Disclaimer: I only own the storyline, but i dont own anything else, unfortunetly, Stephenie Meyer owns it all.
Lyrics from Slipknots song Snuff
And onward with Chapter 2
I arrived at my dads house around 5:30 like I told him I would. I didn't know why I agreed to this, every fiber of my being was telling me to go home. I didn't know what to expect out of this.
Truth be told I wanted to see her. I missed her so much it tore me apart but on the other hand I didn't want to hear her excuses for leaving for so long. It was going to take a lot of convincing on her end for me to forgive her.
And I wont listen to your shame
You ran away your all the same
Angels like you control
Oh my love was punished long ago
If you still care don't ever let me know
I walked into the house and went right into the kitchen where I found my father.
"So, what do you need help with, im only here because you asked me." I told him
"I understand that Jacob, I cant even imagine how hard this must be for you…Could you stir the sauce for me." Oh wonderful, Dads famous spaghetti sauce…better known as ragu.
I stirred the sauce and helped him set table and excused my self to go sit on the porch. It was a thing with us blacks, whenever we had company over we always greeted them on the porch, rain or shine. But that's not why I went out. I need air. I felt like I was suffocating in that house. My father still kept pictures of me and Bella all over that house and it was just a constant reminder of what I used to have. I don't care if she was back and on her way to my house at that very moment, it still hurt like hell to see those photos and know that she was gone.
I put my hands on the banister and hung my head. I really needed to clear my head before she got here. I stood there for a few minutes until I heard the sound of tires on gravel and looked up. There was Charlie's police cruiser. I knew she was sitting in the passenger seat, and I knew it was now or never, but my heart was logged in my throat, I couldn't even raise my arm to wave to Charlie when he stepped out of the cruiser and crossed around to the other side to let Bella out of the car. I just stared, like a fucking idiot I stared. I didn't know what else to do, at that moment my whole body went numb. My brain was screaming at me to do something, anything, but I just stood there like an idiot when she stepped out of that car.
My god she had changed. She wasn't the same Bella I remembered. For one her hair was different. And it looked like, although I couldn't be sure in the dimming light of the sunset, but it looked liked she had a small piercing in her eyebrow. It looked like she still dressed the same…T-shirt, Jeans and sneakers. Still all Bella there but what was up with the new hair and the piercing. Not that im complaining she looked hot but that's not why I couldn't take my eyes off her.
She was staring at me too.
I was caught in her gaze like a deer in the headlights and I couldn't think. One thing that definitely didn't change were her eyes. The eyes that haunted my dreams every single night for the last 6 years. The eyes that finally snapped me back to reality and I remember all the pain I went through the last 6 years.
Charlie and Bella made there way to the porch and walked up the steps.
"evening Charlie, How are you?" I asked
"Good, good and you Jake." He replied
"I've been better Charlie." I said and turned and walked into the house. Not even acknowledging she was there. I couldn't bring myself to speak to her just yet. Truth be told I was afraid of what I might say to her. I had so much anger, so much resentment built up inside of me, then again the love I had for, the love I still have for her was burning brighter then ever inside of me. I was so confused I didn't know what to do. So I did what I always do when I couldn't figure something out, I blocked it out. So I blocked her out.
We all sat down at the table to eat. Charlie and Dad talked about things happening at the station and on the rez. I just looked at my plate and ate in silence but I could feel her eyes on me. It felt like someone was burning a whole thru me. The emotions I felt at that moment I couldn't even describe. I had to get out. I stood up, excused myself, and went back out on the porch to collect my thoughts.
I thought about going home… I really didn't want to be here in the first place. But that would show her that she had some kind of power over me still. So no I stayed. I know im stupid. The girl who used to be my whole world. The only woman I ever loved, the woman who ran off with that asshole for 6 years, and left me crushed and broken, the woman who haunted my dreams every night, was in the house behind me and here I stood. Instead of going home. Was I that masochistic? Did I enjoy the pain? I honestly didn't know.
"Jake…?" I jumped at the sound of her voice.
I must have really been caught up in my thoughts because I didn't even hear her come outside. I turned around slowly. Not sure if I really wanted to do this or not.
Might as well get this over with, like ripping off a band-aid, quick and painful but the pain would only last a few seconds.
She was dressed in a long sleeved white t-shirt that was borderline showing way to much. Jeans that were worn out in certain spots and the same converse sneakers that I bought for her for her 18th birthday. Her hair was still that chocolate brown color but with blonde highlights and yes she did have a eyebrow ring. And the man in me couldn't help but look her once over…she definitely filled out in all the right places…
Stop it Jake. Now's not the time to think with anything but your brain right now.
"Hey…" it came out barely a whisper. I didn't know what else to say.
"Hey Jake.." She said as she crossed her arms over her chest. That simple gesture made it look like she was holding herself together, like if she didn't she would split in two or something. She looked like she was in so much pain, and I didn't understand it. She wasn't the one who got her heart torn in two. She was the one who tore my heart in two.
"Why'd you come Bella? I mean, after 6 years, why didn't you just stay away?" I didn't mean to sound so harsh but I was starting to get pissed again. It was like reliving a nightmare. All these years I wished she'd come back and now she's hear and im just angry.
"I…I had to see you Jake…I had to explain why I left…I wish I could have told you all those years ago, but I literally couldn't. Jake I didn't want to leave… I wanted to stay here, with Charlie, Billy, My friends, You." she said. I could see the rim of tears starting to build along her lashes…
"But you chose him Bella, You chose that asshole boyfriend of yours over me. I told you I loved you. I promised never to hurt you, never to leave your side, I promised to always take care of you, and you just left." I told her, my voice starting to rise. I couldn't control it, my anger was starting to take on a mind of its own. I couldn't reign it in if I wanted too.
"Jake, I…I didn't want too, you have to believe me when I tell you…" But I cut her off.
"No Bella, let me tell you something before you go on with your excuses okay? For 6 years, since the night you left all I dreamt about was you. I close my eyes and see your face just to open them and be heart broken all over again cuz you were gone. I kept believing that you'd be with me if you never met him, I was the right person for you, I know it, you know it. But you were so wrapped up in that asshole to see it. What does Edward have that I don't besides the money, Or is that it, im poor Jacob Black and he's rich Edward Cullen who can give you whatever you want, Is that why you left with him? IS IT?" I was beyond reason at this point, I was so enraged with hurt and anger that I couldn't control it anymore. She was crying full out now. Waterfalls running down her face is steady streams.
"Jake, that's where your wrong, I knew it was you all along and you know it had nothing to do with money Jake you know me better then that… and imp sorry if you think I left to be with him but your wrong Jake, you couldn't be more wrong…" She replied.
"All I know is that I dream of you lying next to me only to wake up and your not there and it hurts Bella, it hurts so bad that even hearing your name would rip a hole in my chest that couldn't be fixed. So IM sorry if I don't understand but you've been gone 6 years with no word and expect me to believe that? What fuckin universe are you living in? " I snapped back at her. I wanted to walk away, to punch something ,any thing then have this conversation. I knew I shoulda went the fuck home.
"Well if you'd let me explain why I had to leave maybe you'd understand Jake" She said.
"Then explain Bella, Make me understand" I told her but what she said next I wasn't expecting…What she said next made me see red…
"He was going to kill me."