Let the Silence Not Be Heard.

A/N: Thank you so much for your wonderful reviews so far. The more I get, the faster I write.

Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin or any of the characters, please don't hurt me or eat me alive.

Chapter 2

The day began with renewed gusto as Merlin, Arthur, Gwen and the four newly anointed knights began to prepare for the hunt. Arthur wanted to venture far into Cenred's kingdom, since the fallen king had left a great deal of land behind. Arthur thought it would be a good way to familiarize with the land while trying to catch some new game. Never before had an opportunity such as this arisen, since the two kingdoms had always been at war. This basically meant that they would be gone for a week at least.

Merlin was busy sharpening all manner of swords, spears and arrows, packing armor, preparing all the horses and readying the supplies. Gwen was busy mending her outfits for the next week, wanting to look acceptable for her future king. Lancelot, Elyan and Percival were busy practicing their archery and spear throwing skills. Gwaine was preparing too, only his preparation was more directed towards hitting every tavern in town, so that he may be all stocked up on mead for the rest of the week. Although truth be told, he was finding it difficult to save any, since it magically disappeared somewhere between all the arm wrestling and dice games that he constantly got coaxed into.

Arthur was busy getting all the paperwork out of the way before he could finally leave for his much-anticipated hunting trip.

And soon the moment of departure arrived. The four knights, Gwen, Arthur and their secret warlock arrived at the stables, where the horses were already saddled and ready to go. Gaius was standing beside Merlin's mare, waiting for the group. Nodding to the group, he moved closer to his ward, indicating that he'd like a word in private.

Merlin reluctantly moved closer, making sure he was far enough from the rest of the crowd. No one heard what was being discussed, nor did anyone want to invade their privacy, all except Arthur that is. For his part, Arthur tried to lip read as much as possible. But from his point of view, it looked like Merlin had just said. "You don't need curry, I'll have pine." That just didn't seem right. So instead he tried to focus on body language.

Gaius seemed worried once again, while Merlin seemed placating, as though he was trying to soothe a frightened horse. The conversation abruptly ended with Gaius pulling his young friend into a hug. Anyone could see the despair in the old man's eyes. But soon, the embrace too came to an end. There was awkward silence during which Gaius fumbled with a pouch inside his leather bag. Finally, he managed to pull the blasted thing out and handed it to Merlin. Merlin took it graciously, but still gave the thing a weary look before putting it in his own travel bag.

Once again Arthur was left to wonder what was going on. Why were they being so secretive? What was Merlin hiding? The thing that really bothered him was that Gaius knew, and he didn't. It was obvious that Merlin trusted Gaius and not him, because he had asked the man not to say anything. What could be so horrible that Merlin wouldn't share his problems with his best friend? Merlin did consider him his best friend didn't he? Looking around him, he wasn't so sure. Merlin and Gwen had been close from the first day. Lancelot too seemed close to the young man. Gwaine on the other hand openly considered Merlin his only true friend. The question then remained, who did Merlin consider his closest friend?

It seemed like a stupid and petty thing to think about, especially for the future king. None-the-less, it was important. Arthur did not give away his friendship lightly. It had to be earned, and Merlin had earned the right to be Arthur's closest friend. The question was, had Arthur earned the same right? It would bother him deeply if he hadn't. What did it mean for the future king if he couldn't even earn the trust of his own manservant. How could his kingdom trust him then? But Merlin wasn't just any manservant. He was strong willed, opinionated, loyal and as intelligent as they come. That is why he had the trust and loyalty of some of the most honorable people Arthur had ever known. As much as he would never admit it out loud, any man would be lucky to call himself Merlin's best friend. After all, look how much Arthur had changed because of the young man. He wasn't an idiot, he knew that his views had changed dramatically because of Merlin. It's why he relied on the clumsy little bugger's advice so often. So it came right down to one question. What was Merlin not telling him? God this was getting annoying. He wanted answers so badly. He just wanted to shake them out of his stupid friend.

Gwen watched confusion flicker across Arthur's features as he tried hard to concentrate on Merlin and Gaius. Trying to figure out what was causing him to be so perplexed, she too fixed her attention on the exchange taking place before them. It hadn't escaped her notice that Gaius had been acting strangely as of late. He constantly looked tired and often snapped with irritation. At first she had thought it was because of the stress of dealing with so many injured people after Morgana's reign, but she wasn't so sure anymore. It seemed that something was going on between the old man and his young ward. It didn't appear to be a quarrel, but things weren't smooth either. Come to think of it, Merlin had been acting strange lately as well. She hadn't thought of it much, but looking back, it was clear as day. Lately the boy seemed to be working himself into an early grave. That in itself wasn't strange, because Merlin did that very often. The problem was that lately it seemed to take a toll on him. The boy looked much skinnier than he had ever before, his skin seemed a shade too pale and there were dark circles under his eyes. All this was often easy to overlook with Merlin. His sunny disposition made it difficult to see anything beyond his infectious smile and sharp sense of humor. After all, how can you imagine something being wrong with the one man who manages to bring brightness into any room, just by power of his happy go lucky nature. That being said, it seemed that Merlin was very good at hiding behind his smile. He was doing it right now. One second he was smiling reassuringly at Gaius, but as soon as they embraced, his smile slipped, just for a second, and a deep rooted sadness appeared on his face. However, just as it had come, it was gone. Soon to be replaced with the childish annoyance at being chastised by a parent.

How had she not noticed this before? How had she not seen that something was bothering her best friend? Merlin always knew when something was wrong with her. He was always the first to help and the first to fix everything. She supposed that being with Arthur more often recently had not helped her observations skills much, but she would like to think that she'd be there for her friends when they needed her most. She'd have to ask Merlin about it later. Not now, when he was so obviously trying to hide his problems from everyone else.

Looking around, Merlin finally decided that there had been way too much of an emotional display today, enough to last him a lifetime in fact.

"Well if you're all done enjoying the show, can we get a move along?" He asked cheekily, as if everyone else was keeping the servant, not the other way around.

"Hey, I say when we're ready to move remember?"

"Oh I'm sorry sire, I'm just so use to doing things for you, force of habit." He replied, his grin becoming ever so wide.

"Shut up Merlin." Arthur replied indignantly. He had no idea how he managed to walk into those surly retorts, but sometimes Merlin was just too smart for his own good.

"Chin up Gaius, we'll bring your precious bundle back home safely." Gwaine offered. To that Gaius smiled gratefully before moving aside.

"See that you do Sir Gwaine."

With that, all the Knights along with Arthur, Gwen and Merlin mounted their horses and began to ride.

Gaius stood to the side, watching his young ward leave. The unsettled feeling that was eating him on the inside for weeks now grew even deeper. He had tried, tried so very hard to get the stubborn young man to see reason: to do what was best for himself for a change. But true to his nature, Merlin had refused. Gaius longed for those days when Merlin was younger, less experienced and still feared for his own wellbeing. He remembered arguing with Merlin about riding out to save Arthur. At that time Merlin had accused him of not caring what happened to the young man. He was so afraid, so scared that he would be killed. That young man was never so ready to sacrifice himself for the greater good. Gaius wondered if Merlin's blatant disregard for his own life now was his mentor's doing. However, it was difficult not to be proud of the idiot. He was a hero in so many ways, and no one even knew it. The saddest part was that Merlin no longer cared, he no longer wanted recognition. He just wanted what was best for everyone, his own feelings no longer factored in.

"Just come back to me Merlin." Gaius breathed. He knew that no one would hear him, but it didn't matter. If the gods were listening, this had to be one prayer they would hear loud and clear.

…

Merlin was annoyed. Highly annoyed in fact. This was the second time today that Gaius had managed to bring suspension onto the two of them. First Arthur, and now practically everyone was looking at him as if something was the matter. How the man managed to keep any secret was beyond him.

He knew that was harsh, Gaius was only worried and he had every reason to be. However, that's part of the reason he hadn't wanted Gaius to find out. His friend was already burdened with so many responsibilities lately, and now this. It was breaking the old man's heart. Anyone could see that. He needed Gaius to be strong though: to get a hold of himself and keep things normal. It would do no one any good to walk around with fear struck eyes and weary hearts.

Pushing aside his mounting discomfort at being watched by everyone around him, Merlin decided to lighten the mood. It had already been an awkwardly silent hour of riding.

"So Gwaine, you smell like a fresh tankard of mead. How many taverns did you grace this morning."

"You no me mate, I believe in equal opportunity, so I found time to pay visit to all of them."

"How very kind of you." Lancelot retorted, who was just a pace behind the two men.

"Yes, it's nice to know my money is going towards a good cause." Arthur piped in from a few paces ahead.

"I thought so too sire." Everyone chuckled at that. It was always easy to lighten the mood with Gwaine around. The man was the least knight-like of them all. He cared little for authority and way too much for alcohol and was ready to stick his foot in his mouth every time he opened it.

"Yes well some people have to go rescue your sorry hide every time you step foot into a tavern. So you better not be making a habit of it." Merlin chided.

"It's already a habit mate. Besides, how else is a man going to lure his best friend into spending some quality bonding time." Arthur stiffened at the idea of Gwaine calling himself Merlin's best friend. Did he know what was wrong with Merlin then? He thought bitterly. However, the idea that Arthur was jealous of Gwaine didn't seem right either. So he forced himself to relax. Even though it still felt a little off.

"Well you bond with the floor a lot more than you do with me when my services are required. I'd much prefer to be lured to have a drink instead."

"Ha, as though you'd ever have the time." Gwaine scoffed playfully. "Arthur, you've been keeping my friend on a very tight leash mate. Care to share some Merlin with the rest of the common folk." Gwaine bellowed playfully. This pleased Arthur to no end. This meant that Merlin was in fact closer to him.

"No can do Gwaine. He barely gets anything done as it is. If you get him drunk every day as well, I'd have to find a competent servant instead. We can't have that."

"Yes, god forbid Arthur learns to tie his own shoes."

"Merlin!" Arthur interrupted.

"You're going to ask me to shut up now aren't you?"

"Yup."

"I thought so." Everyone chuckled once again. Some how, no matter who was present, Merlin and Arthur's banter always took over. It was both amusing and endearing. However Gwaine often wondered what it was about Arthur that made Merlin so unwaveringly loyal to the man. Not that he himself wouldn't serve Arthur with the highest degree of loyalty. However Merlin did so without conditions, without recognition and often without acknowledgment. He was Arthur's friend, he considered protecting and helping Arthur his highest priority, without worry about the consequences to himself. It wasn't hard to see that the lengths Merlin went to stay by Arthur's side were far beyond any knight, peasant or servant. Especially given that Merlin was only little. He was a small framed, gentle and slightly clumsy young boy, who deserved to be protected. Instead, here Merlin was putting himself in harms way almost regularly, for a man who was twice his size and very capable of taking care of himself. How could Gwaine compete with such loyalty? He knew that Merlin would do anything for him, he would never even have to ask. However, the bond that he shared with Arthur was something Gwaine could never grasp. Even though he longed for such closeness. After all, Merlin was his only true friend. Was it too much to ask that Merlin feel the same for him? He felt childish thinking about it, but there it was. However, at the end of the day, having Merlin as a friend was good enough. It was better than not knowing him at all.

"So Gwen, how does it feel to be the honorary lady amongst all these surly men?"

"Aw Merlin, you talk as though you're not among them."

"Well I think we've already established that I'm not like the rough and tough save the world type."

"You mean you're a girl…"

"Find a new insult, some people are trying to talk here." Merlin interrupted before Arthur could get a word in.

"Merlin." Gwen chastised playfully, but Merlin just shrugged. He wasn't going to stop insulting the man just because Gwen and him were together now.

"Anyway, answer the question my lady."

"You forget Merlin that I'm a blacksmith's daughter, being in the company of 'surly' men as you put it, is hardly strange."

"Just you wait, you'll change your mind once the conversation turns towards women."

"We aren't going to talk about other women in the presence of a lady." Lancelot retorted, ever the gentlemen.

"I'm hardly a lady." Gwen replied without thinking. Suddenly she was reminded of a simpler time, when she was just a seamstress and Lancelot an ordinary man who wanted to be a knight. Things had changed so much since then. Now she was in love with the future king, and things were looking up for them both. Lancelot had also gotten what he wanted. Only it meant that whatever it was that was between them could never be again. She knew that she wasn't wistful about it, but with the way Lancelot sometimes looked at her, made her wonder if the knight still cared for her.

Lancelot didn't reply, and the conversation turned elsewhere. Merlin noticed the change, also thinking of the time similar words had been exchanged between his two friends. Silently he aligned his horse with Lancelot and whispered gently.

"I know this must be hard for you. I'm sorry things have to be this way."

"It's alright Merlin. Some things just cannot be. I have accepted that."

"I know, but if you need to talk, you can talk to me."

"You know, the same goes for you." Merlin sighed. This was another Gaius induced conversation surely.

"I know."

"No really Merlin. I know you're hiding something. You've gotten good at keeping things but I know you too well. Understand that you're not alone. We're all here."

"Thanks. I'll keep that in mind." He most definitely would not keep that in mind, but how else is one to shake off such sincere concern?

"You're a terrible liar."

"Yes well you're terrible at consoling people. What else is new?" Merlin replied without missing a beat. And with that the two men fell into companionable silence.

….

By the time night had fallen, Merlin was fed up with all his friends taking turns in asking him if he was alright. He was grateful that Elyan and Percival had not done so because he was ready to rip someone's head off.

However, as the group settled by the burning fire, all concern was forgotten. Mindless banter ensued, and all seemed right with the world. Merlin watched in wonder as Gwaine and Elyan shared a drink, both laughing and joking with alcohol induced glee. Merlin could see the foundation of a beautiful new friendship emerging before his eyes. It pleased him to no end. Beside them, Percival and Lancelot were engaged in discussing the best hunting techniques that worked for different animals. Merlin didn't care for the subject of conversation, but he was enjoying the relaxed way in which Lancelot was conducting himself. The cloud of being an unrequited lover was lifted off of him for the moment, and Merlin got the sense that he would one day get over his pain, and always be this relaxed knight that sat before him at this moment.

To his right, he could see Arthur talking softly to Gwen. They were all but sitting on each other's lap, but it didn't seem odd or inappropriate. They looked at each other with reverence and respect, like two soul mates should. For a brief moment Merlin could see into the future, where Arthur was married to his beloved Guinevere and they both sat side by side at the throne. They both seemed happier than one can ever imagine. The idea lights Merlin with a sense of peace. As though his purpose in life was being realized. Finally it seemed that his destiny was coming to a close. Not a moment too soon.

Silently he watched his friends, mentally making a portrait of that moment, in which each of his friends were happy. That was what he wants for them all, for the rest of their lives. That was all that he ever asked for. It seemed that fate might just be able to grant him that wish, as long as this continued as they were progressing. Although the contented feeling he was relishing in didn't last long. Looking once again at the happy faces before him, he suddenly felt like and outsider. He felt an irrational fear grip him from the inside. Amongst all this joy, he was the only exception. He was the last link to everyone's unhappiness: the source of things that could easily crumble. It wasn't arrogance that made him feel like he could affect people in that way. It was just that over all these years, he knew how much his friends had already been through. He knew the things that could unravel this blanket of security that has fallen upon this group. It scared him, made him feel tainted, cursed. Suddenly all he wanted was to distance himself from everyone. Take away the curse that followed him everywhere. He would protect his friends, even if it is from himself. With that thought in mind Merlin got up from his seated position and strode away unnoticed into the forest.

Fifteen minutes passed without incident. Everyone was busy doing their own thing. Until finally Merlin came up in conversation and Gwaine looked up to get the boy's attention. To his surprise, his young friend wasn't anywhere to be found.

"Where's Merlin?" He asked, concern already building up inside him. Everyone around the camp looked up, trying to answer the simple question, but found none.

"He was sitting right here last I checked." Arthur said, rising to his feet. He too looked on in concern. It was dark and the forest was full of creatures, it was foolish to walk around without weapons. Typical Merlin, does whatever the hell he pleases, without any regard for safety.

"I'm going to go take a look." Gwaine declared, before grabbing his sword and making his way to into the forest.

An eerie silence fell over the camp as everyone wondered where their friend had gone without telling anyone.

Gwaine slowly made his way into the forest, followed light footprints that lead away from the trees. He couldn't put his finger on it but he was feeling apprehensive. It was irrational but when it came to Merlin, he was like that. He felt fiercely protective and always felt the need to make sure the young man was okay. The servant brought it on himself if you asked him. He was always just so...nice. Anyone could take advantage of that. Not everyone was as nice as him. Not to mention the fact that Merlin walked into trouble very willingly for the most part. How the man had survived this long Gwaine would never know.

Finally Gwaine came across the object of his concern. But what he saw made his heart stop with uncontrolled fear.

TBC

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