"Ahaha… Sorry for the mess," The man Dazai apologized, scratching his head as he chuckled from embarrassment. His place was a tad bit messy like he hasn't been at home for months, junk piled up and it was indeed disgusting.
"Yeah, I see." I slightly felt displeased by the horrific sight. "Let me know when you're done cleaning. I'll be at the balcony." I quickly walked to the balcony of his apartment since I couldn't stand to be in a pig's house. Dazai's place wasn't bad beside the mess, but the only downfall was that there's only one bedroom.
I looked over my shoulder to see him happily cleaning his messy place. I reverted back to my old self after I was forced to come back inside the ADA building. I never felt so alive and different and happy. I was a different person at the ledge— that was the first I've felt that in years.
Eyes wandering, I saw children playing at the back. They were smiling and laughing as they were having fun. I envied their lives. My childhood was nothing like theirs— free and innocent. "I lost everything," I whispered quietly, feeling the warm wind turned cold as I now was under the shade of the roof. "I don't know how it feels to be human." I turned around sensing Dazai behind the sliding door. "And I know you don't know how to either. We're the same… Funny how they paired you with me. No matter how good you are, there'll always be evil in your eyes. That's the sad thing about us." I brushed past him to see what he cleaned up.
"I see… You're able to read certain things that not everybody can pick up without getting to know me in a deeper level. I'm impressed," surprisingly, Dazai was more amazed than unnerved. "I like you. You're an interesting person. Care to commit double suicide with me?" Dazai happily suggested, waiting to hear my answer as he zoomed right next to me like a puppy.
"No, it's not the right time," I flicked his forehead and strode off to the front door to put on my shoes.
"Where are you going?" Dazai nervously asked, as he fiddled with his fingers.
"Behind the apartment building. It reeks in here. Clean your place better then I'll come back." I blunty told, shutting the door behind me and walking out to the back.
My shoes crushed the soft grass as I got closer to the back. I looked at the kids who were still playing when I saw them from the balcony. I moved myself to the stone bench and stared off in the distance. I always had a tendency to stare off in the distance. There's no reason why I do it.
Suddenly, I felt something cold touch my exposed ankle and it brought me back to reality. I looked down to see it was a rubber ball that touched me. "Sorry, lady! I didn't mean for the ball to roll to you." A little boy ran up to me and apologized.
I gave him a small smile, assuring him that it was fine. "No worries. At least it didn't roll too far from you and your peers. Here," I grabbed the ball and gave it to the little boy, but that was mistake number one: picking up the ball. I wished I stopped myself, I wished I realized what I've done. I messed up. My heart sped up in hopes of the child not touching my skin, not even the tiniest bit or a little graze.
"Than—" The little boy couldn't finish his words.
I let out a heavy sigh, dropping my head low as I couldn't believe it. "I did it again…" I muttered, feeling guilty. "I stole an innocent life. His fingertip touched my skin. Damnit!" I yelled, throwing the rubber ball away from me. "He was so young…" I got off the bench and covered my face. "His parents can't mourn for their child because he doesn't exist anymore! I'm so damn stupid! Arghhhh!" I was pulling hairs out of my head, hoping I'll be bald by the end of my frustration.
"His friends are still playing even though you—" It was him.
"I don't wanna hear it from you!" I turned around to see an old person I used to know standing behind me. "Just shut up! Enough of you! You made my life so miserable, Mr. Zakaza! Get out of my life." My voice dropped as I narrowed my eyes at him. My whole body was shaking in so much anger. It was anger and madness that built up over the years of my ability. "I don't want to see you… Get lost!" I screamed at him.
"You can't hurt me. I know you can't make me disappear out of your life. I was the one who made you. You love me too much, Aia. " My fist tightened as I clenched hard to the point where I felt my nails digging into my skin.
"Aia, don't." A gentle touch landed on my shoulder. "He's controlling your emotions. Calm your heart, control your anger. Don't let your memories affect you right now." I looked up with my contorted face to see Dazai speaking softly to me. His brown eyes didn't stop looking at me. My heart stopped from racing in Hell. I calmed myself down. I needed to get a grip of myself and my actions, or else I'll turn berserk with the devil on my back. "Are you better now?" his hand firmly gripped my shoulder and his eyes were serious and yet tender. Dazai's concern about me felt sickly weird.
"Don't touch me…!" I quietly snapped at him.
"My ability to nullify you is through touching someone."
"Okay and? I don't like it—" I was abruptly interrupted by Mr. Zakaza.
"You're finally grown up now huh? Is this the man who controls you better than we ever did?" Mr. Zakaza chuckled loudly.
"Don't let him get to you," Dazai reminded me, never letting go of my shoulder. His words once again made me stop myself from erupting out of the volcano.
"Shut the hell up. I still don't know why I let you live. You're an old man now… I hope death is at your door soon." Ripping myself from Dazai and turning away from Mr. Zakaza, I didn't want to be here anymore. I wasn't safe anywhere. People will find me and take me with them, and I can't imagine myself being broken by my captors.
"I'm still here is because you love me in your dearest heart. I can't be replaced…"
I forced myself to tune out his voice. "I'm not safe here,"
"Don't worry Aia, I'm not here to take you. I didn't call no back ups, but I want you to remember that you aren't safe. We will find you." Mr. Zakaza threatened before he retreated back to where he came from. His footsteps faded and I was finally relieved from his emotion controls.
"You!" I pointed at Dazai. "We aren't safe here or anywhere! They will kill you. Drop the mission and leave." I folded my arms above my chest. "I can handle myself," I boldly stated even though it was a big lie.
"Aia," Dazai sighed as he walked towards me. "I can't believe he thinks I'm your partner?! We can commit—" he blew up in my face with his puppy eyes and flowers falling in the background. His hands were clasped together like he was falling in love.
"Ughhhh!" I pushed him away from me and he fell backward. "Did you just disregard what I said?!" I sharpened my grey eyes at him as I hovered above him, hands at my hips and my shoulder length hair falling in front of my face.
"They could be following us now that man Mr. Zakaza knows our location. Let's head back inside so I can call the headquarters," Dazai quickly got off the ground and ushered me to head inside first.
When we were inside, Dazai was on the phone talking to someone on the line. I, on the other hand felt uneasy. I didn't know what to do. I felt helpless. All I do is ruin people's lives by my touch.
"Alright, gotcha… Mhm…" Dazai quickly glanced at me and I stared at him back. "Yeah, she's fine now…except the part where she—"
"Don't you say it!" I cut him off. "Not when I'm in the room. I don't want to remember it!" I shouted and left the living room to the bathroom.
I stared at my reflection and wondered so many questions of my existence. "I don't deserve living. I'm one ugly being. I didn't mean to hurt the little boy. I can't control it even after twenty two years of surviving." I sunk to the ground, having my knees pulled to my chest. "Dude! If you're here to freaking save me, then what am I supposed to do to? Train myself not to make people disappear by accident?!" I yelled from the bathroom to the living room. "This little boy's ball rolled to me and I stupidly picked up the ball and the boy touched my fingers, so he disappeared out of the world and nobody doesn't remember him! What do I do? Wear gloves? Like that one chick from Frozen?"
Dazai stood at the doorway, thinking deeply about my question of helping me. "Has it always been skin to skin contact that people disappeared?"
"Umm…" I thought over the years of my victims. "By accident yes, but most of the time, no. I pinpoint a victim in my head and I concentrate on the— I guess false emotions people rub onto me so I can feel what he/she is feeling, and it just happens that the targeted person fades away. All memories of the victim is gone, but I still remember them, like I'm still trying to get a grip of how it still works because I'm also confused too." I chuckled because there are still holes into this problem that still doesn't make sense. "Like I don't know what actually happens to the victims and if my 'boss' wants me to eliminate someone while they're right next to me, will they also not remember their enemy that I wiped out? I'm just so confused. I'm guessing that they don't because they're with me? I don't know, I really don't know."
"Interesting…" Dazai looked surprised, scratching his chin. "What a confusing ability you have. Come on, we should leave this place and head to ADA building before anything should happen to us in the middle of the night." Dazai quickly changed the topic and extended his hand out for me to take, but I just stared at him in the eye.
"No, I don't like touching people… that's how they 'die' by me." I refused his offer and I got up by myself.
"You can't harm me if I can cancel out your ability," Dazai smirked cheekily.
"I don't even know you personally. 'Stranger danger' people say," I clicked my tongue at him in disgust. "Especially when you used to torture people too. I know who you are The Demonic Prodigy of The Port Mafia Guerrilla Squad, Dazai Osamu. I've heard about you through my procreators—"
"You mean parents?" Dazai tried to correct me.
"Procreators!" I emphasis loudly because I hate the word 'parents'.
"Parents,"
"Do you want me to continue how I lowkey knew you or not?" I rolled up my eyes at him and clicked my tongue again, feeling a bit irritated by him.
"Why'd you stop talking then?" Dazai joked, pulling the ends of my wits.
"Come on! Let's get out of here," I walked passed him. "Let's hurry before they come and kill you." I paced to the front door, clenching my teeth together.
"Awww come on! I wanna know how you heard about meeee!" Dazai moved sluggishly towards the door, being a big baby.
"You're annoying…" I shook my head. I gripped the doorknob and twisted it open and then pushed myself out of the apartment place. "Let's move before it gets darker. It's six at night now." I firmly said, watching Dazai take baby steps towards the opened door.