They won't let me get out of bed
I don't know what to do
I don't know what I should do
All these thoughts that want to murder me
They just keep bringing me down
bringing me down
Have you ever just laid down in bed and felt like you never want to get up?
Like it's just to much for you to handle?
I have, actually that's how I feel right now.
Too bad you don't have privacy in this fucking place.
Well that's one of the downsides.
Since last night I have been laying down in this same position with my hands behind my head and looking at the roof. I have thought about everything that had happen.
Next to my bed there is a picture of Monique and I. I looked at it and close my eyes and I can see her standing next to me in the lunch line. Her tanned complexion, black wavy hair that was always loose, her gray eyes looking at me as she smiled with her full reddish lips.
Those lips so soft, my lips tingled and I could still feel her lips on mine.
Why? Why did you have to die?
It was your fault we lost her.
I didn't know. If I had known I would have never gotten us in that car!
Well now it is too late, she is gone and I am all you have left.
"I was starting to wonder where you were."
"CeeCee. I am not up for your games today so please leave" I didn't even have to look at the door to know she was standing at the door leaning on her shoulder because that was what she always did.
"Aw common Bella. Don't be so rude I just want to spend sometime with you"
"And I want to be alone."
"You know it's not good to be alone so long. Your starts to think and remember and then over think and then you end up right back where you started"
She is annoying me…
"CeeCee" the bed on my side dipped and her hand rested on my stomach
"What is it have you finally decided to let me show you what it's like to be loved?"
"You DON'T love me CeeCee. I am just another trophy to you"
"Maybe you are right but you are that one trophy that will be placed higher than any other." Her face was inches from mine as I looked at her deep blue eyes.
"What makes you think I want to be a trophy?"
Get this bitch away from me.
Shut up. You should be use to this by now.
"What makes you not want to be my trophy?" CeeCee sat up from the push I gave her as I stood up from the bed, then headed to the door CeeCee followed me.
"Look CeeCee I am not in the mood for these games. You won't have me and I won't ever want you. Okay?"
"Why? Because of your ghost girlfriend? Is that why?"
That's it! She doesn't get to speak of Monique!
My skin felt hot as those words left her mouth. No one and I meant no one would ever talk about Monique in no way. The rage, as that is what I have called it for a long time took me up high and I turned around to see CeeCee pinned up against the wall. My hand at her neck chocking her but she wasn't scared. She was actually smiling at me.
"Don't YOU EVER talk about her. You didn't know her so you don't get to speak about her!" my knuckles were going white and my face was inches from her. I probably looked like a dog with rabies while she looked like she was high on some drug
"that's it baby. Common let it all out. Play with me."
"UGH! You are fucking sick!" my hands fell away
"I am but so are you Bella. I can see you want to hit me. You want it as much as I want you to hit me!"
"You are right I want to hit you right now, but I won't do it to please you" I started walking down the hall going to the lunch room. I had skipped breakfast and I was now getting hungry. CeeCee came walking next to me, both of us in silence until we were almost by the recitation room; this is where everyone one comes to interact.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have talked about her."
"just forget it." We kept on walking heading to the lunch room. On our way we passed by the couches that are in front of the television. Cole, James, Brie, Ben and Amanita were sitting watching sponge bob. On the tables playing chest were Ward(Edward I just call him that) and Zack next to them was Andy and Mandy. Those last two were inseparable where you see one you were bound to find the other.
"You know the New intern arrived today."
"I heard so. Have you met her before?"
"yea she used to be my friend when we were kids."
"Do is she like your age?"
"No. She is like four years older than me."
"Which makes her like twenty?"
"She should be like twenty one" so that how CeeCee knew the intern
"What's her name?"
"Mary Alice, but she use to hate being called Mary when we were younger." I nodded at CeeCee and med line for our food there were three kids in front of us. Jason, Ramon and Sarah though I have never spoken to them they would always smile or nod at me if we came across each other.
The lunch lady Ms. Sue was a nice lady always smiling at us even when some one was mean at her she would tell us to have a nice day and smile.
"Hi Bella." She smiled bright at me and it was hard to resist not smiling at her.
"Hi Ms. Sue." There was an air to her that made you feel normal.
"How are you feeling today dear?"
"On the down side but I hope it will fade as the day goes by. What about your self?"
"Just fine as always and hopefully after you have my spaghetti and meat balls you will feel better."
"I hope so cause I am starving." Ms. Sue handed me a plate of food and plastic bottle of juice.
"Thank you"
"You are welcome. Have a nice day dear"
"you too" I walked away not waiting for CeeCee and when to sit on the table to the back next to the wall. I placed the plate on the table and sat down to eat.
While I ate I kept thinking about Monique. Back at school she would be sitting next to me talking about the bands she loved and how she wanted to follow this one band on tours. She would always make me listen to their songs, the bands name was baby metal. It was made up by these three teenage Chinese girls. At first I didn't like them but with Monique's enthusiasm it was had not to get to like them.
I looked next to me and saw her there sitting smiling bright, her red lips the twinkle in her eye.
"What are you starring at?"
Does she always have to interrupt?
"Nothing. I was just thinking"
"what about?" I kept on eating and didn't answer her. I really did hope she would get the hint and just leave me alone.
I thought back to what doctors Platt had said about not being able to remember the accident. She said that I had suppressed the incident because it was too traumatic. In her file that she kept she said that it reported that I had dragged Monique's body out of the car. But I couldn't remember any of that just that I woke up asking for Monique and the doctor told me she had died from the impact of the eighteen wheeler truck. It had been my fault she was dead, It was my fault we would never have a future together.
"Bella!"
"What! What do you want CeeCee? Don't you fucking get it? I want to be alone!" I hadn't realized I was crying until I saw my vision blur. I started to walk away unit I got to the corridors I started to run. On my way I bumped in to someone but I just kept running until I got to my room.
Once I got there I fell on the floor next to my bed crying. I couldn't deal with all this I wanted this to be over I wanted to be dead like Monique. I didn't belong in here I belonged with her.
Shut up… Stop being weak!
"No you shut up! Leave me alone"
I'll never do that. I am you.
Foot steps sounded at my door then next to me a hand was placed on my back sending chills down my spine.
"hey, are you okay? what happened?" the voice was low and soft. I turned to the side to see who crouched next to me but I didn't recognize this person. Instinctively I moved away from the closeness.
"Hey I'm not going to hurt you." She lifted her hands up in the air. Her eyes they were a clear butterscotch color and her face looked very juvenile. Perfect smooth skin and pink lips, spiky hair adorning her hear like shape face.
"I'm sorry."
"don't be. I shouldn't have just barge in like that."
"It's alright" she smiled at me and I wiped away the tears in my eyes
"I am Alice. Alice Brandon" she stretched out her hand at me I took it and gave her a small smile.
"I'm Isabella Swan but you can call me Bella."
"It's nice to meet you Bella."
"You are doctor Platt's step daughter right?" she smiled a little brighter
"News sure travels fast in here."
"It's not every day that they get new interns in here."
"Yeah that is true."
"You okay now?" I was still sobbing a little but there was something about this girl that calmed me some how.
"A little." She then moved and sat next to me against the bed
"Do you wanna talk about it?" could I?
Don't be stupid. Why would she care she doesn't know you.
"It's nothing. I just woke up in a down mood and… I guess it's just all crashed together."
"Ah one of those days… well if it's any help we all get them and if you ever need someone to talk I am going to be here if you need me." I snorted
"Right. Last time someone said something like that I got her killed." Tears started to fill my eyes again. I pulled my knees to my chest and hid my face as I started to cry thinking about Monique.
"It… should have… been me…" Alice's hand started to rub my back.
"It's okay everything will be okay… you know thing happens for a reason maybe you have something big ahead waiting for you when you get out of hear." There was something soothing about the way her hand caresses my back. I nodded at with my face still in between my knees. Her hands came over my shoulder and pulled me slowly to her side. It took me a while to stop crying and feel a little better.
I still had my head down but I heard the foot steps coming down the corridor and stopping at my door. I didn't look up I am sure I knew it was CeeCee since she is the only one that comes here.
"Alice." I felt rather than saw her tense up.
"CeeCee" her voice was a little strain and not soft or low the way she spoke to me.
"You know she doesn't like being touched." I lifted my head as she removed her hands from me.
"Is that why you moved away the first time?" I nodded at her.
"It's okay though. You have a soothing effect on me." I took her hand because she was going to pull away from me.
"I am sorry I should have known"
"don't worry. Thank you for staying" she smiled at me. Her eyes they were so beautiful I could stare at them for long.
"What ever happen to I want to be alone" CeeCee's voice was laced with anger.
"Maybe when I said that it meant I need to be alone and not trying to constantly stop you from getting in my pants" Her eyes darkened in anger glaring at me and Alice before she turned around and walked away.
"I see she hasn't change much" I looked at Alice to see her shaking her head.
"Has she always been like that?"
"Not fully no she has always had a tendency to get what she likes yes but her temper is not the same. She use to be loving and sweet." Alice face turned in to a thoughtful one while she played with a ring on her pinky finger.
"Anyways I have to finish some stuff around but I will come by and check on you before it's bed time yeah?" we both stood up from the ground.
"sure" she gave me a small smile and made move to hug me but then stopped. I watched as she moved back then I stretched out my hand.
"See you… later?" I have her a small smile as we shook hands.
"Sure"
After Alice left I went over to my bed and laid down looking up at the sealing. At some point I must have fallen asleep cause next thing I knew someone was caressing my cheek trying to wake me up. I opened my eyes to see gray ones looking down on me, her red lips curved in to a smile.
"Hey sleepy head"
"Hi. What are you doing here?"
"I came to visit you" I smiled her and placed my hand on her cheek.
"I missed you!"
"I missed you too!" she closed the gap and kissed my lips her hands were on the sides of my face and mines at her hips. The kiss was soft just our lips touching and moving. She then moved and rested her forehead on mine.
"I will always be there with you… I was there by choice, non of this is your fault." I looked at her confused.
"What are you talking about?"
"You need to get better for her." My frowned in confusion.
"who is her? Monique you are not making any sense."
"Maybe not now." Monique once more leant down and placed a kiss on my lips then got up and walked to the door there she stopped and looked back at me smiling.
"Just don't ever forget me" my heart started to pound as she turned around to leave the room. I got up.
"Please don't leave. Monique." I ran to the door but she wasn't there. I kept running down the hall trying to find her. The white wall soon turned black but I kept on going.
"Monique!" my legs gave up on me after running for so long.
"Come back… please come back… Monique…" I fell to the ground as the tears started to form in my eyes and the sobs ripped at my chest.
"Monique." I looked up at the sky and yelled in to the void of emptiness.
Two small hands held my by the shoulders shaking me.
"Bella wake up. Wake up sweetie it's just a dream…" I bolted up right hugging the person sitting next to me. Her hand started to rub circles on my back to calm me down.
"Heeey it's alright girl. It was just a dream. You are alright" I just kept on sobbing and clinging to her as if my life depended on it.
Okay so that the second chapter. Hopefully all of you will like it. I know I ended it there but you will see what happens in the next chapter. As for the pairing well I think we just found out it will be a Bellice fic…
Can any of you guess what's going on with Alice and CeeCee? I see some tension there XD
SEE YOU ALL SOON!