I've been lying in bed for the past couple of hours, not being able to fall asleep. All I can think about is when and why my life has become so messed up. I need to do something to get all of this off of my mind. I don't have any more of my drugs left. I smoked and snorted the last bit of it all yesterday. I need to find Bianca at school and talk to her about getting me some more. I just have to be careful and watch for Eli, because he'll question why I'm suddenly talking to her.

Oh Eli, if only you knew.

I could always get my razor out of my bathroom drawer. I've been trying and trying to stop cutting, but it is really hard. You have no idea. It's addicting. Just like drugs. The problem with the cutting is getting out of hand. It's hard hiding all of them from Eli. My arms are covered from my shoulders down to my wrists. My stomach has little cut marks all over from my waist down to my hips. Oh, and don't even get me started on my legs. The scars are going from thighs, practically down to my ankles.

You see, now this is a problem. Eli, Adam and Ali are starting to wonder why I've been wearing long sleeves all the time. Things have also been getting pretty steamy with Eli and I. I have to make sure I'm always wearing long shirts, and that it doesn't start riding up.

I'm just lucky it's winter, so they don't seem too suspicious. Spring and summer is not what I'm looking forward to. They'll definitely start questioning me even more. I better start thinking of excuses now.

I look at the clock, and notice it's already 4:00am. School is in about 3 in half hours. I have to think of something to get my mind clear.

I went downstairs and walked quietly past my mother while she was passed out drunk. As I was walking, I look at all the alcohol bottles on the table. I decide to take the vodka and whiskey up to my bedroom.

I shut my door, and started drinking.

Great. I'm going to end up like a drunk just like my mother.

Now that I think about it, it's not like doing drugs and cutting myself is any better.

I've just about finished the last little bit of vodka, and then guzzled back half the bottle of whiskey.

I suddenly heard footsteps running and stomping on my way to my bedroom. I suddenly felt scared.

"CLARE! YOU BITCH! I KNOW YOU TOOK MY ALCOHOL!" And right at that moment, I felt her hand connect to my face.

She started punching and kicking me, using all the force she had.

"YOU BETTER GET ME MORE ALCHOL ON YOUR WAY HOME FROM SCHOOL! DON'T EVER THINK ABOUT TOUCHING IT AGAIN, OR YOU'LL HAVE TO PAY!"

"I already had to fucking pay for it."

"WHAT did YOU say? DON'T YOU USE THAT TONE OF VOICE WITH ME."

Once again, she used all her force.

Damn, I have to stop talking back to her.

How am I going to explain this to Eli, Adam and Ali now?

I just have to try and cover all the bruises and cuts as best as I can, and once again, only hope they don't find out anything.

I can't let them find out.

Please review and tell me how i'm doing, and if I should continue!

Thank you(: