James Diamond is on my mind
"You're total is going to be…103.78." I smiled at the girl behind the counter and pulled out a hundred dollar bill, a five, three quarters and three pennies. She smiled and put the money in the register, and then took out two dollar bills. "Your change is going to be two dollars. Would you like your receipt with you, or in the bag?"
"Bag please." She nodded and put the receipt in with the movies. She handed me the bag and gave another very friendly smile. "Thank you."
"Have a good day." She waved and I walked out laughing. Girls knew I was gay because they knew who I was. But that did not stop most of them from hitting on me, flirting and getting me to sign their left tits. And it was always the left tit. Could never understand that one.
I walked out to my car and got in, putting the bag of movie sin the seat next to me. I got them five more movies, all animated ones we didn't have and I even got myself one. Because Logan had to stay in the hospital for an extra week, and the week he has been home has been busy and crazy, we didn't really have time to celebrate my birthday. I honestly didn't mind. I didn't like having the attention on me. It was already a week after my birthday so I really didn't care, but I thought I should get myself something. And walking through best buy got me interested in the movies so I got the very first Spiderman movie. It was almost fifty bucks, but I didn't care.
As I was stopped at a red light I heard my phone ringing from my pocket and panic rose in my chest. If it was Logan he either wanted me to get something else, or something happened. I really hoped for the first. But it wasn't even Logan. It was James. I scrunched my brows and clicked answer sitting back a little.
"James?" I heard him laugh and then groan at something. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing major…I mean…" He groaned again and I checked in my rearview mirror at the left way and quickly got in it. He might not say there was anything wrong but it wasn't going to stop me from checking up on him. "Carlos went to take Jessie to school and then was going to have breakfast with his parents, and I don't want to interrupt because he's been waiting to do this…" I cut him off chuckling.
"James I'm on my way. What happened?"
"I just wanted some God damn Cheerios!" I laughed and got on the freeway to turn around and go into Beverly Hills to their house.
"Give me two minutes." He sighed but agreed and as I hung up I quickly dialed Logan. It took a few rings for him to answer but he did, and that is all that mattered.
"Hey baby…" He sounded so tired maybe even sore and I felt so bad.
"I'm sorry…I woke you up again didn't I?" He laughed and I heard him moving around.
"No…I mean…okay yeah." I laughed and he sighed. "I need to get up anyway."
"You need to rest babe." He sighed and I shook my head. "I got a call from James. He needs some help and Carlos is out with his parents for breakfast, DO you mind?" He laughed I could hear him walking.
"Kendall…go help our best friend. I'm fine. He needs you more than I do right now. In fact…I think I might clean while your gone…show you how much I appreciate you." I smiled small and got off the freeway. "Just take care of James and come home whenever. I will call if I need you."
"Okay…you're sure?" He sighed very sassy and I laughed. "Okay, okay…I love you."
"I love you too." I hung up and pushed my phone back in my pocket. I drove through a few streets until I got on James and Carlos's and stopped in front. James's sports car was parked out front in the driveway, looking very alone. I laughed just thinking about how upset he must be not being able to drive it.
I jumped out my car and walked up the front getting inside without even knocking. "James?"
"Pantry." I laughed and walked through their house until I got in the kitchen and walked through it stopping at the huge open pantry. Sitting on his butt, leaning against the shelves was James. It looked like he was eating the spilled cheerio's off the ground and it made me laugh. Hard. He looked up and groaned, throwing some at me. "Shut up! I tried getting the box down with my crutch but it fell; hit me in the face, spilled all over the floor. I tried turning to get the broom but my crutch got on one and made me slip." I turned very serious quick and bent down.
"Shit…are you alright?" He laughed and nodded but I could see the pain in his face. "Your knee?" He nodded and I sighed grabbing his crutches off the floor and leaning them against the wall. "Okay…I'm going to pick you up." I put his arm around my shoulders and quickly and effortlessly lifted him. He hissed in pain for a second and I quickly handed him his crutches. I kicked some cheerios out of the way and he stepped out, keeping his leg lifted. I followed him as he walked out to the living room just to make sure he was okay. He got to the couch and fell back sighing hard. I took his crutched for him and let him put up the recliner. "So you want some cereal?" He laughed and nodded. I turned to walk away but something caught my eye. For the first time in…forever, James's exposed chest and stomach got my attention. Not that i hadn't looked before and thought he was a God like creature, but now…I don't know. There seemed to be something different about him.
"See something you like pervert?" I rolled my eyes and walked back into his kitchen. I swept up the o's first and seeing the box completely empty I grabbed a box of frosted flakes.
"Frosted Flakes okay?" I grabbed the milk from the fridge and heard him laugh.
"Even better!" I laughed and quickly poured them into his blue bowl he had waiting. "Hey can you also grab a pill bottle up on the bar. It should be the only one there. It's for the pain." I looked and saw it nodding. "I know I'm a pain in the ass." I laughed and put milk in the bowl. I put everything back in its lace, grabbed a spoon and his pills and bowl and walked out to him.
He had his flat screen on and it looked like he was in too much pain to change the channel. Clearly Jessie was watching cartoons last night because it was still on the Disney Channel. I set his bowl on the table by the couch and opened the pill bottle. "One?" He opened his eyes and nodded taking a glass of water next to him. I gave him one and watched him swallow it with the water. Some of the water escaped his mouth and slowly trailed down his chin onto his bare chest. I caught myself looking again and kicked myself. I quickly walked to the seat on the couch next to him and sighed out sitting down.
"Thank you Kendall…you're a life saver. I mean…I could have died in there."
"Don't be a drama queen." He chucked next to me and picked up his bowl and quickly put a spoonful in his mouth.
"So…how's the fam?" I shrugged my shoulders and turned to him.
"Emma told Logan this morning she was going to start helping out around the house since Logan's "sick"." He looked at me weird and I smiled. "I didn't really feel like telling my 6 and 4 year old their dad was kidnapped, raped and cut up." He nodded and ate slowly. "Matthew and he are connected at the hip, both of them spending the entire day together. And Logan…I don't know. It's like he has this on off switch in his brain. One minute he's happy and fine and the next, something reminds him of what happened and he's crying, asking me how I could love him still. It happens every day James. And all I can do is hold him and tell him it will get better, but I don't feel like I'm making him happy. Or that I'm helping him at all." I felt something wet hit my chest and realized I was crying. "I'm a bad husband James. I let the love of my life…my everything get hurt. This…this is all my fault." I closed my eyes and let more tears fall. I heard him set his bowl down and then move around. His hands were on my shoulders and he was pulling me into his chest.
"Kendall…please don't talk like that. This isn't your fault. It's Tim's alright." I was crying but it was sobs, or violent. It was just tears coming out. "You are the reason Logan is here. You are the reason Logan is still alive, and I know that's hard to hear but it's the truth. You are not a bad husband Kendall Knight." I pushed into him and wrapped around his stomach. My tears were making his chest wet and I felt ridiculous.
"I'm sorry James." I pushed away from him and wiped my face sighing hard. He laughed and shook his head.
"You have nothing to be sorry about. This is what friends are for." I smiled and nodded. He smiled big and quickly grabbed his crutches. "Speaking of friends…" He started limping away to the hall and I got up following him fast. He walked into the room they use as an "office". Keep track of bills, papers for Jessie…that sort of thing. He set down in a swirly chair and grinned at me. Open that closet and grab the big box on the top shelf." I laughed and wiped my eyes again but opened the closet anyway. I really wished I hadn't. "Sorry were a little late. We wanted to give you and Logan some space so we kept your present here. Happy 30th birthday Kendall!" I turned to him quick and he smiled. "Well get it…open it! I want to see your reaction. Come on…" He poked me with one of his crutches and I reluctantly reached in and grabbed the huge box. If I knew Carlos and James as well as I thought I did I already knew what it was. I could also tell Carlos did the wrapping. It was all perfect and clean. It also had Spiderman all over it. I st it on the ground and looked at James. He was grinning again and I shook my head getting on my knees. I sighed and took of the bow. I leaned over and put it on his chest. He laughed and leaned forward watching em eagerly. I quickly started tearing at the wrapping and he giggled like a school girl. When I got the wrapping cleared off the top I sat back on my feet and heard a gasp leave my body. Sitting in the box with a clear cover to show in the inside was a brand new acoustic guitar, back with a beautiful dark brown wood inside. I looked up at him mouth hanging open like an idiot and he grinned sitting back. "I knew you'd love it."
"James…this is…absolutely breathtaking." He gave a half smile and I shook my head. "You guys did not…have to do this."
"Of course we did. Every year we compete with Logan to get you the best gift. So…did we out do him this year?" I looked away quick, and felt something odd run through my body. It wasn't anger, but it wasn't happiness either. "Let me guess…diamond incased hockey stick?" I closed my eyes and fell back completely on my butt. "Kendall?...what's wrong?" I shook my head. "Come on…your my best friend…what's wrong." I opened my eyes and slowly looked up at him. His eyebrows were raised slight concern washing over his face. Again I let myself notice how extremely good looking James Diamond, my best friend was.
"We…we didn't do anything for my birthday." His face fell and he sat back a little. "And…I don't care. Logan is hurt and needs to be taken care of." I pulled my legs to my chest and sighed out hard.
"I'm sorry Kendall…I had no idea." I nodded and watched him carefully. "Did he say anything to you? Like…happy birthday?" I shook my head quick and he sighed. "I'm really sorry Kendall." I laughed and pushed myself up. There were a lot of thoughts running through my mind. A lot of…dangerous and bad thoughts. And it wasn't my fault. I blamed James.
He looked so good. I was a little lonely, not having much attention from my husband. And I wasn't mad at him for that. I was just…lonely, in a way that I wasn't getting any. And the fact that James, my hot best friend, got me a birthday present, hell even remembered my birthday, made me do the dumbest things I've ever done. But it was one of the best I've ever done also.
I went towards him, grabbed his face and kissed him hard. I was really expecting him to push me away hard. To yell at me and call em out on cheating on my husband. But what I wasn't expecting was for him to hold my sides and pull me into him. He deepened our kiss and forced me to climb on his lap. I didn't think about what I was doing, because then I would have stopped, and there was no way in hell I wanted to stop. But a thought did come to my mind. I knew why I kissed him, but why was James kissing me back and kissing me back so passionately?
I pulled away from him but he continued the kisses down to my neck. "James…we're married." He pushed away and gripped my hips.
"That didn't stop you from kissing me in the first place."
"Why'd you kiss back?"
"Why'd you kiss first?" We stared at each other and I let myself relax on his lap. He held me so I wouldn't fall. He held me like I hold Logan. And I've never been held. This was new to me. But I liked it. "Carlos and I haven't really been having the best…bedroom life lately." I put my hands on his shoulders and he chuckled, mostly to himself. "It started after my birthday…you know…a few months ago? Don't ask me why…I couldn't even begin to tell you. All I know is every time I tried to…love him, touch him, get intimate with him, he'd turn away." He looked me in my eyes and I saw something in his. Hurt? Confusion? "After the first couple times I got pissed which caused another fight. And then we wouldn't even try to make up. It was like; we were fighting for no God damn reason. So after a while I gave up. I didn't want Jessie hearing us fighting anymore and I didn't want to be rejected either. That really does something to a guy's ego, ya know?" I nodded and he gripped my hips again, shrugging his shoulders. "I kissed you back because that was the first kiss, in a very long time where it felt like someone needed me." I turned my head and he laughed. "Your turn Knight." I sighed and moved my hands down from his shoulders to his chest.
"I'm…I'm trying to adjust my life to being so…depended on. I guess…I've always been depended on by Logan but now…it's…I don't know." I turned back to him and his hands moved to the small of my back. "I'm in so much pain right now James. The mental toll of what happened with Logan…it makes me, I don't know. There is no one for me, like I'm there for Logan and don't' get me wrong, I love being there for Logan but I need someone now and I don't know who to turn to ." He chuckled and sat up holding em still.
"SO I'm chopped liver or what?" I frowned and he smiled. "What are friends for Kendall. I'm here for you, you're here for me. That's how these things work."
"Yeah but we crossed the line…we kissed James. We have husbands."
"That don't need to know because it would destroy them, especially Logan." I quickly laid my body down on his and put my head on his shoulder. His hands rubbed up my back and I closed my eyes. "If I proposed something to you…something that would probably make us closer, can I have your word that you won't freak out?" I laughed and already knew where this was going.
"You have my word James Diamond."
"Well then Mr. Knight…I propose we…be there for each other, whenever we need to. Like right now, I know I need you, and I can tell you need me."
"So what do we do about it?" His fingers moved back down my back and when they went up the next time, they pushed my shirt up with them. His hands were cold but I loved it. "And no one ever knows?"
"No one needs to. Just something…between two best friends who really need each other in desperate times."