Chapter 2
To: padma.patil-st.mungos.mag
Cc: hermione.granger-st.mungos.mag
From: delilah.zedler-st.mungos.mag
Subject: Neville Longbottom
Darlings! Wouldn't you be dears and stop Neville Longbottom from switching the coffee in the lounge to that awful new blend? I know we've been cost-cutting, but honestly! Doctors cannot function on weak coffee. It tastes like lighter fluid.
Del
P.S. Hermione, do be a dear and tell me when Harry Potter is visiting you next? He was magnificent in the game against Puddlemere. I'd love to hear his opinions. Tata!
To: Delilah.zedler-st.mungos.mag
From: hermione.granger-st.mungos.mag
Subject: Re: Neville Longbottom
Del you're not a doctor dear, you're the cosmetology consultant. Why are you drinking our stale old coffee anyway? With your family's money, you should be donating good coffee to fuel the caffeine-crazed doctors.
Hermione
P.S. You must think I'm mad if I'll let Harry near you again. The last time you wanted a "quick chat" he was so flustered he poured sugar in my paper clip container instead of his coffee cup. Harry doesn't do fame well. Or groupies.
To: hermione.granger-st.mungos.mag
From: Delilah.zedler-st.mungos.mag
Subject: Harry
What he doesn't know won't hurt him. :D
Del
To: helios.morke-st.mungos.mag
From: padma.patil-st.mungos.mag
Subject: You sneaky devil.
HELIOS! WHERE DO YOU GET OFF READING OUTGOING MESSAGES?
Those mmails are PRIVATE. We could sue for this! You have violated your oath as a health care professional and have proved you are nothing more than an old balding gossip. I'm complaining to the Ministry about this!
Padma
To: padma.patil-st.mungos.mag
From: helios.morke-st.mungos.mag
Subject: Re: You sneaky devil.
I don't know what you're talking about Patil.
Helios Morke
Director
St. Mungo's Hopsital
P.S. You're dating Ron Weasley? Honestly woman. They're called standards.
To: helios.morke-st.mungos.mag
From: padma.patil-st.mungos.mag
Subject: Tell and die
If you tell anyone there will be consequences. Mark my words. The humiliation of the squirting kettle incident of '05 will be nothing compared to what I will do to you. Ravenclaw loyalty be damned.
Padma
To: hermione.granger-st.mungos.mag
From: padma.patil-st.mungos.mag
Subject: Revenge.
Meet me for lunch at that new restaurant near the Ministry. I've got to get even with Helios. He's got some important lunch date.
Padma
To: padma.patil-st.mungos.mag
From: hermione.granger-st.mungos.mag
Subect: Re: Revenge
Oh, so that's why he's been preening. I can't Pad- I'm swamped with work. I'm doing a final round of editing before I submit my paper to Medical Wizardry. Besides, I'm hurt Helios knows something about you that I don't. Why won't you tell me?
Hermione
To: hermione.granger-st.mungos.mag
From: padma.patil-st.mungos.mag
Subject: Re: Re: Revenge
None of your business. But Helios's lunch date is!
Guess who guess who guess who?
No, I don't have enough patience to wait for a reply.
It's Draco Malfoy!
So are you coming?
Padma
To: padma.patil-st.mungos.mag
From: hermione.granger-st.mungos.mag
Subject: I'm in
Meet me in the ladies room in 5 minutes. Helios might be monitoring these.
Hermione
To: orion.starr-wizwigs.mag
From: helios.morke-st.mungos.mag
Subject: URGENT.
I need a new toupee AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. Someone set my old one on fire.
Helios Morke
Director
St. Mungo's Hopsital
To: padma.patil-st.mungos.mag
Cc: hermione.granger-st.mungos.mag
From: Delilah.zedler-st.mungos.mag
Subject: I cannot believe
You'd plot against Helios without asking for my help. Am I not the mastermind of the legendary squirting teakettle incident of '05? Honestly darlings. Helios was spitting tacks after that meeting. There are a million and one cases of gobblegobble and stinkxers heading your way. When messing with higher-ups, make sure not to get caught! You do that again, you tell me first!
Del
P.S. I've got to give you props on the backfiring wands though. I heard Draco Malfoy was yelling murder after Helios accidentally singed off his right eyebrow.
To: blaise.zabini-zabiniandnott.mag
From: draco.malfoy-ministryofmagic.mag
Subject: URGENT
Zabini,
I am going to sue Hermione Granger. Enclosed is how EXACTLY I want her to pay for her crimes. Meet me in my office tomorrow at three and we'll talk about it.
Draco
To: draco.malfoy-ministryofmagic.mag
From: blaise.zabini-zabiniandnott.mag
Subject: Re: URGENT
Malfoy, I read the police you filed after the incident. You can't sue Hermione Granger. You cannot sue her for endangerment of person nor psychological damage. Merlin knows you did enough to her while we were at Hogwarts. If I know Granger, and I do, she'll file a countersuit. You've done worse to her and you bloody well know it! You'd be on the loosing end for sure. She takes care of people for a living. She's a war hero and a healer. The minute she brings in Potter and Krum as her character witnesses, your case would be dead in the water.
Blaise
To: blaise.zabini-zabiniandnott.mag
From: draco.malfoy-ministryofmagic.mag
Subject: Re: Re: Urgent
You're fired.
To: draco.malfoy-ministryofmagic.mag
From: blaise.zabini-zabiniandnott.mag
Subject: I'm fired?
You can't fire me, you never hired me. Besides, I thought you hated Hermione Granger? Suing her means seeing her again and again. Trials, meetings, plea bargaining. You'd probably see more of Potter and Weasley too.
Blaise
To: blaise.zabini-zabiniandnott.mag
From: draco.malfoy-ministryofmagic.mag
Subject: Re: I'm fired?
But I've got to get back at her somehow Zabini! She embarrassed me in front of Neville Longbottom. When Longbottom is laughing at you, you have hit rock bottom. I need to get back at her. Got any ideas?
Draco
To: draco.malfoy-ministryofmagic.mag
From: blaise.zabini-zabiniandnott.mag
Subject: Idea
I'll floo over to your place tomorrow. I just discovered the St. Mungo's Hospital annual budget. Completely by accident of course.
Blaise
To: helios.morke-st.mungos.mag
Cc: hermione.granger-st.mungos.mag
From: draco.malfoy-ministryofmagic.mag
Subject: My contribution
Dr. Morke,
Let it be known that I am appalled by the behavior of your Chief Healer. I am offended by the treatment I was given at our lunch meeting and will cease all contributions to Dr. Granger's department.
Draco Malfoy
To: hermione.granger-st.mungos.mag
From: helios.morke-st.mungos.mag
Subject: Fwd: My contribution
In my office, NOW.
Helios Morke
Director
St. Mungo's Hopsital
(Forwarded message attatched.)
Author's Note: Thank you to my reviewers! This chapter would have been out sooner but I really didn't know what to write. I'd really love all your ideas plot-wise. I just had to write this fic because an m-mail story is adorable, but... grr... Heehee. Writer's block.
And a philantropist is someone who donates to charity. :D