annoying little voice called out from one the countless dungeons around him
"Watch'a watch'in?" Meg's voice came floating in, a grating sing song chime.
"Shut up and suffer" Crowley snapped "Unfaithful little turn coat"
"Say that again" Lucifer growled, Meg was still in his good books
"You know she's seeing your brother on the side right?" Crowley said hoping he didn't
"She is?" Lucifer responded only mildly interested
"Yeah totally" Meg called "But come on with fingers in every pie you can't ignore the fact that I could be useful here! Come on boy's give a girl a chance"
"Actually the look on your face when your angel weapon toy breaks will be priceless" Crowley mocked "Fine unhook yourself for five minutes then"
She was already there sitting cross legged and ready "He won't break I got faith in that one, Corse I got a lot of faith in you too" She added noticing the look Lucifer was giving her
Oooo
The cameras were positioned.
The holy weapons gathered
The show commenced.
Cas stood unaided as angels took turns hitting him with various weapons.
First were the swords Excalibur, Clarent, Joyeuse and Tyrfing.
"Anything?" Cory asked
"Nothing" Cas replied studying the ornate detailing in the swords hilts as they protruded from his ribcage. "There's still some kick to Tyrfing though if you slashed fast enough you might be able to slice me up faster than I could heal"
Cory selected the fastest among them to try this. The angel slashed and chopped as fast as he could. Soon blood and gore was everywhere, coating every angel and surface within a six mete diameter; still the chopping persisted. Cas was reduced to a fine mince before the angel finally relented and gave in to exhaustion.
Cas resurrected before the angel caught his breath "Next?"
"Next" Cory stated "Cursed swords. The curses alone have killed many demi Gods but we will dip them in demon blood for extra bite"
There was a few cool effects and stuff but Cas remained alive.
ooo
"Boring!" Lucifer growled "Can we not just cut to the good stuff already?"
"Patience" Michael muttered mentally cataloguing all of heavens arsenal. "Ah! Remember the Nagastra?" he said getting all nostalgic
"Snake flame that never misses right? It's just a flame thrower not really that impressive by today's standards" Lucifer said picking dirt from his finger nails
"We'll see about that... or maybe not" Michael said disappointed "Is that even the real one?"
"I remember it being bigger"
"The shield of Hephaestus? How are you going to kill someone with... oh okay, and the horn of... Wow didn't see that coming"
"Ten out of ten for imagination" Lucifer said impressed
"Still alive though" Crowley sighed "Amateurs"
"Where the heck is Dean through all this?" Meg said slurping a pinched glass of chardonnay through a straw.
"Shhh!" Everyone else including tortured souls hissed.
Michael continued his descriptive commentary for the weapons...