Breaking the Habit

by AngelG93

A/N: Dark stuff… yeah… this coming from the person who wrote an essay on how the Amestrian government was modeled after Nazi Germany… *headdesk*

If it looks like I've gone typo-crazy on Ed's lines while he's high, that's on purpose. He's not coherent, after all, so you might have to rely on Roy's responses to know what he's even saying (or you could try sounding it out).

Dr. Knox doesn't have a canon first name, so I made one up. Jackson Knox sounded good… Jack for short.

Don't say I'm out of touch
With this rampant chaos - your reality
I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge

-"Imaginary" by Evanescence

Chapter Two

Dependence

Edward didn't come to work the next day. Or the day after that. After nearly a week had passed with no sign of him, Roy realized he wasn't coming back at all. He told his men to keep a sharp eye out for the boy in the city, but none of them reported seeing him.

"Dammit. He's avoiding us on purpose."

"He's scared, sir," said Hawkeye with compassion in her brown eyes.

"That's only making things worse for him," Mustang protested, thumping an aggravated hand on his desk. "What am I supposed to do, organize a drug raid?"

"I wouldn't advise such a drastic response, Colonel," the Lieutenant recommended.

Roy sighed and ran an anxious hand through his dark hair. "Well… I have to start somewhere. Call Falman in here, would you? And, tell him to bring all the files on Edward he has."

"Sir," saluted Hawkeye. Within minutes, she returned with the Warrant Officer and left the two men in private.

"I have the files you requested, sir," said Falman, spreading several folders and manila envelopes across his commander's desk, "but I don't see how this will help."

"Edward said he was approached by someone who offered him the drug. That seems like too much of a coincidence to me," the Colonel explained as he thumbed through the contents of a file. Eventually he came across Ed's transfer documents. Mustang's eyes widened; the date was several months old, only about a week after Al had died.

"Falman? Before Ed came to my office, had you seen him around headquarters?"

The Warrant Officer blanched slightly, but nodded. "It was only in passing, though, sir. I never spoke to him. I… figured he wouldn't be much for talking from the expression he was wearing."

"So, he's really been here for months? And here I thought he'd only recently joined up." Suddenly, an idea clicked in place. "Wait… this means his transfer to the main branch of the military would probably have preceded his initial exposure to heroin."

"And that means…?"

"Don't you see, Falman? There's a connection there. Drug dealers don't just hand out their wares to random children. What if someone paid him to get Ed addicted?"

"That sounds like a thin limb to cling to, sir."

"But not too thin to be impossible. We both know Ed has plenty of enemies in the military, people who are jealous of his skill and rank at his age."

"But, sir-"

"What?" Mustang snapped, getting annoyed at Falman's resistance to his theory.

"It doesn't change the fact that Major Elric accepted the drug, used it on himself, and kept using it. Finding the original culprit won't break his addiction… sir."

Reality had slapped him in the face once again. Mustang grit his teeth. "You're right there, Falman. That is a problem that needs a whole other solution." He set down the folder and asked, "Write down the room and hotel Ed's staying in, all right?"

"Y… yes, sir," the human encyclopedia obeyed, scribbling out the information on a small piece of paper, "but… what are you planning?"

"I'm going to go see him," Roy replied, snatching the note as soon as Falman had finished.

The Warrant Officer flinched, as if the thought of seeing the Fullmetal Alchemist on drugs terrified him. "That… that could be dangerous."

"Which is why it's good you know where I'm going. If you don't hear from me by the end of the day, you'll know Ed's lost it and killed me."

"But, sir!" Falman cried, horrified at how nonchalantly his commander was predicting his possible death.

"Dismissed," Mustang waved in farewell.

Finding the room was easy enough. It was only when he was about to knock on the door that he hesitated. What would he find inside? Mastering his fear, Roy rapped his knuckles on the smooth wood. After no initial response, he cleared his throat.

"Edward? It's me. I just want to talk. May I come in?"

"…s'not locked," murmured a lethargic voice from the other side of the door. Taking that to mean "yes," Roy stepped inside. The room was dark, but Roy immediately caught the glint of glass. Empty vials littered the floor in an impromptu maze. Frowning in disapproval, Mustang picked up the glass tubes and deposited them in a single pile in the corner. Only then, once his eyes had adjusted to the dim light, did he see Edward. The boy was stretched out on his bed, stripped down to his boxers and a thin tank top. A passer-by would have thought he looked peaceful, but Roy knew better. A rubber strap was tied to his lower arm just below the elbow, and a drained syringe sat guiltily on his nightstand. Roy stood over his troubled subordinate, hoping Ed could see just how worried he was.

"Wuh s'eating yu?" Ed asked as a drowsy smile played about his mouth.

"I would think that would be obvious."

"Shtu… stupid… m'fine… feel graaate…" Even though the room was so dark, Ed's pupils were tiny dots, just another indication that he was slammed. Roy untied the rubber tourniquet and sat on the edge of Ed's bed. The kid really was a mess, his golden hair loose and lank in a disheveled tangle. Without the bulky military uniform to conceal his condition, Roy could now see how gaunt he was. All over his left arm and right leg were telltale incision marks, so frequently reopened that they had formed festering scabs over shriveled veins. There were even odd scratches on his automail, as if, in his disorientation, he had thought he could somehow inject himself through the metal limbs only to drag the needle along the unyielding surface.

"Ed…" Roy whispered. He had never been so tempted to break down, to cry unashamedly. "Don't… don't you see what this is doing to you?"

The intoxicated boy gave no answer, but that complacent, glazed smile was starting to kindle anger in Roy's heart amidst the grief. "Yu… look ah-phul," Ed chuckled at last, as if this was somehow funny. "Yu wan sum?"

"Not even if you paid me," Roy said curtly, thinking that firmness might alert Ed as to how bad of a situation he was in.

"Buzz-killerrr." Ed dragged out the final consonant with a tease, as if he could embarrass the Colonel into joining him. "F'yur gunna be so… damm mow-rose bowt ih, thn jus goway."

"I'm not going anywhere."

Ed lazily stuck out his tongue at Roy, but his playful expression then faded into one far more dangerous: despair. "Y? Y dun yu jus goway? Yu wur jus fine wiph ih bifour."

"'Before'? What do you mean?" And then, it hit him. Ed was talking about how Roy had stayed away from him after Al had died. His plan to give the small blonde breathing room had horribly backfired. Under the influence of the heroin, Ed was admitting… that he hadn't wanted to be alone after all.

"Yu maid ih prety cleer tha I wus supposeto sink ur swim on miown… so, heer I ahm… ghess I'm sinkn…"

"You little idiot!" Roy choked in a combination of regret and anger. "Pushing you away wasn't my intention at all! If that was how you felt, you should have come to me, yelled at me, something!"

"Aaa, well. Too lait now…"

"Whoever said it was too late?" Roy's temper was fully stoked now. "Why are you just giving up? Do you know what will happen if you keep doing this? You'll want more, and more, until eventually you'll overdose and kill yourself! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?"

For the first time, Ed looked him directly in the eyes. "Wuh f'it is?"

Something snapped; those terrible words broke something inside of him. He grabbed Ed's shoulders and pulled him upright. "I'm not going to let that happen. You hear me?"

"'S nun f'yor bisness." Though his speech was still slurred, Ed's acceptance of his hopelessness came across clearly enough. "'S my life. Yu can't tell me wuh t'do."

This was, in a sense, true. He was Ed's superior, but outside of the office or battle, what authority did he really have over the stubborn blonde? If Ed was going to live through this, that would have to change. Roy set his jaw, now knowing what he had to do. "I'll come back a little later, all right?"

"I dun give a damm wuh yu do," Ed grumbled, wriggling out of Mustang's grasp and flopping onto his side. "Get th'hell owt."

His first stop was Hughes's apartment. He needed someone to confirm that his plan was the right choice, and his closest friend was the best person to do just that.

"Roy!" Maes beamed, clapping Mustang around the shoulders and pulling him inside. "Did you come to see Elicia in her new dress? It's the cutest thing!"

"I'm sure it is, but that's not why I'm here." His somber tone tipped Hughes off that now wasn't the time for fun and games. After finding a quiet spot where Gracia and Elicia wouldn't have to hear them, Roy told Maes about Ed's condition, and what he intended to do about it.

"Oh, my God," Hughes breathed. "For Ed to become a junkie, of all people…"

"Yeah," Mustang agreed. "I've sent him on dangerous missions for years, but I don't think I've ever been so fearful for his life. So, what do you think? Is it worth a shot?"

Hughes leveled his pal with a steady gaze. "As long as you really understand what this will mean, I think you can handle it."

"Yes, I know; this… this will change everything between the two of us. He may hate me for this, but if it saves his life, I can take that."

"You really care about him, Roy; that much is obvious. Given the circumstances, you shouldn't have any trouble getting permission. But, just in case, why don't you go to Knox? He's met Ed, and he is a doctor."

"A coroner," Mustang corrected.

"Nuance. The point is you can get an official diagnosis from him. I'll go, too, so you'll have more witnesses. A case like this, we can probably get it all taken care of by the end of the day."

"Optimistic as ever. I just hope you're right."

"I'm warning you," Mustang said grimly as he gripped the doorknob to Ed's room. "I don't know what kind of mood he'll be in, so watch yourselves."

Hughes and Knox nodded (Upon learning of the young alchemist's addiction, the doctor had been more than willing to lend a hand). Upon entering, Roy found the place almost exactly as he had left it. Even Ed was still in the same position, his back turned toward the intruders.

"So you did come back." His words had regained coherency, but he still sounded a bit distant. "Damn, I was hoping you wouldn't."

"Ed, I didn't come back alone."

That got the boy's attention. He whirled on them, ready for a struggle, but found only Hughes and Knox as Mustang's backup. "Why are they here? I don't want them here. Go away, all of you!" He threw a pillow in their direction that Hughes easily caught.

"Well, Jack?" Roy asked the doctor, indicating that they shouldn't waste any more time.

"Right," Dr. Knox agreed, setting his portable medical kit down beside the bed and speaking in his kindest authoritative voice. "Edward, I'm just going to take a look at you, all right?"

"Go to hell."

"Come on, kid. What do you have to lose?"

Slowly, the doctor coaxed his reluctant patient into sitting up and enduring the casual examination.

"When was the last time you ate something?" Knox asked at one point, taking notes.

"Dunno. Wasn't hungry."

"What about water?"

"Tried the other day. Didn't stay down."

The questions continued until, finally, Knox gathered up his instruments, stood, and faced Mustang. "I'll gladly vouch for you, Roy. The kid needs serious help."

"Hey! I didn't ask for any of you bastards to help me!" Ed jumped to his feet, but swayed with lightheadedness an instant later. Hughes was closest and caught him, helping the disoriented boy back to the bed.

"All right, then. Let's do this," Roy declared. "Ed, you need to get dressed."

"Why the hell should I?"

"Maes, would you…?"

"Sure," Hughes nodded in understanding. "Come on, Ed. Let's see if we can find your pants and jacket, at least."

"No… I just want to be left alone. Just leave me alone to die! Quit it already!" Despite Ed's miserable grumbling, Hughes managed to make him at least somewhat presentable. Realizing that Ed couldn't walk on his own in his weakened state, the Lieutenant Colonel supported and guided him out of the hotel and into their waiting car.

Ed hated this. Why were that bastard Colonel and his buddies making him leave his warm bed? The jerks. He didn't want to go anywhere. He just wanted to sleep, with the warmth of the heroin washing away his pain. Couldn't any of them understand that he didn't want help?

It had been nearly six hours since his last injection, and the effects were completely gone by now, leaving him drained and depressed. He would need another one soon. Just thinking about it made his hands shake. Mustang quickly noticed this and placed one of his own larger hands around his, quelling the tremors. Ed's eyes darted around the inside of the car as they rumbled along, and eventually he noticed Dr. Knox's bag. Maybe… maybe there might be something in there. Morphine, or… Ed then remembered that Knox had picked up one of Ed's vials of heroin at the hotel, as if gathering evidence. He could get another dose right now, even if he had to swallow it. Ed lunged at the kit, but Mustang and Hughes pinned him against the back seat just before he was able to grab it.

"Lemme go!" he begged, thrashing against their strong hold. "Please, just a little! A little can't hurt, right? Come on, please!"

"We can't let you do that, Ed," said Mustang.

Ed glared at him and announced, "You're a cruel person, Colonel, trying to make me stay alive when I couldn't possibly give a less of a damn."

"Ed…" Hughes's grip slackened momentarily – he was a sensitive man, after all – and Ed took that chance to wrench his arm free and make a swipe at Hughes. The sloppy attack missed, giving Mustang time to hoist Ed onto his lap and wrap his arms across Ed's torso, restraining the boy's upper movements.

"Get off me, you perverted bastard!" Ed thundered.

"Don't be stupid, Ed. There are far too many beautiful women in the world for me to get that desperate."

"WILL ALL OF YOU SHUT UP? I'M TRYING TO DRIVE HERE!"

Up to this point, Ed hadn't realized who was at the wheel. Pausing in his tantrum, he saw dirty blond hair clipped into a low bun resting on the top of the front seat and steely chocolate eyes glaring at him in the rear-view mirror.

"L… Lieutenant Hawkeye?" he said rather lamely.

"Who did you think?" she retorted, still in a bad mood. "Now pipe down, Major, before I decide to swerve and send you out the window."

"Wow, Riza," Hughes chuckled. "I don't think I've ever seen you get this scary before."

"That goes for you, too, Lieutenant Colonel."

"Now, now, Hawkeye," Mustang eased, "keep your attention on the road-"

"No back-seat driving from you! …sir!"

"Remind me never to get on your bad side," murmured Knox from the passenger seat.

"An excellent idea, Doctor." She pressed her foot on the brake, and the car slid to a halt. "Here you are, gentlemen. Good luck."

"Good luck?" Ed echoed. "Why? Where the hell are we?"

"Come on, kiddo," Hughes smiled, lifting Ed off of Mustang's lap and carrying him up a flight of shallow stone steps. From his angle, Ed couldn't see in front of him, which only made him more infuriated. Even though his limbs felt irrationally heavy, he flailed like a toddler being taken to day care.

"Put me down! This should be considered kidnapping!"

"Quit yelling, kid," Knox advised. "If you keep expending energy like this, you'll knock yourself out."

"I DON'T GIVE A DA-" Hughes cupped a hand over Ed's mouth before the curse could slip out completely.

"That's quite enough filthy language from you for one day, young man," he said. "Honestly, where did you even learn to talk like that?"

"You aren't exactly the cleanest speaker yourself," Mustang prodded.

"At least I curb my tongue in the presence of children. If my little Elicia were to be polluted like that, I think I'd cry."

"M NT H CHLD!" Ed roared, his words heavily muffled by Hughes's hand.

"You're sixteen," Mustang reminded. "You're still a minor, which is exactly why we're doing this."

Still frustrated and confused, Ed continued to fight until he passed under a doorframe, at which point he noticed a large plague that read Central Courthouse. He tapped Hughes's shoulder to indicate he was ready to speak more calmly now, and the Lieutenant Colonel obligingly removed his makeshift gag.

"Why are we here? I don't get it."

"You will soon. Just try to understand, Ed. Roy only has your best interests at heart."

Ed scoffed and craned his neck to see more of his surroundings. He could hear Mustang and Knox talking as they walked in front, and eventually a third familiar voice greeted them: Warrant Officer Falman. They passed several courtrooms, heading toward the rear of the building, probably where the judges who managed less important cases were shunted. Was he going to be locked up? He had broken the law by taking illegal drugs. Drugs… remembering that the chemical euphoria wasn't currently streaming through his veins made him feel sick.

"Hughes… I… I think I'm gonna puke."

Hughes nodded, calling to the other men. "You three head on in; we'll catch up."

"Right," Mustang affirmed, noticing Ed's wan face.

He barely made it to a toilet in time. The vomit burned his already dry throat, which just made him cough harder. Hughes knelt by his side, rubbing his back in small circles. Once the convulsions eased, Ed felt even weaker, and he could no longer maintain clarity in his senses. He vaguely registered water on his face, briefly followed by a towel. And then Hughes was carrying him again, more tenderly than before. Hughes was a father, after all; seeing Ed like this must be breaking his compassionate heart. For a moment, Ed felt guilty about the pain he was causing his friends… but they didn't need to be bothering themselves with him. They should just give up on him and move on. He wasn't worth it. Surely, with how bad he had screwed himself up, he was beyond hope, beyond saving.

People were talking around him as Hughes set him down in a wooden chair, but he couldn't hear what they were saying through the shrill ringing in his ears. Exhausted, Ed closed his eyes and drifted off to a troubled sleep. Only the abrupt SLAM! of a gavel brought him back to the land of the living. It was nearly dark by now. His vision had improved only slightly, enough for him to distinguish a woman in a black judicial robe handing something to Mustang… a form of some kind? Mustang signed it immediately and breathed a sigh of relief, thanking the judge for her time.

"W… what happened?" Ed asked groggily as Mustang approached him with a warm smile.

The Colonel sat down next to him, meeting his unfocused eyes. "Ed, I'm going to take care of you from here on out."

"Why the hell… is that?"

Mustang held up the paper he had signed for Ed to see. It took several long seconds for him to make out even a handful of the words written on the page, and eventually, the only way he could sort it out was by reading it aloud.

"By… by the authority… of this c… court, Roy Mustang… is hereby de… declared the-" He paused, suddenly more alert as his now frantic eyes roved the page, "is hereby declared the parent and legal guardian of Edward Elric?" He read the last phrase like most people would a death sentence. He gaped at Mustang. "This has got to be some kind of sick joke, right? You're messing with me."

Mustang gently brushed some of Ed's oily bangs away from his face. "I've never been more serious in my life. You're going to get through this, Ed. We are going to get through this, because we're in this together now… because from this point on, I'm your father."

There were many things Ed could have said in response to this solemn monologue, but, as usual, the first thing that came to his mind went straight to his mouth.

"Kill me now."

I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge
The nightmare I built my own world to escape

A/N: Google failed in helping me know how adoption processes work, so… I made up something that sounded viable for Ed's case. They basically just had to prove that he was unfit to care for himself as an independent minor and then suggest Roy as his caretaker. Declaring Roy as just a legal guardian wouldn't give him the same authority as a full-fledged parent, so they went all-out.

Hawkeye strikes me as a woman who wouldn't appreciate a fight inside the car while she's driving. Heads would roll. Just saying…

Before I made final edits, Roy said, "I am your father," which - of course - then made me think this...

Ed: "That's not true! That's impossible!"
Roy: "Search the official document. You know this to be true."
Ed: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooo..."