A/N: **Warning - major character death** The premise of this story revolves around growth from tragedy. Great care and consideration was given by the creator of the prompt, as well as the author, to deal with this in a creative and constructive way.
Disclaimer: All recognizable characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. All other content belongs to me. No copyright infringement is intended.
~.:*:.~
December 2010 - Wabush, Newfoundland and Labrador, Canada
I twirled the Visconti fountain pen between my fingers. I was procrastinating. I flipped to the first blank page, uncapped the pen and wrote down the date.
December 25th, 2010
I set down my pen and closed the leather bound journal my lovely wife had given me this very morning. I ran my fingers along the beautifully hand-tooled crest that adorned the cover. Even with the untold wealth we had at our disposal and the things it would allow us to purchase, I could think of nothing that would surpass the meaning of this simple leather journal with my father's family crest on it. I recalled Bella's words to me when I opened it.
It's time, my love. Tell him your thoughts.
I knew her majoring in psychology would come back to bite me at some point. Today was that day it seemed.
Just start at the beginning and tell him everything.
Start at the beginning. Tell him everything. Her words sounded so simple, but in truth I hadn't allowed myself to think about "the beginning" in years. I had successfully stored those memories away, and if I had my druthers they'd stay packed in the dank recesses of my mind for the rest of eternity. I had never been happier in my entire existence, yet as my wife pointed out to me on several occasions, I had fallen into occasional guilt fueled spirals of depression that not only crippled me, but my brother Jasper as well. This journal was Bella's way of saying "deal with this now." Reluctantly drawing on memories of my father and how he listened to Esme when she would use the same tone I knew better than to ignore her suggestion.
I picked up the pen and began again.
Merry Christmas, Carlisle.
Alice has made the house into a veritable picture post card. One can hardly step a foot in any direction without running into a bough, bow, or bauble of some sort. This time of year makes me think of you even more than usual. It was one you always took great joy in. I try to take enjoyment now in recalling your memories of Christmases past. Your choice of apparel being most laughable. You always were too lenient with Alice and Esme when it came to letting them buy you clothes. I do try, in vain at times, to think on the happy times of your life that you shared with me and the other members of our family. Though when I recall the time you spent alone, before I was your son, I find I must push past the pain contained in those memories. I focus rather on the fact that you endured what I would deem unsurvivable. This makes me respect you all the more and challenges me to live up to the example you have set. The past few years have been something I never would have believed I would be able to survive. I still don't know how I managed it. I hope that you would be proud of the man I've tried to become through it all.
Setting the pen down again I let my head fall into my hands. I was sure a holiday letter wasn't what Bella had in mind for this little exercise.
She said to start at the beginning.
To tell him everything.
The beginning... I loathed to go back there, but logically I knew there was no other place to start. I took up the pen and opened the journal to the next blank page.
~.:*:.~
June 15, 2006 - Forks, WA
I watched as Seth gathered up the last of the various pieces of Riley with his mouth and carried them to the pile already burning with Victoria's remains. I tried to hide my amusement at the enthusiasm my young friend displayed at having literally torn our enemy apart, but his exuberant thoughts on his first kill were hard to ignore. I let a smile break across my face at the sound of Seth's snicker and held my clenched fist out toward him. He raised his hackles to "grin" at me and nudged my hand with his paw in an odd version of a mythical creature "high-five."
I began to speak when screams from two directions suddenly filled my head. Seth turned immediately toward one set and whimpered, while I was pummeled with sounds and thoughts from my family at the clearing that I couldn't believe.
"NO! NO! That's not possible!" I shouted as anger and fury filled me. I turned to run to my family's aid, but before I could leave another thought stopped me in my tracks: Bella.
I ran to her side and reached out for her.
"Edward...," she started.
"Bella, we must get to the clearing. We have to hurry," I exclaimed, "something went wrong. Seth, go home! They will need you there. Go! Now!" I ordered him. My family and I had asked enough of him and his pack. He should be back on the reservation to be with Jacob. Stupid Jake. I had no time to worry about him now though.
Not giving either of them time to question me, I grabbed Bella and threw her up onto my back. I ran faster than I had ever run with her before, all the while knowing it was too late. I was too late. There was nothing I could do now.
"Edward," she gasped as she tried to catch her breath, "what is it? What happened?"
A second before we entered the clearing I stopped and removed Bella from my back. I stood in front of her and held her face between my hands.
"Please, Bella," I begged, "please stay right next to me."
"Edward, you're scaring me. Please just tell me what happened."
"Bella..." I said, trying to choose my next words to her carefully, but before I could say anything she moved her head to peer around me. "No! Don't look–"
My words were too late as Bella wrenched herself from my grasp and stepped around me to look upon the clearing. It only took a moment as the understanding of what had happened dawned on her and she screamed out in terror and grief. She covered her face as tears I wished I could cry myself fell through her fingers.
"Bella...," I whispered, trying to contain the maelstrom of thoughts and emotions flooding my system.
She sank to the ground and continued to sob. I crouched down to console her and picked her up, bringing her tight against my body. She threw her arms around my neck and continued crying. I could feel the warm trickle of her tears as they soaked my shirt.
"I'll never forgive myself," she wailed.
"No, Bella. No, you're not to blame," I whispered into her hair. I wanted nothing more than to lose myself in providing comfort to my beloved but I knew that I must face what lay just beyond us.
Frantic thoughts from my family were bombarding my mind as the cacophony of sounds they also emitted pummeled my ears. I wanted to join them, but ensuring Bella's emotional and physical safety were paramount now and truly, there was nothing I could do to change what had happened.
Bella's sobs continued to wrack her body. I whispered to her to keep her eyes closed. Once I was sure they were and her was face tucked safely into my neck I stood and turned to look upon the clearing myself.
Jasper was throwing the last bits of a female newborn into blazing purple flames of a fire while yelling expletives at the top of his lungs. Alice was standing next to him with her head down crying invisible tears as she reached out toward him, sharing in his agony with her own cries of grief. Agony we all felt of our own volition, but magnified exponentially by his talent. I let my eyes travel to take in the sight I had already been privy to through my families thoughts, but seeing a distraught Rosalie and Emmett holding an inconsolable Esme for myself was something I was ill prepared for. My mother's head was thrown back in a silent scream as she clutched my father's now headless, twitching body in her lap.
I felt non-existent bile rise in my long dead stomach as the image before me solidified itself in my mind.
My father...
My oldest friend...
My creator...
was gone.
I knew only mere seconds had passed since Bella and I had entered the clearing, but it felt like I had been in the middle of this macabre scene for hours. My shock and grief at what I was seeing were staggering as I allowed myself to fall forward to my knees, still clutching a weeping Bella. I felt the desire to descend into madness at the thought of what my family's existence meant now. Our magnetic North was no longer. We were adrift. How would we survive without him? All was lost. We would never recover–
Edward!
Alice's desperate thought broke through the fog that was encompassing my mind.
I turned abruptly at the sound of my name. I looked up to see Alice standing with her arms around a now quiet Jasper as he faced the flames licking at the smoldering pieces of the newborn. I locked eyes with Alice and was filled with the images of all of our deaths in this very clearing at the hands of the Volturi and Bella, my precious Bella, being drained by a grinning Felix. I recoiled at the vision.
Edward, we need you now. Now more than ever.
Her thought was calm and precise, and it helped pull me back to reality. The vision was a result of my thoughts of despair. I shook off the weight of that potential future as I tried to assess the insanity before me. I couldn't let my family perish. I had to be strong and get us all through the rest of this day. I had to protect Carlisle's family.
At the moment I made that decision, another vision filled my mind, one of the guard leaving the clearing as we all huddled around Esme and Carlisle's body. I let out a sigh of relief.
Things can still change, Edward. I can't see anything beyond that.
"I know, Alice, but at least we've avoided...," I said, shaking the horrible thought of our certain deaths from my mind. I met the distraught eyes of my sister and then looked back over at my mother. Bella continued to sob in my arms, and before I was able to move us next to my mother, my brother's voice rooted me to the ground.
"It's my fault," Jasper said dejectedly.
I turned away. You never turn your back on a newborn and I turned away. She... she just moved so damn fast. It's my fault he's gone. All mine. I knew better...Christ! I knew better! Never turn your back...
Jasper's thoughts were replaying the minutes before my arrival in the clearing.
"You can't be serious? Allow her to surrender? She must be killed, Carlisle! It's our only option."
"Jasper... son, she's a child. Younger than our own Bella. She was never given the chance to do the right thing. If she surrenders we will not harm her," Carlisle said, his voice filled with compassion and resolve.
"This is a war, Carlisle. A war! You cannot compare her to Bella. This vampire is not an innocent in all of this. She is no better than a rabid dog. She must be destroyed!"
Jasper turned away from Carlisle in frustration, and that is when the screams rang out in his thoughts.
It was Emmett's thoughts that filled in the next sequence in the horrific events. I cried out at the moment I saw the newborn's teeth cut through Carlisle's skin and she pulled his head from his neck. Emmett rushed toward her, but before he could reach her, she had thrown Carlisle's severed head into the already burning pile of vampire remains next to her. Emmett watched in horror as our father's shocked face was lost in the purple smoke and flame. A gasp from Alice tore me from the agony of the memory and the rage currently filling Emmett's mind.
They'll be here soon, Edward.
I nodded to let Alice know I understood her. I quickly stood, bringing Bella up with me, and walked over to where the rest of my family was.
Bella let out a whimper when she realized where we were.
"Everything will be alright," I whispered into her ear. "Just keep your eyes closed, Bella."
"I...I'll be okay," she whispered back.
"You don't have to be brave right now, Bella. Let me take care of you."
"I'm not the one who needs your care, Edward. Esme does. We all need to be here for Esme."
Bella pushed away from me gently to signal she wanted to be put down. My emotions were warring over her show of strength. In fear I wanted to grab her up and run away, taking the two of us somewhere we'd never be found, but my pride in her love for my family kept my feet firmly planted. Would she never cease to amaze me?
I placed a kiss on her temple and looked over to Emmett and Rose. I looked into my brother's and then my sister's eyes and gestured to Bella. They both nodded to me, so I quickly released her into their care. She hurried to them and they wrapped her protectively between them while each still having a hand on Esme.
"The Volturi are on their way," I said as calmly as I could. "Will you both please keep Bella safe?"
I needed to know Bella would be protected while I dealt with the Volturi. I didn't think having her out front with me, with her still beating heart, would be the smartest move.
"Of course, brother," Emmett said, bending down to place a kiss on the top of Bella's head. His eyes met mine. She's my little sister, Edward. You don't have to worry.
I nodded my head in thanks and saw Bella turn to reach out and wrap her arms around Esme. As she did, she broke into a fresh round of tears. Esme didn't react at all to Bella's touch. Her mind was filled with thoughts of denial.
I quickly knelt in front of her, grabbing her face between my hands.
"Esme."
She shook her head violently back and forth as she continued to clutch my father's body against her. The only thought in her mind was the word "no" repeated over and over again.
"You must listen to me now, Mother," I said with an authority I didn't feel I had the right to possess.
She reacted to my calling her that endearment, even if my tone was demanding. She lowered her eyes to meet mine and I saw only emptiness. My mother of almost eighty-five years was not there anymore. If I was going to get us all out of this situation I needed her to be calm. I didn't want to give the Volturi any reason to question her ability to function, yet I had no words for her that could help. I knew nothing I could say at this moment would bring her any comfort, so I turned to my brother and sister.
"Emmett. Rosalie," I met their grieving golden eyes and held them in mine, hoping I communicated the depth of my own grief, but knowing that we had only a few minutes before this could take a turn for the worse. "Take Esme and Bella home. They don't need to be here when the Volturi arrive."
Rose began to stand, but Emmett put his hand on her arm.
"Edward, I should be here. If there is a fight–"
"No!" Rosalie interrupted, her face contorted in fear. "No, Emmett, I can't lose you too."
She sank back down to his side. Not Emmett, never Emmett. Anyone else, but never him. Oh...
Rosalie gasped at her thoughts and the fact that she knew I was listening.
"Rosie, you're not going to lose me. I–"
"How can you say that to me? Carlisle is..." she sobbed a few times before continuing. "Carlisle is dead and I am pretty sure he didn't plan on that."
"Rosalie!" I hissed. "I know you are a selfish creature, but your insensitivity at a moment like this astounds me."
"What Edward? It's true. You're telling us the Volturi are on their way here and who knows what they are going to do. I don't particularly want to lose my husband and my father on the same day."
I felt a growl bubble up from my gut at the disgust I was feeling toward my sister.
"Easy there, Ed," Emmett warned in response.
"Fine. You can stay, but I need you to keep Esme calm and under control and promise me you won't let anyone near Bella," I said only to him before turning to see the cloaked figures slowly entering the far end of the clearing. I knew I'd have to deal with Rosalie's wrath, but that could be done later, after I had gotten us out of this mess.
"I promise, Edward. Rose and I will protect them both."
His inclusion of Rosalie wasn't lost on me. I was being just as much of an ass as she was. I looked at her and nodded and then looked back to Emmett. I quickly leaned over to Bella and wrapped her in my arms.
"Stay between Rosalie and Emmett, Bella. If anything happens, they will get you out of here."
I looked up as Rosalie placed a protective hand on Bella's shoulder.
I'll protect her, Edward.
"Thank you," I whispered to my sister.
I quickly moved to the center of the clearing to meet the five vampires drawing near. I recognized the small figure leading the four others as Jane. Fantastic. I hoped she wasn't feeling malevolent today. I couldn't pick up much from any of them. That fact made me all the more nervous.
"Alice, Jasper, I need you. Stand with me."
Alice tugged on Jasper's hand and he turned from the rising smoke of the fire to follow her to my side.
Edward, there is still too much undecided. I can't see anything.
I nodded to let Alice know I understood. My irritation at the guards' preparation for Alice's and my talent grew.
Jasper's mind was still filled with thoughts of blame and regret. I needed his full attention on the vampires approaching us as his talents were needed if we were going to survive the day.
"I need you to focus, Jasper. It's not over yet."
He raised his eyes to mine and then he quickly assessed the Volturi guard and realized that in our current state we were vastly out numbered. He began sending out some calming waves hoping to keep the situation from escalating. I whispered my thanks to him.
They don't feel particularly aggressive, brother, but it can't hurt.
They came to a stop in front of us. Jane took her time looking around and guarded her thoughts carefully. She was not, however, able to hold back her surprise when she noticed that one of us had been decapitated. She did a quick scan and deduced that Carlisle was the unfortunate one.
"You've suffered a loss it seems," she stated coldly.
"Yes, a significant one," I answered.
"Aro will be deeply saddened to hear of this. I know his fondness for Carlisle is... was great."
At the mention of Carlisle's name Esme began wailing in earnest. Jane raised her lip in displeasure at the outburst and it took everything I had not to growl in her direction.
Not the time, Edward. She's pissed she missed out on some action, don't give her reason to zap you. I'll keep calming everyone down, but don't make it any harder on me than it already is.
Heeding Jasper's words, I tried to regain my composure.
"I see you've taken care of things...pity we couldn't have been of help. Care to enlighten me on how all of this," she gestured to the piles of ashes around us, "occurred?"
I tried in vain to access her thoughts, but she was focusing entirely on the moment at hand. Absolutely no errant thoughts were getting through.
You picking anything up from her, Edward, 'cuz she's feeling guilty about something. I'm going to go ahead and take your frustration as a no.
"We fought against an army of newborns led by an insane vampire bent on revenge."
"An army?" Jane laughed. "What do you mean? We knew nothing of an army. We were under the impression there were at most only a few vampires wreaking havoc in Seattle."
I quickly told her about Victoria and Riley and how they turned almost twenty newborns loose on our family. She was shocked at the number of newborns that Victoria had created.
"Twenty newborns? The seven, now six, of you, managed to kill twenty newborns? I'm finding all of this very hard to believe," she said, her eyes narrowed and locked on mine.
What are you hiding, Edward?
No matter the tragedy that had befallen our family, I would not betray the pack. We would have suffered more losses had they not helped us. I continue to stare at her, not bothering to acknowledge I heard her silent question.
Her eyes left me and traveled again over the clearing, finally settling on Bella. I saw her narrow her gaze further and I prepared to place myself between them. Before I could, Esme scrambled from where she had been holding Carlisle's body to kneeling prostrate in front of Jane, her hand clutching to the bottom of Jane's cloak.
"Please," Esme begged. "Please, end my existence! End my suffering!"
The collective shouts of surprise from my brothers, sisters and I put the Volturi guard on alert. They crouched down in an attack stance that we then mirrored. I could tell Jasper was trying to control the situation but still be ready in case we were attacked. He was quickly overpowered by the aggression being released from both sides and I could feel the tension in the clearing rise substantially. I watched as Jane slowly moved her head to look down at my mother. She then raised her eyes to me as an evil grin broke across her face. I recoiled as her icy voice filled my head.
Your mommy wants me to kill her, Edward. Looks like she took a page from your melodramatic book. You vegetarians and your emotional attachments. Tell your coven to stand down immediately. Taking an aggressive stance against the guard is a fool's move. You're all lucky I'm so thoughtful and understanding of your loss.
I could tell she was reveling in our pain and wanted nothing more than to tear us all to bits for our outburst, but her mind flashed to Aro's face. Her fear of him was the only thing keeping her in line. I could hear the other guards thoughts as they were waiting for instructions from Jane.
I knew that we had no reason to assume Jane would grant Esme's request, and while I was vehemently opposed to the idea of it, I couldn't fault Esme for not wanting to continue to exist without her mate. The hours I believed Bella to be dead were undoubtedly the worst of my life, ashamedly, including even now. I decided to heed the little demon's advice.
"Everyone calm down," I instructed. My words did nothing to change the stance of my family members. Their thoughts were less than pleasant.
"I said back down now!" I commanded.
My demeanor shocked everyone as their eyes flicked toward me.
"Now!" I bellowed.
I saw Alice and then Emmett relax. I glared at Rose, and though her thoughts were laced with filthy language directed at me, she straightened up and turned to stand in front of Bella who was staring at all of us with wide eyes. I felt terrible for her having to witness the monstrous ways of my kind. This further proof that we were devils in the presence of an angel.
Jasper remained crouched low and growls intermittently escaped his clenched teeth. I turned to face him and reached out a hand, placing it on his shoulder. He flinched at my touch.
"Jasper. Please, I need you to stand down."
I don't trust them, Edward. She wants to rip Esme apart. I can feel her joy at the thought.
"She won't do it. She knows the price she would pay," I said, glancing over my shoulder at where Jane stood, Esme still bowed at her feet. I wanted her to know I knew her fears.
Shall I use other forms of persuasion, Edward? Control him, or I will.
I watched as Jane's fingers stretched out and I knew she was seconds away from unleashing her fury on Jasper.
"No!" I hissed to her, clearly remembering her brand of torture. "Jasper, look at me."
Jasper finally flicked his eyes to mine as I willed him to relax his stance. He reluctantly rose and took a step back. Alice rushed to his side and clung to him. He wrapped a protective arm around her and continued to step a few paces backwards.
I turned to Jane and noticed her smug expression had returned.
"Very well," she said, stepping back and snatching her cloak away from Esme as if she were filth. "We are returning to Italy to give a full report," she sneered, her eyes casting a glance at Bella in all of her human frailty. "I will leave nothing out."
"We have not forgotten our promise, Jane," I said as calmly as I could. Bella was not yet safe with these demons in her presence and I needed them to leave quickly before anything else could happen.
"You'll clean up the rest of the mess, won't you?" she said, waiving her hand dismissively over the piles of burnt ashes that were scattered around the clearning. "We'd hate to have humans stumble upon it and start asking questions."
I nodded my head in agreement.
"And what of your leader? What will you do about that."
"I believe that is our concern. The Volturi need not worry. We'll...figure something out."
"It seems we are no longer needed here then. You have our condolences," Jane rolled her eyes in my direction and in a swirl of gray and black she and the other guards sped from the clearing.
I rushed to a now sobbing Esme and gathered her in my arms. Her vacant eyes looked up into my face and the desperation of her thoughts almost succeeded in knocking me flat.
Why did you stop her, Edward? What do I have to exist for now that my love is no longer with me?
I looked into the face of my mother and could find no words to answer her. The hypocrisy of the situation was not lost on me. The only thing I could do was pull her tighter to my body as the rest of my family, including my dearest Bella, gathered next to us and embraced us.
Meeting Bella's gaze and taking in her dirty, tear stained face, I reached out a hand to draw her into me. Fresh sobs broke from her lips as she clung to me.
"Shh, my love."
"Edward," she whispered. "What do we do now?"
I let my eyes rest on the now still body of my father and honestly didn't know how to answer.
A/N: Thank you for reading. Chapter two will be posted next week.