Author Fighters Happy Hour
Chapter 2
Previously on Happy Hour…"It's nothin' personal, Nukid." Johan said. He pulled out his whip and continued, "It's strictly business…"
A motorcycle crashed into Johan. Nukid opened it up to show TLSoulDude, quills sparking with red electricity.
"Please don't tell anyone I zapped myself." TL simply said.
"Oh, thank God. You're alive." Nukid commented, sarcastically.
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Nukid and TL stood above the injured Johan.
"So, is he gonna be okay?" TL asked.
"Well, he should be." Nukid replied, pulling out a serringe, "But he's heavily injured and will be wracked with immense and indescribably large amounts of pain before he heals over."
"How painful would it be?" TL asked.
"Imagine the most painful thing you can think of and multiply it by fifty." Nukid stated, "But I'll need to use HUGE amounts of sedatives in order to counteract it." Nukid injected Johan with the serringe's contents.
"Will he be okay?" TL asked.
"Yeah, pretty much." Nukid answered, "The worst that he'll experience would be some…slight hallucinogenic side-effects."
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Inside Johan's mind, he was surrounded by darkness, the song "Dare to be Stupid" playing. He saw Nukid dressed in a Big Bird outfit and what appeared to be TL. However, when the hedgehog turned around, his face was a realistic face of Matthew Broderick.
Johan was then doing a chorus-line dance with several Darksides, Weird Al Yankovich, the Muppets, Deadpool, and (oddly enough) Chuck Norris.
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In REALITY, Johan was humming, tunelessly, to Dare to be Stupid. TL and Nukid were sitting in the motorcycle.
"To think," Nukid stated, "NONE of this would be happening if you hadn't ran him over WITH THE MOTORCYCLE, YOU MISERABLE HEDGEHOG!"
"Hey, I didn't MEAN to crash into him!" TL shouted, "It just…happened on accident!"
"Looked more like you had no idea how to drive a motorcycle. How you manage to drive that hunk of scrap metal Blader gave ya for your birthday's a mystery." Nukid grumbled, "You still should've followed Oldkid's signal, Fictorian, LIKE I TOLD YOU."
TL then noticed something on Johan's temple and plucked it off.
"Is that my soul, Soul?" Johan asked.
TL held out the thing, which was a small device.
"Uh…you mean THIS tracer?" TL asked.
"Where'd you find this?" Nukid asked, taking the device from TL.
"On Johan." TL replied.
"Well, this is the tracer I stuck on Oldkid." Nukid stated.
"So, if I followed it, I still would've ended up at the Villains' Bar. RIGHT where I needed to help ya, partner."
Nukid stopped the motorcycle and Johan flew out, skidding on the pavement.
"Ow…" Johan groaned, "Good thing these sedatives keep me from realizing just HOW painful this stuff is…"
Nukid sighed before glancing over to TL, "Soul, let's get ONE thing straight—I don't DO partners. When I took some on, all I got was their blood on my hands."
"I've had that happen to me, too." TL replied, "But I still take 'em. How else do I get outta my Demon Ultima form?"
"Well, I'm not you." Nukid stated, "I'm an assassin. I'm narcoleptic. I have thoughts of sex. I'm a Goth. And, I'm an assassin (A/N: No offense to Nukid)."
"Didn't you already…"
"I know." Nukid growled, "And when I die, I'll just be another assassin who got killed in the field. You think I LIKE that?!"
"I…just wanted to be your friend." TL pointed out, meekly.
"I don't DO friends."
"What about Team Ryche, the Hunters, and the Straw Hats?" TL asked.
"Those being the only exceptions." Nukid mumbled.
Johan staggered up to look Nukid right in the face.
"Whoa, Nukid. THAT was deep. I doubt I could ever be happy again." Johan stated. Nukid's response was to inject Johan AGAIN with the sedatives. Johan then sang, "WE ARE THE PIRATES WHO DON'T DO ANYTHING! WE JUST STAY HOME AND LIE AROUND! AND IF YOU ASK US TO DO ANYTHING, WE'LL JUST TELL YOU WE DON'T DO ANYTHING!"
"Go in and take him with ya." Nukid said to TL, "Keep an eye out for Oldkid."
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DM and Hikari were watching the motorcycle stop.
"They're here." Hikari said.
"It's about time." DM replied.
NEITHER of them looked too happy…
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"So, if I put you in more fights, would you review more often?" TL asked.
Nukid took off in the motorcycle.
"I…guess not." TL mumbled.
He helped Johan walk in.
"Hey, pretty lady. Wanna make out?" Johan asked.
TL sighed before commenting, "Still me, Johan."
"Oh." Johan then asked, "Still wanna make out?"
"No, but you should DEFINITELY ask Ranger that." TL replied. He heaved Johan into the bar and said, "Hey, guys. I'm back."
"JOHAN OWNZ U!" Johan shouted.
"Don't mind him. He's just hallucinating." TL pointed out.
Airnaruto, Ranger, Dimensiondude, Lunatic, and Hurricane's Quill were glaring at the two.
"What's HE doing here?" Airnaruto asked, suspiciously.
"Well, y'know." TL muttered, "Oldkid ran him over with a…"
Airnaruto's response was to grab Johan by the neck and punch him.
"Thought you could get away with it, huh?!" Airnaruto snarled.
"AIRNARUTO! WHAT THE HECK ARE YA DOIN'?!" TL demanded.
HQ grabbed Johan next and said, "Time he got what was coming to him."
HQ hurled Johan away.
"WHAT'RE…YOU…DOING…?!" TL asked, voice slowed.
"THIS…IS…AWESOME…!" Johan shouted, voice also slowed. He fell to the ground in a heap. TL picked him up and heaved him over his shoulders.
"WHAT'S GOIN' ON?!" TL simply demanded.
"You're PROTECTING him?!" Hikari demanded.
"You're just as bad as THEY are." Ranger growled, pointing his sword at TL's throat.
"What could I have POSSIBLY done to deserve such aggression?" TL asked, nervously.
He struggled with the oncoming Authors, but was soon overpowered and restrained by Airnaruto and Johan by Ranger.
"WHAT THE HECK'S WRONG WITH YOU GUYS?!" TL shouted.
"I was about to ask you the same thing, Soul." DM replied.
"Boss Wiz?!" TL shouted.
"Boy, you've got some awesome digs, Mr. Hedgehog!" Johan said, still hallucinating.
"Shut up, Johan." Dimensiondude snarled.
"The world is a dark place, TLSoulDude." DarkMagicianmon explained, "We all decided to change to fit in. The question is 'Why haven't YOU'?"
"They're all insane!" TL shouted.
"Well, so am I!" Johan said, triumphantly.
He broke free of Ranger's grip and socked the fangirl killer in the face. He then brought a foot smashing into Airnaruto's face. He charged over as HQ charged over. His whip caught around HQ's ankle and with a motion, the Author fell to the ground with a CRASH. Lunatic then charged forward, but was quickly knocked aside. He then kicked Hikari to the ground and sat down next to her, snapping a photo and making a funny face. Dimensiondude then advanced, but Johan's whip tangled around the Dragonsaur's tail and he brought D-Dude down to the ground with a THUD. DM then advanced, but met his defeat at Lunatic's chakram.
"I did it!" Johan said, "I trumped 'em!"
"Yeah, Johan." TL commented, "That would've been REAL great if it had ACTUALLY HAPPENED."
Johan and TL's position hadn't changed in the slightest.
"WHAT?!" Johan shouted, "Is this a remake of that scene from Anti-TL's Wrath?!"
"Well, I DID get that scene from Happy Hour." TL replied.
"You had spirit, Soul." DM said, raising his staff, "I like that."
"Then you'll love me."
DM glanced around to see Nukid's fist smash into his face. Nukid then ran over to remove TL and Johan's binds. The hedgehog wheeled over to Airnaruto and Ranger.
"Sorry, guys. You're still my buddies." TL blasted Airnaruto with electricity before throwing a chair into Ranger.
Nukid smashed his fist into Lunatic's face.
"For all the pestering ya did to me in Anti-TL's Wrath, little bugger." Nukid commented.
TL then threw out an aura arm and caught Hikari before swinging her into Ranger, who was just recovering.
"Ow." was all Ranger had to say.
Nukid ran over and delivered a super-kick to Dimensiondude before zipping over to HQ and using his gun finger (A/N: I can't remember what they're called, so I'm simplifying them). He then wheeled over to TL.
"Take Johan and let's get outta here!" Nukid shouted.
"No need to tell me twice!" TL replied. He grabbed Johan with an Aura arm and took off.
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The three were in the motorcycle, tearing through the city again.
"WE CAME, WE SAW, WE KICKED THEIR SORRY ASSES!" Johan whooped. He then glanced over to Nukid and asked, "Can I drive? I'm a good driver!"
Nukid's response was to bring his fist into Johan's face.
"What was THAT?!" TL demanded.
"I think it was Oldkid's doing." Nukid replied.
"How could Oldkid do THAT?!" TL demanded.
"I think Spud had somethin' to do with it." Nukid answered.
"Why's…"
"Put too much emphasis on 'that' again and I'll shove your boots up your sorry…"
"Alright, I got it." TL said, frightened. He then asked, calmly, "Why's that?"
"Let's find out…" Nukid stated.
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The three are in the Underworld, advancing upon a black hedgehog with a silver mane.
"Ya think he knows anything?" TL asked.
"He'd better." Nukid answered, "I had to pay Hades SUCH a big bribe that…"
The hedgehog was Anti-TLSoulDude. He looked at them, blandly, before asking, "What do I owe the pleasure of the top assassin, Nukid, and the Fictronian Ultima Master, TLSoulDude?" He then muttered, venomously, "I was happier being DEAD (A/N: A bit of a spoiler, I know)."
"We're here to find out about Drake's douche!" TL said.
"Be more specific. Drake's got a lot of douches." Anti-TL replied.
"The Spud android." Nukid said, "I know you helped Drake build him and we need to know exactly WHAT he's capable of."
"Sure, I'll just go check my appointments." Anti-TL answered. He slunk away.
"Do dead people GET appointments?" TL asked.
"You'd be surprised." Nukid replied.
Meanwhile, Anti-TL activated a holo-projector and Oldkid's form appeared.
"They're here, sir." Anti-TL said, "Should I hold them?"
"Yes, Anti-TL." Oldkid replied, "I'll be right over." Oldkid began to laugh, maniacally.
He then noticed that the holo-link now included Nukid and TL.
"They heard me laughing, didn't they?" Oldkid asked.
"As a matter of fact, yes." Anti-TL stated.
"I really need to work on that…" Oldkid muttered.
Why did the Authors attack TL? What does Anti-TL have to do with this? And why am I asking YOU these questions? They'll be revealed in the next installment of Happy Hour!