Chapter One: Back to Where it All Began
Disclaimer: I don't own Sheldon Cooper or Amy Farrah Fowler. Sheldon believes in the many worlds theory, and I believe that in one of those worlds, they're happily married with twins, two dogs named Otis and Rufus, the white picket fence and all that jazz. Since I reside in this world and don't have a TARDIS, I'm taking a stab at cleaning up this mess. Don't sue me.
A/N: Thank you to everyone who read, reviewed or added this story to their follows and favorites! I'm not quite sure how to respond to each review, other than sending a PM, but please know that I greatly appreciate it and hopefully I'll be able to figure out the FF platform and respond to everyone shortly.
I'm typing this on my Kindle, without a beta. I do proofread before publishing. Also, I have never been to California. All locations mentioned in this and further chapters are solely based on internet research into Pasadena and the Greater Los Angeles area. Errors are entirely my own doing. Buckle up. Here we go!
The following Saturday, Sheldon arrives at the predetermined place at precisely 11am, to find Amy has already arrived and chosen the perfect table along the far wall which allows for optimum privacy while not being located in the direct path of the restrooms or kitchen.
"Hello Sheldon. I was pleasantly surprised to find an email requesting that we meet at the Malibu coffee shop. Before this goes any further I should inform you that all forms of physical contact up to and including coitus are off the table. Now, can i buy you a beverage?"
"Social convention dictates that in any outing of a pair bonded heterosexual couple, the male is responsible for all purchases. May I buy you a beverage, Amy?"
With a small smile on her lips, Amy asks for "tepid water please."
"That is exactly what you asked for five years ago! You are delightfully predictable, Amy Farrah Fowler."
Order placed and delivered, Sheldon returns to the table and sets in for what he assumes will be a rather normal conversation with Amy. As the seconds turn into minutes of deafening silence, he ponders the meaning of the phrase, "so quiet one could hear the sound of a small metallic object reaching terminal velocity and impacting with a solid object." Decision made to, as Penny would say, "grow a pair" Sheldon decides to start with idle chit chat in the hopes of making both of them more comfortable.
"How are you?" To Sheldon, that seems far too simpleton, however, his plan for today's outing is to pretend that he is a bodysnatcher that unfortunately chose Penny as it's host. That means that he must think as Penny would think. "It must be hell inside her head," Sheldon thinks to himself.
"I'm well, Sheldon. My grant proposal was approved. We'll begin human trials next week. I have a new theory that I would like your opinion on."
Two and a half hours later, amidst a heated debate, neither acknowledge Leonard as he stands silently watching them and awaiting acknowledgement.
"Galton's theory is that intelligence is largely inherited and that the tendency for "genius" to run in families is the result of a natural superiority. Environmental factors play an infinitesimal, if any, role." Amy states emphatically.
"Balderdash!"
"Support your claim."
"My siblings are dumber than mud!"
"Anecdotal evidence at best. Take Leonard for example" Amy says finally acknowledging his presence, "he is merely one of several intelligent people in his family. The fact that his parents valued academia and scientific curiosity is irrelevant. Point nature."
"And on that note," Leonard interjected, clearly frustrated with being made the topic of conversation, "are you ready to go home, Sheldon?"
"Yes. I must say, Project PEBKAC is off to a successful start." Sheldon says standing up and pushes in his chair. He then goes to help Amy into her jacket, ever the gentleman.
"I'm unfamiliar with the terminology. Is that slang referring to the status of our relationship?" Amy asks pointedly.
"It's an acronym commonly used among tech savvy individuals such as myself. " Sheldon answers matter of factly.
"And it's meaning?" Amy asks, quickly running out of patience.
Oblivious to the frustration that Amy is now undergoing, Sheldon leans in for the pro forma end of date kiss.
"We agreed that physical contact is off the table, Sheldon." Amy whispers.
"Yes. I'm sorry." Sheldon whispers back. "Have a good evening, Amy."
"You as well, Sheldon." Amy answers.
"Oh, and PEBKAC stands for problem exists between keyboard and chair. The problem in this relationship is me."Sheldon says as he's walking out the door.