Twenty Minutes had passed slowly as I waited for Johnathan and the crew to gather in the Galley, I fidgeted as I sat at the table. I had never been nervous in my life, but right now my stomach felt like it was doing somersaults. Taking a deep breath I laid my head on the wall and closed my eyes, voices coming in made me sit straight up in my seat.
"Um, Can I help you?" asked a man who was at the front of the group.
Johnathan came in behind him, "That's our new greenhorn." He said smiling at me, I sat straight in my seat and broaden my shoulders, showing the men I wasn't scared of them or the Bering Sea. There was a long silence as I the crew just looked me over. I knew what they were thinking, a woman onboard equals bad juju. "Okay, That's enough. Mike show Aurelia to the baiting station." Johnathan side releasing the tension in the room. Mike nodded and motioned for me to follow him, getting up I walked past Johnathan and the rest of the crew, I could feel there eyes on me as I left the Galley and went out on deck.
"Don't worry about them. They'll get over themselves." Mike said reassuringly as soon as we were outside, I smiled and nodded at him.
"Thanks, but I understand their problem. I can handle my self though." Mike nodded and lead me toward the bait station.
"This is where you'll be working. Once you get the bait bags done you have to put them in the pots..." I interrupted him with my hand.
"I know how to do it, Thanks Mike. I use to fish on my Grandfather's Crab boat." Mike looked at me questioningly and just shrugged.
"Alright then. Let's head back in and eat before we get to the grounds." I turned and followed him back inside. The rest of the crew was sitting in the Galley eating, when I walked in they all got up and left. I gritted my teeth, I knew it was going to be difficult on the boat, and I wasn't here to make friends.
After eating I went into my room where I sat on the bed and rested my head in my hands. My shoulder had begun to throb and I had no pain killers for it, I had been taken off of them when I became addicted to them. Which probably accounted for my recent mood swings. Laying back on the bed I sighed and starred at the ceiling, it was going to be a long day.
"What ready to give up already?" Johnathan said with a smirk as he stood in the doorway to the room. I jumped startled at his presence, sitting up on the edge of the bed I turned and looked at him.
" . Very funny. I never give up. Never have, Never will." I said matter of factly, wincing as I moved my arm. Johnathan watched the pain flash across my face.
"What's the matter with your arm?" He asked, crossing his arms across his chest. I looked up at him innocently. "It's my job to make sure the crew isn't in danger."
"There is nothing wrong with my arm." I said hiding the pain in my voice, Johnathan snorted and walked over to me, he reached out and pushed on my shoulder. I bit my tongue to keep from screaming, but couldn't help the jerk reaction my body made to move away from his hand. "Okay maybe there is something wrong with my arm, but I'll live."
"I'm your Captain, Now do you mind telling me what's wrong with your arm." Sighing I pulled my jacket off and pulled the corner of my t-shirt down to reveal the giant scar that encircled my right shoulder. "Holy Shi-, What did you do?" Looking him straight in the eye, I just kind of starred at him for a minute or two deciding whether or not I should tell him what I'd been doing the past two years.
"Well, there was this shark and I guess it thought my arm was going to taste pretty good. But I still have my arm so I guess it changed it's mind." I said jokingly pulling my jacket back on. Johnathan just starred at me. "I can still work, It's not as bad as it looks." Standing up I shoved past him and headed to the deck, but he grabbed my arm and pulled me back in the room.
"Be careful." He said and let go of my arm, I turned and continued through the Galley and headed out on deck.
I had been alone most of my life, well emotionally alone. I had friends, I had boyfriends, but I could never emotionally connect to anyone except for my brother. Both of us grew up in an abusive home, our Father drank like it was going out of style and I had enough scars and broken bones to prove it. I took the attention away from my brother as much as I could, but he still got beat pretty bad sometimes. Our Mother just stood by and watched, after a while she started taking pills and eventually overdosed.
Most of my teenage life was spent partying and doing anything I could think of to feel like I was in control of everything that happened to me. I later was told by my psychologist I was addicted to the high of being on the verge of death.
I had been in seventeen car accidents before the State of Washington revoked my license, which of course didn't stop me. I jumped off of cliffs into freezing cold water, I played chicken in front of eighteen-wheelers, I drank to the point I was throwing up blood, but I never stopped. After my father finally died a year before my eighteenth birthday I moved in with my grandfather, but it didn't help things. The damage was already done. My depression took over and on my eighteenth birthday my Grandfather decided to take me out his crabbing boat so he could keep his eye on me. I survived the season but after returning home, my Grandfather had a heart attack and I was on my own once again. I found a job Tagging Sharks and that was it. Until I got bit and then was made to quit. So, now here I am back on a crabbing boat.
Standing out on deck I watched the water rise and fall, taking a deep breath I thought about all the stupid things I'd done in my life. My brother was right, I needed to think about where I was headed.
I couldn't get Johnathan out of me head, After what had happened in the room. There was something about Johnathan that made me want to tell him everything that had went wrong in my life. I had never felt like that before, and honestly I was scared. The concern in his eyes seemed so genuine but I didn't trust people as far as I could throw them. I could feel him watching me from the wheelhouse, reaching in my pocket I pulled out a picture of my family that I carried with me to remind me not to trust anyone, I took a deep breath and chucked it over the side of the boat. It was time to let go.
The crew came out on deck and it was time to start baiting and preparing the pots so I set my mind into work mode and got to work, I pushed my myself twice as hard to prove to everybody that I was capable of working on a crab boat. By the time we finished setting all the pots I was like one of the crew, everybody was joking with me, telling me stories. But I knew it wasn't the end, I was still an outsider to them and it would take a lot more work for me to be accepted.
After dinner, I went into my quarters and pulled my wet clothes off of me, my back was sore but I welcomed the pain it reminded me I was still alive, pulling on some clean sweat pants and a tank top I collapsed on the bed and passed out for the two hours it would take to get back to the first string of pots.