Pamela Isley. Paula Irving. Poison Ivy.

That's me. They're all me- or were me at one point in time or another. It took me a long time to figure out who I am. I went through identity after identity trying to figure myself out. It took me over thirty years to figure out my purpose- why I was put on this earth in the first place. When I did, it made everything else I'd ever done irrelevant. Okay, maybe not to the law, but to me personally. It changed me from a villain who tried in vain to take over the world to an actual human being.

But I'm getting ahead of myself here. In order for you to understand who I am now, I have to tell you everything about myself. I have to show you what made me who I was. The accident that changed me, the experiences that humanized me, the pain that shaped me, and the joy that became me.

My name's Pam, and this is my story.

I had an ordinary childhood and early life. My parents were wealthy people but they didn't spend very much time with me. But it didn't matter to me very much. I had my plants to care for and tend to, so I didn't feel like I was missing out on much growing up.

My story doesn't really begin until college. I was a really shy girl back then. Since I didn't have anyone to talk to growing up I was pretty introverted. But my love for plants remained, so I chose to study advanced botanical biochemistry at a university under Dr. Jason Woodrue. Dr. Woodrue was very kind to me in the beginning. He always encouraged me in my studies, and built up my confidence up. He was incredibly charming and it wasn't hard to be seduced by him. He was my teacher, my mentor, and my first lover. I would have done anything he asked. So when he asked to inject me with poisons and toxins as an experiment, I didn't think twice.

I really should have thought through it more.

I nearly died twice as a result of those injections, and Dr. Woodrue fled the scene. I was left in the hospital for six months after that, suffering from wild mood swings as a product of the betrayal. And when my boyfriend died of a fungal infection, I dropped out of school. Most people think that's what drove me to crime. More so, most people think that's what drove me insane.

I'll never know what led me to live in Gotham City. Maybe I was just as crazy as they said I was. I don't know anymore. But it drove me to eventually meeting Batman. Something about him fascinated me. I'm not sure what it was. Maybe it was because of his mystery, or maybe it was because he simply couldn't be controlled, but he consumed my mind. When I was sent to Arkham Asylum after he defeated me, most of my focus was on him.

But inside of Arkham, I met two of my closest friends in the world. Selina Kyle and Harley Quinn. We were in the same ward together, and we quickly formed a bond over our infatuation with Batman. Every day we talked, had meals, and had group therapy together. It formed an indestructible bond between the three of us. One by one, we were either released or escaped from that prison.

I continued committing crimes for years, trying to figure out Batman and eventually his multiple sidekicks. But the story always ended the same: With me back in Arkham.

Eventually I came to a point where crime didn't really matter that much to me anymore. It was just a means to an end. So when I got out of Arkham, I decided to try and make a new life for myself and tried to be good. I stole money one last time before I put Poison Ivy away for good, and became just Pamela Isley again for the first time in years. With the money I stole, I bought myself a home and started a plant nursery out of my home.

Because I rarely left the house, finding someone to become romantically involved with seemed out of the question. But one Day out of the blue, I met Jason Todd on the street. I didn't know, of course, that he was a former Robin and current Redhood. Back then I just saw a man.

We started dating almost immediately, and it became a whirlwind courtship. Within two months we were married.

He was so kind and courteous to me when we were dating. He would hold doors open for me, hold my hand, kiss me gently, and make me feel like I was the most special girl in the world. He was my Prince Charming.

Those first few weeks of marriage were bliss. But then he changed. At first it was just little things, like not wanting me away from him. I thought it was romantic that he wanted me so close. But then the little things became bigger things. He became easily jealous and extremely possessive, forcing me to cut whatever few ties I had to the outside world. Then, whenever he was angry, he'd grab me, hit me, and slap me around. The police came to our house almost nightly, but I always covered for Jason. I wanted to believe that there was still good in him. I could have used my powers to fight back, but I couldn't reveal myself like that. Not after all I'd been through to quit that life.

But then, my life changed forever.

I'd been throwing up for days and had had a suspicion that something was wrong. So when Jason was at work, I went to the doctors to try and figure out what was wrong.

That's when I found out I was pregnant.

From the second I knew that that baby was growing inside of me, I knew I had to get out of my house. So I contacted Selina and Harley to help get me out. I stayed alternately at their homes, and filed for divorce and a restraining order against Jason. I used the alias Paula Irving when filling out documents of any kind. I found a different house in Gotham and prepared to meet my child.

It was during my pregnancy that I met policeman Dick Grayson when I was out grocery shopping. He was the officer who had responded to most of the calls at my old home. I felt that I knew him well, so when he asked me out to lunch I agreed.

From the very beginning I could tell he was different from Jason. Jason had this callous outer appearance and cocky way of walking around that made him appear in control. With Dick there wasn't any of that. He was genuine with me from the get go. When he touched me it never hurt at all. It wasn't hard to fall in love with him. By the time my due date rolled around, we were an honest to god couple.

It was Dick who drove me to the hospital and held my hand during labor. It was he who encouraged me and told me how great I was doing, even when I wanted to claw his eyes out. It was he who cut the umbilical cord when the baby was born, and his name that was put on that birth certificate.

Finally, after all that waiting, I got to meet my child. In that small little hospital room, I met my son, Anthony Richard Isley, for the first time.

The second he was put in my arms, everything changed.

I'd felt him growing inside of me, of course, and that had been amazing. But to hold this little miracle in my arms was the most beautiful experience I have ever witnessed. I suddenly had a reason to fight, a reason to get up in the morning. I found my joy, and I found my purpose in life. I was born to be a mother. That's all there is to it.

Those first amazing days with my baby were everything I had dreamed of when I was trapped in that house with Jason. For a year, everything was perfect.

But then, I started getting worried. Anthony was almost a year and a half old and hadn't hit any milestones past the 12 month mark. So I took him to the doctor, and after dozens of tests, medical bills, and doctors visits, I found out that he will never mentally develop past the one year mark. His body would still grow, but his mind wouldn't.

As a mother, I was devastated. To know that he'd never graduate or get married or have children of his own was a crippling blow. But eventually I came to accept him as he was, and learned to pour myself into making every second with him perfect.

Life went on as it always did. Dick and I got married about three years after Anthony was born. Together, we made a home, raised a family, and lived our lives together. For fourteen years after that, everything was wonderful.

And then one day my world came crashing down.

Dick had already gone to work when the doorbell rang. When I opened it, it was like every nightmare I had ever had came true.

Standing on my doorstep was Jason.

Before I could even react he barged into my house and shoved me aside, bolting for the stairs. He found my Son's room, lifted him into his arms, and put a knife to his throat.

It was the most terrifying moment of my life. My maternal instincts went into overdrive, and I tried to get to my son, but Jason pressed the knife to his throat.

"Don't take another step."

I didn't move. I was too scared. He stepped close to me, and I could feel his breath on my neck.

"Now when were you going to tell me I was a father?"

The question pissed me off.

"You're not his father. Dick is." I said.

"Really? Ah well. It doesn't matter. The fact is, if you don't take this beating, your son will."

I took a deep breath. "Fine. You win."

His smile was so disgusting that it almost made me sick. "Good."

He threw Anthony onto the floor, and I could hear him start to cry, but suddenly I was being flung against the wall. He punched me in the face, and threw me to the ground. He got on top of me and whispered in my ear,

"This is all your fault."

Then the rape began.

I couldn't move. Couldn't breathe. My body went on autopilot when my mind went somewhere else. Someplace safe. Sometime later, I'm not sure how long, he got off me. I crawled over to my son and put my arms out defensively, trying to protect him. I tried to use my powers, but seventeen years without use had rendered them useless. Jason growled and threw me aside like a rag doll and began beating my son. His screams will forever be burned into my brain. I dove in after Jason, but he grabbed me by the throat and slammed me into the ground. His hands wrapped around my neck, and he squeezed as hard as he could. I scratched and clawed at him, but it was no use.

I blacked out completely. For a while, all there was was blackness.

When I woke up it was to the annoying beeping that came with hospital heart monitors. The lights were all bright white, and the ceiling was made of tile. I suddenly realized what happened before I came there, and it makes my heart rate spike. Someone squeezed my hand, and I saw my husband looming over me.

"Baby..." His voice was choked with emotion. I squeezed his hand and worriedly looked around for my son. It wasn't until I saw the tubes that I realized something was down my throat. Beginning to choke, I pull it out and am gasping for air.

"Tony... Tony!" I wheezed.

The doctors injected something into my IV, and I drifted into blackness again.

When I woke, I heard the unmistakable sound of my son crying. I turn to my left and see him being worked on by doctors. I tried to reach out, making small noises in hopes of being noticed. A female doctor looked at me.

"Pamela... Pamela stop! Look at me... Listen. I know how much you love your son. I know what you did to save him. I'm gonna make sure that you two walk out of here together, okay?"

I nodded. It was all I could do. I watched them work on him until I fell asleep again.

"Pamela." It's a whisper. I opened my eyes to see a doctor holding my son. "I have someone that wants to see you. You saved his life." She laid him down on my pillow, and I curled myself around him.

That was the moment when I realized my true purpose in life. Everything that had happened to me before had prepared me for this moment. Every victory, every loss, every breath, every cry, every prayer had led me to this. Now that I finally knew why I had to suffer so much, I would have gladly done it all again. I would have done anything to save the boy lying in my arms.

I got to go home a few days after that. With my husband and son beside me, I felt strong. Like I could have survived anything life threw at me. We went home to a surprise party thrown by Harley and Selina for us. Between my family and friends, I felt loved and safe, despite everything that had happened.

It was a few weeks later when I found out that Jason had been found, and that it was Dick who had had the pleasure of arresting him. He was in jail for violating his restraining order and for assault and battery. My husband assured me that he was facing at least a year in jail and as much if not more time on probation.

Life for me went back to normal after that. Well, aside from the occasional court visit or doctors appointment. Although there wasn't any permanent damage done from Jason's rampage, it did change my views on home safety drastically. I made sure there were extra locks on the door and a home alarm system on the wall. But my family was safe. That was all that mattered to me.

It took me a long time to find my joy again, but eventually I was able to appreciate every day, every experience, and every moment for what it was. I still see Harley for therapy every two weeks, but I'm getting better. That's what matters in the end.

Well, there you have it. That's everything that made me who I am today. I hope that you can learn from my mistakes and that this story helps you find a new part of who you are too.

My name's Pamela Isley, and I want to say thank you for listening to my story.