2 MONTHS EARLIER ...
How many drinks had she had? 5, 6, she was losing count. She didn't care. Right now all she wanted to do was erase the memories of tonight's events and drink was most definitely helping. She felt so stupid, ashamed even. She'd been acting like a brat and had driven away those who cared about her the most. The people she cared about the most ... Ana, Derek. And all for what? Jimmy of all people!
She'd known deep down that he couldn't be saved, that he couldn't change, that he didn't really want to change. But somehow she'd kept going back for more. She was drawn to him she couldn't deny it. He had that 'something'. That thing that would turn teenage girls' hearts a flutter, and she had most definitely been acting like a pathetic lovesick high-schooler around him.
Maybe she was rebelling. I mean, she'd had the perfect boyfriend, and look how that turned out. Good, safe, caring Dev had ended up being a cheating scumbag, so why not go for the bad boy. She drained her glass and cursed herself. Why did she have to give her heart away so easily. And why couldn't she pick a guy who respected her for a change. Instead she'd gone for a guy who seemed to humiliate her at every turn, and as Jimmy had stood on that bar tonight laying into her and Kyle, her humiliation was complete. Anger coursed through her as she remembered his words.
"Another of what the hell it is I'm drinking please" she slurred, as the barman walked past.
"You sure are on a mission tonight miss!" he laughed as he started preparing the drink.
"Yeah well, it is a Tuesday night after all" she quipped.
She thought about what Jimmy had said. "I'd like to thank Karen for stringing along her director." What the hell was that supposed to mean? She'd never asked anything of Derek. She hadn't slept with him to get the role. She'd told him straight when he'd told her he liked her that she was with someone. How dare Jimmy say she'd been stringing him along!
Ugh, what did she care anyway. Her and Derek weren't exactly on the friendliest of terms right now. Wait scrap that, they were barely even talking to each other. Ever since he'd opened his heart to her he'd been acting like a petulant teen, and she hadn't been much better. She cringed when she remembered calling him a "jealous old man." She knew she should apologise but she was angry. Angry that he could seemingly dismiss their friendship so easily.
Had he really only there for her these past few months because he wanted to sleep with her? She thought their relationship ran deeper than that, but maybe she was wrong. Maybe he really was just as bad as the rest of them. Dev. Jimmy. She'd just thought that he was different. She knew for certain she'd have never have gotten through Boston without him.
derek had been her rock in those weeks after the Dev/Ivy fallout, and they'd formed this bond she thought had run deeper than just lust, or physical attraction. And she refused to look at Derek like that. She wouldn't let herself. She'd seen what his wanton disregard for women did to those around him. She thought of Ivy, and knew only too well. Yet with her, he had seemed different. He was different! Derek seemed to respect her. After that "casting couch" night he'd never once tried anything with her again, and Karen was grateful for it. Not that she didn't find him attractive. Not that she wasn't drawn to him. Of course she was. She just didn't want to be another notch on his bedpost. Another woman Derek would discard in the morning like it was nothing. So she revelled in the their 'platonic' relationship. She didn't really know what it was that Karen and Derek had together, but it had made her feel safe, having him in her corner.
A pang of sorrow shot through her when she realised anything her and Derek had had was now in the past, probably lost forever. The producers weren't biting and with a Broadway move for Hit List looking unlikely she knew that someone like Derek wouldn't stick around for long, and he wouldn't be taking Karen with her this time. She'd put paid to that during their fallout a few weeks back. She didn't know why but it was this thought that upset her more than anything. Not Jimmy's actions tonight, but the fact that Derek was slipping away from her. She'd missed him these past few weeks.
"Karen get a grip" she mumbled to herself, drunkenly oblivious of the figure who had just seated himself next to her at the bar.
"Exactly what Jimmy should have done to you during Amanda's death scene love!"
It was Derek. Karen spun around. The last person she expected to see was the person she had just decided was the reason she was feeling like this, and suddenly all her defensive instincts kicked in .
"What do you want Derek? As you can see, I'm busy."
Derek smirked at Karen. "I can see that. I suggest after the vodka cokes you move onto the scotch. It's the best friend I've ever had."
"What did the poor scotch ever do to deserve that?" Karen deadpanned.
Derek raised his eyebrow, a smile forming. "This is your director speaking right now, but I think we need to get you home" Derek said, reaching to grab Karen's arm.
"Oh you'd love that wouldn't you. I'm a much easier lay when I've got 10 drinks inside of me. And we all know that's the only reason you're here right now."
"Karen, that's not"
"Oh leave it Derek" Karen interrupted. "What is it with all the men in my life."
Derek raised an eyebrow, a flash of anger ran across his face. "Suit yourself sweetheart."
He let go of her, got up off the stool, and started to walk away. He gestured to the barman on his way out, and threw a bunch of notes on the bar.
"Do me a favour mate. Stick her in a taxi and make sure she gets home okay?"
"Of course" the barman nodded.
And with that Derek was gone. Karen buried her head in her hands. Why did she always have to ruin everything. She was an idiot. She finally looked up. The room was spinning.
"Barman? A glass of your finest scotch please!"