Memories

CHAPTER 2

Tris

My eyes open immediately, the last thing I remember is hitting the hard, cold tarmac. The light in the room hurts, and it reminds me of Erudite headquarters. There is a rapid beeping coming from the heart monitor machine. Someone is holding my hand. Their grip becomes relatively firmer as they see me. I look at them and my vision becomes less foggy, making out Christina's short black hair and soft, brown eyes.

'Oh my God,' she says, her eyes widening, 'Oh my God! Tris! What the hell? This isn't happening. I'm hallucinating.' she closes her eyes and pinches herself. She waits several seconds.

'You done yet?' I say in a raspy voice. My throat is really dry. I need water.

'Umm, I'll go get the doctor.' she says, clearly confused. Christina rushes out of the room at a half walk, half jog without looking back.

She comes back with a doctor and two nurses, who look bewildered. The doctor is in a white medical robe, with blue medical pants. He has grey hair, cropped like the Abnegation and a small grey beard. His eyes are an inviting brown.

'Tris,' the doctor says, 'I'm Dr Stone. You've been dead for 28 hours.' he finishes. 28 hours… no wonder Christina was flipping out. I wonder how Tobias is.

'I'm going to go… tell the others.' Christina says, between breaths. She walks out the room and looks back at me, giving me a worried smile. Why is she worried?

'I… need water.' I manage. One of the nurses, the tall one with blonde hair flowing down her back leaves the room to get me some.

'I just need to take a few observations. It is very, very rare that people in your state resurrect after more than 12 hours. Nearly impossible.' he stares at me straight in the eye and it makes me uncomfortable. I'm a little awkward with strangers, but he's definitely wearing a mask.

After having given me some water, which felt like paradise down my throat; and performing some observations including shining a bright light in my eye to see if I'm blind or not, Dr Stone advises me to stay in the hospital for the night. We bantered for a while but I finally won, and he gives me a bag with some vitamins and painkillers and a neck brace. He tells me to stay on bed rest, but I doubt I will. I can't wait to see Tobias, to feel his warm skin, to feel his full lips, to see his intensifying eyes…

'Tris!' Cara yells at me, running down the hall to see me. We're in the Bureau, so she's probably helping the confused, memory-free people. She looks me over. 'You look pale.' she says, frowning.

'I'm great, thanks, how are you?' I tease, smiling. Cara isn't really the hugging type, so she just shakes my hand. Very Erudite of her.

She asks me questions about what I saw when I went up, and I tell her the whole story, except I replace my mother with my uncle. It's selfish, but I want my mom to myself. I don't want anyone else to know about it.

'I bet you're excited to see Tobias…' Cara says sensitively, 'He'll be ecstatic to see you, he's been in pretty rough shape. So has Christina.' My heart sinks. I suddenly ache to see both of them again, and I feel so bad I left them here alone.

'How bad?' I ask.

Cara waits a few seconds and then says hesitantly, 'Christina's been sitting my your bed in the hospital for over a day,' she pauses, 'Tobias has been in his house in the Abnegation sector all day, drinking.' We turn into the tunnel full of lights.

'Urggg great. This is all my fault.' I say looking down. A red light beams on my face. Cara stops and puts her hand on my shoulder.

'No, Tris, it's not your fault. He thinks his girlfriend is dead. He's grieving. If it weren't for you, we wouldn't be at peace with each other. No offence, but I don't think Caleb would've been able to do it.' she tells me. She doesn't seem worried about Christina. Neither am I, because all she was doing was staying by my side. Tobias went off drinking, who knows what he could've done.

And then that's when I see him.

Tobias.

I run towards him, I can't wait any longer. Zeke is saying something to him, but I don't care. I jump onto him and wrap my legs around his waist. I don't care what Dr Stone said. I don't care about anyone or anything but him. A blue light shines on us. I like this color blue. It's dark but it has a hint on brightness to it.

'Tobias.' I say and kiss him full on the mouth. I take in his smell. Fresh wind and sweat. His arms are muscular… what?

He drops me and pushes me away and yells, 'Stop! What the hell are you doing?'

'What do you mean?' I ask, my eyes welling up. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry. My shoulders go slack and my heart aches. He doesn't love me anymore. He hates me for leaving him. My lip trembles, warning me that I'm going to cry. Zeke puts a hand around my shoulders, looking from me to Tobias.

'He drank memory serum. I couldn't stop him. He doesn't know who you are – hell, he doesn't even know who he is! I'm so, so sorry.' he says slowly. I can sense he's looking at me, but I look away. I need to distract myself. This isn't happening. Cara, I think, says something to Zeke, holds my arm and walks me down the tunnel. She's bringing me to Christina's temporary apartment in the city so she can look after me. The city. I don't want to go there. There are too many bad memories of my parents, of Will, of Tobias…

Cara is speaking to me, but it comes in one ear and goes out the other. I'm too distracted by what happened. Tobias drank the serum because of me. He drank it because of me. It's my fault, and I don't care if Cara says it's not, because it is. I went in the Weapons Lab instead of Caleb and got shot twice, in my arm and in my neck.

But then I wouldn't have saved Chicago. Caleb without a doubt would've dropped down and died since David was there. It reminds me of what my mother said: you have to make sacrifices for the greater good. I guess Tobias was my sacrifice. But I love him.

And he's gone. I'll never get him back, not in the same way. The light shifts to purple.