Rule 42: Never second guess yourself in a relationship and in life.
Jethro Gibbs finally recognized love after many years. The only problem was Rule 12: do not date coworkers. "They cloud judgment; things become too personal." He circumvented his own rule when it came to Suzanne McNamara, the neighborhood coffee girl. Gibbs viewed the exception as bending, not breaking the rule. She worked inside the building. Technically, she was a coworker. Mary was her immediate supervisor, not Gibbs or Director Vance.
He needed the lovingly, well-meaning slap to the back of the head, a consequence for not following the rule!
Gibbs realized that Suzanne interfered with his extraordinary investigative skill set, and it was becoming noticeable to others at NCIS. His demeanor changed—from the disciplined workaholic to the mellow. Suzanne inspired to fine-tune Gibbs' Rules in the 40's. "In the direst of circumstances, only in emergencies, would the emergency rules come to play." For the stoic Leroy Jethro Gibbs, it was a crisis; he was in love.
The couple managed to keep their dating status from others at work. Outside the work environment, Suzanne focused on the statistical data course for school. Their interest almost became public knowledge. Second semester classes began, meaning Suzanne visited less for coffee run Tuesdays and Thursdays. On busier days, she created self-service stations for employees to complete food orders downstairs.
"Hi, it's coffee time." The elevator chimed, Suzanne pushing a smaller cart with carafes and pastries. "Nothing like caffeine and sugar to boost the day…"
Gibbs remained at his desk while Suzanne cleaned and replenished the break area. He watched her movement, which seemed to flow slowly, then focused on his paperwork. Her sidebar conversations with Tony and McGee picked up key phrases—as he typed.
"You know me: work, work, work…" Suzanne smiled, continuing the task. "I have class tonight—statistical data…." The past several weeks Suzanne spent free moments finishing schoolwork and not Sunday dinner.
She completed the station, invited those to help themselves.
"Those who are interested in tomorrow's lunch…" she tapped on the order slip. "I'm leaving at 4:30 today."
Gibbs remained at his desk; he rarely visited the craft table. Suzanne walked over with the carafe.
"Thank you, Suzanne." Gibbs continued reading from his computer. By accident, their hands touched. Gibbs stroked the palm with his thumb, holding it longer than a 'casual' coincidence. Suzanne did not jerk her hand away. He even dared to comment on her perfectly tipped nails.
"Your hands are soft, Suz…" Gibbs smiled. "…for someone who constantly works in water."
"Thank you." Her eyes closed, head tilted downward.
The hands were the first intimate contact Gibbs had in three weeks.
Tony noticed the two.
"Are you…flirting, Suz?" DiNozzo walked over to Gibbs' desk.
The two continued gazing in each other's eyes.
"I…need my hand back." She chuckled and smiled.
"See you later, Gibbs."
"Bye, Suzanne."
For Gibbs it was difficult to hide true romantic intentions, though both agreed to keep their personal life personal. It was not a guess, his tender thoughts pertaining to Suzanne.
'She loves poetry.'
He chose the line for a beginning to his ode, Man in Love, a line from an e.e. cummings poem he studied in high school.
"your slightest look easily will unclose me though i have closed myself as fingers, you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens (touching skillfully, mysteriously)her first rose—" e.e. cummings
It was the appropriate time to open his heart.
"Suzanne, I'm in love with you. I cannot stop thinking about you…" He scribbled. It surprised Gibbs as well, with pen in hand and paper in his basement, surrounded by machinery and wood. Through actions, he made small tokens of affection—a jewelry box, a pencil bin. Pursuing her through word may be the way, he concluded.
'I'm not Byron or Keats; I hope she likes it.' Jethro thought.
Gibbs paused, uncertain if his love was one-sided.
Does she love me? Oh, well…I need to write this out. Once on paper, the secret was out. Gibbs loved Suzanne. The next line he jotted down an explanation.
"…I know what love is; love is you."
'Powerful…' he thought. Gibbs wondered how could he prove—or 'qualify,' Suzanne's favorite word, his proclamation. Only once he felt the emotion: Shannon. Besides Ducky, Suzanne knew Gibbs beyond the disciplined work-ethic, the pain of losing Shannon and daughter Kelly, the failed marriages and divorces. She never laughed or made snide remarks-only listened.
"I admire your mind…" he smiled. "It's a beautiful mind. You're not afraid to show people your intelligence but you're not a showoff. "
'Yeah...' He smiled at his own handiwork. She despised people who both 'dumbed' down or talked over people and made the feeling perfectly clear. Rule 11 in the Book of McNamara: use your God-given intelligence to inspire, not humiliate. Only once, he observed Suzanne in action with a patron who only spoke Spanish. It was suggested by Dr. Mallard to get Suzanne from the 'bottom' to help with translation. Others looked in astonishment as she translated and responded the proper and colloquialisms. The comment stayed with him and others at NCIS:
"Don't let my job or my quietness fool you…" It was not common knowledge Suzanne held a degree in Government and spent several years studying and working in Latin America as a Peace Corps volunteer before joining NCIS. Gibbs concluded that the summary accurately described Lady Suzanne McNamara.
Next…her beauty. She downplayed her beauty only slightly, but he conveyed more than artificial. Gibbs studied the photo, his favorite one. It was nothing special, just a black and white photo of Suzanne surrounded in daisies. In shyness, her eyes closed, tightly squinted, she smiled.
'You don't realize how beautiful you are; do you?' Gibbs asked aloud.
"Your smile is a confessional…" He paused in the writing, glancing once more at the word 'confessional,' the first word from his mind. "It is good for the soul—comforting when times are hard, mischievous when giving a zinger or muttering an innuendo, but joyful as your toothy, natural grin brightens a day. Your brown eyes speak, dances in celebration, hides personal upheavals but mostly inspire. The glances inspire from others best attempts, best efforts from all who encounter. You have beautiful eyes."
Gibbs noticed bodies, the delicate curves called female. Suzanne was not an exception to the rule.
"Oh, and I have noticed your body…" Jethro chuckled.
My mind is tired by just trying to keep up with your long, lavish legs. They are shapely, just right in heeled shoes in the black dress or denim jeans with your tennis shoes. I admire the care you give-immaculate nails, braided ebony locks, and the right touch of makeup. You are tempting." Gibbs noticed the sleep clothes, his well-worn NIS sweatshirt and pants she wore whenever spending the night. They were neatly folded, sitting on his workbench. From a distance, her scent remained in the air.
"You are desirable. Suzanne, your lavender scent entices me…it takes every fiber of self-control to respect your wishes. Young lady, I long to know exactly where you place that fragrance that distracts me."
'Nah.' Gibbs almost scribbled the last line, the longing sentence, thinking it was too bold. He envisioned the pinkish tone on her cheek, a telling sign of embarrassment. I'm keeping the line, he muttered.
"You, Suzanne, are a superhero. By day, you are the quintessential Diana Prince. You hide beauty underneath the baggy work clothes, the tortoise shell bifocals and quiet nature. It is a disguise. At boiling point, you are a surprising exotic flower in winter, a hibiscus."
'She is rare.' Gibbs chuckled and continued with his thoughts. "My lawyer in training, you plan to fight evil with brains. You are armed with other alluring weaponry. My hibiscus, you are appealing, attractive, and warm. "
The finale, Gibbs said.
"Suzanne, I adore you."
At the top of the final version was in bold capital letters, Rule 43: "Have I Told You Lately that I Love You?"
With cleared mind, he placed the letter in an envelope. It helped just to write—thought of it all as cathartic.
Hibiscus in January?! Not in DC! Gibbs pondered the ultimate, unexpected gesture with the letter. Shannon loved roses, while Suzanne appreciated carnations. It was after hours when he drove to the floral shop and selected an arrangement. Then, Gibbs proceeded to Suzanne's house. With flowers in hand, he pushed the doorbell, waiting for Suzanne to answer. While awaiting her presence, he chanted a personal mantra: "This is right. It is meant to be."