Left 4 Dead 2: The Musical

Chapter Two: Ease On Down the Road

(Lights come up sharply as COACH whirls around stage in a hollering panic, a cackling JOCKEY crouched on his shoulders. The other three SURVIVORS are standing there, rather tense as they awkwardly try to knock the JOCKEY off without hitting their comrade, pulling up short at the last second every time)

ROCHELLE:

Maybe... if we try from this angle...

NICK:

Or...

COACH:

Help me! SHIT, ELLIS, don't TELL me that's you boy!

ELLIS:

Hey, that's kinda 'fensive Coach!

(ELLIS makes to playfully shove COACH but knocks the JOCKEY off, helpfully. Nick is quick to put an end to its squirms)

NICK:

Son of a bitch, it's like you're a five year old with a gun. Except taller. With a hat.

ROCHELLE (defensively):

Nick, c'mon, we need to keep moving. The mall's not far.

ELLIS:

I know a place nearby where we can get some real big guns.

NICK:

Correction- a five year old with a soon-to-be BIGGER gun.

COACH (rubbing his head still from the JOCKEY attack):

You say one more word and you're gonna wish we didn't have those guns, Nick. Just lead the way, Ellis.

NICK:

Ooooh, NOW I'm scared.

(They begin to walk, but Ellis stops for a moment, staring away in something close to deep thought. The others almost walk offstage before ROCHELLE notices and turns)

ROCHELLE:

Ellis. You comin'?

ELLIS:

Yeah... 'cept Nick just reminded me o'somethin'. I ever tell you about the time my buddy Keith had to babysit this five year old youngin' for his stepsis?

(A swelling piano symphony is building up, and a spotlight shines down on ELLIS as he takes a deep breath and gets ready to head full throttle into the story. NICK starts to hastily reload his gun)

ROCHELLE:

Ellis, sweetie? Now might not be the opportune moment for this...

ELLIS (as the light cuts out immediately and the music stops):

Sure thing, Ro.

(NICK takes several deep breaths, encouraged by ELLIS'S silence to calm down as they continue along. He instead uses the bullets on a distant pair of zombies)

ELLIS:

My feet hurt.

COACH:

C'mon, folks. I know ya'll are gettin' a little stir crazy, it's to be expected I guess. Just one foot at a time... I bet there's an evac station at the mall. I'd bet my last Chocolate Helicopter.

NICK:

Those are some steep words, man.

COACH (ignoring Nick's jibe):

Let's go kids. One foot at a time, that's it. Keep your hopes up, keep them spirits high. We'll just ease on down this road, right? And take down any o' them bastards on the way.

(The other SURVIVORS, expressions newly determined, give a small nod and start forward. An optimistic R&B, soul-filled rhythm starts to build up. Coach gives a little bob as he walks, starting to sing)

COACH:

Come on and... ease on down, ease on down the road. Don't you carry nothin' that might be load, come on ease on down, ease on down the road.

(Rochelle grins slightly at his attempt to bring cheer and gives in, quickening her pace and throwing a quick Molotov before joining in)

ROCHELLE:

Come on, ease on down, ease on down the road. Come on, ease on down, ease on down the road. Don't you carry nothing that might be a load- Come on, ease on down, ease on down, down the road.

COACH:

Pick your left foot up, when your right foot's down! Come on legs, keep movin', don't you lose no ground! You just keep on keepin' on the road that you choose. Don't you give up walkin', cos to those zombies we won't lose, no!

(ELLIS joins in merrily, slicing a SPITTER in half with his chainsaw as he keeps up. His voice is unsuited to the music and beat but the THREE sing, full of optimism. Trailing a little behind them, NICK looks like he's fighting the urge to vomit)

COACH, ELLIS & ROCHELLE:

'Cos there may be times, when you think you've lost your mind-

NICK:

If this keeps up I'm gonna lose it pretty soon!

COACH, ELLIS & ROCHELLE:

And the steps you're takin' leave you three, four steps behind. But the road you're walking might be long sometimes- you'll just keep on steppin' and you'll be just fine, yeah!

(The THREE are almost dancing at this point. Their movements are ungainly but they're genuinely enjoying themselves, and not missing a single zombie with their aim at the same time. NICK could not look more disgusted)

ELLIS:

Well there may be times when you wish you wasn't born-

NICK:

Tell me about it...

ROCHELLE:

And you wake one morning, just to find your courage gone-

NICK:

Excuse me?

COACH:

But you know that feeling, only lasts a little while!

NICK:

God, if you love me, strike me down now.

COACH, ELLIS & ROCHELLE:

You just stick with us... and we'll show you how to smile.

(They grab NICK and drag him along to quicken his pace as they near the GUN STORE, their voices quieting as they fade out in the chorus)

COACH, ELLIS & ROCHELLE:

Get 'em up, goin' down, ease on down, get 'em up, goin' down, ease on down, get 'em up, goin' down, ease on down, get 'em up, get 'em up ease on down...

ROCHELLE:

Well, that journey went quick.

NICK:

Ain't that just dandy.

(NICK promptly slams his foot into the battered GUN STORE door and the SURVIVORS make their way in cautiously. Their expressions turn to ones of delight as they eye the vast array of expensive guns on the shelves)

NICK:
Candy store for adults... I like it.

ELLIS:

This here rifle's got my name written all over it...

(There's a loud, static-filled crackle that causes the SURVIVORS to jump)

VOICE:

Who goes there?

COACH:

An intercom.

(He dashes to the device and presses the button so his voice can transmit through)

COACH:

Hello?

WHITAKER:

You're not infected are you? Ah, doesn't even matter. Look, I've barricaded myself upstairs for safety. I've got all I could possibly need from the store across the way- but in my haste, I forgot cola.

ROCHELLE:

Please don't suggest that he's suggesting what I think he's suggesting...

WHITAKER:

So I'll make you a real decent deal. You people skedaddle on over to the market and pick me up a six-pack, and I'll clear the roadblock further up the street for you. Got a grenade launcher up here. Oh, and none of that diet crap.

ROCHELLE:

There's a roadblock? No other way around?

WHITAKER:

Nope! Now go, vamoose and we'll seal the deal- in the meantime, take something from down there as a little gift...

(Musical cue)

WHITAKER:

GUNS, glorious guns-

(There's a sudden spark of electricity and WHITAKER'S voice cuts off. It appears NICK has shot the intercom in an effort to end the songs he can't seem get away from. The other SURVIVORS roll their eyes)

NICK:

What?

COACH (shakes head ruefully, thinking):

A man and his snacks. FINALLY something I am able to make sense of in this mess.

(COACH continues to laugh quietly as the SURVIVORS turn around stoically, weapons in hand, and walk offstage in single file. There's a long, tense pause. The sound of a supermarket alarm pierces the silence)

ROCHELLE (offstage):

... fan-friggin'-tastic.

(BLACKOUT)

A/N: Aaaand that's chapter two over and done with! I've decided that throughout the musical each character is going to get their own song of some kind. Some of these will be solos and some duets, or even just them leading the song. I'm counting this chapter (which featured the soul classic Ease On Down the Road from the 1978 musical The Wiz) as Coach's song. Also, all songs won't be perky and happy and fast. But some will be. Just clearing that up. If anyone has any suggestions, please feel free to voice them. (: Not too sure what I thought of this chapter, but hopefully you guys enjoyed it.

As always, I'd recommend you YouTube Ease On Down the Road to gain the full effect of this chapter, but it can also be enjoyed on its own. I'd also like to thank my first two LOVELY reviewers, ChickGamerNicole and Zipper Whippersnapper. You rock!

I don't own The Wiz or Left 4 Dead 2. xD