A/N: 6x09 was total meh except for some bamon moments so this chapter is fuelled by tvd writers not satisfying me. aaanyway, a lot of you decided to be lovely and leave me comments and reviews! Thank you! Thanks also to the anons Angel, Guest, Alexis, Bonkai lover, Little bird.

Some of the events in this chapter are based on 6x09, some not (cuz delena decides to be a fart and kai is not wreaking havoc with his wifey like he should). Enjoy my inevitable descent into bonkai madness!

Chapter 2 - I'm Not That Girl

I'm not the girl that you asked me to be
but here I am
parting onto my life, my life

Getting back to Mystic Falls required several days on the road, since Bonnie adamantly refused to let Kai pilot them back.

"But you'll be conscious this time around!"

"You can't see anything wrong with that sentence?"

"You'd rather get knocked out, then? Cuz I can take care of that," he teased with his ever-present wink. Bonnie was beginning to loathe it more than his psychotic personality.

"Yes, I know you can, from the time you did."

"Let bygones be bygones, right? That was old friendless Kai," he said, tilting his head and putting on his best puppy-dog face. "Now I have a friend."

"No, I said I might be your friend on condition that –"

"On condition that I turn into a boring good boy, I got it," he cut her off, smiling tightly.

Bonnie sighed as she leant her elbows against the roof of his car. They were loitering at an empty gas station, getting supplies for the road.

"I am already regretting making that deal. I can't trust you. And you don't seem to take anything seriously."

Kai bent down to tie his shoelaces. His face was in the shadow. She couldn't see his grimace. He was annoyed and disappointed that things weren't moving faster. That she couldn't just accept him already, faults and all.

Have to give the magic time, he realized.

"Do you think I would've bothered to give you magic and bring you with me if I didn't take at least something seriously?"

"Yeah, makes me wonder too…" she trailed off, watching him with the practiced look of the prey. She couldn't quite shake off all the times he had terrorized her. And he still had that mad gleam in his eye, the mad gleam that made it impossible to know what he was thinking. She knew she was not on safe ground, might never be with him at her side, but what choice did she have at the moment?

When she looked up, her breath stopped short in her throat.

He was inches away from her and had backed her body into the car. Bonnie almost flinched when one hand touched her arm, but then she recalled she had magic now, and she could hurt him back.

However, his other hand moved to her cheek, cupping it sinisterly. She wrenched her head away, but she was arrested momentarily by the strange dark look lurking behind the mad gleam in his blue eyes.

"What are you doing?"

"You're still afraid of me," he said with the dryness of a foregone conclusion.

"And you're still a threat."

"Of course. Just not to you." It wasn't a false statement. He had no intention of harming his investment. Yet.

"That doesn't make me feel any better."

"Oh, Bon. I wish you'd stop doubting me. I mean yeah, I deserve it in spades, and I know it's gonna take a lot of time for you to trust me, but I want that possibility to exist."

It was so easy lying to her, telling her things she wanted to, or maybe didn't want to hear. It was easy because lies and truths were sometimes so interchangeable.

"How can I trust you if you're still planning on terrorizing others?"

Kai licked his lips and stepped forward until their knees touched. He looked over her head at the empty yellow fields surrounding them.

"I don't have to do anything, you know. They'll fear me anyway. But I don't want you to be one of them."

Bonnie wanted to push him away, but felt reluctant, for some reason, to do it. Maybe it was the fact that, thanks to his "gift", she could now feel the magic coursing through him and it was nice to be in touch with magic again, it was nice to feel a bond, like the one she had with Grams –

She shrank at her own thoughts and extricated herself from his grasp.

No. I can't think like that. Magic does not mean bond. He will never be anything to me.

He was always so intrusive, always wanting to step into her personal space, forcing this intimacy on them, an intimacy that did not exist.

It's all an act.

But how big of an act? She couldn't say. And it drove her crazy.

"We'll drive, like you wanted," he said, putting his hands in his pockets. "We'll take shifts. I'll watch you sleep."

Bonnie shivered. "No. We'll have to stop and sleep somewhere. In separate rooms."

"Of course."

Kai approached her again, and as usual, the familiar dance between them made her take a step back. Only this time her fist was clenched into a ball of raw energy which she was preparing to release if he overstepped his boundaries. She almost wanted him to do it, wanted him to cross the line, just so she could fight him with her newfound powers. Like trying out a new pair of shoes.

He looked down at her fist and smirked.

"Here," he said, and when he brushed his hand against her hair, a little white daisy appeared at her ear.

Bonnie blinked. She picked it out gingerly. She had not expected this of all things.

"I never pegged you for a sentimental," she muttered, although the flower was quite pretty.

"Please. I grew up in that sweet self-destructive post-80s, early-90s decade. I have to be sentimental."

But just as soon as his words left his mouth, the pretty daisy withered in her palm.

Bonnie frowned. "Why'd you do that for?"

"I like it when pretty things die. But I'd hate to see that happen to you. You want to put yourself first for a change, don't you? At least that's what you said yesterday. So do that. Stop fighting me."

"Or else I'm gonna end up like this daisy?" she snapped.

Kai chuckled with foreknowledge.

"No. That's the thing. You already are the daisy."

Sad, defeated, pathetic…with so much untapped potential, though, he thought wistfully.

Bonnie had no reply to that, so instead she swallowed the bitterness down like a pill.

"But…" he trailed off, closing her fist. "…you can reverse that. You can undo what's been done."

Bonnie could feel the dead daisy tickling her skin.

"Go on. Do it," he urged.

She bit her lip and focused on the little wilted thing in her palm. The magic seeped out of her shyly.

When she opened her fist, the daisy was fresh and white.

"See?"

Bonnie rolled her eyes. "Yes, I can revive living organisms, I've done it countless times."

"True. But I bet you never revived yourself," he guessed, smiling wryly.

"I never had to," she replied proudly, but there was a sad edge to her voice she couldn't deny. She had been hurt so many times, had died more than once. The truth was, she always had to revive herself, she just never did.

They stood like that for some moments in the still and quiet, their breathing the only sound for miles.

"When we get back to the real world, remember I was the one who helped you," he said smugly, and she knew that in his convoluted mind, he was not referring strictly to magic.

He watched her as her face closed into itself again, her expression growing wary and distrustful once more, but for a moment there, he had gotten her to admit, at least silently, that she needed – no, wanted to change.

It was a promising start.

"Stop imagining the worst case scenario. Bonnie is strong. She wouldn't have let him hurt her."

Damon walked away from the Gilbert house porch, hiding his impatience as best as he could. Elena didn't know Kai like he knew Kai. Didn't know how easily he got under your skin with just an evil, boyish grin.

"I know she's strong. But the guy plays mind games."

"Mind games?"

"If she doesn't have her magic, he can screw with her head."

"How do you know –"

"Because he tried to screw with my head too. That's what he does. He's a first-class manipulator."

Elena walked up to him and put a hand on his shoulder, but he couldn't stand still for long.

"I just have a bad feeling about this," he continued. "Why did they leave Mystic Falls? What plans does psycho-dick have for her?"

"You said Kai needs her for the spell, right? Without her he can't go home."

"Yeah, but she sent her magic away to protect us, yet again. So now he thinks he's stuck here. Now he has enough incentive to kill her for good."

"So what, we just give up?" Elena asked, getting tired of his attitude. "We have to keep hoping, Damon. We didn't come all the way to 1994 to picture our friend dead. Liv is counting on us to get back in a couple of hours. Let's not waste it on picturing horrible outcomes. We'll find her."

"With him. And we'll have to take him out. And he won't let that happen, unless he takes her down with him."

Elena watched him pace in front of her old house. She had rarely seen Damon this wound up.

"Is he really that awful?"

Damon screwed up his lips in a grimace. "Worse."

"What are you really afraid of? That he won't answer…or that he will?"

They had sent the number of the Salvatore boarding house to Kai's pager and were waiting for a signal.

"Both, I guess."

The hotel by the side of the road looked dingy, but expensive, in a typically postmodern Midwestern way. Giant parking lots, rows of concrete blocks made to look like a shopping center, a back yard with kiddie swings and slides -

"Empty pool, though. Shame. Fine May weather going to waste," Kai joked as he strutted into the lobby, making a big show of holding the door open for her.

"Speaking of which, I always thought the chicks on Baywatch couldn't possibly have real-life equivalents, but you in a bathing suit might put that suspicion to rest," he commented, wriggling his brows.

Bonnie wondered if her eyes would get stuck in perpetual eye-roll at this rate. She slid past him and walked towards reception, where an empty desk and a wall full of room keys awaited her. She bent down to inspect them.

"You don't have to worry about meeting my expectations, though. I've got a pretty good idea from here anyway."

Bonnie realized he was watching her behind.

"More lewd comments. Joy," she muttered, getting up quickly. She had picked two random keys. Well, not so random. She made sure they were far away from each other.

"Hey, is it my fault arbitrary genes made you attractive? Objectively speaking, it's silly to pretend I don't have eyes and you don't have legs–"

"Room number 245 to the annoying homicidal maniac who won't shut up," she interrupted, slapping the key into his palm.

"And room…" he craned his neck to look over her shoulder, "…130 to the righteous little witch who just needs to let hair her down for a change. Or take her bra off. Whichever, really."

Bonnie elbowed him in the stomach on her way to the elevator. But Kai felt a sting of magic too.

"Nice. I compliment the lady and she responds with animosity."

"If that's what you call complimenting –"

"Hey, wait up for me!" he said, running into the elevator with her. He looked so giddy and free, like he had never committed one single atrocity in his life. Like he was on vacation or something. He pushed the buttons on the panel and stood back, letting the doors close.

He was still wearing his embarrassing shorts and his big sneakers and it made her think about how young he really was, despite the murderous persona.

She smirked to herself.

"What?" he demanded.

"Nothing."

"No, you smiled. What about?"

She shrugged. "Just you know – you and your Baywatch references and your sad 90s sexism. It would be endearing. If you weren't so horrible."

Kai brightened even more, if it were possible. "Admit it. I'm growing on you."

His voice had acquired that silky, soft rising edge it did when he was being sneaky. It alarmed her that she could now identify the tonalities in his voice.

But then the elevator started moving and she realized they hadn't been confined and enclosed like this since...

The car. Damon's car.

She suddenly felt ill remembering his hands clutching her waist, gripping her neck. He had whispered terrible things into her ear, had sniffed her, almost licked her, almost…

You have magic now. You have magic, she soothed herself.

But she was still trapped in this metal box with someone who should be her enemy, someone who was her enemy, someone she didn't know how to label anymore…

Oblivious to her current predicament or not, Kai chose that moment to chat about her love life.

"So, did you and Damon ever…you know, bump uglies back in reality? I don't know how you Millennials call it anymore."

"Wait, what? No!"

"Really? Huh, I would've bet good money on it. I mean he was basically drooling all over you half the time you weren't looking."

"What are you talking about? He has a girlfriend. He's very committed to her, trust me."

"Sure, but you were the one pushing for a way out, while he was super content just living out his domestic fantasy with you."

Bonnie gaped at him. "Damon did not have fantasies about or involving me! He was desperate to get out!"

"Yeah, okay, keep telling yourself that. But it's a guy code, Bon. You wouldn't understand. Trust me, he had it bad," he drawled, making a suggestive face.

She wrinkled her nose.

"Your perverse imagination is –"

"Totally right, I know," he finished for her. "But I guess it's hard to notice that geezer vamp when you probably have dozens of young guys fawning over you back home. I'm kind of surprised you're not one of those mean popular girls in those John Hughes movies. You know, the girl all the jocks love and geeks secretly adore."

Bonnie chuckled with disbelief. "Your jokes are getting worse, by the way."

"What joke? Don't tell me Mystic Falls isn't your playhouse."

Bonnie shook her head, smiling. But when she looked up at him, she saw he was not amused. He was actually earnest.

"I mean that's what I find confusing about you. You're selfless and kind when you don't need to be. You're one of those girls who can have everything. Yet you're...giving it all up for the sake of others."

Bonnie leaned against the wall and looked down at her feet, bangs falling into her eyes.

"You're wrong about me. I'm a normal person trying to do the right thing. That's all."

"Yeah, but why? Girls like you don't just wake up one day and decide they wanna give up their power."

Bonnie wondered why this damn elevator was crawling up so slowly.

"I'm not that girl, okay? Guys don't fall over me and that's fine. I'm not the popular one and that's fine. So just drop it."

Kai laughed a throaty laugh that made her skin tingle in an unpleasant way, and suddenly he was once again invading her personal space, leaning towards her, making sure his breath fell on her face. Perhaps it shouldn't have surprised her anymore that he kept doing this, but now they were in this sealed metal box and her previous panic rose up in her throat.

"What do you mean you're not the popular one? Like, okay, how many boyfriends have you had so far? Ten? Fifteen? And how many girls follow you around? A dozen?"

Bonnie made a face. "I have friends. I don't have followers. And I – I've only had one serious boyfriend so far and I'm happy with that."

She didn't know why she went and confessed that to him. She had nothing to be ashamed of, though. So what if he knew?

"Wait, what?"

"Yeah, I know, such a shocker to you that I actually want friends and not minions –"

"No, no, back up, one boyfriend. One."

The doors to the elevator finally and at long last burst open. She was about to get out, but Kai pulled her back in.

"I pushed the wrong button and we're on the top floor," he explained, showing her the panel.

"You little shit -!"

He grinned and made to push for another button, but she slapped his hand away and made sure they ended up on the right floor this time.

She glared at him. "Stop fooling around."

"But one boyfriend?! Seriously? What, did you put a spell on them so they'd all go blind?"

"Can we stop talking about this?"

"Sorry, but this is gold. I thought your life would be like in Some Kind of Wonderful. But it's actually Sixteen Candles. You're Molly fucking Ringwald. The shy nerd who can't see she's hot."

Bonnie groaned.

"You know, people in the real world have real relationships, not just sex fantasies."

"Yeah, well, twenty years stuck in eternal loneliness makes you think of one thing only."

She made a gagging noise.

"Yeah, thanks for letting me know."

"So, is your relationship with this one lucky bastard real?"

His fingers played with the hem of the plaid shirt around her waist. They fluttered over the small gap of bare skin on her stomach, grazing like needles. His soft, but cruel touch reminded her of what those sharp fingers could do around her throat –

"Yes."

"As real as this?" he said, pinching her skin hard.

"Ow, asshole!"

She hit him back with a blast of magic which pushed him into the opposite wall with the force of a tiny hurricane.

Kai bent down, laughing.

Bonnie was seized up by momentary hesitation, because that had been unlike her; a bout of violence she had not foreseen. But his amusement quickly erased all doubts. He deserved all he got.

"You know you're right," he said, running a hand through his hair, piercing her with that mad gleam in his eyes.

"You'll have to be more specific. I'm right about many things."

"I wasn't paying you the right compliments. I don't want to see you in a bathing suit. I don't want to stare at your ass like a moron. And I don't want to flirt with you like the world's biggest tool. I'm not thirteen anymore."

Bonnie raised an eyebrow.

"Huh. Could've fooled me. So what do you want?"

Kai smiled broadly.

To hear you scream my name while I fuck you against the elevator doors and you try to rip me apart with magic, and I try to kill you from within, but instead we just sink lower and lower, until all we crave is to watch the world burn…

"To be your friend."

The elevator doors opened.

"This would be me," he said cheerily and left her alone in the metal box to contemplate their exchange.

His shiny new pager beeped in his pocket. A foreign number.

At first he was startled, a wave of hope and panic rushing out of him violently as he threw his knapsack on the bed. Then, nausea, followed by irritation settled in at the thought of something going wrong with their trip.

And finally, full blown anger.

Who else knew his pager number? Who else could be back in 1994 with them?

Damon fucking Salvatore.

There to undo his best-laid plans, for sure.

He sat down on the bed, grabbed the room phone and dialed the number with trembling fingers. He both loathed and anticipated the moment he would get to hear the bastard's voice.

Oh, he had so many torments ready for him.

"Kai?" a voice exploded on the other end after the second ring. "If you so much as hurt one hair on her annoying little witch head –"

"And hello to you too, Damon. Long time no chat. Don't worry. Bonnie is doing just fine with me," he drawled. "Better than ever, actually."

There was a pause on the other end.

"What did you do?"

"Me? She was the one who successfully stabbed me a couple of times. I stabbed her back a little to even the field, but we soon moved on to bickering like an old married couple. Now and then we still like to get physical. Funny how that works. Fights, you know, get so heated. One moment you're at each other's throats, the next –"

"Listen to me, you rejected 90s horror show, if you lay a hand on her –"

"If you hurt one hair on her head, if you lay a hand on her," he mocked in a dramatic voice. "God, you sound like such a Dad. I wouldn't know, since mine is a pretty accurate incarnation of the devil, but it's so adorable how you act all protective about her when we both know you're just mad I get to play with her and you don't."

Kai heard a gasp and a faint female voice on the other line.

He smirked. "Oh, no! Did I say all of that in front of your girlfriend? Awkwaaaard."

"Where are you, dickhead? You can't hide her forever. We're coming after you."

"Oh, no, it's the other way around, Salvatore. We're coming to you. And you better be ready," he said, and clicked the phone shut with a triumphant smile.