Title: A Place to Remember

Rating: T

Chapter: 2

Author's note: first season story

I wish I was a better Paladin. I just wish. I'm standing here staring at Pidge floating in that stupid cryopod and it's all my fault somehow. I don't even know what I did wrong. I was shooting down Galra fighters and then I heard Shiro tell me to go left and I did, but then I saw Hunk was in trouble. I spun around and took out the cannon that was about to shoot him. As I was cheering my success and the cannon was blowing I heard Pidge cry out over the coms and looked over to see her take a hard hit from a fighter. Blue and I flew as fast as possible and took out the other ships around Green, but she was just floating there.

"Lance why weren't you there to help her!" Keith yelled. "Shiro told you to go to that sector!"

"I was…"

"You were what? Chasing glory? Just had to get the cannon didn't you?" Keith growled.

"Keith, that's enough. Hunk have Yellow tow Green in. I can't reach Katie and we need to get her back. This isn't the time or place for this discussion. We will talk later." Shiro reprimanded us.

I knew what that meant. Talk later always equaled getting yelled at. I failed and Pidge was hurt. When we landed I rushed out of Blue and up Green's ramp. I didn't even question that she just opened up for me. Pidge was there in her pilot's chair not moving and I froze. Shiro came running up behind me and around me to get to her.

"She's alive." He picked her up and carried her out of Green.

No thanks to me, I thought. Shiro got her to Coran who said it was just a concussion and that she'd be out in a couple of varga. So here I sat, waiting, avoiding Shiro and waiting.

Hunk was sitting on the other side of the pod. He had tried to talk to me, but I didn't want to be comforted. I didn't deserve it. I had screwed up.

"Lance?"

"Hunk, what?" I might have snapped. Like I said I didn't deserve to be comforted.

"Why didn't you go where Shiro said?" Hunk asked.

"Didn't you hear Keith, so I could take out the cannon and get all the glory." I growled, stupid Keith.

"Yeah, I know you better than that."

I sighed. "I thought it was going to hit you. I could see it powering up and I thought it was going to hit you." I shrugged. "I'm sure Shiro saw it too and I should have trusted him. I should have followed orders."

"I didn't see it, but I figured it out after. I'm not sure Shiro would have been able to see it from where he was either. You should talk to him." Hunk offered.

"No. He already wants to "talk" to me." Yes I used air quotes. I have never had a commanding officer that wanted to actually converse with me. Talk means shut up Lance and get yelled at.

"Shiro isn't Iverson you know." Hunk tried again and I was really starting to get annoyed at him.

"Really, I wasn't sure their appearance is so strikingly similar." So I can be a bit of a sarcastic ass when I'm upset.

"Lance."

"Just quit, enough, Hunk. I screwed up. Pidge got hurt. I'll get yelled at and I'll move on being a subpar Paladin."

"You are not…"

"Good enough. Yeah I know." I stormed off. I know it wasn't what he was going to say. Hunk would never say that to me. He's really too good to be friends with me and I've never been entirely sure why he puts up with me.

I went to my room and showered. Cleaned up and ready for my talking to, I went down to the training deck. As expected Shiro and Keith were there.

"Hey bossman." I sauntered in.

"Lance, please don't call me that." Shiro frowned.

"Right, yeah, sorry." I ran my hand through my hair and waited for the inevitable.

"Lance, sit down." I sat on the bench and he came and sat next to me. And to give Hunk credit Iverson would have stood over me and yelled.

"Lance, you need to pay attention during the battles and follow directions. I have to keep everyone working together and I directed you to Pidge's sector because Green's firepower and her aim aren't as good as you and Blue. They needed your help."

I hung my head. Just as I thought, my fault again. At least he wasn't yelling, yet anyway.

"Right. I'm sorry."

"What were you thinking, why did you change direction?"

"I don't know I just saw the cannon….

"And you had to get it?" Keith filled in for me shaking his head in disgust.

"Keith, I don't need your help here. Go shower." Shiro dismissed him and Keith glared at me. Great now I got Keith in trouble too.

"I don't know." I muttered.

"You do, talk to me." Shiro asked trying to make eye contact.

"Look, Keith's right, I was just trying to blow something big up and I screwed up and it doesn't even matter why because Pidge got hurt!" I throw my arms up and looked over his head. I wasn't going to look him in the eye just now, that kind of thing can lead to tears.

"Lance, you can do better. I'm disappointed." Shiro shook his head and walked away out of the room. I wished he had yelled at me instead.

I decided I needed to move, do something so I headed out to the deserted halls again. I had made it through like three of fifteen halls now. Sometimes there would be a lot of things to move and sometimes not much at all. I guess at least the rooms will be cleaned up and ready in case anyone ever needs to stay in them.

I couldn't help the thoughts running through my head as I walked. I was so stupid. I messed up. I could have gotten Pidge killed. Why can't I do anything right. Stupid voices sounding like Iverson and Shiro and Keith and all the others that are sure to let me know that they were better than me. That wasn't fair. Shiro never told me he was better than me, it was just obvious.

I opened three empty rooms and then in the fourth found a framed picture of a family and a medal. There wasn't anything else personal in the room so I tidied it up and moved down to the Shrine room as I liked to call it. I added the picture with the medal hanging from it's corner to the sill. There were representations for fourteen different people there now: pictures, medals, hair bows, a necklace, a shiny stone of some kind, a child's drawing, some sort of stuffed animal and some sort of bejeweled dagger. I sat on the bench and concentrated on them for awhile. Wondering what they each did and who they were, sometimes I made up stories for them and pretended I remembered them really. Yes I know if that's not pathetically lonely I don't know what is.

It's just that I'm so used to having so many people around all the time and now there are just six and some mice. And honestly I'm pretty sure the only one that likes me is Hunk, maybe Coran. Pidge and Shiro tolerate me and I'm pretty sure Keith and Allura just hate me.

After about a varga I wondered back to the occupied areas. I saw Pidge coming down the hall with Shiro.

"Pidge, you're up!" I rushed forward glad to see her.

"I'm up." she answered flatly and I stopped in my tracks.

"Hey, I'm sorry you got hurt." I bowed my head. I owed her more than an apology, but it was all I had just now.

"You should be. Keith told me what you did." She gave me a hurt look.

"I…," that took my breath away. I wasn't ready for that. She looked like I'd stabbed her in the back and I guess from her perspective I had. "I," I licked my lips trying to get my mouth to work again, "It won't happen again."

She turned and walked away. Shiro looked at me a little longer, a frown on his face.

"Lance, I wish you would tell me exactly what happened."

"Why? It doesn't matter." I mumble and turn away. I could hear Shiro call out to me a couple of times, but he needed to follow Pidge and make sure she got food and sleep. I knew how the cryopod thing worked.