Disclaimer: I don't own D Gray Man. I don't make any money from writing this. This is for my own personal entertainment… and hopefully of others.

Warning: Yaoi content. Don't like, don't read. I will not say sorry to anyone who might be offended. You've been warned! Also, this is unbeta-ed.

Insomnia: Chapter 2 (Etiology)

"No," Kanda said flatly and icily.

Alice visibly flinched from where she stood holding a silver tray and waiting for the off chance that her new master and his guests would need anything else. Not that anyone was paying attention to her. Both Bookman and his apprentice were staring at Kanda with very different expressions, their dinners as neglected as Alice. Bookman had a stern and disapproving look in his face, like he wanted to say something else but was thinking about whether to keep it to himself or not. Beside him was Lavi, face curious and wondering but with a clear hint that he was enjoying himself.

Kanda was the only one on the table who was actually eating. Ever since Bookman decided to drop the news midway their supper, he had kept trying to argue why Kanda needed a doctor living in his house. Kanda initially listened to the old man's words, before outright rejecting the idea.

"That's ridiculous. I'm not dying any time soon," Kanda had announced.

"But your health needs close watching. I would have done it but I have other patients—"

"It's fine. I don't need a doctor. Just leave me some of that stuff that your stupid apprentice gave me last night so I can sleep."

"Yu, I told you—" Lavi interrupted.

"How many times do I have to tell you not to use my—"

"You need a doctor here!"

"… simply impossible. It's too strong and your body have just recovered as well."

"It's Kanda! K-A-N-D-A!"

"Reconsider this Kanda-kun. General Tiedoll specifically requested that a doctor—"

"Yeah, gramps got my clothes packed and everything. My lucky blanket is here too."

That went on for a few minutes and Alice was beginning to wonder if she should do something. The big kitchen and beautiful stove was a joy to work with but she thought if she made mistake taking this job. She had thought of distracting them by bringing out the dessert early but suddenly, the discussion died down. Kanda was eating again while the other two watched him. Bookman would blurt out an argument once in a while before being cut off by Kanda with a 'no.'

So Alice held on to her tray, ready to fetch the sweetest distraction from the oven. Or refill their glasses. Whichever need arises.

"Give it up, gramps," Lavi said suddenly. "I don't think anything you say will change his mind."

Kanda couldn't help but look up from his plate to glace at Lavi. Lavi was staring right back at him with a big grin and apparently unfazed by the glare directed his way. Kanda wanted to wipe off that grin from his face so bad, he felt his hand clench around the fork tightly. Had it been chopsticks, it would have not withstood the pressure.

"Shut your mouth you stupid excuse for a doctor," Bookman snapped, releasing some of the vent up anger he couldn't take out on Kanda. "Mind your own business."

"But it is my business," Lavi argued, finally taking his eye off the infuriated Japanese and turning to Bookman. "I administered the drug, reviewed his chart, watched over him for a whole night without sleep. Kanda is my patient as much he is yours."

That earned Lavi a good hit on his head.

"Don't you get cocky, idiot," Bookman muttered, regaining most of his composure. "In any case, it's not for you or Kanda-kun to decide."

Kanda had been so busy glaring at Lavi that it took some moments before what his doctor said finally sank in. "Of course it is! I decide what's good for me and I say I don't need that idiot in my house."

"Why is everyone having the misconception that I'm an idiot?" Lavi asked no one in particular. He turned to Kanda. "Anyway, you are of age, sleep-deprived but in sound mental condition to make judgments. If you want to kill yourself, that's fine by me. Just sign a document or something to free me and gramps from legal responsibili—"

Alice gasped and dropped her tray with a loud clatter after the sudden 'snap' was heard. Lavi was holding the side of his face in shock, the skin beneath red and stinging. Kanda stopped eating again and was unable to mask the look of pure surprise of seeing Bookman in such a rage. The old man had always been so calm and composed for the most part. Until now.

"How dare you," Bookman growled, "call yourself a doctor!"

Lavi had not moved a muscle. His eye was still wide from shock as he slowly removed his hand from his cheek. Kanda could clearly see where Bookman's hand must have landed on his face. Lavi settled for staring at his palm, looking like he was still processing what had just happened.

"Legal responsibility does not bind us to our patients. We are ethically obligated to treat our patients! As humans. Isn't that what I taught you?"

The shock from Lavi's face had completely disappeared to be replaced by a cold, emotionless expression. He straightened his white shirt and noiselessly fixed his tie. He sat up in his full height before bowing his head and saying, "I'm sorry."

Kanda thought Lavi's voice held no remorse at all, just a cold and empty apology. Whether or not Bookman thought the same, he did not show it. He stared at Lavi for a very brief moment before closing his eyes and breathing deeply. Still, Kanda caught the impression that the old man wasn't angry anymore. It almost seemed as if he was actually pitying the younger doctor.

"Pie!"

The men around the big table all turned their attention to Alice who was suddenly beside them, holding out a big plate with the said pie. Her smile was big and confused as she encouraged everyone to hold out their plates.

To Kanda's surprise, Bookman held out his to receive a slice. Lavi shortly followed suite, even muttering a 'thanks' to the poor maid.

"M-Master," Alice said softly, turning to Kanda for his slice.

"I hate sweets," Kanda said simply.

Alice furiously blushed at being addressed by Kanda without the harsh tone she had been receiving since she came. Kanda watched her nod her head vigorously to show that she understood before walking back to the kitchen and leaving the table in silence.

"I will leave first thing tomorrow. Write a weekly report to me and address it to the town hospital," Bookman said suddenly, not looking at anyone.

Lavi nodded. The rest of dinner was spent in silence.

True to his word, Kanda saw Bookman's carriage leave the mansion gates right after dawn. Lavi had been outside to see him off but the old man looked like he didn't care much for his presence. Kanda wondered if Bookman was really that offended by Lavi's words that night. For him, it was just another thing that he had found out about the young doctor and he wasn't really offended by Lavi. Lavi was detached, and it seemed like he was being a doctor because he was enjoying the job. It wasn't the same as Bookman's morality principle. It was a little cold but Kanda had asked for it. He didn't mind. Bookman did. What surprised Kanda more was that Bookman actually have that kind of philosophy about treating people.

It wasn't his business anyway, he told himself. What went on with Lavi and Bookman was between them. Kanda could care less. What he did care about was getting to sleep dammit!

The few days after Bookman left, Kanda had been completely restless. He trained, ate, trained, trained, took baths, trained, ate, trained some more… still he couldn't sleep. He'd find himself waking up from a painfully short slumber sometimes, around one in the morning but then he'd spent the rest of the night tossing and turning or wandering the halls. Alice prepared him hot drinks on the first couple of nights, which he rejected of course. It only got worse. After that, Alice had developed some misplaced sense of responsibility to share her master's burden by staying up too. Kanda had no choice but to threaten her with Mugen so that at least he could be alone and not be bothered by being offered tea or extra blankets every five minutes.

To his surprise, Lavi, the talkative person who ran 5000 words per second had mostly locked himself up in his room doing god knows what. Light was streaming from under his door every time Kanda passed by his room but he never bothered to knock or snoop around. Lavi occasionally came out to check up on Kanda, which involved touching his forehead, listening to his stethoscope, asking pointless questions, and writing down notes. None of these helped him fall asleep. Kanda had known he didn't need the damn doctor in his house!

And so came the eighth night. Kanda decided to sit outside the balcony this time to avoid being seen by Alice. The sky was cloudy and starless. The moon was nowhere to be found either. He couldn't see much from where he sat but at least he could feel the cold wind and it somehow calmed it. Anything was better than the confining walls of his dark room.

"You shouldn't be out here. You might catch a cold," a voice that was once heard frequently said.

Kanda didn't move. He didn't even bother responding.

Apparently, the other took his silence as an invitation to join him. Before he knew it, Lavi had leaned on the marble railing where he sat, staring off into the darkness. "Please forget what I said before. I shouldn't have said that."

Kanda knew without asking that he was referring to the one he said during dinner with Bookman. He shrugged lightly. "It doesn't concern me."

Lavi nodded.

"It's too early for the routine crap that you do. Get lost."

Even in the darkness, Kanda knew that the other was smirking. He had just called Lavi's routine check-ups 'crap.'

"Yeah, well, I'm your doctor and I came on a medical mission. To observe my patient while his insomnia kicks in."

"Tch," Kanda said. "If watching my insomnia can make it go away, by all means watch me. If not, get the hell out of my sight."

"Irritable, tactless, and incredibly foul-mouthed for someone of such prominent social stature," Lavi enumerated, nodding to himself and holding out three fingers to Kanda. "I shall have further observation to determine whether it's the insomnia or just your personality."

Kanda's brows twitched. Is this guy for real? He hadn't met anyone who dared say such things about him, ever. Well, at least not to his face, but Lavi didn't seem to have any problem speaking exactly what was on his mind. He found himself glaring at the doctor, hating him for his lack of fear. "Do you have a death wish?"

"Easy now… It was a fair observation. I might have phrased it in a bad way but I really am observing your behavior. It's a part of my job," Lavi told him. "Homicidal tendencies," he muttered as an afterthought.

That was when Lavi felt something really painful in his midsection. "Ow!" he cried and then realized that Kanda had punched him in the gut.

Aside from women and children, Kanda usually had some reservation for doctors, teachers, and the like mainly because of people like Bookman and his sensei in kendo. He had grown to respect them for what they do. Now this particular redheaded freak here, Kanda would have gutted the pathetic excuse for a doctor had Mugen anywhere near his grasp. Too bad it was inside the room.

"Leave me alone. Now," Kanda deadpanned, pointing to the door.

"Ya know," Lavi said suddenly, as if he was thinking of how to phrase his thoughts carefully, "there's something I've been meaning to ask ya but you've never been in a talkative mood till now."

"You think I'm in a talkative mood now?"

"It's kind of a sensitive subject ya know. And I admit I'm no psychologist or anything like that but doctors like me do study the effects of emotions and the psyche on the health of our patients."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Kanda said, more annoyed than ever. He's just begging to be murdered, wasn't he?

"I'm gonna start by saying that as a doctor, I uphold confidentiality so anything ya say will be for my ears only," Lavi said seriously. When Kanda did not respond, he sighed, as if he was mustering the patience to explain something so simple. "Ya see, when insomnia doesn't resolve itself after months, it is possible that it is caused by emotional trauma."

"What?"

"So," Lavi said as he suddenly grabbed Kanda's shoulders and looking directly at his eyes as though to prove that he would never lie, "is there anything that happened in the past that could have caused this?"

"Shut up. There's no emotional trauma."

Instead of backing off like what Kanda wanted, Lavi just nodded gravely and gave him a look that said 'poor child.' Kanda tried to pry off his hands but the doctor was unexpectedly strong.

"It's okay, Yu. Did someone hurt you? Perhaps someone close to you?"

Kanda was unnerved by the proximity of Lavi's face to his. Clearly, the doctor had no concept of personal space or respect of it. It was dark and cold, a striking contrast to the warm hands on his shoulders.

"Get the fuck off! There's no fucking emotional trauma!" he said. "You're a crappy doctor if you can't find out what's wrong with me! Don't blame it on some emotional shit that didn't even happen."

"Come on, Yu," Lavi said, walking closer and pointedly ignoring him, "you don't have to hide anything from me. Did your father leaving cause you to feel unloved? Lonely? Was it your mother's passing at such a young age? I'll need the information to help you."

Kanda was distracted as he stepped back, completely missing the fact that Lavi had been digging through his personal experiences and had called him by his given name twice. The warmth and proximity were stirring something inside him, something familiar yet too faint to recall. The sky, trees, and Lavi's face were dancing in front of him. What was happening? He closed his eyes only to open them and focus them on Lavi's face.

"Why did the general leave you, his son?" Lavi asked as he took another step.

He only knew panic at that moment. He kept stepping back, trying to regain some semblance of personal space. He felt too exposed, too vulnerable for some reason, and it distracted him from thinking straight. Why was he being asked these things? He didn't care if his father left him or if he was alone. Why couldn't he sleep? Why is the doctor too close? What is this…

His bare heel had hit something hard and cold and the next thing he knew, his back was flat against the wall. There was nowhere to go. The closeness was too much, sickening, suffocating, numbing…

"Kanda?" Lavi muttered. None of his questions were answered. Kanda's shoulders had gone limp while the eyes that met his were unsteady, blank and raging at the same time.

"I… I can't," kanda muttered incoherently, shaking his head but his mind did not clear.

Lavi stayed there, patiently waiting for the other to piece his thought together with words.

"It's been so long," Kanda said. "I don't… can't remember…"

"Remember what?" he asked eagerly.

"… I can't remember… how it feels like," Kanda said again, finally steadying his gaze on Lavi's. "To dream."

Lavi stared at his patient saying nothing. He watched him close his eyes and struggle with himself. He had grabbed on to Lavi's jacket unconsciously and he was fisting its edges now, so tight that his knuckles turned white. Lavi could only watch, half alarmed that he might be losing a patient and half mesmerized by the way the he writhe ever so slightly while his face contorts in between pain and breathing. Lavi didn't know how long he had stood there doing nothing but he snapped out of the trance. Kanda had gone completely limp, falling on the young doctor for support. Lavi caught him with ease.

"Ya forgot how it feels like to dream," he said as he lifted Kanda. "That's a funny thing to say, seeing as you might be dreaming right at this moment."

Author's Note: This is short but a longer update will soon follow. Thanks to all who read this, especially those who gave reviews. They're very much appreciated and are part of the reason for this update. Also, please give me your theories on the direction of the plot… I have it all set but I want to know if my plan is too obvious. Thanks!