Jack had for a long time imagined many different scenarios about how his First Kiss might go. It might be in a limo, or at a bowling party, or on the Great Wall of China. The girl would be cute and have hair that rivaled his. Regarding the kiss itself, he assumed that it would be sloppy—a little awkward, maybe. But he had not taught himself how to tie a cherry stem in a knot for no reason. Jack was ready. At least… that's what he thought.
Standing with Kim in the hot tub in the middle of Rudy's dojo was the ideal location for the big smooch. Kim looked good, like always, and Jack could see his reflection in her eyes and knew he looked good too. All the pieces were lined up. Jack took a deep breath, closed his eyes, leaned forward-
CRASH!
Jack's eyelids flew open. The entire glass door into the dojo had been cracked and shattered into pieces (needlessly, as the doors were unlocked; the culprit must not have checked). Beside him, Kim gasped. Standing just feet away from them was a masked intruder clothed predictably in black.
For a moment they all did nothing but stare at each other. Water still fell steadily from the sprinklers mounted in the ceiling, making everything and everyone moister by the minute. Jack peered at Kim questioningly. She met his eyes and shrugged.
Finally, Jack cleared his throat and spoke. He figured a great way to respond and break the ice in this situation would be to crack a humorous joke. "Hey, did you know pampered cows produce spoiled milk?"
Kim made a dismayed sound low in her throat and elbowed Jack harshly. Jack winced but kept his eyes on the stranger. He couldn't see the man (woman's?) reaction because the mask hid his (her?) entire face, but Jack was sure he (she?) was smiling underneath it. Confident that the situation had been defused, Jack wiggled his eyebrows and said, "Well, I'm sure Kim and I are both very flattered, but we're not interested in a threesome today."
The stranger took a step closer. Now that the intruder was mere inches away, with his vulture-like vision Jack was able to tell that the body was undeniably masculine, flat and triangular. He was also able to tell that the guy was gripping something tightly in his right hand.
Then suddenly it wasn't in his right hand anymore. It was in the air, speeding like Sonic the hedgehog toward Jack's head. As it made contact, Jack's body flipped dramatically over the edge of the hot tub and onto the unforgiving ground.
Not cool, thought Jack, we didn't even get to The Kiss!
The last thing he heard before he blacked out was the sound of a nail scraping slowly across a chalkboard—or maybe that was Kim's scream.