Chapter 2 – Trouble

Sara stared up at Grissom, jarred by his concern. If she could just explain what happened at work, maybe she could avoid getting into any of the issues that were really bothering her. She decided to start with the interrogation room, and the issue that cascaded into all this trouble.

"Look, the suspect came in, we questioned him. His wife was found dead; he had been arrested for abuse. I had to ask him about it. You know I had to ask him about it." Her words were coming back to haunt her.

So what happened, the Russian agency denied your application for another wife, or, uh, you lost your taste for white meat? Too tough?

"Catherine said the comments you were making were inappropriate. There's questioning and then there's blindsiding. And that doesn't explain the comments you made to her."

"Maybe I got a little out of hand, but he clearly has been abusing his wives, and now one is dead because of it. And what I said to Catherine was true. She just can't handle someone else calling her on her behavior." The anger began to boil to the surface, and it was getting harder and harder to restrain her emotions.

Grissom saw the anger in Sara's eyes and knew that something besides Mr. Melton was behind it. He also recalled the conversation with Catherine and how she had called Sara on her problems with domestic violence and abuse cases. Sara had come back with Catherine's own issues regarding her sexuality, which is when Ecklie called her into his office. Grissom knew each statement held truth in it; he'd seen both firsthand. He let the issue with Catherine drop and brought the conversation back to the interrogation.

"Sara, you had no evidence to support that he was in fact abusing his current wife, nor his former wife. You can't jump to conclusions in cases like this. You need evidence before you accuse anyone of abuse."

Grissom's professional approach wasn't helping her anger, while the conversation with Catherine still played in her head.

If the guy's an abuser, if he killed his first wife, we will build a case and we will nail him.

And in the meantime, he can just keep using her as a punching bag.

Sara, I was there -- there wasn't a mark on her.

Not that we could see, Catherine.

"I saw pictures of Svetlana, Grissom, she was covered in bruises. His new wife was cowering behind him. Does this represent a man who treats his spouses well? Just because we couldn't see anything on wife number two doesn't mean there aren't any. And it doesn't mean there's never been any. Men who abuse their families have gotten smarter. They know where to hit so no one knows." By now Sara was on her feet, her voice full of rage. Catherine's voice continued to echo.

You know ... every time we get a case with a hint of domestic violence or abuse, you go off the deep end. What is your problem?

"Sara?" Grissom was now wondering how much of this was case-related and how much of this was personal. Sara's use of the word "families" got Grissom's attention, as well as her escalating anger. Grissom also recalled that Sara said the same thing to Catherine, no bruises that they could see. Sara continued to spiral.

"The fact that Sveltlana ended up in the hospital means he lost his temper. It means he wasn't thinking. It means that she provoked him randomly, something small must have set him off and he hit the first thing he could get his hands on." Sara was using her hands emphatically, pointing at Grissom as he had seen her do once before when she had accused a man of killing his wife. He thought she had overreacted then. Now he was putting the pieces together.

"The fact that she's dead, Grissom…" She closed her eyes tightly, opening them again to reveal a sorrow that made Grissom swallow hard. "She's dead, and who's going to defend her now? Who is going to make sure his new wife is safe? He was supposed to keep her safe, Grissom. A father is supposed to keep his family safe." Sara fell back hard into her chair, her eyes bloodshot with anger and tears. She hadn't realized that at one point in her tirade she had jumbled her words to reveal more than just wanting safety for these women.

"Sara…Mr. Melton…he didn't have any children…" Grissom's mind was racing. Why hadn't he picked up on this before? He recalled the conversation they had years back when Sara had asked him to sleep with her, and he brushed it off as her empathy for the victims.

You want to sleep with me?

Did…you just say what I think you said?

That way, when I wake up in a cold sweat under the blanket, hearing Kaye's screams ... you can tell me it's nothing. It's just empathy.

It was certainly more than just the empathy he assumed it to be. Maybe Sara was seeing her past in these cases. It pained him to consider that.

"No," Sara said sadly, her anger gone, her resolve weak. "You want to know why I'm so angry, Grissom? Because I couldn't stop it in my own house. But I can try to stop it from happening to others. It's the whole reason I went into this field." She dropped her gaze to her hands, not wanting to see Grissom's reaction. It was the first glimpse into her tormented past, and she wasn't sure what he would make of it.

Grissom watched her, his heart heavy with the admission he'd come here seeking. Though he hadn't expected to hear these words, it didn't surprise him now that everything put together was making sense. And this troubled him. He knew nothing of Sara's family, but always suspected she kept a lot hidden. He had opened the door to her past, and found himself wanting to know more. Good or bad, he wanted to know everything about Sara Sidle. He told himself it would help understand what happened at work, but in reality, it would help him understand the woman he cared for.

"Sara…please…tell me what happened to you."

She looked up at Grissom, seeing his blue eyes filled with patience and kindness. In her apartment, with the man she'd been chasing waiting for her to speak, she felt trapped and vulnerable. She had imagined this moment happening, the moment where she opened up about her family, but every time she thought she had the courage, her heart seized in panic. What will he think of her once he knows the truth?

"Grissom…I…" she started before trailing off. The words had been there all her life, etched coarsely into her heart, and yet she couldn't put them together.

He saw the tentativeness with which she tried to speak, and the headstrong, defiant woman transformed into a small, helpless child.

"There's…so much…that you don't know about me," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "My past is a little…hard to take."

"Sara, I'm here because I want to know what's going on. I want to help you." He could tell by the look on her face that she was hesitant to believe him, and not unfounded with the constant push and pull of their interactions. He cared about Sara in a way that transcended their professional relationship, and he wanted to be the one she leaned on. He just needed to show her, to make her believe it. "Sara, please, you can trust me with this."

Never taking his eyes off her, he moved towards the couch where he sat down across from her. As he made his way over, she reflexively brought her long legs up to her chest, wrapping her arms around her legs in a protective self-embrace. The sun setting in the window cast a warm glow on Sara's chestnut hair, and in that moment, he couldn't help but think how beautiful she looked. Gil Grissom had always been one to find the beauty among the pain.

Since when have you been interested in beauty?

Since I met you.

They locked eyes for a moment, and already Sara felt her emotions surging in her chest. For a moment she thought he would be able to hear her heart beating as it raced with panic. She swallowed hard before looking away from him, preparing for any number of reactions just talking could provoke. The thought alone caused her eyes to burn with tears she didn't want to shed. If she couldn't trust the man she loved, there wasn't another person who would ever know the real Sara Sidle. With a deep breath, she plunged headfirst into the dark recesses that held her childhood memories.