The Feel Again

Chapter 2

The drive over was long, at least it felt long. In all actuality it had always been a short drive, but Shawn's mind was everywhere. He could almost see what it would be like, him and Jules, and a baby. A baby with her eyes and his smile…But the happy little family sitting to a picnic in the park was quickly replaced with a fighting couple, and the little boy sitting on the stairs out of sight as he listened. Shawn accelerated his bike more and the drive was cut short when he arrived. He swerved a little with the force of his stop, and he took a moment to make sure he was steady before powering off his bike and parking it.

The house had never really changed. Henry lived isolated in the past, and for once, Shawn was grateful. He jogged up the steps onto the porch and just as he reached for the screen door, the heavier front door swung open, and Henry squinted out at him. "Jesus Christ, Shawn, I thought for sure you and that bike were gonna end up in my bushes. Could you have been any more reckless…" But a quick scan over his son's features silenced his rant, and he popped the screen open. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

Shawn dropped his gaze, suddenly embarrassed by his predicament, but he shrugged a little. "Can I come in?"

"Sure," Henry moved aside and let his only child enter. He locked the doors behind him and went to plop down on the couch in the living room. Shawn disappeared into the kitchen at first but soon returned with two beers from Henry's fridge. His father raised an eyebrow. "Well you're pulling out all the stops to get my attention."

Shawn dropped into the cushions next to him, popped the cap off of his bottle and took a few long gulps before he exhaled loudly and looked at him. "Only the best for my Pops." One more sip and he found the courage to say it. "Juliet's pregnant."

To his surprise, Henry started chuckling, and he stared at him in outrage. "Sorry kid, thought you just said Juliet was pregnant…"

"She is."

Henry's laughter was silenced. He stared at his son with the bottle pointed at his lips, and his arm slowly lowered. "I…" What could he say? He could certainly berate him over it, but judging by the grayish tint to his skin, that was the last thing Shawn needed at the moment. "Shawn, I…what are you guys…I mean…"

"Jules wants the baby," Shawn responded gently, but his voice was blatantly apathetic. "I told her I need to sleep on it…like it's a puppy or something." He set the beer aside and sunk into the couch, burying his face in his hands, massaging tense muscles that he didn't know existed in his temples. "Dad I have no idea where to go with this…I've gone sky diving and I've seen the entire world…but now I have no idea what to do."

Henry was listening, his eyes trained at his feet on the coffee table and he smiled a little. "When your mother found out she was pregnant with you, I thought I was going to just…take off. I felt so boxed in."

Shawn looked up at him with a surprised expression, because the thought had crossed his mind more than once since he had talked to Jules on the phone. "I…You did?"

His father nodded. " But once it sunk in, I didn't think it was gonna be so bad. And she was happy. That was important. You always try and…"

"Keep the woman happy," Shawn rubbed at the back of his neck anxiously. "It's just…I don't know if I can. Not in the long run. I think I'm just going to frustrate her and one day we'll just give up. And then where will that leave the kid?" He sighed in frustration. "Dad, I think it might just be best if I let Jules move on to happily ever after with some kind of prince charming…"

Henry twirled the beer bottle in his hand and then glanced at his son, smiling softly. "I understand what you're thinking, kid. But did you ever consider that neither of you are going to be happy at all if you're both torn apart? Even just your happiness, that's important too." He set the bottle aside, as it was hindering his ability to look over at Shawn while he spoke. "I don't want you to pine after Juliet the way I've…well I mean I miss your mom a lot sometimes." He cleared his throat, as if something about that act was manlier than the rest.

And Shawn smiled, realizing, to a small extent, that his place in his father's life had made him a tiny bit happier. He looked over at the older man for a moment, studied his expression and his posture before he stood. If Henry could do it, and do a halfway decent job, Shawn could certainly do it, too. "You're right. I'm being a dumbass."

"You were a dumbass for sending your man in without a uniform, now you're just a recovering dumbass." Henry quipped, taking the bottles to empty and recycle in the kitchen. "Go on kid, go get your girl and make with the mushies, it's getting to be my bedtime."

Shawn rolled his eyes. "I sincerely hope I don't keep the same infantile hours as you when I get to be your age, dad."

Henry glanced at his watch and poked his head in, tossing his hands to his sides defensively. "It's quarter to midnight, Shawn. Give me a break here."

"Yeah, yeah. Later, gramps."

"Don't ever call me that again."

"Tell me again why you're making me do this?"

"Because, Gus. You want to make a great first impression on your first niece or nephew. And I need someone to be there in case I whimp out and make a run for it…" Shawn shook off his nerves as he carefully carried a handful of balloons down the sidewalk from where Gus had parked his Yaris by a meter to the café Shawn had told Jules he would meet her at.

Gus glared at him. "My niece or nephew is the size of a hair follicle right now, Shawn."

"You don't know that, depending on when stuff happened it could be the size of a lima bean," He demonstrated with his fingers and Gus shook his head.

"Besides, it won't be able to hear out of the womb for a few more months…"

Shawn paused and thought about that, then shrugged. "Touche." He took a deep breath before he swung open the door and scanned the room for Juliet, and walked over when he saw her. He had two pink balloons, two blue, and one that was foil and read "NEW BABY". The minute she realized that it was him, she both lit up and seemed to cower into her seat more.

"You brought balloons…"

Shawn smiled and nodded. "I figured since the baby can't hear outside of your womb yet, they might like to see all the pretty colors through your skin."

"Babies can't see through their mother's abdomen, Shawn." The embarrassment in Gus' voice was apparent to everyone but Shawn.

"I've heard it both ways."

Gus and Juliet looked at one another and she burst into laughter, before she nervously folded her hands around the strings. "Thank you, Shawn." And they sat in awkward silence until they all ordered breakfast and Shawn cleared his throat.

"So….I'm on board. We can do this. We make a hell of a team."

Juliet smiled at him warmly, and then she looked away, and Shawn could tell she was fighting tears. Suddenly, they both swung their heads to look at Gus as he sobbed quietly in his chair. And Shawn sighed before glancing at Juliet. "You do remember Gus is a sympathetic crier?"

"I do."

He settled his hand on hers, and she turned it over to intertwine her fingers with his, and they enjoyed the quiet of the moment, aside from Gus' random little sniffles, knowing that they had to enjoy what little quality time that they had together left.