Ichigo stood there a while longer. He tilted his head back and just looked at the clouds overhead. He couldn't bear the devastation around him. He couldn't bear the visual confirmation of who had been lost, who had made it through, if only just.
He tried to swallow past the bitter catch in his throat, but it was hard. He eyes shut briefly, they flickered. What would it have been like? He wondered.
He daydreams then. Of happiness.
He takes away all the complications, all the harsh realities holding them back.
He runs his hands through soft tendrils of imagined hair. There's a glimpse of violet eyes, just out of reach, hidden under bashful lids. A teasing smile rests in the corner of her mouth.
He inhales deeply, and though all he gets is a lungful of acrid, burnt, and dusty air, it's as if he has taken in the headiest scent of her- as if he'd buried his head in that delicate crook between her neck and shoulder and breathed deep.
He would have liked that, he thinks. Just that spot, right there with his arms wrapped around her, he feels certain he could have stayed there for the rest of his life and been happy. If he had ever gotten there to begin with, he would never have left.
He sees lazy days spent by the river. He sees bad drawings and teasing jokes. He sees walks around the neighborhood, hand in hand. Reading a book over each other's shoulders and arguing over when to turn the page.
Snowmen built in the park. Sandcastles at the beach.
Going to the theater, her in a red dress.
Maybe a tiny fist or two curled around his finger. A warm bundle, a steady weight in his arms. With her eyes. Maybe.
Legs tangled on the couch flipping through the stupid TV channels. Hiding in the manor's gardens from Byakuya and Kenpachi and whoever else. Running off to Rukongai just to get away for a little while. Maybe even to Hueco Mundo just for the hell of it.
Just being. Together.
When his eyes open, the sky is still bright. The clouds have moved a little. There's a breeze. He can hear the frantic scurry of shinigami helping each other to the Fourth and surveying the damage and even a few celebrating their victory in the war, even in the midst of such devastation, just glad to be alive.
He wishes he could rejoice, too.