Primarily, the reaction was to panic.
Hiro just kissed his brother in a way brothers weren't meant to be kissed. How was he to explain himself? Would his brother forgive him? Would he forgive himself? The pang of regret spread through his body like a viscous liquid, starting as a pinch in his mouth and soon clogging up his throat like moist toilet paper, disabling his ability to speak. He just stared, wide eyed and shaky, at the scowl that he interpreted as disappointment. Or maybe...something else. He'd never seen his brother make a face quite like that before. And yet deep in the back of his mind, Hiro still wanted to kiss him again. He was sickening. He had practically the highest IQ in a city full of nerds and he still managed to disgust himself. Hiro swallowed hard and continued to stare as Tadashi waited for some kind of half hearted explanation. He watched as his older sibling's eyes softened and his heartbeat quieted itself to the confines of his own chest.
"...Hiro?", Tadashi whispered, gently, as if talking to an animal that might scurry away at any moment. But the short teen who was swimming in bulky blankets couldn't find any words to defend his tired actions. Although he doubted he would've been able to if he was awake either. So he did the only thing that seemed logical at the time. He cried.
He turned the tables, guilting Tadashi into thinking it was his fault instead of sucking it up and taking the blame. It would make Hiro feel even worse, but then again it would fuel the tears, the steady, salty streams cascading down cheeks from bloodshot eyes. He wouldn't admit to being a compulsive liar, but he'd gotten pretty good at avoiding the truth recently.
"...I'm sorry, I just-", Hiro muttered before gulping in another desperate mouth of air. But his lungs still ached for the breath of his brother.
Tadashi gave in just as easily as expected. His formerly scrunched up face now extended to express worry rather than discomfort. He didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around his frail younger brother in an attempt to stop the shaky shoulders and shallow intakes of air.
At that moment Hiro wished to be anything but a genius. He wished the numbers would stop running through his head and allow him a brief moment of sanity or an even briefer moment to romanticize his horrible life choices.
The Hamada brothers were close. Closer than a healthy relationship between siblings would imply. But it would still be safe to put equal blame on both of them for their current situation...Well...maybe replace the word blame with something that doesn't have the same negative connotation and let's re-apply our knowledge.
Hiro got beat up. A lot.
His big brain caused problems more frequently than it solved them, and that was just when it was idle. A literal brain jammed inside a cranial case, an abnormally large head, and someone was bound to punch him. When it was actually active, spewing out test answers and advanced logic, the violent kids could convince the passive ones there was even more of a reason to attack. That being said, nobody wanted to be affiliated with Hiro. They didn't want to be dumb in comparison, even if they had a relatively average intellect.
Tadashi acted on instinct.
He wanted nothing more than to help. And when his little brother happened to be the one in need, he tended to get a tad bit over protective.
But Hiro saw this as something else. He certainly didn't when he was younger. Hell, the thought hadn't even crossed his mind. But now that there was something in existence which Hiro couldn't understand...he was curious. And his brother, his sole protector and source of affection was his only means of discovery, his only way to diagnose the lump in his throat and the drum in his chest pounding with every tender touch.
Hiro would find out.
He would kiss Tadashi again, just not now. Now was not the right place or the right time.
Now he could merely breathe him in. He could only accept the soft kisses to his eyelids with their good intentions, to relieve a non-existent sorrow.
They didn't talk about it the next day. In fact if Hiro hadn't know any better he would've assumed Tadashi had forgotten all about it. But Hiro did know better. Tadashi hadn't forgotten.
The older brother slipped out from the tangled mass of sheets and evaded the fragile limbs strewn over him. He stooped over the limp body that had invaded his bed before muttering apologetically and making his way to the dresser.
It only took a minute for Tadashi to change into a new pair of clothes, but that didn't stop Hiro from watching intently as fabric brushed past skin, revealing only to be hidden in mere seconds passed. Hiro had no real reason to get up. Tadashi had school to attend to, but the young high-school graduate didn't. He'd much rather spend his time observing in silence. Unfortunately these observations were noticed when his slim older brother turned around, seeing Hiro's puffy eyes and red cheeks peeking out from under the blankets.
Tadashi chucked. "Later bonehead."
"See ya, Nerd." Hero choked.
The door closed.
Another hour was spent wallowing in bed, rolling in the scent of Tadashi, the leftover warmth and the faded heartbeat. Hiro's lips had a weird achy feeling and he would occasionally press two fingers into his neck to check his pulse. Almost every time he did, he thought he was having a heart attack.
The black-haired teen wobbled when he finally stood, knees weak and body needing support, needing touch. If he thought he was having trouble focusing last night, then boy was he in for a surprise today.
Battle bot..., he thought.
I'll work on...my battle bot-
He tripped before he could make it to his desk.
What is wrong with me?
Droopy eyelids interrupted the young genius' train of thought every couple of seconds, a black sheet coming down in front of his vision to prevent the flow of ideas. Graphite touched the paper...his head nodded down...eyes closed for just a few seconds...sudden flood of awareness, jerk of the neck, dilation of pupils, then jaw relaxing again...repetition of the process.
But Hiro persevered, this time he wanted to be awake, though that will didn't last very long.
Even if he'd gotten a decent amount of sleep last night, that wouldn't erase the fact his nose was still raw and his eyes were still dried out from tears. If he slept all day, would that cure it? But he couldn't...he couldn't fall asleep when there was so much he could be doing...head nodding down again, more pressure on the neck...shoulders tightening and awareness coming back suddenly…If only there was something he could...wait.
Hiro knew Tadashi would occasionally take meds to help him sleep. Every once in a while, on the night of a big exam, just to make sure the stress wouldn't keep him up, he'd take something. The teen wasn't quite sure what it was called off the top of his head, but he'd know it if he saw it. Still drowsy, Hiro made his way to their shared bathroom, scrummaging through the medicine cabinet, eventually coming across a bottle that seemed out of place. Yeah, that looked about right.
He popped two in his mouth out of instinct. Aunt cass would always give him two of those funky tasting vitamins in the mornings, although they were gummies so he couldn't really complain...Didn't Tadashi say they were all natural anyway? That they were filled with some weird plant leaves or something?
Straightaway he was lethargic, mentally incapable of thinking at his normal capacity. Good...good, it's working, he thought.
He'd go back to bed, sleep off these weird feelings, and wake up feeling rested. That was the plan. But Hiro could barely make it back up the stairs, his entire body torpid, stiff, unwilling. His eyelids became incredibly heavy, and he clung to the railing, laughing at his own drowsiness. There was a thud that came from downstairs, the accompanying ring signifying it was in fact the front door. A quiet "Oh! You're back early.", from Aunt Cass and then the sound of Tadashi's voice.
Tadashi's back early...Hiro mused, almost dreamily, before the panic set in.
"Tadashi's back...early?", he thought aloud, trying to drag himself up the staircase as he heard footsteps come up behind him.