Chapter 6

In this horror every survivor by this point in time has met someone who mentally cracked. Lost their marbles as some would say. If they were lucky you would only come across some silent mumbler or tin capped alien worshipper who had somehow managed to survive to the point where they ran across someone. If you were unlucky enough you could run across a dangerous nut. Someone who had acquired a mental illness that drove them to a dangerous level of madness.

In this new dead world there are many different things that can drive even the strongest willed and smartest minds to madness. Seeing family members die, children ripped apart, and lives that people worked on for so many years vanish in an instant. There are also the consistent moans of the dead that can over time make a person's mental record start to skip. To me the one thing that I think drove most crazy is loneliness. Lack of human contact and socialization.

As someone who studied Education, I had a decent background in psychology. One thing that we learned in college was Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. What this basically comes down to is that every single person in the world has 5 tiers of needs and higher needs cannot be met unless the lower needs are met first. At the base of the pyramid we have Psychological which includes the basic necessities to keep a person alive, breathing, food, water, and sleep. After that we have Safety which is fairly straight forward. In the third tier we have Love/Belonging. This is where we get into the whole human interaction factor.

In this mess people were struggling to meet their Psychological and Safety needs. These needs themselves are so important the if a person was not meeting them, they would not actually have the time to go crazy. Their constant thoughts would be on meeting these needs. A lot of point A to B plans that either worked or got them killed. The major tier that cost people their minds was Love/Belonging. They had all the basic necessities to survive and had some sort of physical safety. Problem was that a lot of people only gained those first two tiers because they either went about it alone or lost everyone they were with along the way. This meant long periods of time being unable to meet what is considered a fundamental need but one you can physically live without. Constant loneliness left people to their thoughts, especially those without power, and caused people to over think and eventually start to believe they are the only person left alive. This tends to be called LMS Syndrome, or Last Man Standing. These types of people refuse to believe that there arn't any other people left and when they do encounter other people they either think they are intelligent zombies, aliens, or if you lucky just some harmless ghost.

I have no doubt that if things had kept going the way they were, I would have ended up as a LMS or worse. Dead. From the day I decided to go anti sensory a lingering feeling of loneliness started to sink in. The whole first day I laid on my coach with my second to last bottle of Turkey, a pack of Reds, and I watched/read the news. By this point nothing new was being reported. Just the same old story of the quarantine line holding, troops being moved in, and the rest of the country should continue life as normal.

With the total silence I could hear the dead outside start to thin more and more throughout the day. At least three times I could hear screams off in the distance. People who tried to make a run for it or who didn't barricade their particular choice of safety well enough. That first day was hard. I reached out to those people in my mind. I felt for them really. I knew that I hadn't prepared myself any better and hell I surely didn't get an early jump on anyone. I was lucky enough to wake up just in time, be close to a source where I can add a slight surplus to my food, and live in a place I could easily alter to protect myself. Because of those few factors I got to live and others got to die.

With the quite, pitch black living room, and light glow from the television I began to lose all sense of time even on the first day. I fell asleep extremely early and dreamt uneasily. Gnashing black teeth, boney fingers with peeled back nails, the cries of my sisters screaming for help. I woke several times that night, head springing up too fast for my drunk brain to follow. At one point I tried to smoke a cigarette to calm my nerves to only fall asleep and drop it on my face. I woke with a yelp seeing a spray or bright orange as I swatted the burning end away from my face.

I walked into the bathroom and risked turning on the light for a few seconds. I had a blister already forming on my right cheek under my eye and a stream of red from where I slapped at the cigarette and wiped it from my face. Pissed off I used a needle to drain the blister and I went back out into my living room after turning off the bathroom light. I picked up the bottle of Turkey and I drained the last 5th of the bottle. I knew that when I am wasted I tend to dream next to nothing. After my burning turned to a gentle warm feeling I grabbed my blanket off the couch and headed into my bedroom. It had been over two nights since I had slept in my bed and that shitty couch wasn't going to help me fall into a deep enough sleep.

Throughout the rest of that first week I tried more to keep myself pre-occupied. I still watched some of the news to see if anything changed, if there was going to be any word on a future offensive, but nothing seemed to change. I spent most of my time watching the reruns that most of the other networks had switched to or I watched DVD's and Netflix with the occasional video game thrown in. I also picked up on the Dark Tower series by King. I had stopped after the third book when I got back to school and I began to finish the final four.

All in all this time wasn't much different than the few stay in weekends I would have by myself to help recharge my batteries. I would normally plan these weekends after I had just gotten a new game and a few new movies and I would txt my friends and tell them I had went home for the weekend so that I would be left alone. I would bring a second TV in the living room so I could watch what I wanted on one and play games on the other. The only difference between those times and these are that those weekends would only last 3 nights at the most and I always filled my apartment with junk food and delivery pizza. This was indefinite and I was only eating three meals a day equaling around 1200 calories or less.

After that week was over I was almost out of fresh chicken and meat. What little bread I had left had some mold on it so I tore off what mold I could find and I finished it off in one whole helping. I was getting to the point where I was going to start in on the canned meats, rice, and ramen. The power was also still on so at the end of the week I emptied the tub, took, a shower, and filled it back up. I had the beginnings of a beard starting but I didn't bother to shave.

I figured that the power was staying on because our town was in a unique situation power wise. First off the campus ran completely off of a clean energy thermal power station where the over flow was given to the town. On top of that a few years ago a wind power company had installed 4 large wind turbines on the edge of town. Most people would think that this idea would work great since our city sits in a wind tunnel similar to that of Chicago. The problem was that after the wind picks up to a certain speed the props on the turbines hit the brakes and stop spinning in order to keep them from breaking down. Because of this fact, the company decided to not build a wind farm in the area cause it would take them almost twice the amount of time it normally would for them to start seeing a profit. They ended up selling the turbines to the city who would sell the electricity to the local power supplier. With all five natural power sources the city was technically energy independent in the electricity department. This meant power would likely stay on in the city longer than it likely had in Toledo and other towns in the area. At the time I still assumed that power would go out at some point. All five sources still needed to be maintained and it wasn't very likely that anyone was going to risk their ass to go out and oil up a few turbines for the comforts of the few remaining people in this city.

Thank god the power had stayed on though. If it had gone out I am sure I wouldn't have been able to survive. I think just being able to see faces on the TV were enough to keep my sanity intact longer. Without it I might not have been able to hold out.

I went two more weeks from that point until I reached that tipping point. The one you can't really climb back over once you reach the other side. I started to feel extremely lonely. The only sounds I could hear were the moans of ghouls surrounding other survivors who hadn't stayed as quiet as me. I started to think I was better than those people. After one week I went from thinking about how lucky I was to how stupid they were. In reality those people were smarter than most. They had made it this far because they obviously hadn't acted on some stupid whim. They held up in their own small stakes and kept safe. Their problem was more likely due to bad luck. They either hadn't been able to get food before securing their homes and had to scavenge their neighbors homes in order to survive, only to get cornered somewhere to die or lead those monsters back to their homes to only become besieged. Peeking from my window I could see someone just a block down the road who did just that. After re-securing his place 20 of those things started beating on his door. That drew in about 30 more. After two hours they had splintered the door, punched out the boards and entered his home. After three gun shots all I heard were screams. In all actuality it was just bad luck. In my mind at the time it was an idiot who hadn't been as smart as me.

The video games started to be boring. There are only so many times I can win a super bowl or play through the story mode on Call of Duty. Online wasn't an option since all gaming services had been shut down. I went fully into reading my books, but honestly I think they were making it worse. They centered on the main character named Roland who was obsessed with finding this tower. His obsession drove him to let those he loved die. It was a very dark and depressing series and the fact that it was filled with vampires and weird mutant creatures surely didn't help me at all.

I had decided to forgo taking another shower. At that point I wasn't worried about the power at all. I simply just didn't care anymore. I kept letting my beard grow out and my hair was an oily clumped mess. My crew cut and grown out and it didn't help that I was ready for a trim before this all started. I wasn't willing to turn on my trimmers. I was certainly too smart to allow noise like that.

I couldn't smell my BO but I could tell my sheets and couch was starting to reek from my filthy body. It didn't help that I was also going through about a pack of cigarettes a day. The smell of stale smoke filled my pitch black apartment. I normally only smoked about five to ten a day but with nothing to do I started smoking more and more.

In the end of the third week I only had about a case of beer left. I had bought about 6 cases the weekend before this all happened cause a few of my friends from back home were supposed to come up and see me. They had to back out do to work and sudden school deadlines. I was pissed at the time but over the past few weeks I felt grateful. Right at that moment, looking at the last case of beer I was mad. I had obviously become an alcoholic during those three weeks. I preferred to just stay mildly drunk to help me keep my mind off my family. Now with only that one case I could only keep up my constant buzz going for two more days. I still had one bottle of Turkey left yet since I had only touched the cheap grocery store vodka and rum. I wanted to save that Turkey for a special occasion. Maybe right before I put a bullet in my head. Every day I was stuck in the dark I thought about it more and more. I know I wouldn't be able to bring myself to do it, but with a whole bottle of Turkey in me I might find the courage and even if I couldn't I might still get lucky and die from alcohol poisoning.

After my dinner beer that night I threw my can and paper plate in the trash. My trash can was filled with empties along the reeking remains produce and cigarette butts. It was the third full bag I had sitting in my kitchen. I suddenly became very aware of the terrible smell it was giving off even over my own. Throwing them out though meant going outside and that wasn't an option.

I sat down and watched a crappy movie on Netflix. It was the fourth time I had watched the same movie and I hadn't even liked it the first time around. I flipped my TV over to the cable and decided to watch the news. A lot of the different TV networks had started to go off the air and the ones that hadn't were only playing reruns.

That night was different though. I could instantly see it in the face of the female news anchor who was reporting. Her make up looked like it was slapped on quickly and her hair wasn't very well taken care of. I hadn't looked at the news in almost 24 hours. I was reading the closed captioning and after reading a bit I decided what was being reported was too important to just read. I unmated the TV and listened on very low volume.

"As we have been reporting the past 10 hours the government of the United States has been lying to everybody. Since the initial report of viral infection on Sept 25th that reanimated the dead the government has had a hold on media reporting to keep stories out of the general public. We had been reporting these past three weeks with armed men in our studios telling us what to say. Before quarantine in the city of Toledo had been broken and before the government was even really aware of what was happening infected individuals managed to board plans to travel in different sections of the nation. By the time quarantine broke several major cities in the United States and other parts of the world were experiencing low level infestations. We had also been reporting at that time that the government had set up a new quarantine zone. As many of you in the Midwest and Great Lakes regions know this is false. It is being reported that All of Ohio is infected, alone with Michigan, Indiana, Pennsylvania, Illinois, and most of Kentucky. The cities of New York, Los Angeles, Miami, Houston, and Seattle are also experiencing severe infestations with infected individuals pouring out of the cities and spreading throughout their respective states. Cities such as London, Honk Kong, Beijing, Tokyo, Berlin, Cape Town, Jerusalem, Toronto, Mexico City, Rio de Janeiro and many other international cities are also experiencing outbreaks of their own. The military of the United States is currently spread too thin to do much good. All citizens should be informed that if they come in contact with anyone who has been bitten, they must remove them from the area and contain them with whatever they can. You must know that those people will die and reanimate. There is no exception for anyone, the S Virus has a 100% death and turn rate. If you encounter a turned individual and you have no chance of escape, remember that the creature can only be stopped by destroying the brain. Even in cases of decapitation the creatures head will still be living and in some cases dangerous. It has also been reported that the dead are very susceptible to the cold. Without an internal body heat the dead freeze in below freezing temperature and can even become more sluggish and slow in mid to high 30 degree weather. If you are near a snow line it is recommended that you travel farther north to colder weather. If not it is considered too dangerous and you should remain indoors. Since we are finally free to report to you the truth about what it happening we will remain on the air 24/7 reporting true up to date facts on this world wide pandemic. Cuba is reporting total national quarantine. Plains with empty full tanks have been turned around to crash into the ocean and even shot out of the air. The Cuban navy has also…"

I turned off the TV. I didn't want to hear anymore. My family was dead. They didn't obviously come out and say it and I had no reason to think it, but in my state I could not help but believe that they were all dead. In 500 miles in every direction on me there was nothing but an undead wasteland. All of a sudden that bottle of Turkey was looking a lot sweeter than it had just an hour ago.

Chapter 7

America was done and I thought my family was gone. Still in my isolated state I believed me to be the only true survivor. I still thought there might be some like me, but too few and far between. I was surtain at this point that my luck was rather quick thinking and astute planning. I still don't think I was a fool, I was more mad. My gears were starting to slip.

I sat for an hour in the pitch black. Not even a glimmer of light to shine off the steady tears running down my face. I could feel the smoke from my cigarettes sticking to my face, the smell of salty tobacco filling my nostrils between puffs. I was certain I was a true lone survivor, a LMS, but I didn't know if I wanted to be. I decided to put myself in a drunken state. I had thought alcohol had kept me sain those 3 weeks and I thought that in a more drunken state I could better decide what I wanted to do. Live or die.

I opened my front door for the first time in weeks. First I threw all the trash out over the edge of my porch, and then I came out with my bottle of Turkey and my cigarettes. I had decided that I would drink until I was well drunk and then make a decision. If I wanted to live then I would go back in and continue my anti sensory living. If I decided to die, I would finish off the bottle and eat a bullet.

I thought about my past life during the next hour while I sipped at the bottle on my fold out chair. Random memories came to me for different reasons.

I was wearing a pair of sleep pants that my mother had gotten me for Christmas the following year. It was part of a yearly tradition for each child, me, my older brother, and my two younger twin sisters, to receive a new pair every year with a new hoodie. I would always put on the new pair of comfortable pants as soon as I got them and take off whatever shirt I was wearing and put on my hoodie so I could enjoy the feel of the unwashed inside that always felt so soft.

I was wearing a T-Shirt from my senior year of football. I had been heavy back then and I played offensive tackle. One of my best friends, Rodger, had been the quarter back. He always trusted me to keep him safe. That year I had trouble with a host of injuries, specifically concussions. I lost half the season but I made it back for our last game. A real nail bitter fought out in the cold and the rain. We won by only a hand full of points.

On top of my shirt I was wearing a padded flannel shirt that used to belong to my grandfather. He died only a few months after my final year of football, just a few days after Christmas. That year even though he was hurting, he still managed to make it out hunting with all us guys. He would never give up a chance to be with us. He was the one who calmly taught me how to hunter, trap, and fish. My father took the time to teach me the same things, but he did so in a more aggressive manner, never understanding why I couldn't pick it up quicker. My grandfather always pulled me aside and told me the way my father was with me was the way he was with my father. Men in our family don't tend to learn patients until a much older age.

I lit a cigarette with a Zippo my best friend Carl had given me not 3 months ago. He had gotten it for my birthday and it had my initials engraved in it. Whenever I went home on weekends we would be almost inseparable. Carl, Rodger, my other close friend Mike, and me would spend a lot of time at our favorite place, Summit Bar. It was this hole in the wall were you would find a lot of good old boys and state line fights between Ohioans and Indianans. One of the few places that still let you smoke inside.

All these thoughts swirled in my mind. The alcohol was starting to take effect. In my mind it was all going to come down to one question. Was there really any chance that my family or friends were still alive or not. Everyone I cared about lived in an area that was much better suited to weather this threat and my dad, uncles, and brothers were much like me. They could survive and I knew it. Problem was I didn't want to know it and I had been alone so long that I believed them to all be dead. My family back home, my sisters at school in Ft. Wayne, IN, hell even my oldest cousin all the way in Idaho. They were dead and I didn't need to think about it anymore. I didn't want to be a survivor and be completely alone. I couldn't stand the idea.

I puffed on the last cigarette I thought I would ever have as I pulled out my Hi – Point. I checked the clip and I slid out one bullet. I pulled back the chamber and I placed it in place. I heard it snap in and knew it was ready to go. I flipped my cigarette over the edge and pulled up my bottle. I started taking bigger drinks with few rests in between. It never dulled down to a warm feeling and stayed at an uneasy burn. I watched the setting sun with tears running down my face. My last sunset. I began to pull the barrel up under my chin and I closed my eyes. I still remember my prayer.

"Take me you selfish son of a bitch."

At that I hear feet. At the first moment that I hear them I know they belong to someone living. I almost shrugged it off as another idiot about ready to die. I begin to pull the gun back up under my chin when out of the corner of my eye, down the alley way that took me to the carry out, I see someone running. I drop the gun down to my lap and see a person with a back pack strapped to their back hulling ass up the alleyway. They were dodging cars and garbage that had been left in the middle of the alley and coming straight my way. I had the idea of slipping back into my apartment and just letting them run by, but I was stuck in place. I had listened to so many people run by my place over the past few weeks. I had even looked out and watched a few die. Now I couldn't move. A small piece wanted me to see what happened; to clearly see what happened instead of peeking through my trash bag covered windows.

The thing was I never thought for one second that person would see me. As they ran up the alley our eyes met. Piercing eyes peeking over top a mouth cover and under dark brown hair pulled back into a bun. She was a woman. Her eyes widened and her route seemed to have more purpose. I could see why. Rounding the corner at the end of the ally was a group of at least twenty ghouls. Molding and moving as quickly as their rigor mortis legs would carry them.

"Help me! Please help me!" She screamed up at me.

I stand up at the top of my porch, bottle of Turkey dangling from one hand, pistol in the other. She made it to the end of my landing, jumping up and grabbing the ledge. She hangs for a moment and drops back to the ground. I continued to just stare. "For the love of God help me! I'll die!" She stares into my drunken eyes. I can barely manage a whisper.

"Nooo…"

"Your killing me! Your killing MEEEE!"

I looked past her down the alleyway. The mob is within 60 feet of my porch. I can still remember thinking that she wasn't a survivor, only I was. But for reasons that I still cannot understand even now, knowing I wanted her to die or at least not help her in the slightest, I set my bottle down on my porch, hostled my Hi-Point, and reached down for her. She quickly and strongly grasped my hand and I hoisted her up to the landing. By the time she ran up to the top of the porch the monsters had reached the edge. The tallest managed to get their hands up on the landing but couldn't pull themselves up. All were eager to get a hold of me, a bit of me. It was the first time I had seen a group up close. I stood there and watched their hunger. Jaws snapping at me. I spit off the edge and hit the closest one in the face. It didn't even flinch.

I walked back up to the top of the porch and picked up my bottle. I took a big swig before I put the cap back on. I reached for the door but before I did I looked down at the pistol on my hip. I had missed my chance. That was the only time I had seriously considered ending my life and I had missed my chance to an easy way out of this mess. I can only say that I am glad that I didn't go through with it.

Chapter 8

I stumbled into the apartment, almost falling into my kitchen table and I pulled my pistol. I still had the LMS thoughts in my mind and at that point all I could think about was that this bitch ruined my chance for an easy way out and had instead damned me to a slow and painful death. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but if I couldn't get out because of those freaks in front of my porch I was as good as dead.

"Are you bite?" I manage to slur. At this point I was well drunk.

"No of course not."

"How can I trust you? I don't fucking know you. I should just throw your ass back outside."

"God please. I promise you I'm not bit. I swear to God."

"Swearing to God isn't worth the money in my wallet now. I saw you running from that mob. How do I know they didn't take a nibble on you and you're hiding it from me? HUH!"

Her dark green eyes lowered to the ground. She slowly pulled the straps of her pack off of her shoulders. Afterwards she flips the shoes off of her feet alone with her socks. Tears start to stream down her face as she starts to pull her long sleeve shirt over her head, exposing a tight stomach and perky breasts held up by a pink bra with white polka dots.

I lowered my gun and began to blush and feel a pain of quilt. Even in my mostly drunk, partially mental state I was still raised to be better than this. I couldn't let her continue.

"Stop it. Put your shirt back on. I'll just take your word for it. Sit down on the couch please."

She slowly slid her shirt back down and wiped her eyes. She moved over to the couch and sat down. I walked over and sat across from her. I laid my pistol in my lap but I didn't point it at her.

"I just want to make this very clear. You screwed me. You brought a mob of those ghouls to my place. Right now they are outside moaning and drawing lord knows how many more of those things. Because of that we are going to have to be extra quiet and careful. No noise, no light. If you want to have a shower, then you go take one right now. After that no more showers. You want to break these rules? Fine. But your ass is back out on those streets once you run out of food unless you want to starve to death. What I have is mine, that isn't a discussion. If you didn't bring anything with you that is just tough luck. You better hope those things go away or your either going to die a slow death up here or an extremely painful one down there. Finally, if I catch you taking any of my food. If I find a can missing or if something feels light, I will personally kill you. Do you understand me? You got any questions?"

She slowly raised her head up to look at me. A weird look was in her eyes. It seemed to show thanks for saving her, compassion for not making her strip, fear from my attitude, and hate from my harshness. She paused for a second and said, "How drunk are you and where do I sleep?"

"Very and Couch."

After we stared at each other for a while she got up and went to the bathroom. After a few minutes I heard the water start to run. While she showered I went about counting the food that I had. I wasn't going to let her sneak something on the first night thinking she could get away with it before I counted what I had. Afterwards I took the .38 revolver and its shells and moved it into my room in a hidden spot. Last thing I wanted was to be shot in the face while I slept.

Right before she exited the shower I pulled the trash can in my room up to me and threw up until there was nothing left but bile. I was wasted and didn't want to get worse. On top of that I didn't want her to see me weak. I thought it could give her some kind of advantage over me. I walked the trash bag out to the porch and I threw it over the edge with the other trash bags. Before stepping back in I looked down at the group of undead. There were at least 40 of the monsters and they were drawing each other in.

When I eventually stepped back into the apartment she was just stepping out of the bathroom. She had put on a change of clothes and was drying her hair with one of my extra towels.

"Is it ok if I use this or are you going to slit my throat?"

I just grunted at her as I walk into my room for a change of clean clothes. While I didn't care anymore how I smelled there was still a part of me thinking, "Can't smell like this in front of a pretty girl like that."

I peeled off my clothes in the bathroom. Everything was disgusting except for my flannel which I had just put on earlier to wear outside. I ended up washing my hair three times and I scrubbed myself four times over. Layers of skin came off in the process. When I came out of the shower I combed my hair back and looked at myself in the mirror. My hair had grown to well over an inch, much longer than I was used to growing it. My beard was also near no shave November worthy as well.

When I walked out I saw her sitting on the couch watching the news on TV. She was reading the captions and I could see a look on her face that I can only assume I had myself a few hours ago.

"I take it this is the first time you have seen the news in a while?"

She lets out a short sob and says, "We lost power about two weeks ago… how could this happen?"

I just sat there and shook my head. I didn't have the answers for her. I still don't. I let her watch and read for as long as she wanted to. When the last bit of light from the sun was gone I closed the door and lit a candle.

Sitting back down across from her I asked, "So what is your name?"

"I thought you wouldn't want to know since I'm eventually going to be evicted."

"I guess that depends how long you're going to be here. So I guess the first question is how long will your food last you?"

"About two weeks. Still want to know my name?" I nod my head yes. "My name is Maggie Grey. What's yours Mr. Landlord?"

"William Perry. Will for short if you prefer. Mind if I ask how you found your way to my place Maggie?"

Over the next few hours Maggie told me how she had weathered the undead infestation the past few weeks. Unlike me she had found out about the quarantine breach in the middle of the night before she had gone to bed. Her roommate, her boyfriend, and she went out, bought some none perishable food stuff, made a late night run for melee weapons, and like me she lived in an upstairs apartment with one wooden staircase leading up. They cut the bottom section off like mine and stayed put. Their first week they stayed mostly quiet and didn't do much. They had enough food to last them at least a month and they thought they could wait it all out. Unfortunately after the first week someone had driven a car right into pole about a block down from her place and knocked the power out for four whole square blocks which explains the media blackout. After two weeks in the dark they only had enough food to last each person another two weeks and only enough water to last them a few days. They all decided to pack up what they could carry and try to make it out of the city. It was either that or die from dehydration. Maggie's boyfriend was the first to jump down from her porch, afterwards Maggie herself jumped. But when Maggie's roommate jumped she landed on a brick that was covered in weeds and broker her ankle. She screamed out and drew the attention of every zombie in the area. They tried to drag her along but the monsters were gaining on them, so they dropped her and ran for it. In their panic they drew the attention of more monsters. About four blocks from my place Maggie and her boyfriend ran into an alleyway that was blocked off by a chain link fence. They had a group that was only twenty feet behind them. Her boyfriend ended up hoisting her over the fence before he was dragged down and killed. She kept running looking for anyplace that might be safe. She noticed a porch that had the bottom cut out like she had done to hers and she headed for it thinking she would give it a try. On the way she saw me and she decided it was this or nothing.

When she was done telling her story she had tears running down her eyes. I could see why she was holding so much contempt for how I had treated her. She had lost her boyfriend because he had sacrificed his life to save hers and I was constantly reminding her that I was going to throw her back out there to most likely die in order to save my own skin. It's so sad and terrible when I think about it now, but at that time all I could think about was how stupid she was. That is why I was a survivor and she wasn't.

"You might think I'm a piece of shit, but I'm not going to die. You got some unlucky breaks but you still made stupid decisions. You're lucky that man gave his life to save yours. I guarantee you that if it were me, I would have left you there and jumped the fence myself."

"My boyfriend was ten times the man you could ever hope to be."

"And I'm alive and he isn't, so who really wins that argument? If it wasn't for this waste of space you would be dead now. Because of me your living on borrowed time. I still haven't heard a thank you yet."

"You're a piece of shit. I hope you rot in hell."

I just smirked at her, "I would say that I think you'll be waiting for me at the gates, but I can honestly say that we both more than likely there already."

I blow out the candle.