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Chapter 2: Kindness

The throne room of the Fire Nation palace had, during the reign of Fire Lord Azulon and Fire Lord Ozai, been a dark, shadowy place. Giant, grand pillars rose to the high ceiling on either side of the deep red carpet, which formed a path to the raised dais at the end, upon which the Fire Lord was meant to sit—separated from those who dared enter his presence by a wall of flame.

Zuko did not care for the throne room, and so far had avoided receiving guests or diplomats within its walls. The room had no windows, and thus the only way to provide light was with his own flames—flames meant to intimidate, make subjects feel small and helpless as they gazed up into his features lit from below, and the gleaming form of the great golden dragon glaring down from behind him.

Zuko pressed a hand to one of the pillars, then sighed to himself as he reached up and carefully removed the five-pointed gold head ornament from his topknot. The object glinted in the firelight before he stowed it in a safe place in his robe.

"You wished to see me, Fire Lord?"

Zuko turned, and his eyes fell on the willowy form of a woman, just approaching middle-age, standing in the shadow of a pillar. He couldn't see her face clearly until she stepped out into the firelight.

"Mother," Zuko said. He hesitated briefly. "Yes. I was looking for you in the gardens where Kiyi was playing, but..."

She dipped her head. "I had a bit of a headache, so I stayed indoors today. The servants told me where to find you."

The room was quiet for a moment, but for the crackling flames. Zuko wondered how many times his mother had visited this room under less pleasant circumstances, when his grandfather had been Fire Lord. He considered putting out the flames so the atmosphere wouldn't be quite so grim—but then the room would be entirely cast in darkness.

At last, Zuko said, a bit awkwardly, "Zuko is fine. You really don't need to be so formal, Mother."

The reserve in her face seemed to vanish, and she laughed. "What a confusing boy you are. Didn't you say you were the Fire Lord now, and you didn't want me to treat you like a child?"

Zuko rubbed the back of his neck ruefully. He remembered now, he had indeed said something to that effect. "I take it back. I have lots of subjects to call me Fire Lord. But I only have one mother."

Her smile widened, and she approached.

Zuko was quietly surprised at the change that had come over his mother in the last month. When they had first arrived at the palace, she had seemed nervous, afraid of her own shadow. And her fearful agitation had only intensified when Zuko's half-sister Kiyi had been abducted. However, these days she seemed genuinely at peace.

Zuko remembered why he had been looking for her, and his smile shrank slightly. He turned away, facing the wall of flames before the dais, and folded his hands behind his back.

"I will...be going away for a time, Mother. There is something I must take care of personally. But, I have asked Uncle Iroh to watch the palace in my stead—you will be perfectly safe. And Kiyi, and Ikem."

His mother was quiet for a moment, and Zuko did not turn to see her expression.

"Is...now a good time?" she asked slowly, cautiously. "With what just happened here in the capital not so long ago, knowing that the Fire Lord is gone could make the people uneasy."

Zuko forced himself to turn to face her, his expression solemn. "That's why I have to go. I have to go after the people who kidnapped Kiyi and the others—no one else in the nation can be allowed to go through what we went through."

His mother blinked, startled. "The people who kidnapped Kiyi? But I thought you arrested Ukano, and the New Ozai Society was disbanded."

"It was," he said. "But—the ones in the cloaks, pretending to be the Kemurikage, escaped. As Fire Lord, it's my responsibility to track them down and make sure they aren't able to do something like this again."

Zuko didn't quite meet her eyes as he spoke. He hadn't had the heart to tell his mother that Azula was the one who had masterminded the kidnapping of Kiyi and the other children. As far as the general public was aware, Ukano, as the founder of the New Ozai Society, had been behind it all, and the Kemurikage imposters had been working under his orders. He saw no reason to disturb her peace of mind.

His mother's eyes seemed to study him for a long moment. "Are they that much of a threat?" she asked at last. "Without Ukano to lead them?" She didn't say it fearfully, or with nervously darting eyes. Instead, her gaze was steady, her voice matter-of-fact.

Zuko's eyes dropped away. "I'm afraid they are."

He was surprised when he felt the tips of her fingers touch his cheek. He looked up again, startled.

"Zuko," she said softly, "my dear son. I won't try to stop you, but—be careful, won't you?"

Zuko reached up to put a hand over hers. "I will, Mother," he promised.

She smiled, so wide that the age lines that had begun to form at the corners of her eyes wrinkled. However, as she gazed back at him, the smile flickered briefly—like a cloud passing over the sun.

She half turned away. "Be safe on your journey, my son," she murmured.

Zuko hesitated. He realized he couldn't let her go like this—not with the danger of what he was about to do next looming over his head, and uncertain when he would next see her again.

Zuko reached out and caught her by the hand. "Mother?" he asked. "Is something wrong?"

She brushed at something in her eye, then partly turned back. The smile, as always so full of strength, returned, and she placed a hand on his shoulder. "No, it's nothing," she said. She hesitated, and for a moment, the smile was tinged with a strange wistfulness. "Only—as you know, I bear many well-deserved regrets."

She gazed up into his face, and as she did, the smile faded slightly. Almost as though her hand had a will of its own, her fingers rose once again, until they lightly brushed the angry red, grotesquely melted skin around his left eye. A quiet sigh escaped her.

"How much you have suffered," she murmured. "Yet—so strong in the face of it all."

Zuko reached up to catch the hand in his. He gripped it tightly, drawing her fingers away from the scar. "I'm fine, Mother," he said earnestly. "More than fine. I don't want you to worry about the past. I mean it when I say—when I finally found you, and I found out that, all this time, you had been safe and happy, all I felt was relieved."

Ursa smiled again, and squeezed his hand slightly. "Even from the time you were young," she said softly, "I saw such kindness in you. After everything you went through, I wouldn't have expected you to hold onto it—but somehow, you have grown even kinder than you were as a boy. Kind enough to forgive such a terrible mother who would abandon her own children."

Zuko felt a twist of discomfort in his stomach. He was not nearly so kind as she thought—however, he forced the thought from his mind.

Instead, Zuko tightened his hand around hers, as though he could somehow squeeze all the heartache and regret from her. There were so many things he could say—how he understood that she had had to leave, that she hadn't had a choice, that he could never blame her for forgetting her life here at the palace, when all she could have done for them was worry herself into an early grave.

However, before he could fully arrange the words, his mother's eyes suddenly drifted away, to gaze at the blazing flames rising before the Fire Lord's dais. The smile, for a moment, faded to nothing, leaving behind only the drawn features of a weary woman, who had lived horrors beyond what he could probably imagine.

The smile returned after a moment, but the sadness, the deep weariness, still lingered. "But, I suppose I will at least be getting half of what I deserve," she said. "As there is one other I abandoned who I know will not forgive me."

Zuko felt himself go very still. He barely breathed.

"It was Azula who made up my mind in the end," she murmured musingly. "She came at me with such ferocity, screaming accusations of how I was conspiring against her, sabotaging her entire life—and even though I did not remember her, and I could see from the madness in her eyes that she was not entirely rational, in that moment I felt deep in my core that, in some way, perhaps it was true. I had abandoned her, chosen to forget she existed, and if she could really think such things about me, then surely I had not loved this girl, who was as much my daughter as Kiyi, as I should."

Her eyes closed, and she turned her head half away. She said quietly, "When you came, and you and Ikem told me everything... There was a part of me that recoiled. Not from you, but the change I knew this truth would wreak on the peaceful life I had loved so much. A part of me—a part I can now only be deeply ashamed of—hoped that you would return to where you had come from, and nothing had to change."

Her eyes opened. And their usual calm, occasionally tinged with a distant sadness, suddenly blazed with intensity. "But," she said in a low voice that quavered with emotion, "seeing my own daughter who I didn't remember, so enraged, looking as though she were in so much pain that she could hardly bear it—I wanted to remember. I needed to remember. Although I knew I probably wouldn't get it, I wanted another chance to be the mother I had failed to be."

Zuko didn't know what to say. He felt something in his chest constrict, and he couldn't look at her.

He felt as her hand gripped his wrist, the other coming to touch his shoulder. And he had no choice but to turn back to her, to stare into her burning eyes.

"Zuko," she whispered. "Has there been any word? Any sign...?"

Zuko didn't answer, instead shifting his gaze to stare hard at the far dark wall.

He was relieved as her gaze dropped, and she seemed to take that as a no.

"I see her in my dreams," she murmured. "You said she could take care of herself, and I'm sure that's true—yet I can't help but remember the madness. She was so out of her right mind, and I start to wonder. Can she really be all right? Is she really safe?"

Zuko still couldn't find words to reply. A queasy, hard lump had formed in his throat, and he thought he might be sick.

Was he really making the right decision? Was taking out Azula—his own sister—the best thing for the people he cared about?

A memory of his own words drifted back to him.

"Come back! Please, I can help you. I want to help you!"

He had said that back then, and he had meant it, with everything he was. He could have killed Azula before now. When they had fought on the edge of that cliff, he could have let her fall, and been rid of this terror that plagued him. Azula had assumed he had spared her because there was something he wanted from her, but the truth was that, even though they had never had the relationship of brother and sister that a part of him might have wanted, she was still his sister. His family.

His will wavered. Maybe it didn't have to be this way. Maybe he could just capture her, as before. Maybe he could still try to help her.

Azula's voice whispered at the back of his mind.

"You're such a constant disappointment, Zuzu. Even when you're strong, you're weak."

Zuko closed his eyes, and took a slow, steadying breath. When he opened them again, they were resolved.

"Mother," he said quietly. "I know you're not going to want to hear this—I know how you feel about Azula, and you want to help her. I've wanted to help her, too. But...the thing is...Azula just doesn't care about anyone. She never has. All she can understand is fear and control, and she will do anything to anyone to get what she wants. You asked me before if, wherever she was, she might be happy, and I told you I didn't know what being happy would even mean for Azula. But the truth is, I know—Azula is only ever happy when she's hurting other people, when she's in control and people are afraid of her."

Zuko took a breath. "Mother, I know you care about her, but I don't want to see you suffer over her anymore. So...maybe it's time to let go. I know you never loved Father, you knew what kind of man he was. Well, Azula is exactly the same as he is, and she's never going to change."

The room was silent. Not even the faint rustle of bird wings or the distant shout of the nobles' children playing in the courtyard penetrated the thick walls.

Zuko wondered if he was about to get a reprimand, and he steeled himself.

However, his mother regarded him with an expression that he didn't fully understand. She looked away, toward the flickering flames before the raised platform, and her brow creased very slightly in thought. When her gaze finally returned to his, she spoke.

"As you were growing up, I was often plagued by one great fear," she said quietly. "And when I was banished, and forced to leave the palace, and you, I feared it all the more. When I wrote that letter to Ikem that I suspected Ozai would intercept, a part of me really wished that it might have been true—that you were Ikem's son, and not Ozai's."

She bent her head, and a single shiver wracked her frame. "I feared. I feared that someday, under Ozai's influence, you would grow up to be exactly like him. Cruel, merciless. I feared my beloved son would make those under him suffer as his father did. Yet somehow—no thanks to me—you managed to overcome his legacy."

She closed her eyes briefly. However, when she opened them again, they were suddenly strong. Full of resolution and certainty.

"But," she said, "if you had grown up to be like your father, I still would have loved you all the same. And I love Azula, too."

Zuko did not move, but he felt as she drew him into an embrace, and kissed him on the cheek. "I love you, Zuko," she whispered. "Come back safely."

"I will," Zuko answered mechanically.

She drew back. Her hand lingered on his cheek for a moment, before she turned away and slipped out through the hall doors.

Zuko was surprised to feel something wet on his face, and he reached up to quickly brush it away.

He knew his mother would not be happy with what he was about to do. She would be shocked, maybe horrified. But even so, he couldn't change his course now. Azula was his sister—which was why it was his responsibility to do something about her, before anyone more could suffer. This was his only way of helping her now.

Zuko took a deep, steadying breath. Then, putting out the flames before the dais, he turned and strode back through the darkness.

"Leaving?"

Zuko froze for a half second. Then he turned to see the last person he would have expected standing just inside the door to his chamber, arms folded, leaning against the wall, and looking bored out of her mind, as usual.

"Mai?" he said uncertainly. "How...did you get in?"

It was a stupid question. Ty Lee was out standing guard right now, and would of course have let Mai in if she asked. But his brain had frozen over, and he couldn't seem to think.

Mai ignored the question. Instead, she pushed herself off from the wall, and approached. Her expression was, as always, hard to read, except he thought her yellow eyes looked sharper than usual.

If it had been any other day, he would have been happy to see her. Ever since he had heard about her break up with Kei Lo, he had been hoping that they might get a chance to talk. Maybe, possibly, even get back together. But on the eve of his departure for more secret plans, of which he had not told her, already dressed in his traveling clothes, the timing couldn't have been worse.

"I know what you're going to do," she said abruptly.

Zuko blinked, then sighed, not sure if he should grimace or be relieved. "Let me guess. Ty Lee told you?"

She gave a curt dip of the head.

Zuko didn't move, trying to give himself time to think. He had put a lot of thought into who to bring with him on this trip. Azula had at least six new minions, who had posed as her fellow Kemurikage, and he knew it would just be foolish to attempt to go after her all on his own. The two strongest members of his personal guard had seemed like the obvious choices, and so he had already informed Suki and Ty Lee. He'd had trouble gauging their reactions—neither had seemed very happy at the idea, but whether they agreed with the reasoning he had given them or not, neither had tried to put up a very strong argument, for which he was relieved.

He probably shouldn't have been surprised Ty Lee had gone to Mai. They had been the best of friends growing up, and now that they had left Azula, they seemed to have grown even closer. Ty Lee was loyal to the Fire Lord as a personal guard, but her first loyalty was probably to Mai, and Zuko couldn't blame her for that.

"So," Mai said in a dead tone. "You were just going to take off to go after Azula, and not even say a word to me."

Her eyes narrowed, and for the first time, some emotion crept into her face. "Look, Zuko," she said in a low, cold voice. "Maybe I'm not your girlfriend anymore, and you're not obligated to tell me every little thing. But it never occurred to you that maybe I have a right to know about this, too? I had as much to do with Azula as you did. Probably more."

Mai focused her penetrating stare on him for a long minute. Then her eyes flickered away, to glare at the far corner. "But I bet you didn't think of that," she said in a low, bitter voice. "I bet I didn't even cross your mind."

She turned her back on him.

"Wait!" he blurted. "That's not true."

Mai paused, and turned to regard him coolly over her shoulder.

Zuko hesitated. The truth was, when he had been trying to think of how to build a team to go after Azula, Mai had been the very first person he had thought of. Not only did she possess an array of deadly skills and had experience going up against Azula, but he had felt confident she would understand how dangerous Azula was, and how important it would be to stop her as soon as possible. Aside from possibly his uncle, he trusted no one more.

However, he had talked himself out of saying anything to her. After all, if Azula did go after the people he cared about most, Mai was likely to be one of her first targets. The thought of bringing Mai within striking distance of Azula again made him sick with dread.

"I'm sorry," he said. His forehead felt hot. "I should have told you. I just—I knew if I told you, you would want to come, and I didn't want you to."

He grimaced. Somehow, when he was talking to Mai, things always managed to come out wrong.

Zuko tried again. "What I mean is, you've already faced Azula for me once, and I didn't want you to have to face her again. I mean, I just don't know what I would do if Azula were to—if you were—"

Zuko floundered to find the right words, and at last Mai cut him off with a sigh.

"It's okay, Zuko. I know what you're trying to say."

He looked up, at once hopeful and wary. "You do?"

Mai drew one of her throwing knives, so fast it seemed to appear from thin air. "And, as usual, you're being an idiot. If you're going after Azula, I'm coming with you. Azula took Tom-Tom, and she threatened and manipulated my father. You're not the only one with a score to settle."

Zuko shook his head rapidly. "This isn't about scores or revenge. It's about—keeping the Fire Nation safe."

"I know," Mai replied. "And if there's one thing I'm sick of, it's been sitting around, waiting to see if Azula will show up and make us pay for what we did. I want to take the fight to her. That's the only way we'll ever have any peace."

Zuko nodded slowly. He knew exactly what she meant. He hesitated a moment longer. "...All right," he said at last. "If you want to come with us...I know I can probably use all the help I can get."

Mai didn't smile, just nodded once. "Who else is coming?" she wanted to know. "Besides Suki and Ty Lee. And don't tell me that's all you have."

Zuko paused. "I want to keep it small, so we can stay inconspicuous. But—there is one more person I'm planning to ask. I just hope she agrees."

"One more?" Mai said slowly.

Zuko nodded. "When we set out, we won't be heading out after Azula right away. There's someone we're going to go pick up first. Someone who defeated Azula the first time."

Mai studied his face for a long minute. "The Water Tribe girl?" she said at last.

Zuko nodded once.

Mai's expression didn't change. "What about the Avatar?"

Zuko's gaze dropped. "I won't be asking him, this time. He won't like what we're doing."

Mai's expressionless face betrayed the hint of a frown. "And you really think the girl will be any different? She is his girlfriend. Will she really be okay with you hunting down your sister? Killing her?"

Zuko flinched at the word, then steadied himself. If they were going to do this, he had to get used to it. He closed his eyes.

For a moment, a memory played in his mind—a pair of cold blue eyes scrutinizing his every move with suspicion and loathing.

"You might have everyone else buying your 'transformation'... So let me tell you something right now. You make one step backward, one slip up, give me one reason to think you might hurt Aang—you won't have to worry about your destiny anymore. Because I'll make sure your destiny ends."

Zuko opened his eyes. "I don't know. But I'm going to find out."

A/N: I worried for a long time that the first part of this chapter went on too long for being so early on in the story. (Consequently, I did some editing after the initial post to cut it down a little, and clean up a few other things.)

I struggled a little with how to portray Ursa here. I know quite a few people were a bit disappointed with how she came across in The Search—because we knew in a general way that she had killed Azulon, I think there was some expectation we would really see a darker side to her, beyond the kindly mother we see from Zuko's perspective in Zuko Alone. However, I wanted to preserve the spirit of her portrayal as we see it in the comics as much as I could, especially her attitude toward Azula. (And actually, I personally felt finding out she willingly chose to forget her children existed was kind a dark reveal anyway.)

Again, for those who haven't read the comics:

- Mai split up with Zuko in The Promise after finding out he was secretly meeting with Ozai.

- Kiyi is the daughter Ursa had during her banishment while her memories were gone, and Zuko's half-sister.

- The New Ozai Society was a political group formed with the intent of restoring Ozai to the throne, led by Mai's father, Ukano.

- The Kemurikage are dark spirits of legend believed to carry off misbehaving children in the night, although the Kemurikage that appear in Smoke and Shadow turn out to really be Azula, along with some girls Azula broke out of the mental institution.

Anyway, that's it for now. Hoping to get the next chapter up within the next week or two, and as always, if you have a moment, let me know what you thought. Hope to see you next time!

Posted 7/16/18, Revised version posted 8/17/18