Chapter Two: The Nine Years War
After, what Leah described as an 'assload of sedatives', I was left to sleep for the night – alone, thankfully. Through the ringing in my ears, Cullen made it clear to me that I was under no circumstances to phase until he gave the go ahead – his reason being that the Pack mind would bombard me with too much information, and the trauma would be too huge for my injured brain to cope with. Although I hated the thought of a leech telling me when I could and couldn't phase, a big part of me was fucking terrified. Terrified of what was happening, terrified that I wouldn't like what I'd find if I found out what had happened to me in the past nine years of my life.
I couldn't believe it. Apart from the obvious pain and height difference, I felt the same. I knew that when I'd phased, I'd acquired the body and mentality of a twenty-five year old, but I still felt sixteen on the inside. I knew my life was different now, and there would be a lot to handle, but the main thing nagging at me was how lonely I felt. Everyone I'd met so far had this life I didn't know anything about. There was also the fact that the only ones in The Pack I'd seen were Leah and Embry. Hadn't the other guys heard I was awake? Weren't they trying to visit me? I knew from experience that when one of our own was hurt or not doing well, we'd rally around them like a family. I hadn't been out of this room yet but I could tell from the sounds in the house, that it was more or less empty. My dad hadn't even come to visit. I tried not to think it was that maybe he wasn't around any more.
Didn't anyone give a crap? There was too much happening, too much to make sense of, and I just hoped that I'd wake up in my old, crappy, too-small bed after I passed out into a dreamless sleep.
I woke before sunrise. My senses were coming back fully, and I eased myself into the state of hyper-awareness that I'd had to get used to as a wolf. I could hear sounds from the forest outside. Passing cars on the distant road telling me that either there had been major developments since I was sixteen or that I wasn't in my childhood home anymore. That worried me. If I wasn't living with Billy now, who was taking care of him?
I could smell Cullen, too. He was still here, although that still made me uneasy. I knew he hadn't tried to hurt me, but it's hard to get past a deeply ingrained aversion to vampires in one night. Muffled talking from another room caught my attention, and I listened intently. It gave me some comfort to realise that it wasn't too difficult – my senses really were coming back.
"So you're saying he remembers nothing?" My heart leapt. It was my dad. He was here, and he was okay. He sounded a little croaky, and I could tell her was more frail just from the sound of his voice, but he was alive and he was here to watch over me. I may sound like a complete baby, but just knowing that I had my dad to help me get through this gave me so much comfort.
"Your son's case is certainly a complicated one, Mr. Black," Carlisle began. "Amnesia manifests in two forms – retrograde and anterograde. Retrograde Amnesia is where the patient forgets the events leading up to a traumatic event, but can remember past events in vivid detail. It usually only stems back as far as two years – it is a testament to the massive scale of the injury that Jacob has lost almost a decade of memories. A trauma of that magnitude would surely have killed a normal human being. I can only theorise that his extra abilities have allowed him to recover somewhat, albeit with a great loss to his psyche. This usually comes following a great physical trauma, as Jacob has experienced."
"So you're saying he hit his head so hard it knocked nine years off his life? Can he ever remember again?"
"it is difficult to say at this point. Physical trauma to the brain makes it much more difficult to regain lost memories, but as I said before, Jacob's case is a complicated one."
"Complicated... how?" My dad's voice was wary, I could tell he was really freaked out, and my stomach twisted in response to his pain. I hated having him go through something like this after he'd already dealt with so much in his life.
"As I said, retrograde amnesia means that events leading up to the event are forgotten. But there is something else. Anterograde amnesia manifests in the patient's inability to remember events following the trauma. In Jacob's case, that should just be the past three days – but as you know, it is the past nine years, where the last major event he remembers is the Newborn battle. That leads me to a different hypothesis."
"Which is?" I could tell my dad was growing frustrated with all the medical jargon. It was certainly making my headache worse.
"The causes of amnesia can be both physical and mental, sometimes the causes can appear side by side. For example, someone may have suffered a brain injury as a result of a violent crime, but their brain has also been emotionally distressed because of what happened to the person, and that causes them to mentally block the memories as well as their traumatised brain being unable to process them normally.."
"So let me get this straight," my dad sighed. "Jacob has a brain injury, which knocked memories out of his head. Those memories should only have been the past three days, but emotional stress has caused him to block out the past nine years instead?"
"That is what it seems, Mr. Black, yes," the doctor clarified. My dad was silent for a long time.
"Why would he block everything out? I mean, doesn't it have to do with stress and trauma?"
"Your guess is as good as mine at this point. I can only theorise given what his friends and you have told me – Jacob's life has not been easy like it was when he was sixteen years old. Leah informed me that it has been disconcerting to see him act like his teenage self after so long. Perhaps this is Jacob's brain's way of recapturing the person he used to be, by going back to a happier time in his life."
"He has had a lot to deal with... losing Bella, taking over The Pack after Sam..." he trailed off and a strangled sob cut his throat. I didn't want to hear any more. Judging by the pictures, I thought my life seemed pretty happy now, but listening to them talk, I was pretty sure I wasn't going to like discovering who I was. I curled up in the sheets, feeling lost and scared, and tried to sleep. I prayed to whatever God was listening that when I woke up, this nightmare would be over.
I woke up a few hours later to hear a little more activity in the house. I could smell food, and my stomach growled appreciatively. I didn't know how i'd managed to go this long without eating, and I was famished. I moved to stand, and was once again overtaken by vertigo as I adjusted to my new height. If what my dad said was true, I was Alpha now. It made sense that I'd probably grown a lot bigger, and I wondered what had happened to make me change my mind. I'd been pretty certain I didn't want this. Why would that change? I looked out into the hallway and studied the house. I still didn't recognise it, but it was a nice enough place. The décor was a little girly, and I wondered if maybe Maya had been responsible for how it looked. I hesitated in my steps when I thought of her. I really didn't want to see her again, not until I had my head screwed on straight anyhow. It was too much pressure on me to try and remember our relationship when I didn't even know who I was now.
I sniffed the air, and listened to what I could make out. My dad was still here, and there was a girl here too, cooking. As I got closer, her scent became much more clear – it was Emily. A smile broke out on my face as I turned the corner into the little kitchen. I was so glad to see someone else had come to visit me. Emily was a genius in the kitchen, and if anyone was going to be cooking breakfast for me, I was glad it was her.
"My, are you a sight for sore eyes – and sore bellies," I quipped, watching as she froze in her movements in front of the stove. She turned slowly to face me, and I almost gasped at the look on her face. She looked like she hadn't slept in years. Her features were gaunt and she had dark circles under her eyes. Her hair wasn't the pretty, silky mane I was used to seeing, it was dull and lifeless, and she looked like she'd stopped taking care of herself. That wasn't what made me gasp, though. Instead it was the look of apprehension and – it pained me to realise it – fear in her eyes. Emily was afraid of me. She'd started shaking at the very sound of my voice. I furrowed my brow worriedly.
"Emily? Are you alright?" I moved closer to her, holding out a comforting hand and she flinched back from me. I let my hand drop to my side in shock. "Emily... what's wrong?" I tried, my father's voice from the doorway behind me pulled my attention away from her.
"Let the girl be, Jacob, can't you see she's terrified?" his voice was harsh in reprimand and he had fixed a steely glare on me.
"What? Why?" I turned back to Emily to find that she had moved several feet away. "Emily, you know you don't have to be afraid of me... I'd never hurt you," I soothed. I didn't think it was doing any good until her gaze moved back up towards mine. She looked into my eyes for a long moment and her brow smoothed out once again. She gasped softly.
"it's true.. he's... he's like he was before," she said in awe, before turning to Billy. "I can see it in his eyes." I turned back to my father, studying him closer. He was definitely older – I guess nine years will do that to you; and he was looking at me with a disbelief I'd never seen before. My dad didn't trust me, and it broke my heart. I moved over in front of him, and crouched down. I gingerly put my arms around his formerly strong back and pulled him into a hug, burying my face in his shoulder. I inhaled his comforting scent and let it wash over me.
"I'm so happy to see you, Dad," I choked into his shirt, really meaning it. I needed guidance and comfort that only he could provide me with. His stiff posture loosened and I felt his arms wind around me, giving me strength when I was in desperate need of some. I pulled back to look into his eyes and his steely glare softened. Tears brimmed in them and he hugged me again, tighter this time.
"I'm glad to see you, too, son. I've missed you," he whispered. "I'm so happy you came back to me." I looked at him again and frowned.
"Came back? Was I gone somewhere?" I asked innocently. He huffed out a small chuckle and the sound made me smile.
"No, Jake, but things haven't been... good between us. Not for a long time. Sometimes it felt like you were so very far away." his tears were falling mercilessly now. "I'm just glad you found your way home." My heart clenched to hear that my dad an I had been fighting. What kind of an asshole did I have to be to abandon him? I decided already didn't like who I had become. I straightened up once more, and my stomach rumbled loudly. I gripped it sheepishly and looked back at Emily again.
"Guess I need some fuel for the machine," I flexed my arms, winking at her. She gave me a small smile and moved to take the pan off the stove.
"I've cooked you a few different things, I wasn't sure what you'd be in the mood for. We can start with bacon and pancakes and move on from there," she said good-naturedly. I looked out the window and could see the tree-line from where I stood.
"Will the Pack be joining us? I'd really like to see the guys, find out how they've changed too," I said hopefully. A strange look was shared between my dad and Emily and she cleared her throat.
"Um... no, Jacob, the Pack can't come to your house without express permission," she said tentatively. I raised an eyebrow in disbelief.
"What? Since when?" I said, finding it hard to believe I could keep them away from food when they could probably smell it cooking from their own houses.
"Since you gave the order," she said, and I hated that I could detect the fear in her voice.
"What? Why would I do that?" I asked in confusion. It didn't make sense that I'd distance myself from my brothers that way. "Leah and Embry were here just yesterday, they were in my room when I woke up!" I replied, worrying if I'd imagined the whole thing.
"Leah and Embry stopped phasing quite a while ago, Jacob. They aren't Pack now. Leah gave up the wolf when she met her husband, and Embry's is dormant... he, uh, didn't want to be a wolf any more, but he still wanted to be able to phase when he was needed. As for the order, it's one of many things you changed when you took over," my dad volunteered.
"So I'm Alpha now?" I asked, trying desperately to wrap my head around everything he'd just told me. "Since when? Where's Sam?" I looked to Emily, whose face crumpled in pain, and she gripped her middle, shaking her head and turning away from me. I looked back to my father helplessly, wondering what the hell I'd said wrong. He looked at Emily sympathetically and then back to me.
"Jacob," he said carefully, "Sam's dead."
A/N: So, hope that shed a little more light upon Jacob's current situation, Everything isn't as great as first thought.
Hope you guys are still intrigued, I'm dying to hear your thoughts!