Awe! Thank you for the reviews! Here's what's next.

~H.H.

I fall to my knees clutching my chest as my heart gives a sudden kick before it splutters to a stop.

My throat spasms and constricts as pain envelopes all around me. I squeeze my eyes tighter and trap the blood from leaking. I thought I could stand watching him move on but I just... can't.

As I gasp in a ragged breath that will never bring me comfort anymore I hear a voice, Rose? Is this really you?

I tense tearing my eyes open. "Lissa?" I whisper against the silence.

Oh my god! Rose! You're still- I panic slamming my mental barriers against her and suddenly her voice is cut off from my mind.

I scramble to my feet and run my fingers through my now frosty, damp hair. Shit shit shit! I sucked her into my damn mind again!

I start pacing in the snow berating myself for my weakness. Ever since I was 'awakened' I've still kept my link to Lissa. I continue to feel her emotions, sometimes get sucked into her head and I can still visit her thoughts, but with one exception now. I can pull her into my mind.

Of course this freakish bizarre act is all because I'm shadow kissed, I think. I don't really know... there's a lot of things different about me that I'll never understand that's possible. But letting her into my undead life is not one of them. I've blocked her out all this time and I have good reasons to do it.

I can't be her guardian anymore because I highly doubt the Moroi would like a strigoi guarding the last Dragomir. That is, by some miracle they even let me graduate and be one! Who the hell would even let me anywhere near an academy anymore?

I can't be her best friend because the simple smell of Moroi blood drives me crazy now.

And I can't let her know I'm kind of half alive, because I want her to move on. She thinks I'm dead, well sort of, and I intend to keep it that way.

It hurts to do this, but I check on her from time to time. Patrolling the Royal Court's borders, stalking her when she goes to Leigh. I may have the cravings to rip her throat out but I don't want anything to happen to her. I want her safe.

I want all of them to be. I occasionally visit The States to look out for all my old friends. Protecting them when needed from my fellow brethren. It's the least I can do after what I've become.

No one knows I still have my soul. They just think I'm dead or, well... 'lost'. I'm unsure if they even know I'm a strigoi. Well, Dimitri does. He hunted me for six months before giving up.

I was both crushed and relieved by this. He loved me enough to try and free my soul. Well in his mind, free it. He didn't really asks too many questions about my transformation seeing as he was too busy trying to kill me the last time he found me.

I guess I understand him. I'd do the same if I was in his shoes. But what I didn't expect was to find in all of this...I'm still my old self. Okay, minus the fangs, strength, red eyes and all that yada yada... I still have my feelings. I'm still capable of love. Loving him in particular. And because of that, I fought to stay alive... to be good. Or whatever it is that I am now.

I managed to escape him countless times and after six months he just gave up on me.

My motionless heart broke itself in half as I watched him move on and choose to be with her instead. She gave him things I couldn't but my heart still belonged to him. Deep down I just wanted him to be happy. Even if that meant without me. So I became a ghost, I disappeared from his and everyone else's lives. I allowed myself to surrender to the demon inside.

I decided I wanted them, everyone ,to have the memory of who I used to be, not this undead monster. If Dimitri of all people couldn't accept me, how could anyone else?

That's why I've distanced myself over the past few years, I've made no contact with anyone, except Liss and that's only because I can't always control my mental blockade I put up against her.

The only other time I've sucked her into my mind was three years ago when I was bitten... I involuntarily hiss as I remember that day. The day I died and lost everything.

"Hey there Hathaway! Thought you would sneak off for dinner without sharing?", a cold perky voice sounds at my ear. I'm suddenly pulled out of my agony as I look up to see Inna's frail features grinning beside me.

I growl at the undead newbie in distain. The last thing I wanted to see right now was Nathan's new pet.

I snarl at her clutching her neck firmly. "Why are you here!" I seethe tightening my grip as I hear her flesh start to crush and break.

Before she has a chance to answer I sight eight fast moving figures approaching the cabin.

I hastily snap her neck before ripping it off and let the now dead body slump to the frozen ground as my eyes widen in fear.

Right before me I watch the pack of strigoi break into the house, lunging straight for Tasha and Dimitri. Awe Crap!