'Have you been working on the book like you said you would?' He asked as we climbed the stairs. I brightened somewhat and nodded.
'Of course, I told I would didn't I? I've finished another two pages.' I said proudly. Beside me Peeta smiled and walked me down the hall to the large room. Realization hit me and I pulled him back away from the door. He looked at me with a quizzical expression.
'It's messy.' I said guiltily. Peeta laughed and shook his head.
'Katniss what's gotten into you? I don't care if its messy, we've been through much more than a messy room. It doesn't bother me in the least.' He was right; this was silly for me to get all worked up over an unclean room. So I didn't resist when he led me into the room. I left his side to retrieve the leather bound book, which contained all my family's knowledge on edible and medicinal plants. Carefully stepping over the pile of towels and other collections I had strewed across the floor, I returned to Peeta and sat on the end of the bed with him holding the book in my hands.
'I finished the Nightlock and Belladonna.' I informed him and skimmed through the pages quickly, trying to find the pages. True both these plants were deadly and clearly weren't edible, but I figured they might as well be in the book.
'Now all that's left is for you to colour them.' I flipped to the Nightlock page and looked at my small, scratchy writing. Peeta leaned closer to me and looked at the small writing with a grim smile.
'Nightlock huh?' The simple statement had great emotion behind it, which sent a shiver down my spine. I looked up at him to see his blue eyes clouded, and fixed on me. All at once they cleared, with a sort of intensity.
'I would have done it you know.' He said in a solemn voice. I closed my eyes as the images of me and Peeta holding the Nightlock to our mouths came flooding into my mind. Peeta didn't ask questions when I handed him the berry, he didn't resist; he trusted my solution to get out of the hunger games.
'I know you would have Peeta.' I said quietly. We sat in silence for a few moments; I kept my eyes closed as the images flashed before me. The berries, contestants, the murder, the pain and fear. It was all so unbearable. How did we manage to survive? It couldn't have been without luck, but how could we have been that lucky. Or are we lucky? Why wasn't it Cato or Clove, why wasn't it Finnick or Wiress? Why us. Why district 12. I wouldn't wish this upon anyone, not my mortal enemy or a complete stranger. No one should have to go through this, but why was it us? Were we really meant to survive?
When I opened my eyes Peeta's face was mere inches from mine, his eyes fixed on my face intently, and pity showing in their depths.
'You know it doesn't do any good to think about the past Katniss. No matter how much you regret, it won't change anything.' He said gently. My hands held themselves, to stop the shaking that had started.
'I know.' It shocked me, to hear how broken my voice was. I looked down at my lap silently. If all this hadn't happened, if it hadn't been Peeta and Prim who were chosen for the games, where would we be now? I'd probably be hunting with Gale, or would he have died in the mines? Peeta would be long gone, along with Prim. My mother would have left me too; she would be locked up in her mind, fighting with herself. I would be completely alone, surviving in the seam. Of course I'd have the hob, but what good would that do my sanity. Maybe, in a way the games were a good thing, I may miss everyone I've lost, and all that has happened haunts me in both my waking and sleeping moments. I have Peeta though, and I wouldn't want anyone else.
'Peeta, I'm glad you're the one here with me.' I said quietly. Peeta wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him, warmth radiated from his body.
'I'll always be with you Katniss.' He promised, and then kissed my forehead.
'You know I'll never leave you.' His words made a feeling stir inside me, a feeling I hadn't felt since the beach in the Quarter Quells. Butterflies flew inside me, making me unsettled, but giddy as a school girl. I pushed the book off my lap and lifted my legs up off the ground, and laid them across his lap. He looked at me in surprise.
'Peeta I know you'd never leave me. I know you will always be with me. I think, it's time I made that same commitment to you.'
My words caught Peeta of guard, for once in his life the smooth actor was without a script, and had nothing to improvise with. He opened his mouth like a gaping fish, trying to draw the words out, but he never got the chance. I had pulled myself into his lap, my arms wrapped around his neck as I pulled closer to him. Yet again my actions caught him off guard and I felt a pang of superiority. Since he was still in his state of shock, I was the one who had to press my lips against his.
Like the kiss on the beach, I felt a fiery passion run through me. No other could make me feel like this, not even Gale. Wanted, loved, important, Peeta is everything to me now. He is the only one I can feel like this towards now. For all I know Gale helped kill my sister, and is running around with some other girl from district 2. He never came back, he never said goodbye. How he could do something like that, I wonder. If he declared he cared about me, that he would follow me, then leave me without reason. What about his family? Had they gone to District 2 with him, or did he leave them here to shrivel away and die. Sometimes I question if he has a heart at all. Peeta has a heart, and it belongs to me, as mine now belongs to him.
Once Peeta recovered from his daze he was the first one to pull back from the kiss. He still looked a little flustered, but had regained his posture. His eyes were fixed on me, deep in thought as I starred up at him. The lightest hue of pink was detectable on his cheeks, was he blushing?
'Would you like a cheese bun?' Now I was the one caught off guard. I blinked at him in surprise and tilted my head to the side.
'Not at the moment, it's not really the time to eat a cheese bun.'
'But I made them just for you, it's good to see that you appreciate my hard work.' He scooted me off his lap and back onto the end of the bed, then stood. His hand was lost in his blond curls. I've only ever seen him do this in class when he's doing hard equations.
'I'll get you a cheese bun.' He decided, and left the room, leaving me gawking after him in confusion. Something hit me, like a cloud decided to fall on top of my mood and smother it in its fog. Did Peeta just…reject me? The thought made my eyes sting, I've never been one to cry, especially over boys. But this wasn't some school crush, this was Peeta. He's not just some boy. He's my boy. Aren't we still engaged? I looked across the room to the dresser where a silver ring-an elegant thing it was- shimmered in the light. Was Peeta wearing his ring? I couldn't recall. Does this mean…he doesn't love me anymore?
Stop it Katniss. Your being silly. Peeta loves you with every fibre in his being, if he didn't he wouldn't have risked his life for you. Maybe he was just uncomfortable, maybe you surprised him. Peeta being surprised by my actions? That's a laugh. He could really just be hungry.
I stood silently, and wandered over to the door. Surely I couldn't have made Peeta uncomfortable. He's a boy, I thought they liked it when girls put their legs on them. Oh well. I stalked silently down the hall and down the first few steps on the stair case when I heard voices. I crouched down and clung to the railing. From here I got a good view of the living room, and I could see Peeta running his hands through his hair in frustration.
'Haymitch is Katniss still on her meds?' He asked in a short tone. A drunken laugh came from Haymitch, who; apart from his feet was out of view.
'Katniss hasn't taken any medications for at least six months!' He boomed, then coughed. Peeta frowned and glared at Haymitch.
'Well did you give her something? She's acting…odd.' He put together carefully. I frowned and gripped the banister. Did I actually scare Peeta?
'No, no, she's sober.' Haymitch assured and a deep sigh came from the drunk. More of his body came into view when he leaned forward to look at Peeta, his arms resting on his knees. Peeta opened his mouth to say something, but Haymitch raised a finger to make him stay silent.
'Katniss is not on anything Peeta. Did the thought ever cross your mind that she might actually love you? That it isn't all for show?' Peeta stared at him in shock.
'The last time she showed me this much affection she was planning on killing herself, and the time before that she drugged me.'
'Both actions were to save you.' Haymitch answered shortly.
'Are you sure she doesn't want something?' He asked doubtfully. Haymitch growled and leaned back on the couch, now out of view.
'Why don't you ask her yourself? She's probably creeping around somewhere listening to us.' I froze to the railing, unable to move. How had he known that? Mice are more audible them me. A fit of laughter left him, like this was the funniest thing in the world. Peeta's shoulders went rigid and he turned around, luckily his eyes weren't wandering the banister, he was intent on the kitchen. Whether he was going to search the cupboards to see if I was hiding in them, I'm not sure, I didn't linger long enough to find out. I ran up the few steps and down the hall, not making so much as a creak. That's the good thing about these victor homes, they're new and sturdy, and they don't creak.
Once I was back in the room, I sat on the edge of the bed, farthest from the door. I brought my knees up to my chest and hugged them to me, staring at the carpet in confusion. Peeta thought I was still acting? That or he thought I was hyped up on some drug. I really do, love him. Does he want me to say so, or is this too much for him. I don't want to scare away the boy with the bread, he's the only one I have left.
A heavy tread was coming from the staircase, it was Peeta. Even Haymitch isn't as loud as him, well at least when he's not drunk. My heart rate began to quicken, what am I supposed to say? I should pretend that I wasn't ease dropping. Yes, play dumb. You can do that. As soon as I came to this conclusion, Peeta was at the door way and striding towards the bed with a cheese bun in his hand. He sat next to me and wrapped one arm around my waist, then offered the cheese bun with the other.
'Thank you.' I took the cheese bun and ripped off a small piece of the bun. Peeta looked at me in thought, but didn't say anything. I could feel myself blushing and I pulled of a piece of the cheese bun and held it out to him.
'No I'm good.' He gave a small smile. I pouted and shook my head.
'You have to eat something.' I said and held the piece of the cheese bun closer to him. He shook his head.
'Oh come on.' I rolled my eyes and pulled closer to him, pushing the cheese bun to his lips.
'Eat it.' His eyes glazed over, like he was looking at something far away. I frowned and continued to push the cheese bun against his lips.
'If you're not eating I'm going to assume that you're starving yourself. Then I'll tell Haymitch and have him force feed you.' I said in a firm tone. His eyes stayed glazed, but he opened his mouth just enough for me to put piece of bun into his mouth. I smiled and took off another piece for myself. After he chewed and swallowed his food, his eyes returned to their blue intensity and fixed on me.
'Katniss.' He said in an unusual tone. I've never heard this tone before. My eyes flitted up to look at him.
'Yes Peeta?' He swallowed hard and looked uncertain.
'Katniss, do you love me?' The question didn't surprise me much, but I never thought I'd hear him ask it. I stared at him for a moment, not sure how to respond. Of course I love Peeta!
'I thought you already asked me this, three years ago.' I bit my lip as my eyebrows knitted themselves together.
'Why do you doubt that I love you Peeta?' A pained expression plastered itself to his face.
'What about Gale I-' I cut him off by pushing another piece of cheese bun into his mouth.
'Gale left me, Peeta. He left me in district 12. He didn't say goodbye, he just left. For all I know, he killed my sister. I promise, what I feel towards you could never be compared to what I once felt for Gale. You out rank him.'
'We're graded in ranks?' I opened my mouth in shock and looked at him in disbelief. The slightest hint of a smile was at the corners of his lips.
'You know what I mean Mellark!' I pouted and popped the last of the cheese bun into his mouth, then crossed my arms in a huff and pulled his arm from my waist, making a big show of it all. Peeta swallowed his cheese bun in a hurry and laughed, pulling me back into his arms.
'I know what you mean Everdeen.' He promised before kissing me gently on the lips. It's amazing how he can make cheese buns taste better than they already were. I could feel my lips curving in a smile and I leaned against his chest.
'Are you content with my answer?' I asked quietly as I played with the end of one of his shirt sleeves. Peeta tilted his head to the side with a smirk on his face and ran his tongue along his bottom canines.
'Perhaps.' I frowned and continued to play with the sleeve.
'Perhaps?'
'Indeed, perhaps i'm content, or maybe I'm not completely satisfied with your answer.' He said in a teasing tone, then fell back on the bed, in doing so he pulled me on top of him. I gave a small yelp of surprise and put my hands on his chest to catch myself from butting heads with him. He laughed lightly and I frowned.
'You're still beautiful when you frown.' He said, brushing a stray strand of hair from my eyes.
'Although you look gorgeous when you don't.' When his lips made contact with my nose and brushed gently against it, I felt my face grow hot. I bit my lip and pulled my head back, and propped myself up on my elbows.
'What do you mean you're not completely satisfied with my answer?' He gave an attempt at a shrug and winced.
'I'd be glad to tell you but your elbows are digging into my chest.' Fake pain registered on his face and he winced again. I raised a brow and pushed my elbow into his chest. He narrowed his eyes and glared at me.
'No you can still tell me.' I said with a smirk and rubbed the ball of my elbow across a muscle on his upper chest. He winced again and shrunk back against the sheets.
'Jeez Katniss! There are other was to persuade a boy.' I dug my elbow into his chest and frowned.
'Tell me.'
'Katniss!' He yelped and grabbed my arm. Before I knew it, I was on my back starring up at Peeta as he held me down. He had grabbed my arm and flipped me. I gawked at him, winded for a moment before pushing up against him.
'Peeta your squishing me!' I protested and pushed at his chest. He chuckled, but in a sort of deep throaty way I'd never heard before. I studied his face for a brief moment, I've never seen that expression. With determination, I continued to push against him trying to get enough space between us for my lungs to expand.
'It's not so fun is it?' He asked in a tone, I too hadn't heard him use before. With ease he propped himself over top of me with one hand. My lungs expanded greedily. Well, I could breathe when he was on top of me, it was just easier this way.
'Not much fun at all.' I admitted in a breathy voice as I tried to control my breathing. His body was still very close to me, and I pursed my lips in thought. I hope my actions didn't give him any new confidence.
'So do I get to know why my answer doesn't suffice?' I asked again. He shook his head and smiled, his beautiful breath taking smile. He leaned closer to me until out lips were almost brushing against each other.
'Persuade me.' He whispered. I could feel myself flush, if it wasn't for the dwindling light Peeta would have laughed at the colour my face probably was. Before he got a chance to look at my cheeks properly, I closed the distance between our lips and hugged myself to him. He kissed me back, passionately and lovingly.
Sometime during our passionate session, Peeta rolled onto his back so I was on top of him again. I don't really remember when, or how. All I knew was that he was mine, and I was his. This is the first thing I have been so sure of for a very long time. Peeta was kissing down my collar neck to my collar bone, when I let out that fateful giggle. At first both Peeta and I disregarded it, we weren't being all that careful. He gave me a smile, then continued kissing me. Shortly after I thought I heard a creek, but not one, several. As if someone was running. This pulled me from the intoxicating session and I gripped Peeta's arm. He gave me a look of confusion, without saying a word I tapped my ear to tell him to listen. We laid there, listening to the creaking as it grew louder and louder. Underneath me I felt Peeta go rigid and I looked down at him.
'It's Haymitch.' The thought made my heart skip a few beats. Haymitch? Argh that's right! He's our legal guardian or something, even though we can both be considered adults. Really though, what can he do? He'd probably at the least half drunk. I gave an uncaring shrug then kissed up his neck.
'What can a drunk do anyways?' I asked gently. Peeta seemed to silently agree with me and we dove right back into our intoxicating, dreamy, passionate session. The creaks stopped and I smiled triumphantly to myself. Haymitch is probably looking for another bottle of liquor, or maybe he's about to puke.
Peeta sat up on the bed, making me fall back into his lap. His beautiful curls were in a craze, his hair sticking up in random patches. I laughed lightly and wrapped my legs around his waist, setting my hands on his chest.
'Your hair looks funny.' I said childishly. Peeta smirked and ruffled my hair.
'I'm not the only one.' My hands shot up to my hair and I smoothed it out. I gave a pout.
'I worked so hard on it.'
'Well what did you think would happen?' He asked in a teasing tone. I shrugged and returned my hands to Peeta's chest. Suddenly he looked quite uncomfortable.
'So ah, are we going to work on that book?' I wasn't expecting this question. I personally, was quite content with what we were already doing.
'Tomorrow.' I answered easily. Peeta frowned and his eyes darted away from me. My head cocked to the side with slight annoyance, and question.
'What's wrong Peeta?' I asked, hiding my annoyance with the boy. Why is he never pleased when I am? Peeta gave a light shrug and glanced at me.
'This is just, a lot of attention from you.' To this day, this boy never ceases to amaze me.
'Is that a bad thing?' I asked a little uneasy. Keeping my temper was not something I was good at. Especially when I've worked hard for something and I'm denied it. Peeta shook his head and sighed.
'It's just…I don't want things to get out of control.' He said quietly. I rolled my eyes.
'Peeta we aren't children anymore, in fact we might be considered adults!' Which was very true, depending on who you're dealing with. Peeta opened his mouth to protest and I put a finger to his lips.
'Shh. Peeta, we're engaged. Heck we've been engaged for years now!' I let my finger fall from his lips, his expression hadn't changed, and I felt utterly defeated. Fine. I won't force anything upon Peeta. Finally, my gaze dropped from Peeta and I became transfixed in a loose hem on my dress. The pang of rejection is unbearable.
Maybe Peeta had to process my words before he got the meaning of them, because after a few moments of silence it was like someone turned a switch on in his mind. Soon enough I was on my back with Peeta above me, my hands lost in his curls. We were laughing, whether it was our way of showing how nervous we were or maybe we both looked ridiculous. I hugged Peeta to me, never wanting to let go of him. We were still fully clothed when the door opened and the lights turned on.
I let out a whine of protest and hid my face in Peeta's shirt, not having to guess who was at the door.
'Haymitch go away!' I whined with annoyance. I glanced up at Peeta, he sighed then turned his head to the door frowning. All at once, his body went rigid and he was off of me. He stood at the side of the bed, straightening his shirt and scratching the back of his head. He looked like a child who had been caught with his hand in a cookie jar. Haymitch laughed as if he'd never seen something this hilarious before. Annoyance got the better of me and I sat up, glaring at the door. My mouth was opened and I was thinking of some truly wicked things to say to Haymitch. What I saw at the door couldn't process in my brain. It didn't make sense. I didn't think it was possible. There, standing next to Haymitch. Peeta's nervous words confirmed what I saw, it wasn't an illusion.
'Good evening Mrs. Everdeen.'