A/N: Much thanks from every one who read my story, and more thanks to those
awesome people who reviewed. I know my writing isn't the best, so thank
you for you kind comments, and your constructive criticism. I like that
just as much as a regular review, it helps me make the story better. I hope
you like this next chapter. If you like this, check out my other knights of
the old republic story, Out of the Darkness.
Always Hoping
Chapter 2: Nostalgia
The cantina was loud and wild that night. Being as it was the only wet cantina on the ship, most soldiers fled there after the grueling training they had been subject to in the past few strenuous weeks. There was no doubt that the new recruits had been waiting for an opportunity to blow off some steam. A slap rang out as one of the young men continued to try coaxing a Twi'lek dancer out of her top. The new Bith band was a hit, though few were listening to the music, most were solely focused on the dancers, hypnotized by their movements, by the way their head-tails would swing behind them as they cast seductive glances at the men, while they talked them out of credit chips. In spite of all the commotion, and merriment, a man sat down at the bar, in a dark room at the back, alone. He looked exhausted, he looked tired, but it was a different look than the other soldiers, it was an exhaustion that didn't come from physical exertion, it was a fatigue that would never be removed by any amount of sleep. His eyes were downcast, his form slumped, and he had a roughish unkempt look about him, with stubble etched along his jaw line, and two locks of hair fell casually in his face. The bartender walked over to him and smiled cheerfully, while she dried out a glass with a soft, white cloth.
"Same as always, Onasi?"
"Something stronger tonight."
"Ooooh...sounds rough, there, Admiral. I take it we'll finally be drinking to something new tonight, eh?"
"Not new so much as an addition," he said, his voice rough and weary, as he raised his glass to the young bartender, "A pox on the Order!" and he quickly drained the contents in one hard gulp, wincing as it burned all the way down his throat.
The barkeep set the glass she had been working on down on the bar between them. It now shone brightly under the dull lights of the bar. She poured some Corellian brandy, and passed a glass to the Admiral, and took a drink herself. She leaned against the bar and looked with interest at the man in front of her, a man who seemed full of secrets, a man who seemed solely focused on keeping people out, keeping people from seeing a part of him that wither he would admit to it or not, was still plaguing him, still hurting him.
"So, Onasi, are you finally going to tell me more about this mystery girl?"
He sighed, "That was the deal wasn't it? You'd stop pestering me at every waking moment, and I'd tell you something new every night." He retorted, a slight feeling of frustration evident in his voice, and a look of worry furrowed itself in his brow. "Where did I leave off last?"
"Your task had been completed, the mission a success, and Maura Fable had returned alive."
"Right-well, there was something that would prove to keep us from having the perfect holovid-ending," he responded, pausing a moment to gather his thoughts, and bridle his emotions, "She was a Jedi."
"So?!"
"Katrine, you aren't aware of the Jedi Code, are you?"
"Carth Onasi, do I look like a bloody Jedi to you?" Kathrine shot back sarcastically. It was a joke, the young bartender was in the middle of her twenties, and was far from living the strait and narrow path of the righteous Jedi Order.
"No, I don't suppose you would," he paused for a moment, to collect his thoughts, "A Jedi isn't allowed to love-in fact, they don't allow much of anything."
"Not allowed to love? How is that possible? How can you not love? It's not like you can control love!"
"They have rules-many, many rules..." Carth started.
"And is one of those rules, 'thou shalt not have fun'?" Kathrine asked mockingly.
"It's not funny," Carh reacted, "the life of a Jedi is one of sacrifice. Maura eventually leaned to accept the sacrifices that she, in turn felt like she had to make. As long as I live, I'll never forget it."
The sun was setting on Mannan, washing the sky in thousands of shades of red, orange, violet. A pink blush crept around the sky, and a few clouds, tinted lightly in a blue shade, were drifting away. The still ocean was a giant mirror, still and calm, as the bright red sun disappeared beneath the horizon. The waters calm waves gently lapped at the complex, and could be heard over the peace of the afternoon, as the ocean world was submerged in dusk. It was so peaceful, but he should have seen then, that it was merely the calm before the storm.
He had noticed that in the past few weeks she had began to wear her Jedi robes more and more often. He should have known something was wrong- she never wore those robes, not even when she was training on Dantooine. When the masters had forced her to wear them, she had always slipped out of them, and into something else the minute she was out of their sight. She had always hated them.
"Who wears these things?" she had asked him once.
"Apparently the Jedi," was all he had come up with.
"But they're so damn ugly!" she had replied.
She had hated everything about them. The way the material felt. The way the color seemed to match a bantha's backside. The way they fit, the way they smelled, everything about them. When he saw her wearing them that evening, he had just assumed she had finally broken down to the masters' constant hounding. She had asked him to meet her at an overlook in Ahto, and when he got her message he headed strait for the meeting place.
He had just emerged from a corridor when he found her. She was standing there, facing the silvery glass that was the ocean; her feet placed in a meditative stance about shoulder-width apart, her arms folded respectfully behind her back. The setting sun etched a black silhouette on the ground behind her, a dark shadow that had been cast on the floor for an hour as she had stood there, meditating. Her hair was in a Twi'lek braid, she had always worn it that way to keep it out of her face, he had scarcely ever seen her wear it down in all the time that they had spent together. Even with her back to him, he knew her eyes were closed, and to anyone else, it would appear as if she was asleep. When she finally spoke, she didn't open her eyes, she never even turned around.
"Carth..."she finally said, taking a deep breath.
"What's on your mind?" he whispered into her ear softly, as he wrapped his arms around her, feeling the rough texture of the Jedi robes against his skin. She felt so stiff in his arms, so cold, and she quickly twisted away from him, her beautiful face a mask of Jedi tranquility. He would never know that at that very moment, the mask was breaking as the pain grew larger and larger, leaving her feeling shattered, as all her sorrow threatening to break through at any moment.
"Carth, this has to stop..." she whispered.
"Wh...what?"
"I'm leaving, Carth. I'm sorry. I can't stay here any longer. I'm going back to the academy-they've rebuilt it. They lost so many, so much, when Malak attacked them, I can't stand by and let them fight this out alone."
"Then let me go with you!"
"We both know that would never work. They need me, Carth."
"What about me? I need you! I love you, Maura! Doesn't that mean anything to you?"
She closed her eyes; for fear that the tears welling up inside them would betray her. She took a deep breath and tried to clear her mind, but it was no use. She took a deep breath before trying to continue again.
"You can't say that. What we have is a lie. We were living in the fantasy that this was possible, Carth, and we both know that this will never work out. We would only be damning ourselves to misery if we even tried."
"Damn it, Maura! I just can't understand why you're doing this to us!"
"I've made my choice, Carth. You have to stop being so selfish. The will of the force is greater than out desires, we have to follow it. I did not choose to walk this path-it chose me. I must follow faithfully, as a servant of the light..."
"It's been the force only knows how long since I've seen or heard from her. I haven't gone a day with out thinking about her. But I didn't come here to remember, Kathrine, I came here to forget. Bring me another drink-something a little harder, this time."
"But what about the what you said earlier-you said there was an addition?"
"Let's just say that damn order...took someone else from me."
"Who?" she asked curiously, as Carth took another drink.
"I'm not going to talk about it."
"But-"
"No."
"You can't just-"
"Don't even try, Kathrine, I'm leaving." He said, downing the rest of his brandy and slapping some credit chips on the counter. He turned away and walked off, not looking back, for fear of Kathrine somehow convincing him to come back and tell her more information that was really, as usual, none of her business. As he walked out, he could hear a holovid someone was watching play the news.
"...Jedi offering service to the Republic military training units, due to decrease in their combat skills. The Senate will vote soon on accepting this gracious offer..."
"Damn the Jedi," he mumbled as he strode out the door. Thanks to:
Prisoner 24601- Thanks a lot for your review, I love reviews, and I will try and keep a better handle on using clichés, I kind of got a little bit with it here, but keep looking out for me.
Ozziegrl- thanks, its always nice to get reviews from you, you are always so nice to me! ::Sniff::
Anonymous-cat
Crystals-faerie Thank you for reviewing! You are the best!
A/N: There may not actually be such a thing as Twi'lek braids, but my P/C had a French braid, and since there is no such thing as France in the Star Wars universe, I wondered what you would call it. I wore my hair French braided a while later, and thought it was kind of like the lekku (or head- tails, I think that's the right word) on a Twi'lek. Thus the usage.
Always Hoping
Chapter 2: Nostalgia
The cantina was loud and wild that night. Being as it was the only wet cantina on the ship, most soldiers fled there after the grueling training they had been subject to in the past few strenuous weeks. There was no doubt that the new recruits had been waiting for an opportunity to blow off some steam. A slap rang out as one of the young men continued to try coaxing a Twi'lek dancer out of her top. The new Bith band was a hit, though few were listening to the music, most were solely focused on the dancers, hypnotized by their movements, by the way their head-tails would swing behind them as they cast seductive glances at the men, while they talked them out of credit chips. In spite of all the commotion, and merriment, a man sat down at the bar, in a dark room at the back, alone. He looked exhausted, he looked tired, but it was a different look than the other soldiers, it was an exhaustion that didn't come from physical exertion, it was a fatigue that would never be removed by any amount of sleep. His eyes were downcast, his form slumped, and he had a roughish unkempt look about him, with stubble etched along his jaw line, and two locks of hair fell casually in his face. The bartender walked over to him and smiled cheerfully, while she dried out a glass with a soft, white cloth.
"Same as always, Onasi?"
"Something stronger tonight."
"Ooooh...sounds rough, there, Admiral. I take it we'll finally be drinking to something new tonight, eh?"
"Not new so much as an addition," he said, his voice rough and weary, as he raised his glass to the young bartender, "A pox on the Order!" and he quickly drained the contents in one hard gulp, wincing as it burned all the way down his throat.
The barkeep set the glass she had been working on down on the bar between them. It now shone brightly under the dull lights of the bar. She poured some Corellian brandy, and passed a glass to the Admiral, and took a drink herself. She leaned against the bar and looked with interest at the man in front of her, a man who seemed full of secrets, a man who seemed solely focused on keeping people out, keeping people from seeing a part of him that wither he would admit to it or not, was still plaguing him, still hurting him.
"So, Onasi, are you finally going to tell me more about this mystery girl?"
He sighed, "That was the deal wasn't it? You'd stop pestering me at every waking moment, and I'd tell you something new every night." He retorted, a slight feeling of frustration evident in his voice, and a look of worry furrowed itself in his brow. "Where did I leave off last?"
"Your task had been completed, the mission a success, and Maura Fable had returned alive."
"Right-well, there was something that would prove to keep us from having the perfect holovid-ending," he responded, pausing a moment to gather his thoughts, and bridle his emotions, "She was a Jedi."
"So?!"
"Katrine, you aren't aware of the Jedi Code, are you?"
"Carth Onasi, do I look like a bloody Jedi to you?" Kathrine shot back sarcastically. It was a joke, the young bartender was in the middle of her twenties, and was far from living the strait and narrow path of the righteous Jedi Order.
"No, I don't suppose you would," he paused for a moment, to collect his thoughts, "A Jedi isn't allowed to love-in fact, they don't allow much of anything."
"Not allowed to love? How is that possible? How can you not love? It's not like you can control love!"
"They have rules-many, many rules..." Carth started.
"And is one of those rules, 'thou shalt not have fun'?" Kathrine asked mockingly.
"It's not funny," Carh reacted, "the life of a Jedi is one of sacrifice. Maura eventually leaned to accept the sacrifices that she, in turn felt like she had to make. As long as I live, I'll never forget it."
The sun was setting on Mannan, washing the sky in thousands of shades of red, orange, violet. A pink blush crept around the sky, and a few clouds, tinted lightly in a blue shade, were drifting away. The still ocean was a giant mirror, still and calm, as the bright red sun disappeared beneath the horizon. The waters calm waves gently lapped at the complex, and could be heard over the peace of the afternoon, as the ocean world was submerged in dusk. It was so peaceful, but he should have seen then, that it was merely the calm before the storm.
He had noticed that in the past few weeks she had began to wear her Jedi robes more and more often. He should have known something was wrong- she never wore those robes, not even when she was training on Dantooine. When the masters had forced her to wear them, she had always slipped out of them, and into something else the minute she was out of their sight. She had always hated them.
"Who wears these things?" she had asked him once.
"Apparently the Jedi," was all he had come up with.
"But they're so damn ugly!" she had replied.
She had hated everything about them. The way the material felt. The way the color seemed to match a bantha's backside. The way they fit, the way they smelled, everything about them. When he saw her wearing them that evening, he had just assumed she had finally broken down to the masters' constant hounding. She had asked him to meet her at an overlook in Ahto, and when he got her message he headed strait for the meeting place.
He had just emerged from a corridor when he found her. She was standing there, facing the silvery glass that was the ocean; her feet placed in a meditative stance about shoulder-width apart, her arms folded respectfully behind her back. The setting sun etched a black silhouette on the ground behind her, a dark shadow that had been cast on the floor for an hour as she had stood there, meditating. Her hair was in a Twi'lek braid, she had always worn it that way to keep it out of her face, he had scarcely ever seen her wear it down in all the time that they had spent together. Even with her back to him, he knew her eyes were closed, and to anyone else, it would appear as if she was asleep. When she finally spoke, she didn't open her eyes, she never even turned around.
"Carth..."she finally said, taking a deep breath.
"What's on your mind?" he whispered into her ear softly, as he wrapped his arms around her, feeling the rough texture of the Jedi robes against his skin. She felt so stiff in his arms, so cold, and she quickly twisted away from him, her beautiful face a mask of Jedi tranquility. He would never know that at that very moment, the mask was breaking as the pain grew larger and larger, leaving her feeling shattered, as all her sorrow threatening to break through at any moment.
"Carth, this has to stop..." she whispered.
"Wh...what?"
"I'm leaving, Carth. I'm sorry. I can't stay here any longer. I'm going back to the academy-they've rebuilt it. They lost so many, so much, when Malak attacked them, I can't stand by and let them fight this out alone."
"Then let me go with you!"
"We both know that would never work. They need me, Carth."
"What about me? I need you! I love you, Maura! Doesn't that mean anything to you?"
She closed her eyes; for fear that the tears welling up inside them would betray her. She took a deep breath and tried to clear her mind, but it was no use. She took a deep breath before trying to continue again.
"You can't say that. What we have is a lie. We were living in the fantasy that this was possible, Carth, and we both know that this will never work out. We would only be damning ourselves to misery if we even tried."
"Damn it, Maura! I just can't understand why you're doing this to us!"
"I've made my choice, Carth. You have to stop being so selfish. The will of the force is greater than out desires, we have to follow it. I did not choose to walk this path-it chose me. I must follow faithfully, as a servant of the light..."
"It's been the force only knows how long since I've seen or heard from her. I haven't gone a day with out thinking about her. But I didn't come here to remember, Kathrine, I came here to forget. Bring me another drink-something a little harder, this time."
"But what about the what you said earlier-you said there was an addition?"
"Let's just say that damn order...took someone else from me."
"Who?" she asked curiously, as Carth took another drink.
"I'm not going to talk about it."
"But-"
"No."
"You can't just-"
"Don't even try, Kathrine, I'm leaving." He said, downing the rest of his brandy and slapping some credit chips on the counter. He turned away and walked off, not looking back, for fear of Kathrine somehow convincing him to come back and tell her more information that was really, as usual, none of her business. As he walked out, he could hear a holovid someone was watching play the news.
"...Jedi offering service to the Republic military training units, due to decrease in their combat skills. The Senate will vote soon on accepting this gracious offer..."
"Damn the Jedi," he mumbled as he strode out the door. Thanks to:
Prisoner 24601- Thanks a lot for your review, I love reviews, and I will try and keep a better handle on using clichés, I kind of got a little bit with it here, but keep looking out for me.
Ozziegrl- thanks, its always nice to get reviews from you, you are always so nice to me! ::Sniff::
Anonymous-cat
Crystals-faerie Thank you for reviewing! You are the best!
A/N: There may not actually be such a thing as Twi'lek braids, but my P/C had a French braid, and since there is no such thing as France in the Star Wars universe, I wondered what you would call it. I wore my hair French braided a while later, and thought it was kind of like the lekku (or head- tails, I think that's the right word) on a Twi'lek. Thus the usage.