A/N: So this is set previously to Fire and Truth (Sorry, if you don't like time jumps). It's un-beta (as is the prev chap) so sorry if there are mistakes.
Chapter: Delusions of Hope
Rated: M (Smut)
Paring: Emily/JJ
Disclaimer: Usual blah.
"Yo Emily, you in there?"
The smooth and concerned voice of my partner, Derek Morgan, interrupted my thoughts and snapped me back to the present. I shot him a carefree smile and raised my eyebrow. His deep brown eyes twinkled mischievously as he flashed me a charming grin.
"Now why would you want to disturb my daydream?" He smirked and opened his mouth to fire off a, no doubt, flirty and obnoxious retort.
"If you haven't got enough work to do I can always find more, children," a soft but firm voice came from behind me, snapping Morgan's mouth shut. He turned back to his desk and lowered his head, effectively chastised. I smirked at his reaction. "That meant you too Agent Prentiss." I turned to the source of the voice and took in the beauty that was Jennifer Jareau or JJ as she was known. She stood with one hip cocked out; a palm resting on the curve. A playful smile tugged her full lips upwards and her crystal blue eyes sparkled impishly. I licked my lips and ignored the increased tempo my heart suddenly took on.
"But Mom," I whined teasingly, "Can't I have five more minutes?" She chuckled lightly and rolled her eyes before stepping forward to spin my chair around again and tap my head softly.
"I need your urgent reports by four pm. Otherwise there will be severe punishments," she badgered softly, lowering her tone slightly with the mock warning. A shiver ran the length of my spine at her close proximity and the thought of her 'punishing' me. I took a long breath, calming my nerves; those lines of feelings would do me no good. I was already torturing myself enough by wanting something I couldn't have; there was no use in indulging the fantasies that would - could - never come true.
"Oh, that sounds fun," Morgan joked. JJ rolled her eyes and stepped back from me. My body instantly missed her presence and I felt colder somehow.
"Reports by four guys," she called over her shoulder as she hopped up the few steps to her office. I turned my head and glanced at her now shut office door, a wistful sigh escaping my lips unbidden.
"You should tell her."
I snapped my gaze around to meet the very serious eyes of Derek. "Or I could not." I bit out. This was an old discussion, rehashed every time he caught me staring after her. "Seriously Derek," I started, using his Christian name to ensure he knew I meant business. "I'm not going to put a great friendship and strong working relationship at risk for a silly crush. We won't be discussing this again. Please, just drop it." He nodded lightly but I could see in his eyes that he wasn't going to stay silent. Every time he brought it up my chest clenched painfully, longing driving a knife into my heart over and over. Of course he couldn't know the reasons for my distance; the events in my past dictating my future.
"How do you know? She might feel the same. The way she looks at you sometimes, the flirty banter. There has to be something there." He pushed, keeping his voice low.
"We have flirty banter, doesn't mean I want to get in your pants or vice-versa." I stated distantly. I didn't want to hear his theories about JJ's feelings. I couldn't allow anything to happen, it was too dangerous. Each time this conversation happened I regretted the drunken slip that had led to me revealing this particular secret. I glanced at Morgan and smirked at his lifted eyebrows and direct gaze at my legs. "Forget about it Stud, you wouldn't fit in these." The moment of levity dispelled the tension around us. He laughed and dropped the subject, preferring just to shoot me a pointed look before getting on with the report open in front of him. I sighed as I turned to my own work and tried to find the point I had stopped at before abandoning that idea and starting at the beginning.
At three thirty I gathered up each of the finished profiles and made my way to the Media Liaisons office. I knocked on the door gently and waited until I heard a soft, "come in." I entered the office, taking in the usual mess of folders on the desk to my right with wide eyes.
"I swear, that gets worse every time I come in here," I gestured to the piles of folders stacked high, forming pillars around the blond.
"Organised chaos, I've told you all before, I know exactly where everything is," she drawled as her eyes slowly dragged up to meet mine, a lazy smile gracing her features. My mind took a second longer than normal to process her words as I took in the vision in front of me.
"I, uh, my reports," I stammered thrusting the files forward awkwardly. Mentally I grimaced at how ridiculous I must have looked; instead I licked my lips. "And early," I continued. JJ laughed softly.
"Gold star and a cookie for you then."
"I'd prefer the punishment," I joked with a smirk before I could stop myself. My mind never seemed to want to stick to carefully laid plans I'd made. My mouth hung open slightly as I desperately thought of a way to salvage the situation.
"I'm sure you would," JJ replied matching my smirk, not seeming to notice my discomfort. "But I think it would be frowned upon in the office. Maybe later." I caught the impish wink she sent my way and let out the breath I hadn't realised I was holding.
"You coming for drinks when we clock off?" I asked hopefully, cursing inwardly again at my inability to distance myself from her. She cast a thoughtful glance down at the cases littering her desk.
"Sure, it'll be nice to forget about these for a while tonight." Her voice was sad and her eyes lost a little of their sparkle.
"A bad one?" I asked knowingly. The Liaison saw more death and mayhem than any of us, sometimes I wondered if she knew how strong she truly was to see everything she saw and still carry on as she did. She nodded in reply to my question.
"Two kids. Twins. Tortured and abused." Her eyes rose to the ceiling and I could see tears glistening, ready to fall. "But we can't do anything yet."
"Hey. Come here." I moved round the cluttered desk and pulled her into a gentle hug. "I know that if we need to go, you will do everything you can to get us there faster." She nodded, her nose brushing over my neck lightly. I forced down the moan that threatened to erupt from my lips and cleared my throat gently. Paying minimal attention to the puffs of air ghosting over my skin as she nuzzled into the curve between my throat and shoulder, I pushed forward. "I honestly don't know how you do what you do every day. I don't think I could." I told her honestly. I couldn't deal with the numerous phone calls from frantic detectives begging for help or the raucous press that bombarded each and every case we worked on.
"I'm nothing special," she mumbled, her lips brushing the hollow of my throat. I idly wondered if she knew the effect she was having on me then pushed it away in favour of being a good friend.
"But you are, Jennifer. So special." I closed my eyes, silently berating myself for the tone in my voice. She leant back and I could feel her eyes studying my features. I opened my eyes and met her azure orbs, trying desperately to read the expression. A flash of something I wanted to recognise as desire crossed her face as her gaze flicked down to my lips briefly. The expression was gone entirely too fast and I was left wondering if I had imagined it all. I tensed slightly before stepping back, not trusting myself to remain professional in such close quarters with the light scent of vanilla and apples clouding my senses. "I'll see you later then?" I asked delicately, not wanting to break the atmosphere in the small office.
"Yeah…" She whispered, her sky blue eyes still holding my own brown ones captive. I shot her a smile, filled with confidence I certainly didn't feel and half turned to the door, intent on returning to my desk. "Thank you." Her soft expression of gratitude stopped me immediately.
"For what?" I questioned confused. She gestured to the space around her feebly.
"For seeming to know exactly what I need." Her words were stronger, firmer now. "Always," she finished. I allowed a shy smile to peek through and revelled in the fuller one returned to me. "I'll see you later."
I left the office in a daze, unsure of what just happened and whether I had dreamt up the whole exchange. I plopped down in my chair mutely, staring at nothing in particular. A hit to my head broke me from my musing and I snapped my attention to Derek. He glanced at me briefly. I stole a glimpse of the floor and saw a bundled up piece of paper resting a few feet from me. A look at Reid told me all I needed to know. His gaze was switching between Morgan and myself and his hand was trying to cover a wry smile.
"You throw something at me again Derek and we will be having words." I warned in a serious tone. "Got it?" I added with a pointed look.
"Wait, what did I do?" He asked though the mirth in his eyes gave him away.
"For a profiler, you are crap at lying," I shot at him with a wicked smile.
"Oh no you didn't! You're saying I can't lie?" He twisted his chair to face me and acted offended but I could see through it.
"I did. You can't. Your eyes give you away." I told him matter of fact-ly. He bristled slightly and looked to Spencer.
"Reid, dude, you gotta back me up here!" He tried.
"Whilst you can fake your way through many instances, for example, interviews and investigations, Emily is right. You can never quite hide your emotions from your eyes. Sometimes it can be beneficial but when you are trying to lie about things such as throwing a paper ball at Emily's head it presents as woefully inadequate." I bit my bottom lip to contain my laugh at the young genius' speech. While many found him awkward and socially inept, I found him fascinating and fun.
"Thanks man. Nice to know you have my back," Morgan glared at the young man, holding up his hand when Spencer opened his mouth to defend himself. "I know you literally have my back before you say it, I meant with this specific topic." A chuckle escaped my throat and bubbled out of my mouth at the sheepish smile on Reid's face. Morgan huffed and turned back to his desk, muttering under his breath. I let it go and turned back to the remaining cases on my own desk.
An hour later I laid my pen down and stretched, sighing at the gentle pops coming from my spine. A glance at the clock told me I had barely five minutes until I could sign off and head home. I smiled warmly at the thought of a searing hot shower to wash the film of death of my skin, a by-product of the appalling scenes that played before our eyes each and every day. I took my time to pack up, glancing around to see Morgan and Reid doing the same, and dead on five I stood up.
I left in a whirlwind of goodbyes and promises for later, only stopping when I shut the door of my apartment. I let out a tense whoosh of air, thankful I could finally fully relax without the tantalising presence of JJ. After taking a calming breath I pushed off the wall and dropped my bags in the living room, not slowing until I had stripped my clothes off and was stood in front of the shower. I stepped beneath the scorching water with a content sigh. I emerged sometime later, pink and comfortable, and padded to the kitchen in only a short towel. A quick look in the fridge reminded me that I had scant little food to work with, so I set about making a hash of bacon, eggs and toast for dinner.
I grinned with child-like glee at my breakfast-for-dinner meal and proceeded to wolf it down, accompanied by a glass of milk; observing the old adage that it lined your stomach before drinking. Once full I walked back to my bedroom and got ready for the evening. My chosen outfit was a red halter neck top with silver decoration around the dipping neck line and dark blue boot cut jeans paired with black ankle boots. I let my hair dry naturally and into loose curls and applied a thin layer of make up; highlighting my eyes. Made up and ready I grabbed my keys, phone and wallet and prepared myself for the night ahead as I walked to the car.
The pub was loud and busy, I could tell that much from the outside as I pulled up. I noticed Morgan's pick up was parked a few spaces down from me and I smirked. The steady thump of the beat intensified when I pulled open the door and I was engulfed in a cacophony of noise. I weaved around tables and patrons to the bar and ordered a beer, scanning the crowd for my friends while I was waiting. After paying, I wandered to a better vantage point and almost choked on the mouthful of liquid as I spotted Morgan dancing with JJ. Her back was pressing intimately against his front and his arms were wrapped around her waist. Red-hot jealousy burned through me until I saw a lithe brunette sidle up to him and entice him into a dance.
JJ turned and placed a hand against her chest, acting offended while Morgan shrugged and pointed obviously to the attractive woman in his arms. I smirked then returned my gaze to the stunning blond. She was wearing a simple sky blue V-neck tee and skin-tight jeans that hugged every curve and stole my breath. She headed over to a table to join Garcia and I wondered how I had missed the vivacious woman on the way in. I glugged some more of my beer then sauntered over to greet the two ladies. JJ reaction to my outfit surprised me and I could feel her appraising eyes on me for most of the night. Just when I thought she was going to say something she would shake her head and start a conversation with Penelope about something fairly benign.
After her fifth glass of beer; her third while I was there, when Garcia had stepped out to get some air, she pulled me up onto the dance floor without comment. I let out a startled yelp but didn't resist as she began working her hips smoothly against mine. I curled my hands into tight fists to stop them from wandering and counteracted every instinctual action my body seemed to want to make. After two songs she turned, not moving away an inch, and raised her cerulean orbs to meet my chocolate gaze.
"Do you not want to dance with me?" The seductive question whispered across my lips and sent a shiver racing down my spine. If only she knew how much I wanted too, but I refused to give in to my weak carnal desires.
"I am dancing with you, Jen," I replied easily. Her movement stopped and she looked at me hungrily.
"What did you call me?" I shuddered at the husky growl that her voice became.
"Jen. Is that a problem?" I queried, suddenly unsure of myself. Before I had a chance to worry, she pitched forward, crashing her lips against mine. Her hands flew to my hair and kept me in place while her mouth devoured me expertly. All pretence left and I knew I wouldn't be able to refuse her anything. As cliché as it sounds, everything melted away; the sounds of people and music faded to a barely recognisable buzz, all my senses closed down and honed into the feel of her lips, her taste, her scent. All I knew in that moment was her.
As she pulled away, everything returned with renewed intensity. The sounds were too loud, my skin was flushed and overheated, vanilla and apples overwhelmed me. Cobalt blue orbs stared at me in confusion, a few shades darker than I could ever remember them being. She stuttered an apology then fled back to the safety of the table. My lips still tingled at the memory of her touch and I knew that she had ruined me. I hurried off the dance floor and quickly grabbed my things from the table, shouting an excuse for my leaving. Before I could really register my actions I was sat in the car, driving down street to my apartment.
I raced into the elevator and tapped my fingers against my arm impatiently as the flashing LED display ticked off the floors. Once inside my home, I slumped into the closed door and ran my fingers through my hair. All my efforts, my constant mental vigilance was for nothing. She'd broken through in a few seconds, with a mind-blowing kiss. Pulling myself up, I stumbled into the bedroom and got changed into a loose fitting t-shirt and a pair of shorts. In the kitchen I grabbed a tumbler and a bottle of single malt and padded to the couch to try and reconstruct each and every compartment she had destroyed.
Just under an hour, and a handful of decent sized measures, later and I was lying with my head on the arm rest, staring at the ceiling blankly when heavy pounding on my front door broke me from my contemplation. I rolled off the couch and hurried to the door, anger and concern warring with each other to create a cloud of frustration settling heavily on my chest. I pulled the door open, ready to give the caller a piece of my mind but every word froze on my tongue.
"JJ? What are you doing here?" I asked, my tone neither cold nor warm, just hovering around confused.
"I came to apologise," she mumbled; her gaze on my chin, not lifting higher, her baby blues full of sadness and regret. My stomach twisted violently as my mind raced. She regretted kissing me, it was a mistake. I swallowed the bile in my throat and stepped aside, my face neutral.
"I'm not sure what you have to apologise for, JJ." I indicted for her to step into the living room and she dropped into one of the chairs roughly, eyeing the liquor on the table. "Want one?" I offered. She nodded quickly and I retrieved another glass from the kitchen before returning and pouring a healthy measure for the blond. My eyebrow rose as she knocked it back in one go and grimaced at the taste.
"I shouldn't have kissed you," she blurted. My heart dropped painfully. "No, I'm not- That's wrong, I'm not sorry I kissed you. I shouldn't have run off like that." I stared her, not quite comprehending the words spewing from her mouth. "I shouldn't have panicked. It's just-" She stood up, hands wringing in front of her midriff. "All the flirting and gentle touches and not quite there touches where your hand hovers at my elbow or back. I know I didn't imagine that. There is just something about you; I'm inexplicably drawn to you, I have to know you." She began pacing through the ramble before coming to a stop in front of me and kneeling. "I should have said all this before I kissed you." I nodded slowly, taking in her words.
"You didn't imagine it," I breathed, closing my eyes. I wanted to tell her she had, that there was nothing between us. That it was all just a misunderstanding. That we could never be together. But somewhere between my brain and my mouth, the intent changed. I heard the words and mentally cringed at my inability to stop myself from encouraging her feelings. "You captivate me." My fingers brushed over her pink tinged cheeks and danced down the temping expanse of her neck. Before I had a chance to react she leaned up and captured my lips with hers. My resolve cracked and I tangled my fingers in her hair. Her hands gripped my hips and tugged me forward, sliding me off the couch and onto her lap; my back resting against the plump cushions.
Instincts began to override the tiny voice screaming at me that this was wrong and I ran my tongue over my luscious bottom lip. Having been granted entry I explored the caverns of her mouth thoroughly before striking up a dance for dominance that I wasn't particularly interested in winning; it wasn't about who was the victor, more about getting to know each in this more intimate way. Her hands found their way under my shirt, her nails grazing over my skin in the most delicious way. I gasped as the digits stroked the soft area beneath my breasts and my hips bucked, pressing my centre to her abdomen. With a groan I tore my mouth away and gulped in some much needed air. JJ didn't miss a beat, latching her mouth onto my pulse point and sucking gently; her fingers dancing lightly across my ribs and down my back.
Not to be outdone I pressed forward and eased the blond backwards until she was lying below me, sapphire eyes shining with anticipation and desire. I sat back and pulled my top off before quickly tugging at JJ's shirt. She got the hint and helped me drag the garment off of her smoothly. I pushed her back down and kissed a weaving path from her jaw to the valley of her breasts, licking along the seductive lace of her sky blue bra. Her hands rubbed down my back before dipping to cup my ass, squeezing gently. Any thoughts of keeping a slow pace flew from my mind and I speedily unclipped her bra, thankful it had a front clasp and removed it from the two areas I really wanted access too.
I took a tantalisingly pebbled nipple into my mouth, laving my tongue over it smoothly then teasing it with my teeth. I turned my attention to the other stiff bud, giving it the same treatment before trailing my tongue down her gorgeously smooth navel. Reaching the barrier of her jeans, I repositioned and made light work of snapping open the button, dropping the zip and pulling the offending clothes off, leaving her completely exposed in front of me. My breath caught in my throat at the exquisite sight of Jennifer Jareau laid bare before me. A light pink dusted her cheeks and chest and after a second of my scrutiny she half sat up, yanking on the thin material of my shorts. I took the pointer and disposed of them rapidly before repositioning myself between her legs.
She wrapped her arms around my neck and jerked me down into a passionate and fiery kiss as her hips undulated, rubbing her slick centre against mine. I groaned into her mouth at the contact and spread my legs, affording better access. She repeated the motion and I thrust into her. We struck up a frantic rhythm and soon the only sounds in the room were our desperate moans and pants for breath and the slick, wet sounds of our bodies meeting. JJ captured my gaze and pressed a palm to my sweat covered cheek.
"Say my name," she requested softly.
"JJ," I intoned distractedly. She frowned.
"No, like you did before." I understood in an instant.
"Jennifer. Oh god, Jennifer, you feel so good." She arched up with a moan and within seconds she tumbled over the edge, dragging me along with her. I collapsed onto my elbows and dropped my forehead to the floor, gasping in deep breaths. Minutes ticked by and I rolled onto my back next to the beautiful blond. She half rolled with me, onto her side, to face me.
"We still need to talk, don't we?" I didn't answer. "Was this just for tonight?" I snapped my gaze to her and instantly regretted it. Tears threatened to fall from her azure orbs and sadness swirled beneath the sea of blue. I wrapped my arms around my and pulled her into me.
"I don't know. I was determined not to let you in," I told her softly.
"So was I," she mumbled against my chest.
"I don't know how much I can give you right now, Jennifer. I'm sorry." Salty tears stung my own eyes as she nodded against me. After a few beats she sat up and glanced about forlornly.
"Can I just hold you tonight then?" My heart broke at the melancholy tone of her voice. I nodded and let her help me up and lead me to my bedroom. As my head rested against her shoulder and sleep crept upon me I heard a soft whisper from above me. "I will wait for you." I woke up alone, the bed cold save for me. I glanced around and smiled in relief when I saw a small scrap of paper with beautifully familiar handwriting on.
Emily
I had to leave to get into work early and didn't want to wake you. You looked so peaceful. I switched the coffee machine on for you.
I'll see you later
Jennifer x
Only now did the scent of freshly brewed coffee hit me. A gentle smile tugged at my lips. I had given her a small taste of something she wanted and she hadn't pushed for more. She hadn't asked more of me then I could give. The tiny voice at the back of my mind whispered that it wouldn't last long. She would take all I could give until I had nothing left to offer her. I prayed that day didn't come. That she could settle for having me physically without commitment. I sat and deluded myself with the belief that it would be enough.