A/N: Right, I'm back from my super long extended internet break because Sky don't make it clear that the activation date is only the phone and then you have to wait two weeks grrr! Anyway, enough of the hating! Let the story continue
Anonymous Clearwater – THANKYOU ever so much for your review! I did honestly think about quitting this story after only one chapter but your encouragement helped! I hope you enjoy this chapter!
Disclaimer: I do not own anything except my own characters.
Chapter 2: Trying But Failing
Chloe's POV
Beep... beep... beep... beep... be-
"Oh shut the fuck up!" I yelled angrily flinging my alarm across the room, cringing when I heard it hit the wall. I was not a morning person. At all. Never have been. So 7am on a Wednesday in the middle of March was not great. It was cold, dark and way too early. I dragged myself out of bed, determined to at least get a shower before the gruesome twosome took over.
The warm water washed over me warming me up ready for the day and I thought through what I would do. My main plan was that if I dressed how I wanted to, I would feel more comfortable and it would give me a chance to see who my real friends were. If they still wanted to hang out with me then maybe they weren't as shallow as I thought them to be.
I shut off the water and grabbed a towel, wrapping it round myself then making the short dash across the hall to my bedroom. I had heard my sisters moving about and knew that when they saw me today, they would want to kill me, but I could live with that. I just wanted to be me, to be liked as a normal person, not looked at as a slutty, trashy girl. I rootled through my drawers and found out my favourite pair of faded, light blue jeans, a white long sleeve top and a big lemon yellow hoodie. I was comfortable and didn't feel like a Barbie doll. I grabbed my pair of black converse to complete my new, well real, look before standing in front of my full length mirror to admire my excellent style choices. I didn't bother with makeup. I had always had clear russet skin which I was thankful for, and as I looked at my face I wondered why I had ever bothered with makeup in the first place. I wasn't being big headed or anything, but why should I cover myself up when I should be thanking my lucky stars for the way I looked. My face was quite narrow with high cheekbones, a small nose and quite thin lips- but not really thin as in no lips but you get me, just normal- and my eyes were just your average Joe, chocolate brown like every other Quileute girl on the reservation. I was nothing special to look at but I was happy with just being me. I pulled my poker straight black hair up into a high pony tail. My hair was annoying like that, just dead straight. My friends always went on about curling it but to be honest I quite like it straight. It was more manageable.
I waited on the bottom step of the porch for Amber and Scarlett. I was getting a little nervous, just because I didn't know what people's reactions to the real me would be. It was then that I heard a clatter of heels and a shriek.
"Chloe what the actual hell are you wearing? And what is with your face?" Amber shrieked at me, getting right up in my face.
"I'm wearing clothes and unless I have some hideous facial deformity that's sprouted overnight then there is nothing wrong with my face" I said in a matter of fact way. Scarlett and Amber grabbed a hold of my upper arms and dragged me back into the house ignoring my protests.
"What the hell are you doing? We need to go to school" I yelled, losing my cool.
"You get back upstairs and make yourself look presentable or I swear you will regret it" hissed Scarlett menacingly.
"I'm not scared of you. I want to wear this, so I'm going to" I pushed Scarlett's hand out of the way and made a bee line for the front door. I felt hands grab me again and throw me back onto the ground. Amber knelt next to me and suddenly her fist collided with my abdomen. I curled on my side in pain.
"You want me to do that again bitch?" she hissed at me and I flinched just shaking my head. I didn't trust myself to talk without bursting into tears and I was having trouble catching my breath.
"Well get upstairs then and make it quick, I want to see Ryan" said Scarlett pulling me to my feet and pushing me towards the stairs.
I stamped my way up to my room and flung my door open. I rapidly changed into tights, a denim skirt and a disgusting shirt that mum had given me the other year. I put minimal makeup on and, leaving my hair as it was, made my way back downstairs to my evil sisters. They gave me their approval even though I didn't want it and marched me out to the car. As we drove, I studied the twins. They were much prettier than I was with their full lips, button noses and glossy, wavy hair. They were also much taller than me, they were about 5 foot 8 inches where I was only 5 foot 4 inches. In many ways I was glad I looked completely different so that if people saw us in the same room, they wouldn't know I was related to them.
The car pulled into the parking lot at school and I took several deep breaths to compose myself before stepping from the car. Jade was there as usual.
"Babes, you're late! Ross was just showing us his new phone. His uncle sent it over from Japan and it is simply gorgeous! I am well jel" her voice just grated on me and I felt a lump rise in my throat as I thought of my completely thwarted plan and the day I would have to endure. I plastered on a smile and let her lead the way.
"Morning" I said less than cheerfully. I got a series of over enthusiastic 'hellos' and I took a seat on the cold bench. Zac moved closer and I squirmed uncomfortably.
"What's the matter beautiful? Don't you want to sit next to your favourite guy?" he purred into my ear and slung his arm around me. I leant away feeling my stomach twist uncomfortably.
"No Zac, I don't want to sit next to you" I spat out standing up rapidly. The group looked up shocked.
"Babes what's wrong?" squeaked Jade looking between me and Zac.
"I just- I need to go to the bathroom" I said quickly grabbing my bag and making a hasty escape.
As I attempted to evacuate the scene, I bumped into something solid and stumbled backwards slightly before righting myself and looked up at the solid mass that was Paul Lahote. My eyes widened in shock. Usually he was with his group of friends, the group I longed to be like, an outsider but accepted. I knew that could never happen though, my life was just one big downward spiral.
"Watch it short stuff" he growled angrily. I took a side step and stumbled again.
"S-sorry" I managed to stutter looking at the ground.
"Well you should have been looking where you were going. Some of us are trying to walk to class, not just find the next boy to add to your list" his voice had got louder and people were starting to stare. I couldn't help the tears streaming down my face and I didn't know if it was my blurry vision but he seemed to be shaking. Then to my horror two more of the gang rushed over. They were pulling Paul away from the school and I didn't stop to look back before racing into school and straight to the bathrooms where I collapsed in a cubicle and cried my eyes out. My stomach was killing me, my head was throbbing, my sisters hated me, my friends would probably ditch me and there was nowhere left to turn. I couldn't go to my useless lump of a mother as she was probably still out with a random guy so there was no one to talk to.
I kept getting strange looks all through French but I kept my head buried in my textbook. I could feel one pair of eyes burning into the side of my face all the way through. It was Embry Call. One of Sam Uley's gang. I had no idea why he was staring, probably because I pissed off Paul earlier. I peeked over at him and his eyes had a strange emotion in them. Could it be pity? No, surely not, no one would pity me, to them I was the slut and all round bitch. I silently thanked the bell when it rang signalling the end of period. I rushed out of the room to my locker. I dumped my language textbooks and grabbed my media folder before rushing off to the next classroom.
Obviously the world hated me. We started a new project where we had to work in pairs and yes, I was doomed to be with a certain Mr. Call. We had to shoot a short film on any topic using different methods.
"Shall we head to the library to research the methods?" I asked Embry timidly, gesturing towards the door.
"Sure" he answered simply and we left the room.
As we walked I could feel myself shaking, my nerves completely breaking through my usually solid walls. Embry kept glancing at me and I just wished the ground would open up and swallow me. Everyone was against me. We had to walk past the exit on the way to the library and I don't know what came over me, but the need to escape was strong. I felt like I was being suffocated in a false life that I had no control over. Without really thinking about it I dropped my book and bolted out the door. I ran as if my life depended on it, my heart pounding in my chest. I headed straight for the road that passed the school, hoping and praying there was a truck coming that could just end my misery. Luck was finally swinging my way, there was an enormous truck heading towards the school. A few more paces and I would be gone. But I couldn't even get that right. I felt a strong, warm arm grab my waist and pull me back, so me and my assailant landed in a pile on the ground. I thrashed and screamed against the hold that wasn't letting up. Eventually I was pinned on the ground unable to move and I let the sobs rip through my body.
The hold on me slowly released and I managed to sit up, hugging my knees against my chest the tears finally stopping. I wiped my arm across my eyes and looked up at I suppose the person I should call my rescuer. Embry. He was just staring at me, shock all over his face.
"What. The. Hell?" he managed to choke out. I winced and looked at the ground. A few minutes of silence passed before I could find the courage to answer him. The shock not gone from his expression.
"I- I can't... it's- I just... I'm sorry" I whispered the last two words, although I was unsure as to why I was apologising to him. Then he knelt down next to me and did something really unexpected. He wrapped his arms around me and just held me. And in that one gesture I got so much comfort and a sense that maybe I did try to do the wrong thing. All I ever wanted was someone to just care about me for being me, and here I was being comforted by a near stranger who probably believed the rumours but yet had saved my life. I couldn't help more tears from falling and he rocked me comfortingly. We stayed like that for what felt like hours even though it was probably only ten minutes.
"How about we go back inside and talk?" offered Embry squeezing my shoulder. I nodded glumly and with his help, managed to get back to my feet. He held me securely all the way back in, I suppose he thought I might try it again, but I couldn't, I felt like I was just going to collapse. We went to the bathroom first and I tried to clean up. I was a mess. My hair was wild, I was covered in dirt and my face was blotchy. I cleaned up as best I could before going back out to Embry and smiling at him weakly. He grabbed a hold of my arm again and steered me towards the library, our first intended destination and we found a secluded corner to sit in. We sat on the floor leaning against the cool wall and I started fidgeting with a thread on the carpet.
"So what happened back there?" asked Embry quietly, nudging me. I felt my lip wobble but fought to keep my composure. Here was someone trying to help me. That had never happened before so I was not going to throw his kindness back at him.
"I wasn't thinking straight" I whispered, trying to stop my hands shaking.
"You seemed pretty set on it though. Why would someone like you try and-" I looked up at him cutting him off.
"What do you mean 'someone like me'?" my defences immediately going back up. Embry looked a little startled but shrugged it off.
"Well, you've got it all, popularity, you're smart, friends..." he hesitated, "boys"
I felt my eyes tear up at that last comment. He was wrong, so unbelievably wrong. I had nothing that anyone could even think about envying, especially not the La Push gang who seemed to have everything. I had to tell him that. I wanted at least one person to know I wasn't who they thought I was.
"I don't have anything" I managed to whisper through the continued attempts to keep the tears away. I could feel his eyes on me but I couldn't look up at him.
"But I thought-"
"Well you thought wrong" I almost shouted it to him before lowering the volume so we wouldn't get kicked out the library, "my 'friends' are horrible, I have to live in the shadow of my retarded sisters, my mum may as well not exist, everyone else hates me and thinks I'm a slut even though I've never slept with a single person".
I could feel the tears pouring down my face and there was nothing I could do to stop them. I wiped roughly at them with the sleeve of my top. I had never opened up to anyone, and here I was crying like a baby in front of Embry Call. Oh no, he would tell his friends and then it would spread round the school. I could feel the panic rising within me and my wide eyes flicked to Embry's face. He looked as if he actually cared about my feelings but I knew that wouldn't be right. I couldn't stay in the library a minute longer, so I got up and nearly ran from the room but a warm hand caught my elbow and I was pulled into a hug. The thought that someone might actually care gave me a glimmer of hope that my life wasn't a waste of space and that small glimmer was enough to release the gate on all my emotions. I sobbed into Embry's warm chest until there were no more tears left and I felt completely drained.
"I'm sorry, I didn't realise what it must be like for you" whispered Embry while rubbing my arm, "you should be whoever you want to be, don't let anyone try to change you or make you into someone you're not"
His words brought back that glimmer of hope stronger than before and I knew that tomorrow I wouldn't let my horrible sisters tell me what to wear or how to act. I smiled at Embry and shockingly enough he smiled back. I felt good about something for the first time in years. All I had needed was a little support and comfort.
We spent the rest of the period researching photography and film for our project and we chatted the whole time. Like actual, proper talking, as in, I had a friend, a real friend. I couldn't stop smiling the whole time and I could hardly believe what I had tried to do just an hour earlier. I was still a mess but Embry was like a sticking plaster, holding me together while I slowly repaired. As the bell rang, we got up and left the library, going our separate ways. He had Math whereas I had a study period.
I made my way through the corridors with a small spring in my step. I tried to ignore all the looks and whispers although it was quite hard at times what with there being so many people doing it. They didn't know about the incident with the truck, I had made Embry promise he wouldn't tell anyone. I took my seat in my homeroom which was always empty during this period and took out my French books. The work was fairly easy which meant less homework for the evening and more time to myself. I always enjoyed nights where I had little work to do. Walking along by the ocean at First Beach was definitely my favourite thing to do because it was so quiet in the colder months.
At lunch I decided not to sit with my usual group, instead choosing to sit on my own and study a book on the use of lighting and colour in films. It was an interesting read so I didn't really notice people around me. Although there was a low point to lunch, apart from that Embry and his friends had disappeared, but it was Jade.
"Babes, what do you think you're doing? Come sit with us" she cried, flouncing over to me. I didn't want to go anywhere with her.
"No, I'm more than happy sitting here rather than with you and your robots" I glowered up at her and she looked shocked that I would speak to her like that before storming away. I smiled to myself and looked up at the far table hoping to catch a glimpse of my crush even though I knew he wasn't here.
The rest of the day passed without incident, apart from Ethan giving me the cold shoulder in Chemistry, but it was nothing I couldn't handle. Following Chemistry were Gym, Geography and lastly Biology. Geography and Biology were my favourite subjects. I wanted to train in veterinary care at college so Biology was useful and I wanted to travel the world, hence the Geography. It always amazed me how many weird and wonderful things happen in the world every day in both the human and physical world and I couldn't wait to explore for myself.
Amber and Scarlett weren't in a great mood when I met them at the car. Apparently news of my out-of-character behaviour had reached them.
"What the hell have you been playing at today?" hissed Scarlett as soon as the car pulled out of the parking lot. I rolled my eyes hoping they wouldn't see, and luckily they didn't.
"I was just being myself Scarlett" I sighed.
"You are a disgrace to our family. You're bringing down our reputation, the whole school will think we're freaks" yelled Amber turning to face me from the passenger seat. I glared at her. Of course she would care about her precious 'reputation', that's all the twins ever had going for them apart from their obvious good looks.
They continued yelling and cursing all the way home which lowered my mood considerably. I slammed every door on my way up to my room. Before I could think too much more, I immersed myself in what homework I had got in Chemistry and Biology. It was finished all too quickly so I decided to leave the house. Mum wasn't in as usual and Scarlett was telling Amber the best way to get the guy she was after. I rolled my eyes as I crept through the house and out of the front door. I didn't bother with any food, I didn't want the twins to know I was going out. I walked as fast as I could towards the beach and made it there in record time. I only lived about a half hour walk from First Beach which suited me fine.
I had been walking along the sand for nearly two whole hours, not noticing the light rapidly fading, completely lost in a fantasy world in which I lived how I wanted and I had the man of my dreams living with me, loving me forever. I smiled at the thought and gazed out across the water, not hearing the pounding footsteps approaching me. A hand grabbed my shoulder and I screamed as I span round, nearly losing my balance, the hand steadied me and I looked up in shock at Embry.
"Hey, how's it going?" he asked cracking a smile. I put my hand over my heart in a ridiculous attempt to stop my heart from breaking out of my chest from the fright he had given me.
"Hi, not bad" I shrugged hoping he wouldn't see through the blatant lie. Unfortunately he did, and frowned slightly.
"You want to come hang with me and my friends?" I gawked at him. He was seriously inviting me, Chloe Hill, to hang out with the most envied group of people in the world (ok, slight exaggeration)? I managed to nod stiffly and followed him back across the beach.
I was nervous about meeting his friends, even though I saw them at school, they were intimidating and probably didn't like me. They were gathered around a small bonfire, laughing and messing about and it made me smile.
"Hey guys, you know Chloe right? She's going to hang with us for a bit" there were various grunts from around the circle as they took me in, "this is Quil, Paul, Jared, Kim and that's Jacob" Embry pointed around the circle, introducing everyone. I mumbled a hello and looked around the circle at each face. My eyes lingered on Jacob for that little bit longer, hoping he didn't think I was a complete bitch, but he didn't look up, just continued staring into the flames. I sighed and sat on a log next to Embry.
The rest of the evening was actually a lot of fun and the group seemed to accept me, even though I knew they would probably ignore me at school. I couldn't help but take sneaky glances across the flames at Jacob, they guy I had been crushing on since like forever. He never looked up even thought he joined in with the chatter. But the one time he did look up, I was not prepared for it.
As his gaze met mine, I felt as though some sort of weird reality shift had happened. I had definitely fallen asleep because there was no way Jacob Black would look at me like he did. His eyes held so many emotions. At first there was just a friendly glance then it changed so rapidly I had trouble keeping up. I saw shock, happiness, confusion, and love. Love? No that was just me being silly. The flames must have been reflected in his eyes weirdly, but I couldn't break the hold his eyes had over me. His beautiful features looked all the more incredible in the flickering glow, his perfectly straight nose, full lips and chocolate eyes looked flawless. I just wanted to touch his cheek, to make sure he was real and that someone that amazing existed but I couldn't do that in front of his friends. I ripped my eyes away from his and smiled nervously at Embry who had a very strange smirk on his face. I couldn't stop my heart beating wildly. This was the first time Jacob Black had ever looked at me and seeing him like this, on the beach, with a bonfire, he looked better than I had ever remembered.
The rest of the evening was actually quite fun. It wasn't the fake fun, or mean fun that my 'friends' at school were used to, but genuine fun. I don't think I'd actually laughed properly for ages, or even cracked a real smile. I felt happy. And a big bonus was that my crush actually noticed me for the first time. I just hoped he hadn't noticed me constantly peeking at him.
Eventually I had to leave and go home. A strange pulling feeling in my chest appeared as I walked away which I thought was strange. Maybe I just laughed too hard at something. I made it home and went up to my room. I couldn't hear any sound in the house so I guessed everyone was out so I sighed and flicked on my music. I scrolled to my favourite song and soon had Umbrella by Rihanna blaring from the speakers. I danced around my room carelessly flinging clothes about the place and pulling on an old grey t shirt and a pair of lime green girls boxers. I lay on my bed thinking about how my day had turned around so completely. I knew tomorrow I wouldn't let my stupid sisters rule my life.
I was breaking free.
A/N: And hello Jacob! I've been in such a good mood I just had to get him to imprint!
Also, hands up who wishes imprinting was real? I am certainly one of those waving my hand wildly in the air! I met a 'Jacob' person about 2 years ago and he is one cool bean. I fell for him straight away and then he went and broke my heart about a month later. I've been spending a lot of time with him recently and it makes me realise that you never really get over a broken heart so I am currently having a mass empathy session for Jacob, when Bella – the cowbag – went and broke his heart so completely.
Right enough of this rambling!
Please review :D
-Lem x