51 Things Emmett Is NOT Allowed To do
"Done" Alice said looking very proud of the list. "Wait until Emmet sees this" Rosalie said before slapping it down on the confrence table and calling Emmett downstairs. He came running down the steps mere seconds later and scowled when he saw the list and our smug faces. "Rosalie" he whined. "Sit" she commanded he plopped down in one of the seats arms crossed like a four year old who had been told he couldn't have candy.
1. Do not tell Jasper he has problems adjusting due to the fact that he must be aggressive because he fought in wars.
Emmett- You fought in the civil war you Confederate how can you be so sensitive!
Jasper- Shut up at least no one wrote a list of things I can't do.
Alice- Moving on
2. Don't walk up to Carlisle and say 'looking good pops. Or as good as you'll ever look!'
Emmett- I can't help it if he's old!
Bella- How old are you Emmett?
Emmett- Thats diffrent
Edward- Keep telling yourself that
3. Don't hide in Edwards closet then jump out 5 seconds before he is going to open it then tell him the tiny voices of elves inside his head told him to do it.
Emmett- But they did. *Scream* get them out of my head!
Edward- Your trying to make your thoughts sound like elves vioces Emmett really are you that pathetic?
4. Please do not vandalize Esme's Garden then tell her Carlisle said it was horrible. Then tell me that a ground hog named Bella told you to.
Bella- Is he talking about me !
Rosalie- No he really named a groundhog Bella
Emmett- It was when Eddie made us leave and I missed my little sis
Rosalie- Emmett if its from way back then how come you did this just last week?
Emmett- I plead the fifth
5. Please stop saying that Jasper likes his women chunky and that is why he loves Alice.
Alice- If anyone's fat its you Emmett McCarthy Cullen
Jasper- We know Alice we know
6. Stop telling Bella that Edward has died a horrible death then laugh when she starts to cry.
Alice- You cried?
Bella- *shrugs* I was a hormonal human
7. Stop singing music and stuff when something dramatic happens then say 'I come with my own back ground music.'
Carlisle- Theres one deal I didn't want
Emmett- I thought you loved me! *sob*
Rosalie- *eye roll* you can't cry idiot
8. Prank call Aro.
Emmett- dun dun tun dun
Everyone- Emmett!
Emmett- I come with my own background music!
9. Tell Edward Bella ran off with the mutt.
Nessie- MOM!
Bella- I didn't!
10. Shout "I thought we were together" when Bella kisses Edward
Rosalie- If you ever do that again I'm leaving you
Emmett- but its funny
Bella- no its not it confuses people!
11. And run out of the house saying "Bella was my love"
Bella- Em you do know Rose is sitting right there right?
Emmett- Yes Bella I'm not stupid
12. Tell Paul, Quill, Seth, and Embry to play fetch with you
Jacob- Leech
Emmett- The dog talked. I HAVE A TALKING DOG!
13. Call Esme a carpenter
Esme- I don't really mind...
Emmett- see Esme's such a cool mommy
14. Call Alice "Tinkerbell"
Alice- I AM NOT A FAIRY OR A PIXIE! I AM A VAMPIRE
Emmett- Where are your fangs then? Hmm?
15. Call Jasper gay
Emmett- He feel your emotions for gods sake!
16. Call Edward "Edward Scissor hands"
Emmett- Your right i like ED-WEIRDO better!
17. Call Edward:ED-WEIRDO
Edward- If anyones wierd it Emmett I think he should have gone to the asylum instead of Alice
18. Just call everyone by their name unless they say other wise!
Emmett- If you say so...
19. Steal Charlie's police cruiser, and go around Forks arresting people.
Bella- Unless its Mike Newton we could make an exception then
Esme- Bella!
20. Cook.
Bella- YOU ALMOST POSIONED ME THAT TIME!
21. Congratulate Jessica about her pregnancy, and how he wants to be the Godfather of the bouncing baby boy.
Emmett- FOR ALL WE KNOW SHE IS PREGNANT!
22. Congratulate Mike about his pregnancy, and ask how he accomplished getting pregnant in the first place.
Emmett- I just wanted to know!
23. Paint the house pink
Esme- IT DIDN'T GO WITH THE FURNITURE
24. He can not glue union flags to Jaspers stuff.
Jasper- If you weren't my brother I would've killed you
25. Crash Edwards Volvo.
Edward- This one is self explanitory
Emmett- When did I do this?
Bella- Last week
Emmett- Sh he dosen't need to know!
26. Steal items to "fix" them
Jasper- Remember when he stole those planes and they crashed into the twin towers
Bella- BUT THEY BLAMED THE TERRORISTS
Rosalie- Ya I know we had to bribe them ALOT to get out of that one
27. Make fun of Bella
Bella- NO COMMENT
28. Cut up Alice's clothes and burn them, cancel her credit cards, and blame it on Edward
Alice- THAT WAS YOU I CRASHED HIS VANQUISH FOR THAT!
29. Act very girly around Jasper
Jasper- It makes me uncomfortable
30. Call Carlisle pops or gramps
Nessie- But you are a grampa!
31. Write a book for little kids
Bella- wow...
32. Teach history class
Jasper- YOU WOULD RUIN THE NAME OF THE CONFEDERATES
33. Ask for a star every time he gets an answer correct
Jasper- His Bioligy teacher sent him back to kindergarten for that one!
34. Tell Rosalie she looks fat
Rosalie- YOUR SO LUCKY I HAVEN'T LEFT YOU YET!
35. Wear Alice's clothes to school for a week
Alice- I am forver scarred
36. Tell Bella that Edward went to Italy
Emmett- BUT HE DID!
37. Tell Bella that Edward is marrying Tanya instead of her
Bella- Were already married em!
38. Hit a baseball through the big glass window and blame it on Jasper
Edward- Everyone knew you were lying
39. Steal all of Edward's music and replace it with N'Sync and Backstreet Boys
Bella- It can't be THAT bad
40. Claim everyday is April Fool's Day
Emmett- Wha a wonderful world it would be!
41. Fly a U.S. military plane without permission
42. Sneak into the White House and steal the president to play chess with him
Bella- WHY?
Emmett- Cuz I was bored
43. Visit the hospital dressed as the grim reaper
Bella- again unless its Newton
44. Run along the border tuanting Jacob to see if he'll attack you
Nessie- You wouldn't would you?
Jacob- We'll see next time he does it
Emmett- Looks like I have plans tonight sorry Rosie
45. Call Jacob the family pet
Jacob- IDIOT!
Emmet- THE DOG SPEAKS AGAIN
46. Dye Jacob's hair.
Emmett- But what if
Esme- NO!
47. Call Mike Newton Golden Retriever.
Bella- ITS NOT LIKE ANYONE CARES!
48. Ask Jessica and Lauren if they inspired Pink to write Stupid Girls.
Emmett- BUT THEY WERE MEAN TO MY LITTLE SIS!
49. Ask Lauren if she really thinks that she does gone be a famous model with that ugly face.
Edward- I think we should esrease this one...
50. Say that you Bring the Sexy Back.
Emmeett- ITS TRUE
51. Ask Renne if she wants to adopt us. Then when she says no ask her if its becuase she thinks your fat and ugly.
Alice- Your the only ugly one Emmett!