Merlin pushed the blade in deeper and relished in the feeling of the metal sliding into his wrist. Cutting through the layers of skin as if they weren't really there. His silent haven broken by the knocking on his door and Gaius' warnings that he would once again be late if he didn't leave soon.
Trying to ensure he was on time so that he would not be subjected to relentless questions and scathing comments, Merlin stemmed the blood flow but skipped bandaging his arm so to not waste any time. He opted to take some with him in case he got a free moment alone where he could tend to his arm.
All too soon Merlin found himself in the Prince's chambers, serving him breakfast from the kitchens. Arthur knew that something had been ailing Merlin for the last couple of months but did not know what it could possibly be that would evoke such a strong change in the behaviour of his manservant. The Prince missed the easy banter he used to have with Merlin. The name calling without regard to status, now the only names he ever used were those that he was meant to use, such as 'Sire' and 'Prince'. Finally Arthur had enough of this behaviour and demanded that Merlin tell him what was wrong.
"Nothing is wrong Sire."
"Have I done something to upset you then?"
"Of course not Sire."
"Stop it! Stop with calling me 'Sire'! What happened to 'prat'? Or 'clotpole'? Or even just Arthur? I want my Merlin back." With these words the Prince slunk over to his bed and sat upon it, dropping his head into his hands as he said the final sentence. It was at that point Merlin felt completely guilty over his actions as Arthur looked as broken as Merlin felt.
He slowly walked over to the bed and stood in front of Arthur for a couple of seconds before kneeling on the floor and tentatively wrapped his small arms around Arthur's solid frame. This simple gesture caused Arthur to pull Merlin up onto the bed next to him so he could return the hug. Unfortunately he took a hold of Merlin's forearms causing a wince from said boy. Arthur knew then that Merlin must have been injured somehow and he was keeping it from the Prince. This cause a simultaneous spike in both anger and worry as to what had happened and why his friend tried to hide it from him. For he was his friend, undoubtedly.
Moving his hands to Merlin's shoulders, so to not hurt the man any further, Arthur proceeded to lift his manservant onto the bed beside him. Arthur was almost tempted to accept the boy's adamant answer that nothing was wrong but his previous grip on Merlin's wrist caused it to reopen and the Prince spotted the blood that left trails across the wrist of the pale sorcerer. The blood that had tracked valleys across his skin and came to pool in Merlin's cupped hand in his lap.
"Show me your arm." Arthur spoke in the softest voice he could manage, but still left no room for argument. When Merlin did not immediately do as he was asked Arthur decided to take matters into his own hands. Moving the warlocks arm onto his own lap the young Prince began to carefully draw back Merlin's sleeve, slowly revealing the fresh cut to the world.
Seeing the deep, and uncared for. Wound made Arthur hiss slightly. He was at a loss for what to say as it looked to him to have been self inflicted and he couldn't bear the thought of that, for that explanation was far more upsetting than Merlin simply not telling him he had been hurt. Finally Arthur found his voice and simply said the one word, "bandages". He made a move to stand and get some but paused when the boy beside him presented the roll from his pocket. Taking the roll from Merlin, Arthur began the silent task of winding them tightly around the offending limb.
Finally the silence grew too much for Merlin as he whispered "say something" to the room. Arthur barely heard the plea as it was so quiet but nonetheless he had to listen to what Merlin had asked as he couldn't hurt his friend any more than had already been done.
"Who? Who did this?"
"I-I did." Arthur simply nodded in response to this but both men knew of the tears that had formed in his eyes.
"Why?"
"I, umm, I can't tell you."
"Why not? Did someone make you do this to yourself? Tell me who and I swear they shall be punished!"
"No. No one made me do this. That's not why I can't say. It's just, well, you'll hate me if I tell you why and I couldn't stand you hating me."
"I could never hate you Merlin." With these words Arthur placed a gentle kiss to the bandage, over the deep cut.
"I'm magic Arthur."
"I know. Do you really think that I wouldn't notice all of the miraculous victories and escapes I've had since meeting you. You changed my view on magic Merlin, magic can't be all that bad for there is nothing at all bad about you. You are only good and pure so please don't do this again. When I'm King I will make sure to change the views on magic so you don't need to hurt yourself anymore."
"That- that's not the only reason though. I, well, I love someone that I shouldn't" Arthur was confused by the despair that gripped his heart at Merlin's words but refused to let it show.
"Forbidden love, eh? Who is she?"
"Yes, HE is," Merlin stated tentatively, worried over the Prince's response.
"He?" Merlin looked scared as he slowly nodded in answer to the question so Arthur knew he had to show Merlin that it was fine with him. "Okay then. Who is he?" Arthur could see that Merlin wasn't going to respond to that question. "At least tell me what he is like."
Merlin gave a small smile as he began talking. "Well, he's no servant, that's for sure. He's clever, sometimes, and strong, and funny, and annoying, very annoying, but my Gods is he gorgeous."
"So I get to know all of that but I don't get to know what his name is?"
"No, you don't. Nothing will ever happen between us so it really doesn't matter."
"It matters to me," Arthur muttered.
"Why?"
"Because I can't stand to see you hurting. I want my friend back. My Merlin."
"You get ten questions to figure it out, If you want to anyway."
"10 questions to figure it out. That means that I must know them, They aren't a servant, they're clever, funny, annoying, strong, gorgeous, and male. Do they live within the city?"
"Yes."
"Is it one of the knights?"
"Umm, no? Not really."
"Are they an expert swordsman?"
"Definitely."
"Are they noble?"
"Yes. Although even if they weren't from a noble family they are very much a noble man."
"How often do you see him?"
"I get to see him every day without fail."
"Okay, I think I might have it, if not this will be very embarrassing. I love you Merlin. What's your reply?"
"Don't lie to me."
"Why do you think that I'm lying to you?"
"Because of who we are. You are the Prince and I your servant. You were born to rule over the people of Camelot, I am here to serve the people. My destiny is to stand by you and help you to become 'the once and future king'. I'm here to trade my life for yours to protect you. Nothing more. So why would you ever love me back?"
"Don't. Don't you dare, for one single second, believe that you are worthless. That you don't mean anything to others. To me. I love you Merlin and there is nothing that can ever change that fact, got it?"
A small smile appeared on Merlin's face as he responded, "I love you too, my Prince."
"My Merlin." The two men closed the gap and shared a loving kiss and a big grin. From that day on Merlin did not take a knife to himself again, although he struggled some days, because he had Arthur by his side to help him through the days.