I don't think this little fanfic can be fully enjoyed unless one listens to disco and funk hits as they read. While writing it, I won't listen to anything but songs featured on Soul Train.

Kind of a transitional chapter... but chapter 3 should be VERY interesting!

When I told Larry that I was not exactly well-versed in the realm of intimacy, I was absolutely not joking. Unlike Larry Butz, who has dated at least one model in any given catalogue, I don't simply share my bed with every girl I meet. Although, now, with the situation at hand, I was wishing that I had a little more practice.

Iris was the first girl I had ever... consummated a relationship with. (There really isn't a subtle way to word that, is there?) That may explain why, when Larry mentioned her name, I was suddenly interested.

They say you never truly forget your first love. Even for a skeptic like me, that's pretty believable. Graphic details aside, when we were together, I really did think she was the most beautiful, perfect girl a guy could get. I mean, my ardent love for her was enough to get me to wear a pink sweater... with a heart knit into it. Every day.

Obviously, since then, she has not been the only girl I've ever been with, but they have been few and far between. Of course, right after Iris (also known as Dahlia, it's a long story) and I broke up (i.e. after Dahlia went to jail... like I said, a long story), I tried to fill the void she left in my life with other girls.

I learned from that mistake. What I learned is this: I am not the kind of guy that can simply 'hook up' with girls. I get nervous, I want to talk afterwards... or I just want to leave. (As it turns out, girls kind of hate when you do that.)

My point here is that the idea of getting together with Iris out of nowhere, knowing that it would go absolutely nowhere, was completely out of my comfort zone.

I managed to convince myself that she probably wasn't interested, anyway. In a somewhat creepy manner, I stood behind Iris, hoping to make a clever entrance... or something.

"Ahem," I chortled, rather unsuavely, in Iris's general direction.

She didn't look up. I cleared my throat again, and called out, "Iris!"

"AHHHH!"

Iris screamed, jumping up from her beach chair awkwardly, her sunglasses flying off her face. I ran closer to her, hoping to help her up. Flustered, she rushed to bend down and pick her sunglasses up, and when she stood back up, she ran her hands through her hair nervously.

A good start to this little romance, that was for sure.

"I'm sorry!" I squawked, "I didn't mean to startle you! It's just that, you know, I wasn't sure if you were actually who I thought you were, so I didn't want to be mistaken... um... Do you recognize me?"

Sifting sand through her billowing sun hat, she finally looked up at me. She paused, revealing a pair of enormous hazel eyes.

"...Phoenix Wright?" She cocked her head to the side, trying to subtly notice any differences in my face.

"I-I'm glad I'm still recognizable!"

She suddenly smiled, getting a good look at me, "How could I forget you... Feeny? You haven't changed a bit..."

Before I could stop myself, I gave her a good once-over. She hadn't changed either. If anything, she had matured into a beautiful young woman, rather than a pretty girl. I couldn't help but focus on her collarbone, and what was directly underneath it...

"Phoenix?" she asked, snapping me out of my daze.

"Ah! I'm sorry! You just look... y-you know, Iris, it's just been so long!" My heart was pounding.

"Phoenix!"

"Y-Yes?"

"Enough," she laughed, her cheeks turning bright pink.

Quick to apologize, I started, "So, I don't know if you heard Larry and I talking earlier, but I just wanted to apologize for that. I just didn't want to make a bad first new-impression and, uh, I didn't really mean-"

"Larry was around?"

"Never mind. Forget I said anything."

Awkward silence.

"It's so good to see you," she broke the silence with a smile. "You'll have to excuse me, though, all of a sudden I'm feeling a little self-conscious. Maybe it was the fact that I fell off a beach chair..."

"Why should you feel self conscious? I fall off things all the time!" I scratched the back of my head, wishing I had just kept my mouth shut.

"It's just very strange to see you again, like this, in this setting... after everything." She gazed at me with the most genuine look of earnesty, "It turns out you do still make me nervous, after all. I was afraid of that..."

Her honesty was endearing. It was as if she still had as much trust in me as she did when we were dating. For a moment, I thought that, maybe, hooking up with her would not be as much of a failure as my recent attempts have been.

She was so damned beautiful, I would have been a fool if I didn't kiss her there and then.

... Of course, I was a fool. I replied, "I know, trust me. I was nervous to say hello to you!"

"You don't even know who I am... really know who I am, anyway."

That was true. During the course of our relationship, she essentially played the role of her sister, Dahlia, who turned out to be a conniving criminal. I never got the chance to fall in love with the real Iris, even though we spent months attached at the hip.

If we were going to make this wedding-fling happen, though, we would have to look past that.

"What's wrong with getting to know you now?" I flashed a charming smile involuntarily, and she grinned back. Realizing what I had said and done, I concluded that Larry Butz must have programmed a chip in my brain to control my actions. The only devilishly charming smiles I flash are in practice, in front of a mirror.

Still, she did seem interested, which was a good sign.

Pushing the hair out of her eyes, she replied slyly, "There is absolutely nothing wrong with that."

We exchanged bashful smiles- the kind that new lovers exchange after realizing that they're both after the same thing. Specifically, when they realize that a week in Greece would be the perfect opportunity to finish off their past relationship with a bang.

(Really? With a "bang"? Was Larry controlling my narrative now, too?)

"So," Iris's voice was like honey now, "Will I see you during the party tonight?"

"Of course."

She refused to break eye contact with me. I couldn't have taken my eyes off her even if she had averted her gaze.

"I, uh, I'm really looking forward to seeing more of you this weekend," I stuttered, despite my attempt to give off an air of general apathy.

"Phoenix Wright," Iris stated my name slowly, as if she were re-acquainting herself with the way it rolled off the tongue... she tipped her head to the side as she smiled at me shyly. "It's just so surprising to see you here..."

"Y-Yeah, I know..."

I was interrupted by the sound of Larry's voice carrying across the beach.

"NIIIIIIICK! Look who it is! Hey, Nick! Over here! Look over here!"

I turned around to see what he was yelling about so adamantly. There stood Miles Edgeworth... who was not dressed for the weather, wearing his usual three piece suit and cravat. He glanced back at me, stoically, and continued to roll his suitcase through the sand toward the door of the mansion. And next to him was Dick Gumshoe, who traded in his normal ratty work shirt in for a short sleeve version. He seemed to be carrying the rest of Edgeworth's bags.

I turned back to Iris, who seemed embarrassed that she had been spotted in some sort of compromising transaction happening between us. She smiled timidly and said, "Your friends are waiting for you."

Trying to come up with a few clever parting words, I muttered, "I, uh..."

"Nick! Get over here so we can discuss manly things of importance!" Larry demanded loudly.

"I will see you tonight, then," Iris said cordially. The less-intimate nature of her smile indicated that it was time for me to walk away and pretend that nothing had happened.

Apparently, that is how hooking up works.

Confused, I headed in Larry's direction. When I meandered over to where he was, Larry handed me a beer with a wink.

"So," he laughed, "How's Iris?"

"One step at a time: what kind of beer is this?" I asked him, holding up the bottle for him to see the foreign label. When he ignored my question and didn't break eye contact, I knew that was not the answer he was looking for.

I broke; "Okay, so she seems interested."

Larry threw his fist into the air. "YES! I knew I did well!"

"Have you been drinking all day?" I asked. I found it a little unsettling that he already smelled of beer.

Before Larry could answer, a voice I had been waiting to hear stepped up behind me; "Who seems interested?"

I turned around, getting a good look at one of my best friends; he seemed to be having a wardrobe issue, as the ocean breeze made his cravat fly into his face. It was Miles Edgeworth.

"Edgeworth!" I exclaimed.

"Hello, Wright," he replied, trying to figure out if a man-hug would be appropriate at that moment. After a few seconds of awkward fidgeting around me, he simply sighed in resignation. "It's good to see you."

Larry cut in, breaking the tension with a sloppy grin, "So, Nick and I were just discussing the merits of a potential hook-up with the one and only Iris."

"Both of you?" Edgeworth asked crossly.

"No, of course not," Larry grimaced, "Nick's the only one doing any hooking up. Did you forget I'm getting married, Edgeyyy?"

Edgeworth crossed his arms and thought about the idea solemnly. "Well, Wright, you know what they say: What happens in Greece, stays in Greece."

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" I asked, taking a swig of the unknown alcoholic substance in my hand. "A-Am I the only one who objects to blatant disrespectful behavior towards women?"

"You're the only one who objects to anything outside of the courtroom. You should add a few new words to your vocabulary," Edgeworth almost smirked as he delivered this clever line.

"Aw, Nick," Larry hugged my shoulders and fussed with my hair as if I were his child, "It's all part of growing up! Women!"

A few feet behind me, I heard another familiar voice: "WOMEN, pal!"

An out-of-breath Dick Gumshoe raced up to us. He didn't seem to be running from anything in particularly, but he was definitely worked up over something.

He gasped, "Mr. Wright! I'm so glad you're here! I told Mr. Edgeworth while we were on the plane, 'I'm going to need the skills of Mr. Wright and Mr. Edgeworth to uncover this mystery'. And here you are, pal."

"The final piece of the puzzle," Larry commented blankly, shoving a beer into Gumshoe's hands. He was going to need it.

"What's the mystery, exactly?" I inquired.

"It's Maggey. Maggey Byrde," he sighed, gulping down his drink.

"Oh, you mean the super-hot-police-girl I invited to the wedding so that you guys can have your pick of the ladies in Greece?" Larry clarified, as if trying to re-assure himself that it was the right thing to do.

I cut in, "What is it about Maggey, Gumshoe?"

"I don't know, pal... I kind of... Well, I think I... like her...?"

Gumshoe couldn't finish his sentence without blushing. I couldn't help but smile at this.

"Well... Why don't you just talk to her about it?" I asked.

"Because! When was the last time you saw me interact with a girl, pal? It just... doesn't... I mean, they never take me seriously," Gumshoe frowned, his shoulders slumping pathetically.

Gumshoe spoke the truth. In the time that I had met him, I had never heard of Gumshoe even taking a girl out for dinner. He was older than Edgeworth, Larry, and me, and yet, he had the flirtation skills of a prepubescent boy.

"Hey, Gumshoe!" Larry shouted. "The world is full of women for you to explore!"

I muttered, "Explore? Again with the disrespect..."

"I'm gonna be honest, pal," Gumshoe admitted, "I wouldn't even know the first thing to say if I ever got up the courage to talk to Maggey outside of our... uh, professional relationship."

Grinning, Larry reassured him, "And that's where I come in! They don't call me the 'match-maker' for nothing, you know. A little sweet talk and you'll have her in no time..."

Edgeworth skeptically asked, "How do you plan on achieving that?"

Larry replied, examining Gumshoe's overall appearance, "First, we'll put you in some dashing outfit tonight. Something different from your work clothes, that will scream 'here I come, ladies'! Then, we will turn you into the life of the party... that will show her that you have a fun side. After that, this 'Maggey' won't be able to take her eyes off of you!"

Edgeworth caught my eye for a moment, and we both laughed at how ridiculous our elementary school best friend was. While Larry looked the other way, I mouthed, He's drunk. With the tiniest smirk, Edgeworth nodded at the information I had just pointed out to him.

"I saw that!" Larry pouted. "And let me tell you, Edgey and Nick, I'm being serious! And you guys are going to help me!"

"I want nothing to do with this," Edgeworth stated. He meant business.

Larry rephrased his first suggestion; "O-Okay... so, Nick, you'll help me, right? We gotta get Gumshoe in with the girl!"

Larry begged me with his puppy dog eyes, holding his fists up to his heart.

"O-Of course," I said, gulping down half of my drink in symbolic preparation for the rest of the week. "It'll give me something to do other than 'hook up' with 'ladies'."

"Lighten up, Nick!" Larry coaxed. "You might as well enjoy yourself now! A wedding like this only happens once in a lifetime!"

"Hopefully," I added pessimistically. When something smells... it usually ends in a divorce.

"Niiiiick!"

Edgeworth chimed in, as if just to spite me, "Wright, be nice. The ceremony should be beautiful. Don't you agree, Detective Gumshoe?"

Without missing a beat, Gumshoe answered, "Sure do, pal! I already feel like a king! The last time I ate appetizers like that, I was stealing scraps of food off of the tables at my job as a bus boy..."

Edgeworth gave Gumshoe a certain look, indicating that it was time to stop talking. Gumshoe obeyed his master.

"Your opinion will change after tonight, Nick, trust me," Larry tried to convince me, waving his finger clumsily. "Tonight's the party for all the out-of-town wedding guests. And would you like to know what all the ladies invited to this wedding are doing right now?"

I gave my friend a blank stare, giving no indication that I wanted him to drunkenly explain what the 'ladies' were doing.

"Well, I'll tell you," Larry continued anyway. As if letting his three friends in on a deep secret, Larry tipsily gathered Gumshoe, Edgeworth, and I into a small circle. He said quietly, "They're all getting ready for tonight. They're perfecting their makeup, practicing their dance moves in mirrors, putting on their best clothes. All for us."

Gumshoe stared at Larry in wonder. "That's probably true, pal! You really know what you're talking about!"

Larry gave a smug grin, "Trust me, Detective, I know it is. This is a man's world. Women do all of those things so that we will notice them. You think ladies want to just sit on the sidelines all night, chatting with their friends? No! They want dashing men to take them to the dance floor... and that's where we come in. You, me, Nick, Edgey..."

"Okay, Larry," Edgeworth finally had to comment, "I'm not sure if you forgot, but just as a reminder: you're getting married. You won't be sweeping any random women off of their feet."

Larry gave Edgeworth the final beer out of the six-pack, replying, "Relax, Edgey. I know that. But that doesn't mean I can't play wingman!"

Edgeworth grunted, defeated. He sniffed the foreign substance inside his bottle. It was clear he had never had a beer before.

"What I was saying, before I was interrupted," Larry said cooly, "was that I'll provide the party, so don't worry about that. All you guys have to do is show up and work your magic, and the ladies will be all over you."

"Really, pal? Well, now I'm kind of excited," Gumshoe looked off in the distance, presumably imagining himself dancing with Maggey.

Larry added, "I have a few shirts that might fit you, Detective, that are tried-and-true lady magnets."

I interjected, "Can you stop calling women 'ladies'?"

"Nope!" Larry replied bluntly. "Edgey, how's that beer coming along? I got the expensive kind because I knew you wouldn't drink anything less than the best! Aren't I the best friend ever?"

Edgeworth gave a strained nod of approval. I always saw him as more of a wine guy, myself, so it was a little sad to watch him nurse the beer like a tentative high schooler at his first party.

Larry held up his beer, motioning for Gumshoe and I to do the same. We reluctantly raised our bottles.

"To fantastic friendship and lovely ladies!" Larry toasted. Already feeling the effects of alcohol, he added loudly, "Who's ready to get obliterated tonight?"

To inebriation and exploitation.

Four grown men acting like sixteen year-olds. Wait until Maya hears about this...

Larry had corrupted us. The events I was planning for that night suddenly took a turn for the less-than-admirable. The necks of our bottles clinked, and we drank down the last drops of our beers.