Chapter 2. Highway to Hell

The van gleamed.

Freshly waxed, deep blue, with a tan interior so clean it would put Howard Hughes to shame. Brand-new satellite radio, speakers everywhere, and a DVD player in the ceiling. A moon roof.

"It's pretty," Dark said. "But could it slay a dragon?"

"Probably not," Kafei admitted.

"'Cause your old van slayed a dragon."

"I know." He sighed. "Well, this one's a hybrid. So it's, like…helping to save the planet?"

Dark considered this for a while. "Yeah, that works. It's still a shame your old van didn't survive."

"Yeah," Kafei sighed again, dejectedly.

"We could have called it your plus nine van of dragon-slaying. Or… George."

"Why George?"

"Oh, it was an old legend in this other world I visited once." He cocked his head thoughtfully. "Saint George and the dragon, I think. I never heard the whole story, but everyone in that world automatically knows what you're thinking of if you mention dragons and George."

"What does 'saint' mean? Is that a title?"

"I have no idea. It was a neat world though. A lot like this one. Even some of the celebrities had the same names! Makes you wonder about the nature of causality." He frowned. "I never did finish Snake Eater…"

Dark wandered off, mumbling about time paradoxes and bees, while the other guys gathered around the van.

"Standard engine?" Ralph asked.

"'Fraid so."

"Automatic?" Link asked.

"You wish."

Link made a face. "Lots of people can't drive a stick. It's not my fault I'm left-handed."

"No, but it entitles me to make fun of you."

"Lick me."

"I've just got one question," Ralph said. "Where do you keep getting these things?"

"One of my uncles, when he was younger, was one of those guys who…you know… drive around in vans. Is there a word for those guys?"

"I don't know. There should be."

"Well, he knows guys, who know guys, who know about vans. So…yeah."

"There's a problem with that explanation," Link said.

"What?"

"This is a soccer mom van."

"Yeah… yeah it is," Kafei agreed.

"I don't think teenagers in the seventies drove soccer mom vans."

"No, but they do now."

"And so do you, Kafei. Congratulations, you're a soccer mom."

"I have a van with a DVD player in it. You can call me whatever you want."

"Soccer mom."

zzz

Zelda wasn't surprised by the phone call, and somehow that was the most depressing thing of all. The only thing she could count on, it seemed, was that her parents couldn't be counted on.

"They're not coming, are they?" Impa said when she hung up.

"No. There's some mess with Labrynna."

"Mm, saw that on the news. Apparently they're blaming Hyrule for a giant centipede that took up residence in one of their mountains."

"But…that was kind of our fault."

"You could always send your boyfriend to get rid of it."

"Screw that, we're going on vacation! They've got guns and police and shit, they can handle it."

"Do you want me to tell the king that?"

"Tell him what you want. I'm going to be on vacation."

"Oh no." Impa stood up. "No way. You kids are not going on vacation alone. I'm coming."

"Impa! We can take care of ourselves. Saved the world, remember?"

"You got lucky. Besides, that shadow boy helped."

"He's coming too."

"Now I'm definitely going with you."

"Impa!"

"It's just not safe. Even if you weren't the princess, teenagers should not be left on their own for three weeks."

"Link and Ralph and Anju are all eighteen."

"That doesn't make a difference."

"Dark is like four hundred!"

"He's also a mentally unstable manwhore."

"He doesn't do that anymore! As much…"

"I'm going."

Zelda glared at her for a moment, then picked up the phone again.

"What are you doing?"

"Calling someone."

"I can see that, but-"

Zelda held out a hand to silence her and put the phone to her ear. "Hi, Auru! I thought today was your day off."

Impa sank back into her chair. "Oh goddesses no…"

"Yeah see I'm going on vacation in a couple days, so Impa's going to have time off."

"No I'm not," Impa groaned.

"Three weeks. Yeah, I know. Because she does. Look, we both know she needs to relax. Okay. Okay. Oh, Lake Town. You do?" She covered the mouthpiece and grinned at her bodyguard. "Impa, he knows somebody in Lake Town."

"Good for him." Impa covered her face in her hands.

"Yeah it's gonna be the whole group of us. His name is Dark. Yeah he…does that to everybody, sorry. Okay cool, sounds great. You're the best Auru. So long."

"Princess," Impa muttered through her hands. "Please tell me you did not just do that."

"Oh I did."

"You called the guy I like."

"I called the guy you like."

Impa slumped over the table. "I am not in high school…"

"Then you should be mature enough to tell the guy you like that you like him."

"He's old enough to be my father."

"When you reach a certain age that really doesn't matter."

Impa sat up suddenly. "I am not a 'certain age.'"

Zelda rolled her eyes. "I didn't mean it like that."

"It's all beside the point anyway, because you aren't going on vacation alone."

"Auru has tickets for Blue Oyster Cult."

Impa stared at her for a moment. "R- really?"

"Yuh-huh. Next weekend."

"So that's… the twelfth?"

"Yuh-huh."

"That's… Umm…"

"So I'm gonna call the hotel and tell them to take two people off the list."

"Yeah… Okay."

"Cool."

zzz

The rest of the gang were much more surprised that Zelda's parents had bailed, but they couldn't hide their relief.

"Sorry Zel," Malon said. "Your parents are kind of…intimidating. What with running the country and all."

"I am pretty sure I would get deported if I even looked at your parents," Dark added. "I wouldn't even have to look at them. Be in the sametown as them."

"I'm finding it hard to disagree," Zelda admitted.

"So we're going to be at the lake for three weeks with no adult supervision?" Malon asked.

"Yup."

"Wow. That would be a lot cooler if it wasn't, like, my life."

"Yeah," Link, Dark and Kafei said in unison.

"We're all going to die," Ralph said.

The others turned and stared at him. "What?" Link said. "Why?"

"Haven't you noticed? It's this destiny crap again. Like the universe is conspiring to get us to this town, without anyone who might want to protect us because of our age. Not to mention the stuff that's been on the news."

"What's been on the news?"

"You didn't see?"

"Are you kidding? I don't watch the news."

"Why not?"

"I'm… eighteen."

"Well there have been a lot of stories lately out of Lake Town. And that's weird, because Lake Town is half on Zora territory which means news crews have to get the permission of two separate governments if they want to film there. So there's almost never any stories from there. But there have been three in the last week!"

The group was still staring at him.

"People have been seeing weird things lurking around the old temple on the lake. And a girl disappeared."

"Oh," Link said. "Well that's bad."

"Yeah! And we're all going there!"

Everyone thought for a while.

"Is it Ganon?" Dark asked in a small voice. "Because if it's Ganon I am going to go just jump off a building right now I swear to the gods."

"Dark, no!" Zelda exclaimed. "No, if it was Ganon we would know. There haven't been any more monsters appearing at night, and you don't…hear him any more, do you?"

"No." He took a deep breath. "No, you're right. I panicked there for a sec."

"Okay, just…stay away from roofs."

"Link stole my shoelaces yesterday."

"You will get them back when you stop sneaking into my room at night!" Link snapped.

"I can't help it if I'm a cuddler!"

"We need to get you a body pillow."

"Or a girlfriend," Zelda said.

"I keep telling you guys! My brain isn't wired for long-term relationships!"

"And yet you adopt siblings on a weekly basis."

"That's different…"

"How so?"

"I… don't know."

The arrangements for the vacation had to be adapted; since Zelda's parents weren't going she wanted to be more independent. The hotel had already been arranged; four rooms for eight people, and Kefei's van sat six.

"It's a four-hour drive to Lake Town," Kafei said. He'd plotted the course out on a map, complete with little yellow stickers at convenient rest stops. "That's a lot of time to spend confined with people, even just a couple. I think we should split into two groups. Or maybe even three."

"No, two is good," Zelda said. "I guess it really just depends on who thinks they can survive four hours of Dark singing along with the radio."

"I promise not to sing if I can ride in Kafei's van and watch movies."

"But then you'll just be doing commentary the whole time," Kafei said. "Besides, I can't take another viewing of Spinal Tap."

"Philistine."

"What if I burn a CD for the trip?" Ralph suggested. "Stuff we won't go crazy listening to."

"That might work."

"Okay so Kafei and Ralph have volunteered to ride with Dark." Zelda made a note.

"Hey!"

"Sorry Kafei, that's the way it goes. That's five people left. Link's riding with me."

"Do I get a choice in that?" Link asked.

"Why, do you not want to ride with me?"

"Not if I'm going to be the only guy in the car."

"Okay, got a point there."

"Me, Anju and Nayru can all ride together," Malon suggested. "And you and Link can have some alone time."

"Yeah, in the car." Link rolled his eyes. "What can we do in- Oh."

Zelda grinned. "You are so cute when you're naïve."

"This trip is gonna be awesome!" Dark crowed.

zzz

Three days later

"That trip was awesome," Link grinned, climbing out of the rented sedan.

Zelda followed, an identical grin on her face. "An hour off Kafei's schedule, but totally worth it."

"Oh, totally."

"When did we lose him, anyway?"

"Like an hour into it. He was doing that drive-like-a-grandma thing that he does when he's pissed off."

"Ah. Guess Dark got to him sooner then we'd thought." She took in the parking lot of the hotel. "Okay, there's that white Stanza Nayru was driving. But where's Kafei's van?"

"Maybe they went off the road?"

"Not funny."

"I'm not laughing."

They exchanged a glance.

"Let's just…get checked in."

"Yeah."

They found Malon, Anju, and Nayru waiting in the lobby, and immediately got lectured in stereo for making them worry. Malon grabbed Zelda and dragged her upstairs to arrange their room, leaving Link alone with the two other girls.

"So, uh, any word from Kafei?"

"Not here," Anju said. "I was hoping you were together."

"No, we lost him pretty quickly. He was going really slow. I'm just hoping nobody got shanked."

"Don't worry, I took his leatherman before we left."

Nayru jerked her thumb toward the closest doors. "Should we go stand around and wait for them?"

"Might as well. Wouldn't feel right going exploring until everyone's here."

Lake Town was, for all outward appearances, a tourist town. There were boardwalks, tacky shops, carts selling food and cheap toys, and benches every few feet. Link, Anju, and Nayru found one close to the hotel and settled down to people-watch. It was easy to spot the locals, the ones who stared straight ahead and knew exactly where they were going. They were about fifty-fifty Zoras and humans. Tourists traveled in packs, cameras around their necks and protruding from pockets, shopping bags clutched in their hands. And they were almost entirely human. There were a surprising number of goths and scenesters on the streets, sneering at the norms. They all seemed to be heading in the same direction, toward what Link assumed was downtown.

Malon and Zelda came back down after just a few minutes and found the others easily enough. Nayru immediately suggested checking out the club scene, and Zelda just as quickly shot her down.

"It's the middle of the afternoon! Maybe once it gets dark, if we're all not too tired."

"Besides," Malon said. "I thought we were doing a girls' night."

"We can do both!"

"I vote no," Link said. "If only because I would like to make it easier for Dark to keep his promise."

"Promise?" Zelda's ears perked up. "What promise?"

"That he wouldn't just use this trip as an excuse to, um, find new partners."

Zelda blinked. "You mean, no whoring?"

"Basically, yeah." Link shrugged. "He wants to change, he said so himself. He just needs someone to give him an ultimatum. Three weeks with no sex should do… something."

"Is Dark even capable of going three weeks without sex?"

"I guess we're going to find out."

The laws of narrative convenience declared that the perfect moment for Kafei's van to appear around the corner. He was still going slowly, giving his friends plenty of time to pile off the bench and head back into the hotel parking lot to meet them.

No one was really surprised when the side door of the van burst open before it had come to a stop, and Dark lept out, singing at the top of his lungs.

"Can anybody find me…" He did a spin, and landed with his finger pointed out toward the sidewalk. "Somebody to…" He sank to his knees and pulled his hands down over his face. "Looooooooooove…"

Ralph climbed out after him, laughing and applauding, then shoved him on the back of his head. "Out of the road."

"I'm going, I'm going. Bah."

Link was grinning as his brother approached. "How many times did you sing that song in a row?"

"Like nineteen."

"I figured."

"Come get your bags!" Kafei shouted.

Everyone dutifully trooped over to the van and helped to carry suitcases and duffel bags into the hotel. Three weeks was a long time, and they had all wound up with a lot of luggage.

Dark claimed a bed in his and Link's room and threw himself face down on it.

"Come on," Link tapped on the wall. "We're gonna go wander. See what good stuff is within walking distance."

Dark mumbled something into his pillow.

"Dark?"

"Sorry." He rolled his head to the side. "I'm really tired all of a sudden. It's weird."

"Long car trips mess with your head sometimes. We'll get you a slurpee or something."

"Man, you know how sugar affects me."

"It'll wake you up. Come on, I can't just leave you alone up here."

Dark covered his eyes with one arm and waked the other and Link. "I'll be fine. I'll order a porno."

"Now I have to get you out." Link grabbed the offending arm and yanked. "Move it! Come on!"

"Awww…"

Link actually had to drag him bodily out of the room and to the elevator, but the muzak cheered him up and by the time they reached the lobby he was his typical happy self.

"You are so easy," Link laughed.

"I really am."

The group moved out into the dimming streets, making mental notes on all the restaurants and interesting-looking shops. The lake itself was huge, filling the horizon, the barest smudge of green visible on the other side. Near the edge, on the right, a few pillars and a square block rose from the water. It was an old temple, Link thought he remembered, from before the Great Flood. It had some kind of historical or mystical significance, but no one could really properly examine it without also tearing large portions of it down. There was a hiking trail that went near it, and Anju at least seemed pretty excited about checking it out.

"There's a lot of old temples and shrines around here," Anju said. "Because there was a lake here before the Great Flood too, and people always set up cities and stuff around water sources."

"Are we going to have to learn?" Ralph asked, eyes narrowing. "This is summer. We're not supposed to be learning."

"You don't have to learn if you don't want to. But I want to see if they do any tours. Or maybe there's some books or something written by locals."

"It's a tourist town," Zelda said. "Of course they do tours."

"I hope so!"

"Anju!" Dark looked at her, a new light sparking in his eyes. "I didn't know you were a nerd!"

"No." Link grabbed his ear firmly.

"Ow! Hey! I didn't do anything!"

"You didn't have to."

Dark jerked his head away and pouted. "Give me a little credit."

"Just nipping it in the bud."

"Feh." He folded his arms and pouted for a few steps. As they passed an alley he froze, sniffing the air.

"Dark?"

"You smell that?"

"No."

"You didn't even try!"

Link sighed, and everyone sniffed that air.

"Smells like any other alley," Malon said. "Beer and cigarettes."

"Clove cigarettes," Dark corrected. "And," he poked at something on the ground with his toe. "Black lipstick. Goths!"

"Oh no," Link groaned.

"They must have a gathering place somewhere in this town. Maybe a club! And if there's a goth club, there are probably other clubs too!"

"That's what your little Sherlock Holmes moment was about?" Malon asked. "Finding goths?"

"Well, not just goths. I like all the various subcultures. Goths are just one of the more common ones, and they have really sexy clothes."

"Of course."

He grinned. "You'll go clubbing with me, won't you Malon?"

"Let me think about it. No."

"Link?"

"Not a chance. Not after last time."

"People get hit on in bars! It happens!"

"That was not…" He shook his head. "Never mind."

"Just bring Zelda. As long as the two of you cling to each other the whole time, no one will try to lure you away."

"No."

"Isn't that up to me?" Zelda asked.

Link winced. "Trust me. You don't want to be there. When people see me and Dark together…"

"What, because you look so much alike?"

"Oh, is that what's bothering you?" Dark laughed. "That was just because everyone in that club already knew me. They knew I was always up for a group project, so they assumed you were too."

"It wouldn't bother me if it was just threesomes or whatever!" Link exclaimed. "It's just…they had scripts."

"Yeah… Okay, maybe that was a bit much for your first time. Sorry. But," he waved his arms frantically, "you can't just give up on clubbing altogether! It's so much fun to go out and dance and talk to people and stuff! And it's not even about the drinking because you know I can't do that!"

"Yeah but you seem to have fun wherever you go. What if it's not your type of club? Like, a college jock type place."

"That wouldn't matter. It's not the place that's fun, it's the people! I bring the party with me! If I let a little thing like music or décor get in the way, I wouldn't enjoy myself at all. And what would be the point in that?" He jabbed Kafei in the shoulder. "You gotta make your own fun."

"What ya poking me for?"

"No reason." Dark grinned.

"Leave me alone."

"No. Hey! You should go clubbing with me!"

"Are you brain damaged? No way."

"It'll be great! Link told me how you always want to go to bars and stuff."

"I was in a rebellious phase. I'm over it now. Especially since it didn't get my parents' attention anyway."

"Yeah, but… There must be something…" Dark scanned the alley quickly. "Look! Live music! You'd like to see a band, wouldn't you?" He peered at the flier. "Wait, I think I've heard of these guys somewhere."

"We're moving Dark!" Link called.

"Coming!" He ran after the group, leaving the flier stuck to the wall with gum. They walked around for another hour before heading back to the hotel, stopping to grab some food on the way. They all had lists of things to check out the next day, and over the days to come, and were optimistic about not running out of things to do too quickly.

It wasn't until they were all back in the hotel and flipping through the channels in Zelda and Malon's room, that Dark remembered to ask, "Hey Link? Who are the Indi-Go-Gos?"

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

AN:

FINALLY! Arrgh. Sorry. You'd think I would be BETTER at chapters that are mostly dialogue. Next chapter will introduce at least one new character, and possibly have some more hints about the plot. We'll also get a glimpse at some of the shadow powers Dark wasn't able to use in the last fic.

I don't think I have any commentary for this one, except that you didn't REALLY think I was going to bring Zelda's parents along, did you? I'd have to make up NAMES for them!