Patrolling with Visit was always an experience. It wasn't that he was a bad officer, it was just that every time she saw him he felt the need to inform her that Om accepted people regardless of mortal status. Cassandra had no idea how to tell him that she didn't really see why she should encourage any gods to take an interest in her. She had the horrible suspicion that they would find her life comical. And invite all the other deities in the neighbourhood around to watch and eat celestial popcorn together. She really didn't appreciate the idea of her life becoming a cosmic joke.

Take Reg and her, for example. It was so illogical. She was a vampire with a alchemy fixation and a tendency to blow herself up every other week. And he was a zombie. Zombies were the most flammable species on the entire Disc. She was sure someone somewhere must find that hilarious.

She became aware of a silence. When Visit was present this only occurred when he was waiting for a reply to something.

'Sorry, could you repeat that last bit? I'm still a little deaf after last week.' It had only been a minor explosion by Guild standards but for some reason Vimes had gone bursar. She thought he'd over-reacted. It had only been a few rooms. Okay, so she had destroyed the Watch's stockpile of teabags, but she'd put enough money in the tea kitty to make up for that. And no one had been hurt, except for her. Admittedly it might have been slightly traumatizing to find a vampire trying to pull themselves together in a smoking crater whilst crying 'no one panic, I know what I did wrong this time.' But Nobby had stopped whimpering after his third figgin. And her pay had been docked to pay for repairs. She preferred the office the way she had...redesigned it. More modern. More open-plan. Vimes hadn't appreciated this when she pointed it out to him.

'I asked if you have ever gone to church.'

Cassandra stared at Visit for a few moments before recovering. 'Um I don't know if you've noticed but I'm a vampire. We aren't exactly big on religious buildings.'

Visit frowned at her. 'A positive attitude could help. Anyway everyone knows you survived holy water, and that's supposed to be a fairly efficient method of reducing a vampire to ash.'

Cassandra rolled her eyes. 'Try francium if you want to be reduced to a small pile of ash. Look that was heat of the moment stuff okay? It was desperate. I was out of my mind by that point.'

Visit gave her a sarcastic look that clearly communicated the words 'you? Insane? Never.'

'I meant that I was in no state to pay attention to any devout molecules that happened to have landed on me. And before you ask I never bothered with religion before becoming a child of the night.'

Visit wasn't going to let go. 'But now could be the perfect time to invite Om into your life.'

'I'm dead. I thought you were supposed to bother with religion before you died. Like insurance for when you quit this mortal coil. But then it turned out that I was one of the minority who can get away without paying the premiums, because it's never going to happen to me. Not permanently.'

Visit shook his head. 'You can't know that. And it's not just about eternal salvation. It's about being a good person.'

'I'm happy the way I am.'

'Really?'

'YES.' Oops. I just got defensive. Maybe a smile would help at this point... Cassandra employed the special vampire grin that made recipients consider garlic as so much more than a pungent flavouring.

Visit just ignored it and carried on spouting Omnian proverbs and advice.

Despite herself Cassandra did have a kind of grudging respect for Visit. Anyone who could withstand prolonged contact with Vimes and keep their faith was far stronger than your average church-goer.

Please review.