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EVENING: LOCAL MALL
Having caught up with Trowa, the five boys turned girls search for proper clothes. Wufei drags himself along far behind the others. He's staring at the ground and fuming to himself. Duo notices Wufei falling behind and calls out, "What's wrong now? You'll lose us if you keep that up!"
"These uniforms..." Wufei picks at his skirt, "Why must they be... pink?"
Duo shrugs, "I dunno; maybe it's the school color."
"It's much too feminine! I look like a fool!"
Duo falls back and lowers his voice slightly, "Are you tryin' to set Quatre off again? It already took two pints of ice cream to calm him down. Let's not start any trouble with him for a while, okay?"
"Fine, but why are we taking so long? Let's just get what we need and leave."
Duo sighs and rubs his temples. "Heero's getting all serious about us blending in and stuff. He said," Duo narrows his eyes and speaks in a monotone, "The research material clearly states that teenage girls always walk around the entire mall at least once before even choosing a store." Duo rolls his eyes and resumes talking normally, "As always, he is taking this way too far."
While they were talking Duo didn't notice the others stopping and walked right into Heero's back. Heero turned around and pointed to a department store, "We'll start here. Remember to be picky. It will look strange if we just take the first thing we see. Also, try everything on first. Even if you are confident it will fit." Heero grabs Wufei by the arm when he tries to go on ahead, "And we need to stay together. Teenage girls do not shop alone. Are we clear?"
Wufei sighs, defeated, "Fine; have it your way."
They begin to sift through the many racks of clothes. Duo holds up a pair of panties, "Hey, I just thought of somethin'... How are we going to explain these expenses to Une?"
"I have already given a full report regarding our condition to headquarters..." Heero turns and snatches the panties out of Duo's hands, "And I'm sure those would make you look like a cow."
"Oh, come on, Heero!" Duo whines, "Who's gonna see that anyway?"
"It doesn't matter. You have bad taste, and since I'm posing as your friend, I'm at liberty to stop you from picking out ugly things." Heero goes back to the rack he's been looking through.
Duo looks over at Heero with an impish smile and an evil gleam in his eyes, "Bad taste, huh? Well, best buddy, I guess I would have to inform you to stay away from revealing shirts, 'cause you have nothin' worth showin'."
"Keep with the black, it's slimming."
"Wear skirts, or people might mistake you for a boy."
"Restrain yourself when thinking about that third slice of cake."
"Get yourself a push-up, flat-" Duo is interrupted by giggling. Duo and Heero turn and see Trowa clutching his sides and giggling uncontrollably. "What's so funny, Trowa?"
"I can't help it. You two are just so convincing. You don't even need to act." Trowa tries to stop his giggle fit with little success.
Duo pokes his own stomach, "You really think I'm fat, Heero?"
"If by fat, you mean bigger than the rest of us, yes. Do you really think I have small breasts?"
Duo puts his hands on his hips and mockingly replies, "If by small, you mean smaller than the rest of us, yes."
Wufei walks over to Trowa, "Are they really having this 'woman spat', or are they trying too hard at being female?"
"I think it's real," Trowa clears his throat and crosses his arms, "I'm starting to wonder if the change is more than physical..."
"Stop right there, Barton." Wufei holds up a hand, "Every time that thought even crosses your mind just think of something manly."
Trowa nods, "Yes, you're right. I do not feel any emotional changes occurring within myself, and Duo's just baiting Heero again."
"Baiting?" Duo turns to Trowa, "He started it!"
"By following mission protocol." Trowa plainly responds.
Duo crosses his arms and sighs, "You people are so much more boring as girls. Where the Hell did Quatre go anyway? Even bloated and acting like a complete bitch, he's still more fun to be around than you guys!" Duo turns and begins to search the area for Quatre.
The three remaining exchange questioning looks, "I thought he was with you, Barton." Wufei glances around.
"We should have kept a closer eye on him. He's been unstable today." Trowa walks off in the opposite direction Duo went to search for Quatre.
Heero just crosses his arms, "I told him we should stay together."
"Man, where did he go?" Elsewhere, but still in the same department, Duo stomps around the back of the section. He comes to a halt in front of the changing room. He hesitates before peering around the corner. Then, something dawns on him, "Oh, the power... heh, heh... With this body I can just walk on in. Nice." Duo steps over the doorway into the changing room, "To boldly go where no man has gone before!" He looks around casually as he ventures further in. Much to his pleasure, there are a good amount of girls in various stages of undress. His gaze stops on a girl with mid-length blond hair, who is examining the bra and panties she's trying on in the mirror.
The girl notices Duo's stare in the reflection of the mirror, and shrieks. "Ah, Duo! Don't scare me like that!"
"Quatre!"
"What on Earth were you staring at so intently? You had the creepiest look on your face!"
"Uh..." Duo averts his gaze and scratches the back of his head, "Nothin' really, just lookin' for ya..." Duo ends his answer with a nervous chuckle. Looking around, Duo notices the other girls staring at them, "What? Don't tell me you girls never snuck-up on one of your friends at least once! Geez!"
Once everyone has gone back to their normal activities, Quatre addresses Duo again, "Seriously what were you looking at? I'm not wearing this thing wrong, am I? And, please, keep your voice down..."
Duo pouts, "You screamed. And don't ask me if it's on wrong or not. Heero, oh guru of woman behavior, probably knows..."
"What did he say to you now? You know he's blunt."
"He called me fat!"
"Did he actually use the word 'fat'?"
"Well, no... but..."
"Duo, those breasts are huge. You have more curves than the rest of us, and he doesn't know anyone else to compare you to."
"I guess..." Duo sighs before noting, "Hey, when did your rational side come back?"
Quatre sighs, "When the pills I bought at the drugstore finally kicked in. I should have read the box. Apparently, you're not suppose to take them on an empty stomach."
Duo rolls his eyes, "They make special pills for that condition? Women are way more complicated than I thought."
Quatre checks the straps to the bra, then gives Duo a suspicious glare, "You weren't ogling me earlier, when you first came in? You seemed awfully surprised to see me."
Duo glances at the ceiling, "Yeah..."
"Honest as ever, I see..."
"Does it make you feel better that I didn't know it was you?"
Quatre sighs, "Is there anyone of us you haven't stared at, or won't?"
"Heero." Duo replies immediately, "He looks like a twelve-year-old. Wufei too. Except, he looks like an angry old lady. But you and Trowa, you guys make really hot girls!" Quatre winces at Duo's statement. Duo shrugs, "Hey, you asked, and I don't lie. Besides, I think I'm pretty hot myself! Don't you think so?"
"What?"
"Hey, I told you I'd hit ya if I was normal. Your turn. Am I sexy?"
"Tell me you're just fishing for a statement that will win you that hundred bucks..."
"Nah, Wufei and I agreed that we'd have to catch you in the act and record it-"
Quatre squeaks.
"Anyway," Duo continues, "I'm not letting you avoid the question. I can't be the only one of us who has divided the hittable and the 'no way in Hell'."
"You really want to know? Fine. You look so attractive, that you make that uniform look like something out of a porn magazine! If I didn't know who you really were, I wouldn't be able to keep my eyes off you! Happy?"
Duo smiles, "Yeah, I got it goin' on!"
"You won't be pleased by that fact when boys start to hit on you. Not to mention that Heero will make you date these people, because it may help us find and get close to the terrorist."
Duo frowns, "Didn't think about that. We should probably get back to the others. They probably think you completely snapped and started to terrorize the shoppers."
FOLLOWING MORNING: ST. GABRIEL INSTITUTE
"Why are we here so God damned early?" Duo whines as the group approaches the front gates to the school.
Heero answers plainly, "We need to locate Relena before classes begin and brief her on our 'situation'. We cannot have her blow our cover."
"Why the Hell didn't you just find her last night?" Duo presses, "Then, I would've had another hour of sleep!"
"I did not think of that."
"Bullshit," Duo rolls his eyes, "Mr. Perfect Soldier not thinking of somethin' even I pick up on? You just didn't want to face her alone, right?" Then, with a smile Duo adds, "You won't admit it, but you're embarrassed."
Heero turns and walks through the gates, "We're wasting time. Let's go."
Duo chuckles as the others follow Heero into the building. Heero walks down the halls intently, already knowing his destination. When they stop by a set of double doors on the second floor, Heero takes a cautious look around, "The area is secure. If my sources are correct, she should be alone on the veranda." Heero opens the door, and steps outside.
"Can I tell her?" Duo pleads.
"No," the other four stiffly reply in unison.
Duo pouts as he follows the others across the veranda. Relena stands on the railing overlooking the school's courtyard, her back to the five. Without turning around Relena addresses them, "I was told you were coming. I promise I will cooperate, but what I don't understand is why you insist I claim I never met you when everyone knows you were enrolled here before. No one knows who you really are... How could you-" Relena sharply turns to face everyone and cuts herself off with a gasp.
"There was a..." Heero tries to explain, "...situation."
"We're not exactly sure what caused this to happen to us, but the fact of the matter is-"
Duo cuts Quatre off, "We got hooters!"
Quatre turns beet red, "Duo!" Quatre sighs, "Something we drank turned all of us into girls, and we don't know how to reverse it."
Relena continues to stare at the group. After a moment of awkward silence, Relena bursts out laughing. Duo grins and slaps Heero on the back, "See? Totally called it!"
"This isn't funny, woman!" Wufei snaps, "We could be like this for the rest of our miserable lives!"
Relena covers her mouth and tries to compose herself, "I'm sorry, but you guys all look so silly!"
"Hn," Heero simply heads back toward the door, "Come on. We need to check in with the school's headmaster."
