Chapter Two:
"Three Days!" Kairi spontaneously cried with excitement for the umteenth time. I rolled my eyes jokingly. It was now Wednesday, and we were following our tradition of escaping to our local coffee shop. Riku had wednesdays off and I really didn't want to see him. Kairi was a good friend when it came to saving me from my prison. She sipped her cappuccino, and continued.
"I'm already packed!" She declared proudly. Massive, foam moustache grin, plastered on her face. I loved how she smiled. It somehow lit up her whole face. It was contagious.
"Are you really?" It was a rhetorical question. She giggled. I was never going to admit that I packed on Sunday, to avoid talking to Riku. As if she read my mind she asked:
"Hows things at home?" I just gave her the look. It was the same. Exactly the same as last time she'd asked. She knew this already. I could tell by her sigh.
"Why don't you just leave him?" I was taken aback by her question. I don't know why. It's always her follow up question. It's weird though. Every time she asks I get a stabbing pain in my chest, and my hands get pins and needles. I always see the same image. The image of a broken man infront of me. A torn expression of both hurt and anger. I don't feel anything for him, but I still don't want to hurt him. It's against my personality to enjoy hurting someone. Let alone doing it so easily and out the blue.
"I don't have a reason yet" I said. I'm a terrible person, but the only way I could see it happening, is if I find something. A physical hole in the relationship that I can tear into. That's why it's lasted for so long. I've known for months that I don't love him. I needed an excuse to end it. I needed something that said this is a default of a relationship, so he wouldn't chase me. So he wouldn't ask me questions I couldn't answer. So he wouldn't blame himself.
"I will eventually though…" I said quietly. I looked down into my mug shamefully. I peeked through my lashes at Kairi's expression. Her smile was gone, and her brows were angled with concern. I didn't know what she was thinking.
"He messaged me today asking what rings he's been looking at…" She tested, her violet eyes reading my expression. I knew I didn't have long. I had to end it sooner or later.
"It's amazing how he's so oblivious to your feelings though.." she changed. She would defend me through anything. Kairi was right. I had stopped talking to him actively. I had avoided sex like the plague, and I sit on the opposing sofa. Maybe it's cause I can't sleep without cuddling him. That's probably it. No matter how crap the days been, maybe the only thing that ignites his faith is that one action that means nothing to me, but everything to him. I needed to find a hole fast.
I didn't realise that I'd find what I was looking for the Friday before my holiday.
I walked in from work and Riku was in the shower, which was unusual. He left his phone next to the kettle, in the kitchen, and it buzzed whilst I got my mug out of the cupboard. I glanced over to see a name that I knew. It was Xion. But what she put didn't make sense.
"I hope things are okay…"
I impulsively looked through the conversation, and to my horror, for weeks all Riku had been doing was slagging me off to Xion. His best friends girlfriend. She hadn't really responded much, but the things he spoke about. It genuinely hurt. Considering I never said a bad word about him. I respected the person he was and although I didn't love him, I now feel like an idiot for thinking he was nice. I closed the phone careful not to throw it in rage.
I didn't make my tea that day, I just grabbed my luggage and opened the bathroom door saying my goodbyes. I was staying at Kairi's anyway because the flight was early in the morning. I would consult Kairi before I passed judgement on this situation. I didn't even kiss him goodbye.
I finally had it… My reason.
I have a week now to pluck up the courage to confront him.
I was happy and terrified all at once. It was finally happening!