Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders

...

I didn't remember when we all had stopped crying, or when we all fell asleep. I only remember the pain we had felt when Darry had told us the news. At first I didn't believe it in my head it couldn't be true that our parents were dead. But they were. I woke up in our parents bed, with Ponyboy and Soda both sprawled out at my side. We had spent the past night crying here, except for Darry he never cried, we knew he did but he would never admit it. Our parents room felt like the place to be, I could smell my Mother's perfume on her pillow the one that she never let me touch because it was too expensive. I sat up from the sheet's and went over to her dresser to touch the crystal bottle full with the pink liquid. My fingernail grazed the vial's cork but I withdrew it with a coiled hand. I left the room before tears began to cascade down my cheeks, I had done enough crying. Darry was passed out on the couch, and I could tell he felt as depressed as the rest of us.

I had to make breakfast. Usually Mom would make it on a Sunday but now I would. It still felt odd knowing our parents would never come home. I grabbed the pancake mixture from the cabinet and began to create the batter, I was frying the third pancake by the time Darry stirred from the couch. I didn't want to wake him up with all my noise but I figured it was inevitable. He used his hands to stand him up from the couch, "Hey." He walked over to me with his hands stuffed deeply in his pockets.

"I thought someone should make breakfast." I told him wiping away a tear before he would notice, "I mean I don't know much cooking, but I do know pancakes."
Darry gave me a fake small smile, "They look great Em." I doubted that, the sides of the pancakes were slightly burned but the center looked alright. I made a good batch plain because I knew Darry didn't like anything mixed in with his pancakes. I grabbed chocolate chips from the cabinet above the oven and stirred them in with the rest of the batter. Pony, Soda and I all favored chocolate chips in any of our breakfast foods. Mom didn't approve of it half of the time, but she still would always mix in the sweet chips.

"Darry." I said flipping one of the pancakes, he turned to me, "What happens now?"

Darry frowned I could tell he didn't want us to talk about the obvious, "We'll figure it all out." I had doubts about this. But I didn't want to argue anymore with him. Soda and Pony came out of our parents room and helped themselves to breakfast. Breakfast was awkward and silent, nobody wanted to believe that our parents were really gone. It all still felt surreal, like our parents would come back for lunch and it would all be one sick joke. I felt my heart throb as I stared at the table remembering all of the meals we all had here as a family. I could picture the nights my parents had sat here trying to help me with school. And the afternoon my mother would teach me how to do my hair and how to bake her favorite recipes, not that I liked all those girly things anyways. I pushed my chair out of the table and stormed into my room. I couldn't be out there, not right now. There were too many memories, too much pain.

I was in my room for fifteen minutes before I heard a soft knock at my door, "Yeah." I said rubbing away tears from my eyes. The door clicked open and Soda popped his head in through the crack, "Mind if I come in?" He asked. I nodded, if anything I wanted to talk to Soda the most right now. I knew Darry would try and be sympathetic and he was most of the time, but I knew he wouldn't understand. Soda sat on the side of my bed, staring up at me.

"You alright?" He asked. I shook my head.

"No. You?"
He gave out a breathless laugh, "Not even close."
"What do you think Darry's gonna do? Send us away?"

Soda shook his head, "He wouldn't. You should know that." I should but I didn't.

I leaned into Soda, "I want Mom and Dad back." I sniffled, "It feels so empty without them." Soda put his hand on top of my head.

"I know." Soda siad, letting a teardrop out of the corner of his eye. "I know."

It had been a total of two weeks since my parent's death, and it still felt surreal. Darry had managed to talk child services into us staying at the house with him. Darry was now all of our official guardians until we turned eighteen. That was four years from now. I could already tell that Darry was different then he was when our parents were still alive. Pony and I had a strict curfew and had to finish homework right when we got home from school, or else he would shout his head off. It was better with Soda here, he made everything alright and comforted us the best he could. That was the thing, Darry was the best protector but he didn't quite understand how to comfort us. He still tried.

"Are you alright?" Angela rubbed my shoulder, we were both sitting on my bed. Darry thought it would be a good idea if I had a friend over. The entire family had noticed my horrible mood but what did they expect. I had been staring up at the ceiling for what felt like hours, and I finally managed to whisk my head up and stare at Angie, "Huh? Yeah."

Angela stared at me, "No your not… talk to me."

I wanted to slap her across the face, what did she expect? "Angela my parents just died, so no of course I'm not doing great."

Angela stared at me her lips turning downwards into a frown, "Your right, s-sorry."

"It's not your fault." I mumbled, "I just can't stop thinking you know? I keep thinking what everything is going to be like now that their gone. I mean hell Darry is going to be my guardian or whatever the fuck that means."

"Aw it can't be that bad." Angela said staring into my dresser mirror, "I mean Darry's not that bad." She was right Darry wasn't that bad. Darry also had never been responsible for three kids lives before. I remember when Darry watched us for two days when our parents went to help our aunt move for two days. Darry was a pain in our ass for forty two hours, and he wouldn't let us out of his sight. If that was what my life was going to be like for the next four years i didn' know how I would handle it.

"You know what you need?" Angela asked bouncing up on the bed, "A party!"

I stared at her, I did not need a party. That was the last thing that I needed. "Darry wouldn't let me go even if I wanted to."

"We don't have to ask him." She told me.

I shook my head, "It's too soon."

"Em… you've stayed in your room for two days without leaving. Just come for an hour, and if it's too much we'll leave."

I thought about it for a minute. It was normal for people my age to go to parties, I was fourteen nearly fifteen and there were girls already pregnant by my age. "Fine."

Angela and I both began to walk towards her house, Darry was out working for construction and Soda was taking a nap on the couch when we snuck out the door. I felt bad for leaving Soda, because I knew he would stress out when we were gone. The party was at Angela's place, there was a party every night even on Mondays. Angela and Tim's parents were always gone so they had no issue throwing parties. I wondered if Darry would become like Tim, always yelling at Angela and fighting with her. Darry wouldn't become like that now that our parents were gone… right?

"Oh! Em look!" Angela slapped my arm and pointed to across the dark living room full of drinking greasers and to a tall boy with ruffled brown hair, "That's Lee! I thought he had an eye on me!" Angela was practically screaming through the music, "I'll be right back." She shuffled across the room and left me standing near the couches alone. I shouldn't have come here. I should have known that Angela would pay more attention to the boys here then her best friend, me.

"Wanna drink?" An elbow bumped into me and I looked up to face a tall strangers face with large brown eyes. I knew him from school, he was a senior and the rowdiest greaser in the gang. Jared was known for getting into knife fights, and he had been to juvie at least six times. Jared's arm was outstretched to me with a red cup filled with a brown liquid in his hand.

I eyed it suspiciously, "No thanks."

"Aw c'mon you can't have a party without some drinks." His breath smelt like vodka spiked with a mint toothpaste.

Determined I still shook my head, "I'm fine." Jared seemed to not take no for an answer and brought the cup to my lips. I could smell the beer under my nose, I knew Darry and Soda drank sometimes but it was very rare. I also knew they would both kill me if I let alone drank at home, and I was at a party I snuck out to. I jerked my head away from the cup, "I said no."

Jared's face twisted, "Then why are you even here, sweetheart?" He was drunk, very drunk and I flinched as he wrapped his hand around my arm. I didn't know what I should say because I knew whatever I would say he would brush off.

"Hey man the girl's mine. Stop drooling over the babe." My heart dropped to my feet when I heard a voice from behind me. Why was he here? I didn't want to look up at the deep voice from behind me, but when I felt a hand drop on my shoulder I knew I had to. Dallas Winston was staring back at me with his lips turned to a smile. I wanted to crawl into a hole because I knew Dally would never let this down and run and tell all of my brothers. Thankfully Jared walked off after cursing under his breath, but he ran over to another skimpy dressed girl and handed her the drink. "What're you doin' here Curtis?"

"I wanted to come to a party what about it?"

"Ha!" Dallas let out a laugh, "What are you now, an Angela Shepherd?" He cocked his head towards Angie who had her tongue down Lee's throat already.

"Fuck off Dallas." I winded my way through the crowd and walked towards the front door, I didn't want to be here anymore. It wasn't helping anything. I felt Dally grab my upper arm and push me backwards, "So what are you going to do? Walk all the way back home, jeez Curtis."

"I walked all the way here, what makes me not able to right now?" I tried to shove him off of me but he didn't budge. I knew Dallas wouldn't let me leave, at least not alone. The other bad thing about being in a gang, basically everyone is my older brother.

"Your fucking dumb Em." He let out a breathless laugh, "Your a grease kid, at this our you're just asking for it." He pulled my arm out to the street and let go by the time we were across the street. "Why were you even there anyways? You don't seem like the party type." His eyes grazed me over and he let out a scoff.

"I just wanted to, okay? Now shut the fuck up I'm not gonna listen to you anyways." I didn't think I needed to explain myself.

Dallas took out a cigarette and put in between his lips while lighting it with his silver lighter, "I'm not dumb Curtis. What? After your parents drop dead, your gonna become a rebel now huh? Good luck kid, that's not gonna pass up with your brothers." I stopped dead in my tracks. Was he really saying that to me? I knew Dallas didn't care about anyone but himself but I thought there would be some decency in his bones.

"Go away Dally." I spat out through gritted teeth. I crossed my arms over my chest to prevent myself from crying. I couldn't cry in front of Dallas Winston it would give him all the satisfaction he wanted. He wanted to see me cry, that's why he said that bout my parents.

"You know I saved you back there!" He called after me, jogging to keep up with my pace, "That bastard basically wanted to fuck you then and there."

"Oh shut up."

Dallas laughed once again, and I sighed in relief as we reached my house. The relief faded from my eyes when I entered our small living room to face Soda and Darry both on their feet staring at the front door. "Eh boys guess where I found your lil' sister? Over at Shepherd's party! Guess she ain't as innocent as she seems huh?'

I scoffed as I bumped bast Dallas shoving him against his shoulder. "You were where?" Darry asked his voice was clearly upset, and I knew I was going to hear it from them.

"You heard him didn't you?" I slammed the fridge door closed as I pulled out the chocolate milk and poured myself a glass.

"Do not take that tone with me right now!" Darry shouted at me as I sat on the chair, trying to be unbothered by his yelling. I knew that I looked like I didn't care, but I did. I didn't want Darry to be mad at me all the time for doing something that every teenager did. And he was my brother, not my Dad. "You know that Social Services are always watching us! Why the hell would you run off like that!"

I flinched as his words began to roll of his tongue, "Because I wanted to."

"That's not a good enough excuse." He told me, his arms leaning against the back of a chair.

I shrugged, "Then deal with it."

"Em." Soda sounded like he was begging us to shut up, begging us to not fight.

Instead of complying with Soda's mute request I stood up from the table after slapping the surface, "What Soda!? Why do you think I ran out, huh!? You don't know?! Well I'll tell you! I left because I wanted to get everything out of my mind, okay! I wanted to forget about our parents dying, and forget about Social services, and bills, and jobs, and everything in between!" My face was a deep red and I could tell I looked the most angered and upset I had ever been in my life. I felt a hot stream flow down my cheek and I wiped it away after finally concluding it was a tear.

"Go to your room." Darry said this time calmly.

I made sure to elbow Darry on my way out, "Gladly."

I slammed my door shut to find Ponyboy sitting on his bed. Since we were twins, it was only fitting that we shared a room. I hate it. "What was that about?" he asked. Pony was good at that, he was good at asking first instead of instantly jumping to conclusions like Darry.

"I went to a party."

"I figured that part out." He laughed.

I grinned, "Well I guess Darry didn't."

Pony came over to sit on my bed, he faced me as he spoke softly, "Dar's just… stressed. He loves you and I know he doesn't show it in the best way. He's just nervous about everything, and upset."

Yeah, I knew that. "I know Pone. I know."

I didn't know.

...

Thanks for all of the support on this series so far! Expect more chapters :)