"I bought you guys a couch," Brittany said, as she strutted into the choir room.
"Brittany? Wha… What are you…" Rachel stammered. "I thought you and Santana were in Long Island?"
"Yeah, well we cut it short for you losers," said Santana, coming in behind Brit. Brittany smiled, and laced her fingers through Santana's.
"We have forever to be together, so we figured that we could come and see you guys win," Brit said with a shrug.
"Well… Wow, ah, thank you guys so much, then. It means so much—" started Rachel.
"Zip it, dwarf," cut in Santana. "Look, Sue, for some reason, gave us a bunch of money, I'm not really sure why… it might have to do with the fact that she wants me to mention her in my speech when I accept my Oscar if I win… but that's besides the point." Will's face turned to shock, as he listened in from the doorway. He, being shortly notified that two former, famous, alumni were visiting, had come out from his office to welcome is former students back. "We decided to be good people and buy you a couch with a fraction of our money, because if I am being totally honest the only thing that I took away from my three years here was a constant butt-ache from these ratchet chairs."
"What?" said Will.
"Look, we gave you a couch, be happy. And I am now taking name submissions for the couch, if anybody can come up with something good."
Jane slowly raised her hand.
"Yes?" said Brittany.
"Um, I was just wondering if we could, you know, see the couch? So, so that we could come up with a good name for it, of course." The rest of the New Directions nodded.
"Well your wish has been granted," said Puck, walking into the room. The kids in glee club jumped up in respect at the sight of him in his uniform. Rachel and Will gave each other a surprised look about seeing this many alumni in one day.
"Please," said Puck, motioning for them to sit down. "Now, I present to you the worlds largest couch," he said as a bunch of burly men shoved their way through the door to the choir room. When they finally managed to move all of the chairs out of the way and set the gigantic couch down in their place, the eager onlookers soon saw that it was indeed the world's largest couch. It most definitely would not have fit in the old choir room, and it barely fit in the new one.
"Oh my God," said Rachel, shocked.
"Well, yeah, I mean, it's a bit bigger than we were expecting, but…" Brit tilted her head to the side, as if looking at it from a different angle would make it smaller.
"No, no I mean, it's huge and all, but, it's just so…" Rachel seemed at a loss for words.
"Pink," finished Will.
"Oh, yeah, well the color we chose just for you guys, and it's not just pink. It has gold sparkles too," said Brit. Santana made firework hand motions behind Brit, just as excited as her wife about their odd choice in color.
"Well, I honestly don't know what to say. Thank you guys. Wow." Will went over to hug the two of them.
"Aw, can I get in this?" asked the voice of Quinn Fabrey, who had entered the room and was standing next to her boyfriend.
"Quinn!" exclaimed Rachel. "You too? How did you all get here?"
"Santana and Brit made the call and then flew us out here on their private jet!" said Sam, coming in hand and hand with Mercedes, who laughed at her boyfriend's extreme excitement about their famous friends' form of transportation. "Oh and Rachel, I owe you big time. Thanks so much for taking over this week. It's not often my girl is in town, so I have to take advantage of it when I can," he said, giving Mercedes a smile.
"No problem. It's good to see these guys again. I can't believe I'm saying this, but Sam Evens, you have been doing a great job. I mean, these kids are fantastic," replied Rachel.
Sam shrugged. "What can I say? It's the country that whipped them into shape, right guys?" The New Directions laughed.
"Really Sam, good job."
"Sam Evens, getting a good job?" said Artie, being wheeled into the room by Mike.
"Shocking," said Blaine, walking in with a huge smile, Kurt following.
Will's grin spread to a full on smile at the sight of his unexpected, but very much welcome visitors.
"Okay, listen up nerds," said Santana as the visitors were saying their "hello"s. "There are rules for this couch, though. Although it is most definitely big enough for every person in this room to sit in, not everybody gets to sit in the couch… yet."
"You have to of achieved greatness," Brit said, as if it was the most simple thing in the world.
"I am a famous actress that is rumored to be nominated for an Oscar, Brit is a professional dancer and a hilarious judge on So You Think You Can Dance. We can sit on the couch," said Santana. Brit then pulled out a child's fairy princess wand from her purse, with sparkles and ribbons adorning it. Then, in a deep and very un-Brittany like voice she said,
"Quinn, you help kids who are living in poverty in Africa or something, Puck, well, you just fixed your life up real good," and she tapped each of them on the head with her wand. "You can sit on the couch."
"Um, okay, Brit this might take a while so how about I say the people and you just tap them on the head, okay?" whispered Santana.
"Good, because I forget what everybody else did," Brit whispered back. Santana grinned.
"Okay, Mike," started Santana.
"Keep doing you, Asian dancer," whispered Brit as she tapped him on the head.
"Bowtie go, Artie go, Mercedes."
"I think that's Unique," whispered Brit.
"Oh, ok, well Mercedes when she gets here, Trouty Mouth, and…"
"Finn," finished Brit.
"Yeah," said Santana softly.
"I'm, I'm sorry which one of those was me?" interrupted Tina, ruining the moment.
"Look Asian #2, I hate to break this to you, well, actually no I don't, but you can't sit on the couch," Santana said.
Tina burst. "What? You have no right to do this to me. This is racism! No, you—you just don't like me… I deserve to sit on that couch!"
Santana faked a sigh. "I though we might get this. Honestly, Terry—"
"It's been over five years! My name is Tina!"
"Does it look like I care? Anyway, as I was saying, you haven't done anything. You graduated from Brown for God's sake, shouldn't even be considered in the Ivy League just because of that horrible name. And so you graduated with a Bachelors, didn't go to graduate school, which would be fine except that you have done just about nothing with your life since graduating from the boring college. I mean, come on! The most exciting thing you have ever done is join a glee club in your high school in Ohio. I mean I want to kill myself just thinking about it."
Tina was at a loss for words. "But on the brighter side," Santana continued without any enthusiasm. "If you get your shit together, we might change our mind." Brittany nodded. Tina had nothing to come back with.
"Thank goes for anyone else who hasn't done anything yet, like… Lady Porcelain, Yentil… yeah that's it." Kurt also nothing to say, he just stood there, shocked. Rachel, though, was another story.
"Um, Santana? Brit? I have so far, after graduating from NYADA, that is The New York Academy for Dance and Arts, I have gotten over twelve offers for roles in movies, and I have stared in four Broadway shows, one of witch I won a Toney for. I think you made a mistake." Tina and Kurt rolled their eyes.
"Look, dwarf. That's great and all. But we all knew that was what you were going to do. Get the hell out of the Lima and make Rachel Berry start shining in the stars because of your endless Toney Awards. Predictable. Do something for a different, something that actually matters to the rest of us, something that doesn't want to make us cut off our ears out of boredom every time you talk about it."
"What?"
"You're Rachel Berry, aren't you? Figure it out," said Brit, as Santana laughed.
"As for you newbies," said Santana, pointing to the current members of New Directions. "Win Nationals. Sit on the couch. As simple as that."
The kids looked shocked. Quinn, who had been laughing the entire time, finally talked. "Well, you heard the women. We've won Nationals, and we could sure as hell win again. Go! Show us what you've got!"