A/N: The path to understanding and acceptance isn't always easy, even once you've found a label. Daphne has a little while to go before she can truly be happy in herself!
The exhilaration Daphne had felt upon realising that her feelings, or lack thereof, had a name didn't last.
Recognising that there were others like her was an incredible realisation for her, but she soon fell back down to Earth.
How would she explain her lack to her parents?
What would the Lord Greengrass do when she didn't bring a love match home? Would she be forced into a marriage contract, to be bound to a man for whom she felt nothing?
Forced to behave as the meek, submissive wife when she wanted no part in those behaviours? To be required to kiss, to do the acts a good wife is required to do… the thoughts made her feel nauseous. He had shown her that she was incapable of enjoying such duties.
But what was the alternative? To run away? To live alone, in solitude for the rest of her life?
Now, in school, she had friends, despite struggling to follow their conversations… but what of when they all grew up? When her friends were in relationships, and later married?
They would surely outgrow their single, "childish" friend in Daphne.
And what of when they all moved on in life, and began to have children of their own? How would she be able to stay relevant then? To relate to their struggles and their problems and their daily lives?
No, she realised, her friends were primed to drift away from her, to leave her behind, a relic of their young, innocent, carefree childhoods. Nice to think about, perhaps, but irrelevant. Unwanted. Alone.
What benefit did being able to name her lack of emotion, desire, bring her? All she could see now was the pain… the finality. The promises of no future, of loneliness and pain.
Of watching her friends grow up and away without her, moving along the path of life that was denied to her.
And as the promise of loneliness and pain descended as a cold, cold ball into the pits of her stomach, Daphne drew the Ice Queen mask around her.
She used it to fend off the friendships she knew were doomed to fail in a few short years when she could no longer remain relevant.
She used it to ward off those who might be drawn to her unfortunate good looks, to protect them from the pain of becoming involved with her.
It worked, for a time. She got better at it, too.
Sometimes it was hard even for her to understand where the Ice Queen mask stopped, and her own personality started.
Sometimes she worried that she was becoming the Ice Queen, rather than just using it to protect herself.
Other times, she didn't care.
At times she felt it would be better for everyone if she succumbed to the Ice Queen… it might hurt less. The Ice Queen didn't care about being alone.
And then another came. He, too, was initially rebuffed by the Ice Queen… but she slipped up.
She was tired. Tired of hiding the pain, even from herself.
Tired of wishing desperately that she could be different, but knowing with the awful certainty of a label that she was not.
Tired of running from herself, her family's expectations, of all those around her.
She was tired.
And the Ice Queen slipped.
Only for a second.
Just a split second.
But he saw.
The pain, the frustration, the rage, the anger… but above all, the fear.
He saw it all in the split second it flashed across her face, before the iron curtain fell and the Ice Queen was back in place.
After that, he would not leave her alone.
He kept coming back, and the Ice Queen kept rebuffing him.
Yet again and again, he tried… with no designs, just wanting to help. Determined to lift some of the heavy burden of the knowledge of herself off her shoulders.
Eventually, she began to crumble. She showed him her true face. She showed him Daphne.
He spoke to Daphne.
He learnt of her fears, her worries, her weaknesses.
He listened, with no judgement. He held her while she cried and screamed and raged at the world. He didn't understand, per say… but he understood.
He didn't understand her lack of desire, her lack of emotion… but he understood the pain behind it all.
He didn't understand the worries for the implications of loneliness… but he understood the fear of being alone.
It was enough, she decided.
She was enough, he told her.
And so there she was, with her back pressed against the cool, stone walls of the dungeon; the discomfort allowing her to feel strangely present in the moment rather than focusing on the tangled mess that was her thoughts and emotions.
Daphne Greengrass dropped her head into her knees and pulled her arms up above her head to curl into the tightest little ball she could.
She felt frozen in time; emotions, thoughts raging unchecked through her mind and body.
She knew she needed to move, to do, and yet she felt entirely incapable of even twitching a finger.
To move, even to blink, would be a colossal effort that she was not sure she was capable of doing.
The window was just to her left.
A short drop, maybe 2 floors below it. It would be easier…
He caught her.
He caught her in strong arms and did not put her down.
"Don't leave me," she finally managed to whisper once her voice returned, "Please, never leave me…"
"I'm not leaving," he said.
And she believed him, because she knew he knew.
He began to build her back up, put her together piece by piece even as the outside world saw no difference.
To them, Daphne Greengrass and the Ice Queen were one and the same, indecipherable, untangleable, interchangeable.
He knew better.
He built up Daphne even as he began to unravel the Ice Queen.
But even as she began to find confidence in herself, Daphne felt indebted and guilty.
He said he didn't need any more from her than friendship, but she could see it…
She wouldn't enjoy it, but did she need to? She could give him something in return…
So their relationship began to change.
He was delighted. Although at every stage he made sure to tell her that he didn't need anything else, she could see his elation as she gave him more…
She knew he wanted it, yearned for it, was just barely contained for her sake.
And she felt even worse, knowing that he could be with someone 'normal,' someone who felt, experienced, if not for her.
And so she gave more.
She gave him more and felt sick afterwards.
She found herself mentally reciting from her textbooks to keep her mind off the things she was doing with him, and running to the bathroom after each encounter.
It hurt.
But he deserved it, she told herself. He was putting up with her, after all.
She went home for the Christmas break.
The weeks she spent at home, Daphne felt freer than ever before.
The time she spent with Astoria reminded her of the times they'd spent together before everything changed, before they each went off to Hogwarts and became distracted by friendships and study, and classes…
It was nice, she realised, to just be alone with her sister… to enjoy her company…
And without realising, her worries and fears began to lighten.
She was at peace with herself and her situation.
Christmas couldn't last forever, and soon she was back at school, back with him…
And she fell into her old routine.
He deserved it, she continued to tell herself. The reasoning sounded weaker and weaker every time she repeated it to herself.
She could put up with it, if it kept him happy, she kept telling herself. But a new, niggling voice at the back of her head began to pipe up, louder and louder each time.
Could she?
Was this really what she wanted for herself? Was this really the answer to her fears, her problems… or was it just another facet of the problem disguised as a solution?
Was he still helping her?
Was this helping?
It was, she told herself… but it felt like a lie.
The Ice Queen grew stronger.
The cracks he had begun to put in it began to fade.
And in that, she grew to appreciate the Ice Queen.
The Ice Queen could be witty, funny, and always had a good comeback.
The Ice Queen was delightfully sarcastic.
The Ice Queen was intelligent and strong and motivated and powerful.
And while there were negatives to the Ice Queen, it had never lied to her, never hurt her more while trying to help, never used her guilt and her pain to get her to do things she knew she would never do of her own volition…
And Daphne realised that she could be both.
For the Ice Queen was not a mask, or a protective shield. It was not something external, to use but to never be. The Ice Queen was not stronger, more powerful, more intelligent than her… for where did it come from?
She was the Ice Queen. And the Ice Queen was Daphne. They were all just different facets, aspects of her personality. No one was any one emotion or state, and in that respect she was no different.
Daphne was witty, and funny, and always had good comebacks.
Daphne could be delightfully sarcastic.
Daphne was intelligent and strong and motivated and powerful.
Daphne was the person she could rely on, and trust.
And with that realisation came one that was more painful. He was no longer helping her.
She didn't think the pain he was causing was intentional on his part, and was sure that had he realised what his actions were doing, he would be horrified.
But the fact remained, he was hurting her… and worse, she was hurting herself trying to please him.
She didn't need to keep trying to tempt him to stay around by offering what she didn't want to give.
She didn't need to reward him for giving her the time of day.
She would give only what she was happy to give, and he could take it or leave it.
For though loneliness scared her, she finally realised a truth she should have known all along.
She had herself.
She had her family.
She was Unbroken.
They broke up that evening.
Daphne felt a twisting, gut wrenching guilt for what she'd done to both the boys, stringing them along, using them to better understand herself…
But for the first time, she also realised that they'd been using her, too.
She had satisfied their own desires, need for comfort, human presence.
She felt incredibly selfish when she realised she had not understood before that they weren't both acting solely for her. They'd been acting for themselves.
And that realisation that their worlds had not revolved around her, but that she and the boys had each been influencing the other's reality stung her when she was forced to face her own selfish narrative, but also gave her immense freedom.
She did not owe them anything.
She would, from now on, walk her own path.
Those that stumbled along her path may choose to walk with her for a time, or until it's end.
She would not know who those travellers were, or how long they would stay on her path until it happened…
But.
From this point onwards.
Daphne would not alter her own path.
She would appreciate the company should it come along, but she was not going to alter her path for the enjoyment, comfort, pleasure or any other reason for another traveller.
Should her path align with someone else's, that would be a gift.
But Daphne would not sit around waiting for someone, or hurt herself any more.
She was independent.
She was strong.
She was powerful.
She was the Ice Queen.
And for the first time, Daphne had more than understanding of herself.
She had more than just discovered herself.
She had acceptance.
She now was truly able to believe.
She was Daphne Greengrass.
Unbroken.