Chapter 2 – I see it in your eyes

September 3rd 1979, 11 am

Point Place, Wisconsin

'Oh Donna' Jackie sighed sliding further down into Donna's bed where she was curled up. 'That's beautiful'.

Donna was playing the Styx song for Jackie after showing her Eric's message. She had been trying to take Jackie's mind off Hyde and the events at Chicago.

Jackie had cried for hours the previous day and as the day wore on and there was no sign of Hyde, her emotions became a worrying mix of guilt & anger.

Guilt at calling upon Kelso to keep her company at her room in Chicago and anger that Hyde had left without giving her a chance to try and explain.

'Jackie, Look I totally understand how you felt about Hyde taking time to decide whether to propose or let you go. But in what universe was calling Kelso over a good idea?'

The last thing Donna wanted to do was make Jackie feel worse than she already did, but she shared Jackie's sense of frustration at the moment….two of her best friends had been this close to getting engaged and now…everything seemed liked a confused blur.

She only hoped Hyde didn't do something stupid, wherever he was right now.

' I wasn't thinking , Donna …I was very upset….but I didn't call him over with the plan of sleeping with him or anything …I just wanted a friend and he was right there ….and you know how Michael is, within minutes his clothes were off….he said something about needing a shower …..I was reading something and thinking about Steven …..I don't know what gave Michael the idea that I would sleep with him, or wait, maybe I do….. I don't know….but nothing happened, Donna!….and nothing really would have happened even if Steven hadn't walked in when he did.'

She slumped back in to the pillow and started slowly sobbing again.

'Jackie, Hyde will be back soon. He probably got really drunk yesterday and is sleeping it off today.

You guys will talk things through and everything will be alright'

Jackie didn't give any sign of even having heard Donna.

Donna walked over to the bed and sat down putting one arm around Jackie. The younger girl immediately returned the hug, crying a little on her friend's shoulder.

'Jackie, we'll get through this, I promise. Look, what do you say, while we're waiting for Hyde to come back from where ever he is, we take a trip to the mall and get you a killer outfit to help celebrate when things are back to normal again.

Jackie perked up immediately, wiping away her tears. She had something to do now and Steven would surely be back that day.

Donna knew as she saw her friend walk into the bathroom to change that as much as she wanted to mope around, she had to stay cheerful and cheer Jackie up as well until these two worked things out.

What's worse…..knowing your boyfriend is halfway across the world and won't be back for a year…a year!...or not even knowing where your boyfriend was at the moment, except that he was out there somewhere angry, hurt and alone…

She sighed as she went over to the mirror to get ready for the trip to Point Place's Mall.

Was it only a few years ago that Jackie and she had been plotting and giggling over double dates to the Drive- in….?

September 3rd 1979, 7pm

BRC quarters, Nairobi

At the very moment that Jackie and Donna entered Point Place Mall around noon, Eric was walking into the dinner hall at the BRC dorms in Nairobi, the bustling capital city of Kenya.

He had slept and read in turns throughout the flight and had felt strangely energised for a few minutes as he finally walked out of the airport at Nairobi, where evening was settling in after another day of tropical sunshine.

The flight to Nairobi had been delayed for a few hours both during take-off and landing. He was tired of being airborne and it felt good just to be walking on land again.

The heat and the humidity had assailed him as soon as he walked out of the semi air conditioned environs of the airport. He had instantly felt thirsty and pulled off the checked shirt he was wearing over his plain short sleeved t-shirt.

Celia and Dan were passing around small bottles of mineral water to the group and herding everyone over to a couple of mini bus taxis waiting outside the airport.

'Everyone into the matatu' said Celia. A couple of the students were talking amongst themselves & looking excitedly about, but most of them walked silently like zombies, a strange mix of jet lag, homesickness and airline food having coaxed the usual exuberance out of them.

The students had looked at all the tourism industry sponsored billboards on their way into the city centre. The colourful adverts had ranged all the way from 'Welcome to The Cradle of Humanity – where mankind was first born' to 'Hollywood's preferred choice' banners containing posters from the 50's of Gregory Peck and Ava Gardner.

Eric had barely noticed his surroundings as he was given the keys to a single occupancy room within the BRC dorms. He was glad he didn't have to share his room the next few nights; any overwhelming feelings of homesickness in the middle of the night were best kept to oneself.

He had taken a shower, changed and left for the dinner hall as Celia had told them that Dinner was at 7pm sharp. He had no recollection later of what he had eaten that night and there was barely any conversation amongst the group, everyone was suffering from varying degrees of jet lag.

One of the BRC workers who was based at the Nairobi office told them on their way out that long distance phone calls could be made from any BRC post during office hours 5 days a week and that once they had started work, the costs would be recovered from the living costs payments that were due to them every month. Any out of hour's calls could be made on an emergency basis.

After reaching his room again, he had stripped off his shirt and jeans and had fallen into the single bed in just his shorts. He was instantly asleep.

The time on the small antiquated clock beside his bed was 6 am when he woke up. Even this early in the morning, the temperature was 28 degree Celsius and he felt a light sheen of sweat on his forehead. Despite the humidity, he felt more refreshed than he had in the last couple of days, and wanting to get his body tuned into the local time as soon as possible, he pulled himself into a sitting position.

His room was bare and small, but it looked clean. He was told they would spend a night or two here, until they each left to their allotted towns. The Nairobi BRC offices would continue to be the central point of contact for the student employees throughout the year.

He opened his suitcase and took out a change of clothes. He also took out a couple of small framed photos , one of this parents on their 25th anniversary and the other of Donna and him at their Prom, and kept both on the small creaky looking bedside table.

He plugged his small cassette player into the dusty looking power socket, with the special converter that he had brought along for using any American appliances locally. He noticed a small rickety overhead fan above the bed and switched it on. The fan creakily started circulating air and instantly the room felt cooler. He noticed a few flying insects near the window & took out the mosquito repellent that his mom had packed so many tubes of & applied it liberally on his hands & neck.

He lay back across the bed with the small notebook Donna had given him in his hand.

As soon as he opened it and saw Donna's neat and stylish handwriting on the first page, to his surprise he felt a strange burning sensation at the back of his eyes, and found he couldn't even focus enough to read. He had been away only for two days and he was already fighting back tears at how much he missed Donna, all his friends, his parents, his Cruiser and most of his star wars stuff, that there hadn't been room to pack for in his one suitcase.

After blinking back the moisture that had gathered in his eyes, he started reading the first few pages of the notebook.

'Hey, Eric. Guess what? You were right.

People shouldn't just write their thoughts down in a 'Captains Log' & keep it secret from their boyfriends. As soon as I started writing this, I realised that there was so much that I hadn't said to you through the years…. I guess that's the problem when you have a great boyfriend who always understands what you're feeling, you kinda get used to not having to explain things all the time. But I should have anyway, at least at a few important times.

There are so many things I want to tell you about…and now I feel like time's run out on me. Hopefully, it's not too late to be telling you all this.

Any good writing should have sequence, and that's how I'm going to try and write this as well – by starting at the very beginning.

When we started dating, it felt like another step in a dance that had begun much before then, like when we were 5 years old. I can't remember a time when you weren't my best friend, the person whose company I preferred above anyone else's.

Everything about us, right from the beginning, felt natural and meant to be. I can't imagine having had my first time with anyone else, Eric.

The first time there was trouble in our little paradise was when I got the job at the radio station. I could see that you were struggling to deal with the new situation. You didn't like my job taking so much priority.

You had grown up with a very strong mother who did work but also made it crystal clear that her family was first priority – all you wanted was the same reassurance from me; that my need to work wouldn't make me put us on the back burner.

I see now, with the hindsight of 3 years, that I should have spoken to you about all this at the time. I should have tried explaining as well why I did some of the things that I was doing back then.

Eric, those few months before mom left…which were also the few months before you and I broke up because of the Promise Ring….my mom and dad were constantly fighting.

Constantly.

I had really thought that the wedding vow renewals meant that they had worked everything out…but in many ways, it got even worse after that. Mom was very unhappy and constantly coming to me with bitter outbursts, expecting me to understand what she was going through and to 'make sure I didn't make the same mistakes'

I saw their whole story unfold before my very eyes. A couple who had married for love, but that love hadn't been enough to keep them together, in the end. She resented giving up her dreams, her talents and her potential all to be his wife, and felt completely taken for granted by him. He, on the other hand, god bless his simple heart, had no clue what her unhappiness was all about and is no closer today to having figured any of that out.

It took our Break up to make me realise that I had jumped to too many conclusions….just because love wasn't enough for them at the end ….it did not mean that love wasn't enough in itself, for any relationship …..Just because they had fallen out of love so completely, it didn't mean that all couples were destined to end up that way after some years had passed.

It took me a while to gain confidence in the fact that Bob and Midge were them and you and I …are us…I think I'm much a stronger woman already than Midge ever will be….and you would never take me for granted the way my dad started doing with her….

If only I had tried telling you some of all this at the time ….if I had told you that my long hours at the radio station when I first started there, had nothing to do with us, but everything to do with desperately wanting to spend evenings away from home, from the sounds of mom crying and the sight of dad looking resigned and helpless. If only I had told you that the night of the Ted Nugent concert, things had gotten so ugly at home that ….they were done hurling all the ugliest possible insults at each other, and had started hurling plates and cups. When I came over to your place that evening before the concert, I was wondering whether to tell you about it, but when I walked in you were sitting at the table with your parents, and the three of you were laughing over something, Kitty and Red were looking at each other with so much affection …I didn't want to see the horror dawn in your eyes at the ugliness in my family.

When I went backstage at the concert, for a while, I could just pretend that I was someone else not Donna Pinciotti, daughter of two people who after 20+ years of marriage could only look at each now with hate in their eyes.

I know now, that I did the wrong things to handle the situation …..I should have talked to you more about what I was going through….you even came to me a few times asking me to lean on you but I let those moments slip by…..I see now that if I had spoken to you about all this, things between us wouldn't have gotten a bit shaky and that shakiness, I feel, is what led you to not only give me a promise ring but insist that I wear it and acknowledge a commitment to you openly and firmly.

I should have tried more to explain to you how I felt when you gave me the promise ring. You would have understood if only I had tried communicating, but I chose to blabber something about seeing myself in Paris alone…. seeing my future without you, is the last thing I wanted to do, then and now. Please believe that.

Jackie for all her immaturity and younger age said it better than me when she told Hyde and Kelso that she 'couldn't think about love when she had something brown on her jeans'. There was something much more horrible than brown dirt happening right then at my house and in my family, Eric. Everything was tainted by it. I couldn't think about love right then.

All I could think then was that if I made a commitment to you when we were so young, I couldn't handle it if you started treating me the way parents were treating each other…..

Obviously I didn't try telling you any of this at the time. So, then it all came down to me, I had to work things out myself, in my mind, because I had not used any of the opportunities I had to lean on you and help me work things out. You were gone, suddenly, not my boyfriend anymore, having jumped to the conclusion that I wasn't ready to make a commitment to us rather than the truth that I was scared into immobility by what was happening elsewhere right then.

I finally started thinking clearly, ironically, after mom left. Not having to see them at each other's throats anymore was such a relief, Eric. I was sad for a while that mom had upped and left, it was heart-breaking in a way. But then I realised that they both seemed happier without each other, they were two nice people, as long as they weren't in the same house. I saw dad whistling to himself one morning when he was working in the backyard and it had been a long time since I had heard that. I found myself being just happy with mom's daily calls where I could hear her happy girlish voice; I didn't really want her to rush back then.

The fights and screams started becoming a distant memory thankfully and I could hear birds chirping instead outside my window. As I healed that spring, my thoughts constantly turned to you. Things were becoming clearer than they had seemed in a long time.

I knew that I loved you. You were what I wanted most of all. All the rest of it made sense and had meaning only if you were there as well. The thought of becoming a successful career woman was rewarding only if you were there cheering me on. I wouldn't even admit it to Jackie then, but I knew that motherhood was something I wanted to experience after college and you were the one I wanted to have those kids with. Even if it meant having to work double hard to have both a family and a career.

Hey, I had your mom as a good role model. And I knew you and I could make any number of challenges work for us.

I guess what I'm saying is I simply realised that loving someone is always a risk, there will always be that possibility of one's heart getting broken and one's hopes getting dashed. But I was more than ready to take all those chances to be with you. It didn't matter if you wanted me to commit to forever, or commit only to today…..I wanted to be with you, it was as simple as that. I only hoped that I hadn't left it too late. It had taken me months to work through my feelings about my parents, and all the while, my anger and frustration against them had caused me to punish us and our relationship. Had I ruined things irretrievably with you? Even if I told you everything then and apologised about the Ring, would you have had the patience to want to try again with me. I couldn't blame you if you felt it had been too much drama & you didn't want to get yourself hurt again.

I came over to tell you everything one evening and had my heart in my mouth when I opened the door to your basement. But that turned out to be the very evening all our friends were there with you the whole time, it turned out to be the very evening you told me that you thought we should start dating other people. I knew then that I would have to wait to get you back again, but I never doubted that we would find our way back to each other, then or now.

4th September 1979

9 am, Point Place Wisconsin

Kitty looked out the kitchen door and saw Donna and Jackie standing by the Cruiser. She knew they would be coming in soon to ask about calls from Hyde and Eric. She looked at both of them talking and it was hard for her to believe that these two girls had looked so carefree and young just a year ago. Both of them had circles under their eyes when she had seen them the previous day.

She put the kettle on and took some warm brownies out of the oven. It was the only way she could think of right then to comfort them.

'Morning, Mrs. Forman.'

'Has Steven called yet? '

She made them sit at the table with mugs of tea and some pastries before she would tell them anything.

'Honey' she said looking at Jackie first. She knew which of the two was in a worse state right then. 'Steven did call today morning, he's in Vegas. He said not to worry, but that he was very upset about ….about Chicago. And that he didn't want to talk about it. He said he wanted to spend a few weeks there before coming home.'

She looked at the dismay on both girls' faces.

'Did you tell him I was here waiting to speak to him, to explain about that night …?'

' I did, sweetie…..he just needs some time that's all, he'll back in a few weeks and ready to listen then, I'm sure' Kitty didn't know what else to say. Hyde had seemed completely unmoved on the phone when she had told him that Jackie was out of her mind with worry about him.

Jackie couldn't think of anything else to ask about the call and looked down at the table without another word.

'And Donna, honey' Kitty looked at the girl who had gone back to her old red hair just before her son had left. 'Eric called too, very early today morning. He's reached Africa safely, he's doing well. He won't have to start work for a few days & he said to tell you that he's missing you terribly already.'

She saw the redhead blush slightly and smile. She smiled back.

'Honey, I got the feeling he doesn't have enough money with him to make too many long distance calls right now. He said he'd call you today, but that he wouldn't be able to call either of us often until he started getting his living cost payments.

'I don't need him to call me right now, Mrs Forman. I just need to know he's doing okay'.

The girls lingered over their tea, somehow comforted just by being in the Forman kitchen.

On their way back to the Pinciotti's, Donna found herself looking away from the Cruiser. It almost hurt to see the car and not see Eric beside it.

Jackie hadn't spoken at all in a while.

'Jackie, are you okay?'

'I can't believe he's giving up on us without even giving me a chance to explain, Donna. I can't even think about the fact that I might have ruined everything by calling Michael that evening….I'm going crazy not knowing where he is or what he's doing'.

Her lovely eyes were filled with tears again. Donna felt utterly helpless.

Jackie continued after a pause 'Donna, I think I might go and stay with my mom for a while, she's on another one of her trips to Mexico, you know. At least, I won't be here standing by the Forman's driveway for weeks waiting to see Steven walk in. I haven't slept or eaten in days now.'

' Wait, you told me last week, you weren't even sure where your mom was…..how would you…..Jackie, I just thought of something….why don't you and I go to California and stay with my mom instead for a few weeks.'

Jackie turned to face her friend, the thought of actually doing something made her look less wan and ill.

'Really, Donna? You'd do that for me?

Donna smiled. 'I need it too, Jackie. I don't want to go crazy the next few weeks waiting by the phone. I mean, I know Eric, will have, like a million things to worry about there. I just hope he likes the work there. The last thing I want is him worrying about having to call me all the time to make sure I'm doing okay.'

'Besides, I need to think and figure out a few things. Like when I want to start college. And what I want to do with this year while I wait for …..You know. Maybe a trip will help me clear my head a bit.

The girls continued making plans and each was happy to see the other looking excited about the trip as they talked about it more. They decided to wait out the next couple of days just to make sure Hyde really wasn't coming back anytime soon, before taking a long bus journey west.

4th September 1979, 3 pm Local time

Nairobi, Kenya.

All the new arrivals at the BRC office in Nairobi had spent most of the day in small classroom like meeting halls where they had been briefed on various topics. Safety instructions were covered in detail like what to do and whom to call if you suddenly found yourself in the middle of a civil war, a government sponsored violence outbreak, a natural epidemic of some sort, and other events of this nature. Brief history and geography lessons were imparted on Africa in general, but Kenya in particular.

An outline was provided on all major NGO's working in East Africa. It was repeatedly told to the class that listening to information disseminated that day might save their lives at some point of time in the future. A lot of reading material was handed out, and all new joiners were invited to use the library facilities whenever required in the next one year.

Midday, after a light lunch of sandwiches, the class had been split into various small groups, those who were there to teach at the various schools being run on International Aid were taken to a separate conference room.

Folders of printed material was passed out on the governance of the schools, the curriculum followed, and the social challenges faced locally in the day to day running of such schools.

Most of the youngsters felt physically and mentally drained by late afternoon – not only had they been given a surfeit of information to process, most of them were still suffering the effects of the long travel and were struggling to adapt to the humidity, which was apparent despite the creaky air conditioning inside the BRC offices.

Eric felt he was holding up adequately, he had followed Nurse Kitty's advice so far and had kept his fluid intake high. But, he felt strangely numb, like a part of him could still hardly believe that he had taken the impulsive decision to come here, for reasons even he didn't fully understand yet.

Even when they had been broken up, he could remember not being able to go for more than a few days without seeing Donna. Man, she was like the axis of his earth or something. No wonder he felt so out of balance without her.

There was a collective sigh of relief as the class were told that they could have a couple of hours 'siesta' time. They were expected to come back for another small session in the evening just before dinner.

Eric found himself following the same simple routine he had set for himself in his room. He showered, powered on his music as soon he was out, switched on the creaky fan & slathered himself with mosquito repellent.

He had unpacked his star wars themed alarm clock the previous day and he carefully set the alarm for 4.30 pm. He wanted to call Donna before the call facilities closed that evening. He had used his tiny lunch break to call his mom for a few minutes and it had been a strange feeling hearing his mother's voice sounding much softer than usual through the long distance connection.

He glanced at the two photos by his bed as he lay back. The air circulated by the overhead fan was hot but a slight breeze coming in through the windows made it possible to nap. He was instantly asleep again.

1977

Point Place, Wisconsin.

3.30 pm

She saw the question in his eyes the minute she came out of the school building and walked toward her friends standing by the Cruiser.

How about tonight?

It had been a couple of months since their first time, but now it was like they were both addicted to each other. 'Doing it' had made it even harder to keep their hands off each other, not easier like they had thought it would be.

She gave a small smile. Did none of their friends notice the way he was looking at her? Or were they all used to it by now.

They dropped off Fez and Kelso on their way home. Neither would stay at home longer though than was needed to quickly eat a snack and pretend to study a few minutes before finding their way down the street to the Forman basement. Jackie always left school later, after cheer practice. But most days, she just came straight to the Forman house from school and only went home at dinner time.

They pulled up into the Forman house driveway, with only Hyde seated in the back seat.

'So Donna, tell me more about this feminism class your mom's been asking you to join' Even before Eric could complete his sentence, Hyde had disappeared into the house.

Alone, at last. With a goofy smile Eric leaned forward for a kiss. There wasn't much they could get up to in the driveway that was clearly visible from the house, but it didn't stop them exchanging a few brief but hot kisses before reluctantly pulling back. He laid his forehead on hers for a minute, her eyes were half closed.

All the 'rules' sometimes felt unbearable. He couldn't take her to his room in 'broad daylight' for nookie….'treat her like a lady' was his mom's constant refrain followed swiftly by his dad's promise of a foot in his ass if he forgot house rules.

And Donna wouldn't do date night on weekdays – Fridays or Saturdays only.

Which left him with the limited options of making out with her in front of all his friends in the basement or hoping she would repeat what she had pulled off surprisingly well already quite a few times, climbing up and down walls & crawling through windows to spend the night with him.

Then he heard her say the magic words before she ran home 'leave your window open tonight, I'll come over after dinner'.

He would see her in the basement before that, but they usually kept these kind of plans in whispers between the two of them.

9 pm

He heard the faint sounds of her making her way to his window and pulled her into his arms before she had even stepped in completely. Their mouths fused together with the pent up feelings they had been suppressing all day long.

He could read every expression on his face, and although she was as affected by the kiss as he was, he noticed her slight wince when his hand on her hip gripped her in a firm squeeze.

'Donna, you okay?'

Donna went over to the bed and lay down. He was instantly there beside her. She lifted her head on to his shoulder and he put an arm around her.

'Eric, we can't…do it tonight….I'm sorry'…

She could see he was confused and about to ask her if she was ill or upset about something that had happened at home …..

'No, it's not anything to worry about…..it's just ...' God, why was this still so embarrassing. He was her boyfriend.' It's you know, that time of the month…' She wasn't going to elaborate any further.

But of course, he knew what she was talking about. His mother was a nurse and his sister never had shied away from letting the whole family know when she was in pain from cramps either.

'Oh, Donna, is that all, I was worried for a minute that it was something much worse ….' He laid his cheek against her hair. 'You still came climbing through my window…'

'Well, I still wanted to be with you. I mean, unless it's weird for you, then I'll just go back '

'It's not weird, Donna. …..I can get you something if you're feeling any pain…..'

'I'm okay, Eric'

They lay there quietly for a few minutes, neither feeling the need to fill the silence.

He could feel her breath on his neck, and suddenly he was awkwardly conscious of still being aroused. He had gotten hard from their kiss and for some reason hearing her say she was in a 'delicate condition' didn't seem to have had any effect on his body, which was still clamouring for the action that it had been anticipating all evening.

She turned so her back was against his front and curled up, so he was spooning her. Another couple of minutes of this and she'd know, he thought. He wondered a little anxiously if she'd be mad at him…

Right then, she seemed oblivious to the reactions she was causing. Donna pulled Eric's arm over her bust so she could place a light kiss on his fingers. She pushed back slightly against him, feeling warm and cosy in his arms.

When he felt her butt against his erection, he pulled back and pushed himself up by his elbows on the bed.

'Uh, Donna, I'm sorry, don't get mad, but I'm still…you wouldn't mind if I went into the bathroom for a while would you?

To his astonishment, she looked like she was smiling and not at all angry.

'And what are you planning to do in the bathroom?'

Was she amused by his situation? Now he was starting to feel a bit frustrated. He continued getting up off the bed.

'Eric, don't go ….stay here, I'll help you'

Frustration was replaced swiftly by hot arousal. She was going to help him?

Whatever she had in mind, he knew he would be an eager volunteer. Lying back down beside her, he started kissing her with soft and tender kisses on her mouth, by her ears and down to her neck.

Her hands pressed down across his chest, fingernails scraping gently down his stomach before resting at the waistband of his pajama bottoms.

When he started gently stroking her breasts through her clothes and whispering how beautiful she was and how hard it was to get through the day sometimes when all he could think about was being with her like this, it was hard to stop her hands from having a will of their own. They slipped past the elastic waistband and found him fully aroused and pulsing with a need that had become urgent now.

She focused on varying her strokes, bringing him close to release within minutes and then slowing down again.

'Donna, please'

She increased the pressure and pace of her hand & pressed her face into the crook of his neck. He had meant to move away just before he came, but she wouldn't let him. When she started moving her tongue against his neck all the way to his collarbone, lightly sucking the skin, he lost control and released into her hand.

After they had cleaned up, he had been contrite that he had gone ahead and taken his pleasure when she couldn't join him, but she quickly put his mind at ease. If anything, she felt very smug at the thought that she could arouse him this much and make him come without even taking off her clothes…..

They couldn't stop pressing light kisses on each other , holding each other in the tightest of embraces, even as sleep claimed them.