Chapter Two
Nadia was hopping around the lawn, passing the apples to anyone on her way. There were kids, about fifteen of them. Some were catching the butterflies, and Damien was messing around in the shallow river.
The sun was shining over head, warmer and brighter than it did in the morning. It made the water sparkle. Damien, damp, was tickling a blonde girl, splashing water everywhere.
I sat in the distanced shore with bare feet in the water. I heard them laugh. Was this Damien was the same person back in the tower?
It had been some hours ago since I had seen Damien cry. It was terrible to watch, terrible to think. The burning towers and those bodies. I kicked the water and realised some children were staring at me. I forced a smile.
I wondered about that woman. If it wasn't the Kings and Queens, then where could they be right now? Were they happy? How about the Duchess? Duchess Grace. King Peter. Queen Susan. King Edmund. Queen Lucy. These were very familiar names coming from history books.
Thinking about them and realising they were not here was painful.
I watched a few more splashing battle before the babysitters came and Damien called it a day. Nadia, pouting, asked if they could stay a little bit longer, but Damien insisted since most of the children were exhausted. He hugged every one of the kids and watched them walk off.
"You'll be a fine king and a fine father," I said as he sat down next to me.
"I thought you were having fun as well," Damien said. He lay down on the lawn.
"I had a lot of fun watching you," I said. "Especially when those three boys defeated you."
"I saw you laugh," Damien said. "But come on, there were three of them!"
"You're a grown up. They are kids."
"I was gentle."
I snorted, and heard Damien laughed.
"Do you remember we used to spend afternoons like this?" Damien asked.
"I can't remember clearly," I said. "But I remember going to the sea, and walking in the beach."
"Walking in the beach, wow even I don't remember," Damien said, "we could go to some beach again sometimes, maybe, um, I'll plan that."
"Did you see Nadia?" Damien spoke again.
"Of course, she gave me fruit," I said.
"She is very lovely, isn't she?"
"That night when the revolt happened was the night that made you decide to build this orphanage?"I asked.
"These are children of those nobles and Sires who remained loyal to King Caspian. They could not bring their family when they fled. I have to, don't I? They can't grow up without anyone, they're not us." Damien said.
"No, you had a choice, to not building it," I said. "You chose otherwise. You're a great man. You'll be a great king."
"Why do you keep calling me king while you do not really want me to be in the throne?" Damien asked. "It's very confusing sometimes.'
"It's the only way to keep you alive, and do not address King Caspian as King back in the castle. Please."
"Do you think we could ever go into the woods to make peace?" I asked since he didn't speak.
Damien sat up. "I know what you're thinking, and going in to the woods is suicidal. I can't just walk in and apologise."
"But I can," I said. "Once you appointed me Queen. I can walk in and ask for peace. They will listen. King Caspian, and even, the old royalties there, will not harm a woman."
"No."
"But think about it -"
"Emma, I said no." It was a whisper. Damien dropped his rigid gaze. "Let's head back."
Damien pulled me very close to him when we went back into the castle. I wished the orange light could find a way to seep through the hard walls. Damien attended another meeting, he spoke to me before he left.
"I will appoint you queen," Damien said and kissed me. "I will propose to you, and I'll do that because I love you. You must promise me not to do anything foolish if I proposed."
I nodded and he soon walked away. It became a deserted, dark corridor. I dragged myself away and stayed in the library until it was time for dinner. There was a painting there, my favourite painting. I always looked at it when I was alone. I felt like I should just look at it when I was alone.
It was a painting of the High King. His back was facing me, without his crown. He was looking out at the night sea alone in the shore. The moon was above the water, bright and creamy; the waves were calm. I thought he was looking at something else. Everything was in perfect blue. A sad kind of blue. Including the King himself.
"The Foxes painted the picture when the High King's lady left. He stood in the beach near the Western Woods alone when the city was celebrating. She left silently, the night before the gathering in the square," Damien told me once. "That's the Duchess, Duchess Grace."
"Why?"
"Timing. Aslan's will. For the better good. I don't know," Damien said. "I liked the Duchess very much and I swore that I'd marry her someday. She left."
"I hope I am not very disappointing," I said.
"You know your price."
I wished the King in the picture felt less lonely by my company. I left the tower nevertheless, thinking how the High King would be missing her.
People said he loved her dearly.
Damien did not have supper with me, and he did not return until midnight. When he did, his hair was dripping water, but he didn't care and sank into the bed.
"Why didn't any of the royalties become lunatic?" he asked me.
"You just don't know that, maybe they have," I replied. Damien burst out laughing.
"Emma," Damien's face was close to mine, "I'm in love with you."
"I am aware of that, love" I whispered. "Tell me about the Duchess."
"Why?"
"I am interested in her," I replied, "that's why."
"Her name is Emma as well, but people call her Duchess Grace, because everyone was happy when she was near. Aslan named her that. She didn't defeat the White Witch, but she, for some reason, came from another world and joined the Old Kings and Queens to defeat Miraz."
"And the King loved her," I said. Damien pulled me closer, he smelled like parchment.
"Very much. He almost married her, but Aslan said something else," Damien replied, "it's just history. Why?"
"I am curious," I said. "How about -"
"Let's just drop this for a night."
And so, I didn't ask then. Damien closed his eyes and leaned closer to me. His breathing was slow and warm. I touched his face, and his lips. It suddenly became awfully unfamiliar. But it was the same person. Just like knowing the songbird changed a tune to one that you did not recognise, but it was sang by the same bird. It was the same person.
I woke up looking at distanced red in the sky. Damien was snoring next to me, his arm pinned me. I stayed motionless. I had a strange dream.
I dreamt of being in that shore near the Western Woods, where the paint became sounded moving water, and the High King stood in front me. The moon was beautiful; and for that silent moment I shared with him, I felt like soaring in the cold wind.
He was grieving. He couldn't bear to return to the celebration, so he stayed at bay and stared at the sea where his love walked into, where Aslan brought her back to her home. He did not know if she was safe; he was taught to trust Aslan though.
The King wondered if she was happy. He prayed that she was happy though he wasn't. He didn't want her to go. He was bitter, frustrated by Aslan's decision but he did not show it. Too scared to show it.
She didn't have to go. He neither.
I did not know why or how I knew all of it, but it was my dream, so I supposed I would know things. In some way, I must have imagined what I dreamt.
The King turned around. He did not see me. His eyes were lost. He walked through me and he vanished within thin air. I woke up then.
I closed my eyes again and could not sleep until sunlight glared at me. Damien was dressing up.
"Good morning. The bird sings vigorously this morning," he said. "It'll be a lovely day, won't it?"
"I am very tired."
"Stop rubbing your eyes and go back to sleep then," Damien's voice was gentle. "Do take a walk in the garden later. Spring arrived eventually."
"When He shakes his mane, we shall have spring again."
"What did you say?" Damien sat on the bed, stroked my cheek. "Darling, you were mumbling."
"Just something my friend used to say."
"What friend? You've made a friend that I don't know," Damien frowned, "you should have introduced me. This is boring in the castle."
"I am not quite sure. Imaginary friend I suppose," I said.
"Um, okay." Damien nodded, "anyway, if you're going to the garden, I'll leave Nathaniel with you. I don't want you to be alone in the castle since Sire Oscar is coming in today. I am not fond of him."
"No you hate him," I added.
Damien laughed, "hate him and don't know how to deal with him. Do not let any politician worry you. I am very lost, but I am sensible enough to not to drag you into this."
"Goodbye Damien. Have a nice day," I kissed him before he left.
I was having my meal and Nathaniel, the young man who was standing in near the table, was watching me.
"Why don't you take a seat?" I asked, "you can have some of the food. I will not finish it anyway."
"His Grace did ask the kitchen to cook less in order to save the food for the children in the orphanage. He asked us to sneak the spare food in, unnoticed by other nobles," Nathaniel said.
"Sit down, Nathaniel," I said. "I would like a company."
"I shall not take my seat," Nathaniel said. "I am in no place of positioning myself near you, for it is believed that you will be queen soon and I do not deserve your kindness."
"Will making I, a queen, occupy me more than just being a lady in the castle? This is frustrating to not have any friends, but to stay in."
"You shall be -" Nathaniel didn't speak then.
"Nathaniel, I've finished." I said. "Take a bread, and the milk. You can have them. I assure you did not have breakfast yet, it's still early"
"No I -"
"I insist."
"Thank you, Your Grace."
"I am no queen. Take me to the garden for a walk, I would like to breathe," I said. Nathaniel drank the milk and pocketed the bread before we made our way out of the room.
"Tax is very important to a nation, young king!"
"Except, Sire Oscar, this is a country with multi nations. The Narnians have their place here even though they are in the woods ," I heard Damien's voice.
"And - ah."
Sire Oscar stopped in front of our way. Damien looked at me with a weak face.
"Here comes the spoiled woman who lived on the people's tax," Sire Oscar said.
"This is the future queen you're addressing," Damien said in a clear voice.
"The future q- wait, something must be very wrong. She could not be crowned! My daughter is a fine, fine lady of court with well education and manner, who would greet when meeting the King and the nobles," Sire Oscar said, "not someone in a fancy dress!"
"Emma and I shared an intimacy that makes greeting unnecessary. This is one bond, however, that I did not share with your daughter, and is one that does not require any party or social. And I am well aware of what a fine lady and dancer she is," Damien said, he had a playful smile on his lips, "Nathaniel, where are you proceeding?"
"The library, your grace," Nathaniel said.
"I will see you around in the castle," Damien placed a kiss on my hand before leading Sire Oscar away, who looked like he was about to puke with a purple face.
"Let's go to the library then," I said. We walked into the tower and ascending the stairs.
"They were walking towards the garden, aren't they?" I asked.
"Yes, Your Grace. Just now, I had to lie," Nathaniel said.
"You're a good liar," I complimented and reached the library. I found a boring book, but it had nice pictures and map inside. Nathaniel opened the windows.
"I've told many lies to reach this stage of being able to serve you," Nathaniel said.
"That's fascinating," I said.
"Forgive me, you were not listening, Your Grace."
I smiled, put the book back into the shelf. "I should not be in this room. Because I had a funny dream last night after looking at that picture behind you. I think it has magic."
Nathaniel turned around and looked at the painting, which seemed to be decoloured today.
"That's the picture of King Peter," Nathaniel said. "You ought to have funny dream about it."
"King Peter looking at the sea for what? That's Aslan's will. She is not coming back, is she?"
"Aslan didn't exile her," Nathaniel said, "I was in the square ten years ago. I was fifteen."
"What did He say?"
"They will learn more about love in the future, learn about love and experience it deep. Separation is only the beginning, that's what He said. The High King never doubted Aslan though the Duchess did. But Aslan promised to reveal himself to her."
"But he was hurt, wasn't he?"
"If he was, he'd never shown it," Nathaniel said. "But you ought to know, don't you? Anything, do you know?"
"Why would I know any?"
Nathaniel opened his mouth, but he closed it right away.
"Nathaniel, are you okay? You look like you're falling ill," I said. I stood up. "Come and take my seat. You need some rest. I am sorry if Damien ever tortured you with too much hard work. Don't worry, I will speak to him about it."
"No Your Grace," he said, stepping back. "I am not - I am - I must make a confession."
"Go on. I know you will not hurt me," I said. I smiled to him.
"I cannot tell you a lot. I cannot reveal the truth of all lies. Your Grace, you're a kind lady," Nathaniel started to stuttered.
"I am nobody."
"I am King Caspian's best friend," Nathaniel was staring at the carpet. "I chose to stay because I wanted to keep an eye for him in the city. But then, my plan was discovered and I was told to do something else. I mean no harm to you! I did not have a choice."
"Nobody gets to choose in the city," I said. "but I have no idea what you're talking about."
"I just - can't - tell - you," Nathaniel looked like he was panting. "I took a vow, the Vow. Do you remember the Vow? The one you made and you have to keep or you die."
"Of course, I've heard of it somewhere," I said, "but I could not remember when."
"I took that, and I can't really break it. If I died, no one would take care of the little Caspian - I mean, he's not even married yet! But look here," Nathaniel strode to the cupboard and threw out books to the table. A Flat Art Gallery of Narnia: A view from the Centaurs. Painting of the Ancient Time by the Narnians. King and the Duchess - Great Love in the Battlefield. A Guide of the War Against Miraz. And there were some more books. Nathaniel stood before the table and started flipping through the pages like a lunatic.
"I've been meaning to find you these, but I couldn't since I was watched before. But then, yesterday I asked His Grace if you'd like to walk in the garden and that you might need someone to protect you, and so here I am. Look at these -"
He showed me some painting of the Duchess and the King drawn by many great artists in Narnia. Some of them were the two of them looking at each other. Most of them were drawn in the woods.
"Nice colour choice," I commented.
"Do you not remember anything?" Nathaniel said in a slightly loud and emotional voice. "Any single bit of him?"
"The High King? Of course I remember, he was in love with Duchess," I said airily, "what are you trying to show me?"
"Look at the picture," Nathaniel shoved one of the books to me. It was a painting of the High King. His crown was placed neatly on his blonde hair. He held his sword kingly."Look closely."
"He was a very looking man," I said.
"No," Nathaniel moaned. "What has he done? No listen, Your Grace, can you just - We have to go."
The approaching footsteps were louder as Nathaniel needled the books back onto the shelves. I'd helped.
"It's Sire Jordan. Could be. Do not let him see us. We leave from the back door? Yes the back door will be safe. It has to be safe." I thought Nathaniel was terrified
I looked at the painting on the wall again before Nathaniel dragged me to the door with quiet apologies. I wished the High King would just turn around.
We stumbled down the stairs and arrived the empty garden. Flowers were blossoming. Life was vivid here.
"Does she not look like anyone to you?" Nathaniel panted. "You have to remember!"
"Sadly no, the painting blurs my mind," I replied. Nathaniel dropped his speech then, and strode in the beautiful garden with me with a miserable expression.