Continuing from where we left off – this begins my exploration of Rick and Meredith's past. (No flashbacks, don't worry.) More like their past as seen through the eyes of Kate. Well, kind of. This thing really got long so I broke it into two parts. Hopefully I'll have part 2 up soon! Thanks so much to those of you who reviewed my first chapter! I loved hearing what you thought of my version of Meredith and it definitely inspired me to keep going in this 'verse.
As always - thanks for reading.
It's not that she doesn't like the woman - no, it's not that. Kate watches as Meredith and Alexis talk heads down in the kitchen. Alexis laughs and Kate's inner turmoil grows.
She's always been pleasant, yes that's a good word for her: pleasant. She's never exactly been nasty to Kate, never sickly sweet either. So really, it's not that she doesn't like her.
She just can't place the gnawing distaste growing in her stomach. Something about how the woman in the kitchen is just so comfortable here. How she had reached easily into a cabinet and grabbed a glass, filling it with water, without a seconds hesitation. Did she live her once? Maybe this is where they started their family. Where Rick had carried her over the threshold and Alexis had learned to walk. Was that table where they had family dinners – husband and wife and child happily laughing about their day? The warmth of family - this family, this man - making breakfasts and joking and carrying Alexis around on his back jovially. It tugs at her uncomfortably.
And maybe the cups had always been to the right of the sink, stacked neatly and precise. Maybe this is exactly how she had left them behind. Alexis, who welcomes her with open arms. Rick, who once did as well – long after their divorce.
And maybe that's it. Maybe it's the odd disconnect that rubs at her. The broken family that has the ability to pick up right where they left off so easily. This woman who somehow wanted more than this family could provide her. More than what Kate's been trying to recapture her entire life. This woman who left all of that warmth behind, gets second, third, and fourth chances, without fight or apology. Able to leave time and time again to return to her more. And the daughter who seemingly holds no ill-will towards her mother. A true testament to the man beside her, she's sure.
Meredith laughs then – loudly and in a way only an actor could. Demanding the attention of the room. She sees Alexis leaning into the laughter. Wrapping herself around it.
Of course it's awkward being here now. It definitely wasn't a position her or Castle had knowingly situated themselves in. Castle had assured her that Meredith was long gone – flight in the air before they even left the precinct. Of course, sitting here now, Meredith barely in her peripheral vision, eyes on Martha, and a very twitchy Castle to her left, it's clear that had not been the case at all.
They had walked into the loft and immediately Alexis and Meredith had come bounding down the stairs, talking loudly and without abandon. Rick had stopped short right in front on her and went for her hand or waist or elbow, she wasn't sure, but he'd missed and found her wrist awkwardly squeezing tight.
"Meredith, I thought your flight had left."
Alexis had turned swiftly with a smile at her Dad's voice, faltering slightly when seeing Kate.
"Kate!" It was somewhere between surprise and embarrassment.
Kate lifted her hand in a wave with a smile.
Of course it was Meredith who wasn't phased in the least. "Oh, I switched to a later flight so Alexis and I could spend a few more hours together." Meredith's eyes had flicked to Kate quickly then and back to Rick with a smile. "And don't be silly. I wouldn't leave without saying goodbye to you too, Richard." She pulled Alexis to the kitchen then, Alexis's face twisting into something of discomfort and apology. Her mother oblivious and proud as always.
She had felt his hand slipping down into hers then. Turning towards her with an anger pulling at his features. Apology lining his words. "Let's just go out for dinner."
"Oh, don't be silly." It was Martha who swept in then, relief and compassion etched across her face. Leaning in for a hug quickly. Quietly explaining. "She's on her way out very soon, thank goodness. Let us all not suffer for this-" Her eyes had darted to the kitchen quickly. "Misfortune."
Kate suppressed a smile then. Martha continued loudly. "Kate, how lovely! So glad you came to join us for dinner. It's always so great to have you around."
The implication clear enough for Kate to raise her eyebrows, blushing. But her smile is quick to appear, warmly and sincere. "Thank you, Martha."
"Mother-" Castle started quietly.
But pride is a funny thing – and leaving with their tails between their legs was absolutely out of the question. Kate wasn't someone who let a little thing like an ex-wife get to her. Even the appearance of jealously or of being threatened, both of which Kate was decidedly not, a person like Meredith would pounce on happily, arming the woman with even more confidence than she already carries around – and clearly her cup already runneth over in that department.
So she had interrupted Castle, with a squeeze to his hand. "Thank you for having me, Martha. I hear the Castle taco night is not to be missed."
Martha had just absolutely beamed then. Raising eyebrows to her son with pride, clearly happy with Kate's decision. She had wrapped her arm around Kate and directed her to the couch. She heard Castle follow a few seconds later.
And since then, Martha had been doing a marvelous job of attempting to distract Kate from the scene in the kitchen. Filling them with stories from her day – the opening of her theater growing closer and closer, and all the commotion that lies within.
And Kate has smiled and nodded at all the right places but the words seem to be slipping by her as she has finally admitted to herself that the situation fills her with unease. Castle has complimented her poker face enough times that she's hopeful it's living up to his praise.
She can see what appears to be the beginnings of a goodbye between mother and daughter and the edges of her worrying stomach begin to soften.
The buzzer sounds and Castle's up and off the couch before it even ceases.
"That will be me," Meredith announces, arm across Alexis's shoulders.
"Yes?" Castle asks through the speaker.
"Your car has arrived, Sir."
"Thanks, Henry. Meredith will be right down." He goes for the door, none-too-reluctant to see her go.
"Oh, I hope Henry remembered to load my bags this time."
Martha shoots Kate an irritated look. Kate hides her smile, secretly pleased Martha shares in her annoyance.
"I'm sure he did, Meredith." Rick recites, chiding. "Now we wouldn't want you to miss your flight."
Martha smiles, raising her eyebrows almost wickedly. "We certainly wouldn't want that," she says, rising from the couch. Kate stands as well, taking Martha's lead and staying by the couch, unsure about how the goodbye's will progress. Uncomfortable in her role here.
"Thank you for coming, Mom." Alexis hugs Meredith tightly. "I had a lot of fun."
"My offer for the weekend in Los Angeles still stands."
"I'll talk to Ashley about it and call you."
With one last hug, Meredith turns towards Martha and Kate. "Martha, always a pleasure."
"You too, Dear."
The falseness in both of their words rings so loud Kate has to fight to keep her face neutral.
"And Kate, nice to see you again as well."
"Same to you, Meredith."
"Take care of our boy here." She nods to Rick.
He groans in disapproval and she feels Martha's hand sweep quickly across her back. She plasters a tight smile on her face, uncomfortable.
"Mom," Alexis groans and the moment passes without further incident. For that, Kate is thankful.
Meredith smiles and makes a bit of scene, smacking Alexis's cheek with a kiss. "I'll see you soon my sweet."
It's the first Kate has seen between the mother and daughter that really pulls at her heart. Makes her uneasy with the intimate scene in front of her. As if she's a voyeur to this family living in an alternate universe. Meredith curling Alexis's hair behind her ear, palm landing on the girl's cheek. The first time she's seen a true sheen in Meredith's eyes that plays on the compassionate side of her heart. The first sign of emotion that says perhaps, despite her need for more, that she truly does love and miss her daughter. That these partings do break a little something inside of her. Of course, it's a choice she made long ago, and the rational side of Kate's brain points that out repeatedly: a choice, a choice. No one to blame but herself.
Meredith tears herself away from Alexis and surprisingly, Kate can see the moment she pulls her mask back into place. Returning to the Meredith she knows - the one who can smile and laugh even as she walks out the door without a care in the world. As Meredith walks towards Rick, he looks to Kate then, and her eyes strong again meet his, exchanging a small look of understanding. With a smile, Meredith wraps him in a friendly hug, him returning it briefly.
And it hits Kate then that Meredith and her boyfriend – the guy who she's dating – her, Rick, will always have a bond she can not contend with. The red-headed girl Kate has started to feel an emotional connection with, if for no other reason that the fact that Alexis is so much of who Rick is. She's not a possessive person but she finds jealousy flaring within her. It rolls around in her stomach uncomfortably as she goes to great lengths to avoid eye contact with the man in question.
He breaks the hug almost as quick as it began and Meredith turns in the doorway, eyes back on her daughter. "Until next time." She winks at Alexis.
"Bye, Mom."
In a way only Meredith could do, she bids them all adieu with a nod and is off with flourish. Rick closes the door behind her.
Kate's worrying stomach lightens a bit when he smiles.
"Always such a shame to see her go," Martha says dryly.
"Grandma."
"Mother."
The replies come with smiles and Martha grins innocently, shrugging to Kate. "What?"
Kate tries to bury her smile, but fails, shaking her head.
Rick rubs his hands together, happy to finally be relieved of his burden. "And then there were four." Throws a small wink in Kate's direction. Her chest tightens inexplicably. "Tacos?"
They fix their tacos buffet style. Alexis and Martha go through the line first, "oo"-ing and "aw"-ing over the ingredients Castle has laid out. She's amazed at the variety. Shredded beef, turkey, chicken. Tomatoes, avocados, four types of cheeses, three salsas, and - is that chocolate?
"Chocolate, Castle? Really?"
"It's Mole, Kate!" Alexis speaks up proudly. "Dad's is the best."
He grins at her. "Don't tell me you've never had Mole before."
He sets his plate on the counter and pulls his right hand behind her, latching on to her waistband. Cold knuckles grazing her skin. He scoots his plate along the edge of the counter, piling toppings onto his plate one-handed.
"The best, huh? I guess I'll have to try it then."
"It's a little sweet, but not cavity inducing. Has a good kick to it. But delicious." He lowers his voice, smirking. "Kinda like you really." His forefinger sweeps out drawing lines on her skin.
She smiles and shakes her head. Goosebumps rising in the path of his finger.
"When I was in Mexico, you know all they put on their tacos was meat and cilantro? Sometimes a little salsa. They'd think all this was an abomination." Martha says, slathering the Mole on the top of her tacos. "But I must agree. Richard's Mole is certainly the best I've had."
He pulls her along with his hand still on her back. It's almost possessive the way the tugs at her, keeping her side brushing against his. She'd usually protest, but being here, almost a replica of her earlier fantasies of this family, but now with her among them, it's enough to grant him a temporary pass on the behavior. Being in Meredith's presence had been enough to arise a bit of possessiveness of her own. She finds that she almost welcomes each bump of their hips, sweep of his finger. She turns her head and discreetly places a kiss on his shirted shoulder. He turns his head towards her and her stomach flips when he smiles widely – so sweetly – at her.
She'd never admit it to him, but it's that smile, the one that tugs at his cheeks just so, crinkles his eyes, it's one of the most seductive looks in his arsenal. If he only knew the things it does to her.
Then again, the way he's looking at her now, the familiar twinkle in his eyes, maybe he does.
He leans across his mother sweeping his finger through the dark chocolate substance.
"Dad! That's unsanitary."
"You've already gotten yours! And I promise my hands are clean." He smirks at his indignant daughter, pulling his finger to his mouth, cleaning it of the chocolate.
Before she knows what's happening, he's leaned over to her, his hand firm on her waistband to make escape nearly impossible and presses his lips to hers, pushing some chocolate through her lips with his tongue.
It's so quick, he's pulled away by the time she's able to sputter out a protest. "Castle!"
"Oh Richard, really. Don't embarrass the poor girl."
"Ew, Dad."
The chastising does nothing to diminish his smile. "What? It's only fair you have a sample first."
Her cheeks burn pink and she swipes at his arm, hiding her smile as best she can. "There are better, more appropriate ways I could have sampled." She lowers her voice. "Especially in front of your daughter."
Her voice is clearly not low enough when Alexis speaks up. "I agree!"
He just smiles proudly, chocolate smeared on the corner of his mouth.
Martha and Alexis are smiling broadly, despite their protests, and a familiar warmth fills her chest. She swipes her finger across the corner of his mouth with a playful glare. "You are such a child sometimes." She pulls the remnants of the chocolate into her mouth quickly.
"Good, huh?"
She shakes her head smiling broadly. "Yes, Castle. Very good."
His arm sneaks around her waist, hand on her bare hip. Hugging her tighter to his side.
"Dad, which cheese did I like last time?"
"Um, I think it was the Parmesan, second bowl from the left."
"Yum, Kate. You have to try the Parmesan with it too."
Castle playfully starts to lean over to the bowl, but Alexis smacks his hand away.
"Don't even think about it, Castle," Kate adds.
Martha laughs. "Seems you have two women to keep you in line now, Richard."
He groans with a smile, tugging her to the next bowls with him. "Don't I know it."
He hasn't stopped touching her throughout dinner. His arm swept casually across the chair behind her. Fingers dancing on her shoulder. She notices he's always a little more touchy after a day at the precinct. Where they actively keep their distance. Today had been the first day back since the night at The Old Haunt. If she thought she'd been surprised with Castle's discretion, she was blown away by the boys and Lanie. All of which said nothing all day that would even hint to their relationship.
Perhaps it was the presence of the new captain that curbed their behavior. Whatever the case, Kate's grateful. She's not sure what the rules are with detectives dating consultants, or civilian investigators, but she's not sure she's ready to find out just yet.
"So how was Meredith this trip?" Rick asks Alexis, as he laps up the leftover Mole from his plate with an abandoned tortilla.
"Good. You know Mom, tried to get me to shirk my studying last night for some-" She pulls her hand in the air making quote symbols with her fingers. "'Mother, daughter time'. Which, by the way, consisted of me reading lines with her and her shamelessly seeking out compliments."
"Sounds like Meredith," Rick says with a small grimace.
Kate watches his face in her peripheral vision. The subtle way he clenches his jaw, eyes dart to his mother and back to Alexis, it all gives her pause. She can see the small traces of frustration that he tries to hide from his daughter.
Whether or not she realizes it, Kate's not sure, but Alexis does her best to relieve his turmoil. "No, but it was good. Fine. She met Ashley."
He crooks a smile then. "Poor guy."
Alexis laughs and shakes her head at her father. "She insisted he call her Meredith. He was so uncomfortable with it. It was kinda funny to watch him squirm."
"One thing you can definitely say about the guy is that he's respectful," Rick points out, punctuating with is fork.
"She approves though. Said he was 'very good-looking'."
Martha rolls her eyes then. "God knows that's what's important to that woman."
Kate watches as Rick shoots a warning glance to his mother as Alexis takes a sip of her drink. Kate's impressed that Martha seems to immediately oblige and sits back in her chair a little.
"While she approves, she definitely, none-too-subtly, kept reminding me that there are other fish in the sea."
Rick sputters, pulling his arm from around Kate, coughing into his napkin.
Alexis plows on. "I mean, I know she's Mom, and she's not exactly the best go-to person for love advice, but she has a point. I mean, we're going to be in college – separate colleges. For at least four years. I think it's practical advice."
"Alexis, if you love him-"
"I know, Dad. Don't worry. I'm not going to break up with Ashley over something Mom told me. I just think it's something to think about."
"Alexis, your mother-" He sighs, collecting his thoughts. "Your mother looks at world differently than most people. If you start thinking about it too much, you'll start to pull away from him in an attempt to soften the blow that you're mother has convinced you is inevitable. It's self-sabotage, and I don't want you to do that to yourself."
Alexis thinks on that for a second and then, in a move that shocks her to the core, turns her thoughtful eyes to Kate. "You think we have a chance?"
Kate starts a little as all eyes turn towards her. She's burdened and honored all the same. She pulls a piece of her hair behind her ear. (Natalie Rhodes' voice in her ear that she's buying time. This time, she concedes, it's definitely true.) "Well just the other day, Jenny, Detective Ryan's fiancée was telling your dad and me about some of her friends that were high school sweethearts, went to different colleges, and made it. They're now married and expecting their second child."
Alexis smiles and Kate glances for approval from Rick. He's giving her a warm smile and she feels her cheeks pinken a little in return.
"I hope that's us one day. Sometimes it's just so hard, you know?"
Kate nods.
Martha leans forward. "It may not always be easy kiddo, but historically, love has always found ways to beat the odds."
"I really do love him."
"Then Sweetheart, you fight for that happy ending you want."
Alexis nods to her father and Kate feels his words resonate within her. It's a odd feeling, one she certainly isn't used to, but she suddenly has the urge to touch him. Connect a part of him to her. Her hand reaches out subtly and clasps onto his leg. His leg warm under her touch. His hand immediately joins hers and she turns her palm over, interlacing her fingers with his. She holds on tightly, but if he notices, he makes no indication of it. Resuming his almost-methodical wiping of the Mole from his plate.
Martha stretches. "Okay Kiddo." Eyes on her son. "What do you say you and I clean all this up?"
Rick nods and squeezes Kate's hand once before letting go and standing. He grabs the plate from in front of her.
"Why don't you and Alexis find a movie or something?"
"I can help," she protests.
He smiles. "We got this."
"Come on, Kate. Let them do it. We can stretch out on the couch and watch some TV."
She smiles. "Okay, if you insist. That sounds good."
As Martha takes her first load into the kitchen, Alexis stands happily, going around to her father and hugging him around his waist. Her head lies on his chest and Kate can't help but watch the scene. Her chest tight with emotion.
"Thanks, Dad."
He nods into her hair and places a kiss there. "Love you, Pumpkin."
As many times as she's witnessed it, him being a father never ceases to amaze her. This side of him has always been one of her favorites.
Alexis turns away from him with a grin, and heads into the living room.
Kate watches him watch her go and then he turns back to her. Almost solemn in his tenderness. He bends down, studying her face. Palm on her cheek. His eyes are soft and while usually she'd try to break from the moment with a joke or a smile, she finds herself transfixed under his gaze. Without a word, he leans in a kisses her gently on the mouth. Swiping her cheek with his thumb.
God, he makes her melt sometimes.
As Martha's whistles get closer, he stands, gathering the plates. Martha reaches the table with a lightness in her step. Smiles as her. Kate realizes she's sitting there almost dumbstruck and finally starts to move to join Alexis. Rick gathers the plates and bowls, giving her a small, brief smile as she stands. Martha's hand sweeps down the spine of her son's back with a smile.
This family. How much they say without a word. It astounds her. She turns and goes into the living room before she is caught staring.
"I'm sorry about us surprising you today."
Alexis is leaned against the corner of the couch with the remote in her hands. Kate can hear the clashing of dishes over the low television. She moves to sit on the other end of the couch.
"It's really okay, Alexis. No harm done." She smiles.
"She can't stand it you know?"
The intimacy of this conversation unnerves her. She can hardly change the subject so she stares it down. "What's that?"
"You and Dad. How happy he is. I love her, but why can't she just be happy for him?"
Oh, how to answer that question? She bites down a grimace. "I'm not sure Alexis. It's hard sometimes, I guess."
She seems to accept that and nods, looking through the TV thoughtfully. "Sometimes I just want to tell her to leave him alone, you know?"
"I think you're Dad is okay. He can take it."
"Yeah, I know you're right. And he's different now. I don't know if you can see it, but he really is. It doesn't get to him like it used to." Alexis looks at her quickly, as if gaging her reaction. "Or, I mean, it gets to him more now, in the way it should. He doesn't like it. I can tell."
Kate just nods, unsure.
"Is it weird that I don't want them to get back together? I mean shouldn't their kid want that?"
A fish floundering on the sand. Kate opens and closes her mouth a few times.
"I mean, I don't. I never did. Don't get me wrong, I love her, but I'm really happy he's with you."
Kate forces a smile then. Nods. "Thank you."
Alexis watches her and then starts. "I'm sorry. You don't want to hear about this."
Except she kind of does. Just not from Alexis. "It's really okay, Alexis. If it's something you wanna talk about, then you should probably talk about it."
"I just feel guilty sometimes. It's so stupid, I know."
"It's not stupid."
"Every time she comes, it's like I'm so happy that she gets to leave again. Does that make me an awful person?"
Kate smiles and the weird need for touching comes at her again. She's really been spending too much time with these Castles.
She pats Alexis leg at her calf. "You are definitely not an awful person. I think it's absolutely normal to love someone but not always like them."
Alexis smiles then. "Dad says that all the time."
Kate crooks a grin then, hoping to lighten the mood. "Sometimes when we're investigating a case, your dad drives me crazy. I definitely don't always like him but I-" She catches herself and widens her eyes. Oh crap. She's suddenly hot under Alexis's gaze. The moment pricking her skin as she fights for the words to finish her sentence.
Her dumb tongue motionless in her mouth.
Alexis is looking at her with a wide smile and raised eyebrows. Kate darts her eyes around in a near panic. "Um-" she starts, but bless this child, she lets her off the hook.
"I know what you mean. Dad can be a handful." She smiles all too happily for Kate's liking, but it lets the moment pass, so she's thankful.
Kate's anxiety level is only reduced slightly so she rushes to leave this minefield. "What's on TV?"
Alexis smiles knowingly. "Trashy reality TV or a news show talking about trashy reality TV?"
"The first one."
Alexis grabs the remote. "As you wish."
When Martha and Rick finish in the kitchen, they find Kate and Alexis immersed in the television.
"Okay my dears, I am going out."
Alexis turns towards her grandmother. "Where are you off to tonight?"
Castle comes to stand behind the couch, leaning his hip against it. "Alexis, what did I teach you about don't ask, don't tell?"
Martha smiles. "Oh Richard, really. I'm just meeting a friend for a drink."
Alexis gives a smirk to his dad. "Have fun, Grandma."
"Yes, Mother. Please have fun. And don't do anything I would do."
She kisses his cheek, rolling her eyes. "I'm meeting my friend Anna. She going through a nasty divorce." Martha glances at Kate. "You'd think he was the parent in this relationship."
"Sometimes I wonder, Mother."
"Have a good night Grandma."
"I'll see you in the morning." She squeezes Kate's shoulder and leans down to kiss the top of Alexis's head.
When the door closes behind her, Rick sets his hands on Kate's shoulders, rubbing gently. "Whatcha watching?"
Kate feels Alexis's glance towards them and she almost wants to swipe away Castle's hands. The girl seems to be more appraising than usual, and it's no mystery to Kate as of why. At Alexis's smile, she once again finds herself fighting the blush creeping up her neck.
"I'm actually going to go upstairs. Ashley's supposed to call when he gets back to California." She moves off of the couch. "Thanks for coming to dinner, Kate." She grins knowingly. "And for the talk."
Kate smiles tightly, knowing no way that went over Castle's head. As proof, his hands stop moving. "No problem, Alexis. Anytime."
"What talk?" Castle almost whines.
"Goodnight, Dad." Alexis says with a smile.
As she makes her way up the stairs, his hands resume. "You're not going to tell me are you?"
She grins. "Not a chance, Castle."
He leans down and gently bites her ear. "Ouch. What was that for?"
He smiles against the side of her head. "Just checking if I'm dreaming."
She bites back a smile. Affixes a glare to her face. "I pretty sure you're supposed to pinch yourself."
"Aw, it was so much more fun my way."
"Come here, Castle."
He smiles and walks around the couch coming to stand in front of her.
"Come here," she says gently, brushing her foot against the back of his calf.
He puts his arms on either side of her leaning in. Face inches from hers.
She takes a meaty clasp of the skin on his arm and pinches.
"Ow!"
She clicks her tongue, accessing. "Nope. Not dreaming."
He shakes his head and grins. "I totally walked right into that one."
She nods, rubbing his arm gently, soothing it. She runs her hand up his arm and stops at his neck, pulling him down and closing the space between them. His mouth finding hers instantly. He draws her in - a deep kiss she feels to her toes.
He slowly pulls away, her body following for a short second before retreating back to resting against the couch. "I've wanted to do that all night."
"Mmm." She's embarrassingly without words. He's really good at that.
He laughs. His hand reaching up to gently stroke her cheek as her eyes focus on his face. "Thank you."
She just nods. Leans up and kisses him softly once more.
He presses his nose against hers. "I think we should play some poker."
She frowns. Not exactly what she was expecting. "Poker?"
He nods, kissing her again.
"Like strip poker?" She asks, eyes narrowed.
He laughs. "Not what I had in mind, but I could certainly be persuaded."
She's a little confused. "You wanna play poker?"
He nods, pushing some hair behind her ear. "Maybe talk?"
Oh. Oh. "Castle, it's fine. I'm fine. We don't need to."
"Maybe I kinda want to?"
She finds his eyes. Takes in the seriousness lining them. Finds herself nodding. "Okay then. Let's play some poker."