The Twelve Heavenly Chores of Saotome Ranma
Chapter 2: The Verdict
A cold front made its way through Nerima during the night, precipitating out of existence the acrid fog of greater Tokyo and leaving burning blue skies behind itself.
These conditions will last for at least two days, Kasumi thought, perhaps more. It all depends on how much cold air the mountains have restrained.
The final outcome of the cold front's advance remained to be seen, but Kasumi Tendou was determined to enjoy the beautifully clear weather while it lasted. She was torn between a long crystalline cold spell and ephemeral spot of clarity between long bouts of hazy smog. She, like most Japanese people, rather enjoyed the impermanent and loved her melancholy just as much as her neighbors did. This is why the sakura blossoms are rabidly followed as they bloom across Japan during the spring. The Japanese are enthralled with the fleeting nature of life.
She hummed to herself as she undertook to accomplish several outside chores: hanging out the laundry, airing out bedding, sweeping the walks - any excuse to stay outside and be free of the aging Tendou-ke would do for her. She needed a change of pace. It was October and Tokyo weather is always miserable in October. A day like this in October is always something to be appreciated by a native of Tokyo. Too bad that most of them are too busy to note the weather.
It was well past the morning rush hour and the narrow streets of their neighborhood were quiet, save for the odd pedestrian, there was no traffic on them at all. There came a whooshing sound like the approach of tsunami, as a series of bright flashes like the sun hammering a whirling group of mirrors suddenly blinded her.
Through the dazzle came a calm clear, yet insistent voice: "Tendou-san? I have a message for your one of your sisters and Ranma. Will you please deliver it to them?"
Kasumi shook off the effects of the noise and flashing sunlight. She found herself standing in the front gate, but she was puzzled because she could not remember having opened it. There was a long tall drink of a man standing in front of her with an exceedingly winning smile. He wore a round chrome plated hat with wings on it - not painted wings - wings that had been hammered out of thin silver that looked like the wings of a bird. He had golden colored wings on his sandals.
Sandals? Kasumi thought. Sandals with golden wings attached to them?
She looked past the man and out onto the street there was a strange vehicle floating above it at about the level where an ordinary car would sit on its wheels, but this car had no wheels and it was streamlined, much like an airplane, but it was not an airplane - or any other sort of vehicle that she had ever seen before. It looked like something from a series based on science fiction. It emitted a faint hum as Kasumi stared at it in amazement.
"Tendou-san?" The strange man asked. "Will you give this letter to your sister and Saotome-san?"
Kasumi shook her head and focused her eyes on the face of the man standing within easy reach of her arms. She found herself blushing like a teenager despite her having left her teen years behind a long time - two entire years - ago. Everything about this man shouted: "I'm great! Look at me!" Yet no one but Kasumi had noticed him - so far. Her first instinct was to try and see if he were married.
"Of course, Sir," Kasumi said as brightly and politely as she could. She was still trying to recover from her shock from his grand entrance into her life. She focused her mind on what had been written on the man's vehicle. The message was very subtly done; the characters had been formed by making parts of the finish less shiny than the rest so that they appeared to be a barely visible frosting. They read Uchuu Hisayaku-kyo, or Cosmic Delivery Service.
Kasumi was desperate to engage this handsome stranger in conversation so she asked, "Er, uh, is that your truck?"
The man smiled at her and it was as though the sun had just come out all over again. "Yes, it is. It's very nice. Would you like to ride in it?"
Kasumi tingled all over as her heart raced up faster than it had beat since before her mother died. It was like being back in high school all over again.
"I'd love to," Kasumi said. "Any time you want to pick me up."
The man beamed at her and Kasumi felt her heart race away all a flutter.
"I'll have time to take you on a trip tomorrow. May I stop by here at eight in the morning tomorrow?"
"How long will..."
"Oh, just for the day, provided you don't want to hang around with me longer than that," the man said with a knowing smile.
Kasumi took the neatly folded envelope from the man as she glanced around to make certain that no one was in earshot
"Yes, please do. I look forward to it."
"I'll be here," the man said. "Eight o'clock sharp."
"I'll be right here waiting," Kasumi said. She was grinning like a child opening a Christmas present. She was simply dying to unwrap this guy's gifts.
"See you then, Kasumi-san," the man said. He strutted back over to his vehicle. A hole simply appeared in its side and steps literally formed out of the post-space aged materials it was made from. He clambered aboard and the front end of it became transparent. He waved at her and was then suddenly gone - vanished. There was only silence left in the wake of his departure.
Kasumi turned to close the gate and it was only then that she realized that she had just agreed to go out with a grown man, in his late thirties, whose name she did not know. The heavy gate swung closed and its latch clattered as it fell into place.
"Why didn't I ask him for his name?" Kasumi asked the empty yard. "What happened to me? Why was I so dazzled by him? It simply is not proper! I can't possibly..."
Then her brain got back into gear. What on Earth is so improper about a woman doing what comes natural to a woman? Kasumi's mind asked. He is the most handsome and definitely the most engaging man you've met in your entire life.
But I don't know a thing about him! Another part of her brain protested. For all I know, he could be a serial killer!
Nonsense! The impressed part of her personality answered. We know better than that. We would have sensed something wrong with if he were.
Oh, please! Your just desperate for masculine company.
And you aren't?
Well, okay, we both are, but we are not this desperate. Going off with a complete stranger? That's just not us!
Oh, no! We're just Daddy's partial replacement for Mom and resented elder sister to our sisters. We'll be here for ever working our hands to the bone and not having any children of our own to cuddle. Why should WE have any fun?
Congratulations! You just made that guys offer look inviting, but I'm still afraid.
Oh, don't be. He's all right. All he wants is to make us happy for a while.
Maybe he'll make us...
Shush! Don't go there. T'isnt proper.
Kasumi shook her head and looked at the envelope. It had writing on it that was obviously the same script she had seen on the floating truck, but she had no clue about what it meant, other than she could recognize the names of her sister and Ranma.
Why can I understand the names and not the rest of what is written on this envelope? She wondered. I have never seen this kind of writing before. Why can I understand certain parts of it and not the rest? I should not be able to understand any of it.
Kasumi opened the front door and took her shoes off. Once she had on her house slippers she went into the house proper.
She found Akane sitting at the table in the chanoma. She was studying from her history textbook. Kasumi dropped the envelope on the page that Akane was reading and said, "Please tell me what this says, if you can, Akane."
Akane froze into place and stared at the envelope for a few seconds, then picked it up.
"This is really good paper," Akane said. "It must have cost a fortune."
"I'm sure it did, but can you read what is written on it?"
"Well, I can make out that it is addressed to - Nabiki and Ranma! What is he up to know?" Akane shouted. "What has he been doing with my sister?"
"Perhaps you should be asking yourself what she has been doing with him, for a change, Akane," Kasumi said. "You are always so quick to blame Ranma for everything."
"My own sister?" Akane shouted as she reflexively clinched her fists. The envelope crinkled up into a tightly folded bundle; it now looked much like a crumpled fan. Akane realized what she had done and let go of the envelope. It fluttered to the floor without so much as a single crease or wrinkle in it.
Kasumi and Akane alike stared down at the should-have-been-creased envelope with astonishment.
Kasumi gasped. "Oh, yes! It has to be the very best paper ever made."
Akane frowned at the envelope as she picked it up. She shoved her feet back beneath the table where the kotatsu could keep them warm.
"I really can't understand anything else that is written on this envelope, Kasumi. All I can make out is 'Tendou Nabiki and Saotome Ranma, Tendou-ke Nerima.' The rest is just incomprehensible scribbling as far as I can tell."
"That's strange," Kasumi said with a frown wrinkling her forehead. "The only thing I could make out when I first saw it were the names of Ranma and Nabiki, now I can see the same thing you do. I can read the address as well."
"This is really strange writing," Akane said. "I have never seen it before, but I can understand parts of it. Why is that?"
"If you think this is a puzzle, Akane, you should have seen the dreamboat that delivered it just a few minutes ago."
"Dreamboat?" Akane asked. "You mean a really handsome guy delivered this beautiful thing?"
Kasumi silently nodded her head.
"What was his name?" Akane asked.
"You already have Ranma, Akane."
"What? Just because I sort-of have Ranma I can't know the name of the courier who delivered this astonishing envelope?"
Kasumi, who is a great deal quicker on her feet than most people realize answered. "Not really, no. He's mine."
This statement shocked Akane into making her eyes as large as dinner plates. She stared at Kasumi and said, "Yours?"
"Yes. Mine! All mine! I saw him first," Kasumi said. "He's attracted to me, too. You go play with Ranma and his other suitors and leave us alone."
Akane was shocked into laughing out loud. "You just met him, and you are already planning to elope?"
Kasumi thought about Akane's question. She had clearly meant it as a joke, but Kasumi realized that she was ready to do just that - elope with a handsome stranger.
"Eight o'clock tomorrow morning," Kasumi said. "I'm going away with him and I won't be back 'til I'm good and ready."
Akane's mouth sagged open as she turned as white as a sheet. She finally recovered after a very long minute or so and shouted, "Kasumi!"
Nabiki then came down the stairs. "What is all this I'm hearing?"
"Kasumi's going to elope," Akane said. "At eight o'clock tomorrow morning."
Nabiki stopped and stared at Kasumi and then looked at Akane. Then studied Kasumi. "With whom?"
"With the guy that brought this," Akane said as she scooped up the wrinkle proof envelope. "Kasumi was very taken with him."
Nabiki did not touch the envelope. She knew what it was with a mere glance. "Go get Ramma, Akane." Her voice was cold as ice.
"Why?" Akane asked. "It's addressed to both of you. Don't you want to read it first? That would give you an edge over Ranma."
"I don't want to read it at all, little sister," Nabiki said as she began to silently tear up. "Just go get Ranma."
"He's finally studying for a change," Akane said. "I..."
"Just go get Ranma you silly little witch!" Nabiki shouted. Her voice was surprisingly loud, blasting strands of Akane's hair back.
Akane glared at Nabiki. "What have you been doing with him, Nabiki?"
"Me? With Ranma? You really think that he would have anything to do with me?" Nabiki asked. "You have got to be the single most paranoid person I have ever met, Akane. Just go get your fiancé and bring him down here, dammit!"
Kasumi stared at Nabiki. Her middle sister looked as though she had been give several death sentences at one and the same time. She was that frightened.
"What are you afraid of, Nabiki dear?" Kasumi asked. "I haven't see you this morose since Mother died."
"Akane, go get Ranma! Now!" Nabiki once again shouted. "I mean it!"
"Why, Nabiki? Why should I?"
"Because this letter scares me shitless!" Nabiki shouted. "And it should frighten you shitless as well."
"But why?" Akane said.
Akane's as stubborn and truculent as ever, Kasumi thought. I had best do something to calm things down.
"I'll go get him," Kasumi said as she started up the stairs. "Don't open the envelope until I bring him back, okay?"
Akane and Nabiki nodded their heads in unison.
As Kasumi ran up the stairs, Happosai swaggered in through the engawa doors. "Got a mighty fine catch this time! Mighty fine. I'll just love on 'em for a while and then sell 'em to some other bloke who isn't in good enough shape to collect his own."
Happosai had yet another bag of women and girl's underwear slung over his shoulder. He would fuss over them for a while and then put them on the market. Sales of the stolen panties was one of the things that kept Tendou-ke solvent.
Happosai spied the envelope in Akane's hand and quailed with fright. "Where did that come from?" His voice shrieked out the question; he was alarmed that much.
"Kasumi says that it arrived today by some kind of courier service," Akane said.
Happosai immediately made a series of warding gestures and then disappeared in a cloud of not-quite-clean linen. Kasumi sipped out the front door while the linen was still settling on the floor.
Akane and Nabiki both groaned aloud as they began picking up Happosai's "silky darlings." They were still picking them up when Soun arrived with Genma. Both of them were as drunk as skunks.
They had been hitting the local beer joints more often recently and their returning home from an all night celebration over one of their piddly little successes. Their returning home inebriated had become something of a non-event.
"Where's Kasumi, girls," Soun asked. "Genma and I are hungry."
Nabiki gave the two men a cold stare and said, "I'll order take out, Daddy. Kasumi's got better things to do."
"Better things..." Soun paused because was well and truly puzzled. "What better things?"
"Oh, like eloping, because you haven't lived up to your duty," Akane said.
"Yeah, Daddy," Nabiki said. "You should have found Kasumi a husband long before now."
Genma grunted and jerked his arm off of Soun's shoulders, then vomited on the grass of the back garden. His sudden eructation smelled of boiled eggs and beer.
"I what?" Soun cried out. "Why? I didn't know that she even wanted a husband!"
"Oh, Daddy!" Nabiki said in an irritated voice. "You are so self-absorbed that it stopped being funny a thousand years ago. Of course she wants to get married. What else is a girl like Kasumi supposed to do? Keep house for us? Are you really as swinish as all that?"
"Yeah, Dad!" Akane interjected. "All you have ever thought about is what you want. Not what we want. This is the late end of the twentieth century, but you run around in a drunken stupor pretending that the Meiji Restoration never happened! Sometimes I just do not understand what it is with you and your decrepit outdated attitude."
Nabiki gave out an exasperated sigh and sat down, shoving her bare feet under the table. "Let Kasumi do the calling for their brunch! She's the one who has tolerated their rotten behavior all these years."
"Hmmph!" Akane snorted as she sat down next to Nabiki. "If she's going to go, she may as well leave saying: 'You should have done better by me!' I wouldn't look after them at all. They don't deserve it!"
"Ain't that the truth!" Nabiki said. "Kasumi's worked her ass off for you two old farts and all you've done for her is-what? Oh, that's right. Nothing! Not one damned thing! She's even been wearing Mom's old clothes since she quit school to keep house for you, Dad."
Soun and Genma both were horrified by these all too accurate accusations, so they did what they always did when they were caught - they groveled. They were still groveling before the uncaring Akane and Nabiki when Kasumi came back with Ranma in tow.
"I found him in the park," Kasumi said. "He was working on his ki."
Akane rolled her eyes and stared at Ranma. "You're as bad as those two old fools! You know that, don't you?"
"Does he know why you brought him home, Kasumi?" Nabiki asked.
"I haven't told him a thing," Kasumi said. "I thought it best that he see for himself."
Akane waved the divine envelope at Ranma. "This is for you and Nabiki, you skank! Why you insist on cavorting with other women all the time is a complete mystery to me."
Soun and Genma stared hard at the envelope. Both of them realized that the paper it was made from was of exceptionally fine and expensive.
"Is that from the Tenno?" Soun asked.
"Can't be!" Genma interjected. "What would the Emperor want with a mere slip of a boy?"
If looks could kill, Genma would have dropped stone dead from the dirty look Ranma threw at him. Fortunately for the graceless Genma, looks can do no such thing - unless the glare happens to be from a one of the legendary Gorgons - so Ranma's angry stare did the ever fatuous Genma no harm whatsoever, but it did amuse the formidable thief and lousy father to no end. He answered Ranma's hateful glare with an equally hateful grin.
"It's from the Kami," Nabiki said. "They put me on trial for hubris and sacrilege."
Kasumi wanted to be amused, but suddenly decided that she should not show it. After all, who was it who had suddenly jumped out her normal behavior pattern over a mere courier? It was none other than Tendou Kasumi, that's who.
Akane was scornful. "Oh, please! Now you're just having us on, Nabiki. There's no way that this came from the Kami."
"Actually, I think it is from the Greek Pantheon," Ranma said. "Who's it addressed to?"
"What'd they put you on trial for, Ranma?" Akane asked. "Bed hopping?"
"Actually, if you believe the myths about the Greek Pantheon, nearly all of them are sexually promiscuous. Almost none of them have any room to complain about Ranma," Nabiki said in a suddenly tired voice. She looked like death warmed over. "I'm gonna die a virgin."
"I won't allow that," Ranma said sharply. Making the hair of every other person in the room and out in the yard stand on end.
Soun and Genma both looked overjoyed. "He's gonna to knock two of 'em up!" They shouted in chorus.
Akane's battle aura suddenly expanded into a flare of previously unexampled magnitude and intensity. She magicked herself to her feet and put both of her fists on her hips.
"And why do you say that, Ranma?" She shouted.
"Because she's your sister, you aho!" Ranma shouted back "D'ya really think she deserves to die that way?"
"That all depends, Ranma!" Akane shouted back.
"Depends on what? What could you possibly mean by such a thing?" Ranma shouted.
"It depends on who she wants to give her virginity to, you baka!" Akane shouted so loud that the windows rattled.
Ranma suddenly looked sheepish and hung his head.
Akane's aura suddenly turned into a green monstrous version of herself, replete with horns, and glared at Nabiki. "What did you do, Sister dear?" Akane's voice now sounded like the hissing of a very angry and very deadly snake. Her aural image even grew long prominent fangs as she spoke.
Nabiki shuddered with obvious fear. "I made a pass at your fiancé, Akane." Nabiki's voice was faint and squeaky. "Please, please forgive, me. I knew that I was guilty as charged by the Kami and that I am going to die soon."
Akane's aura went out like a candle in cold wind. "You really believe that you're going to die?"
"Yes! I am guilty of what the Kami have charged me with. I have never believed in anything supernatural. I decided it was all just made stories to keep us all in line. Now the Kami are so angry with me that I cannot see what else they might do to me. I'm going to die the most wretched death anyone could possibly suffer!"
"Or, they might actually do worse to you by keeping you alive," Kasumi said. "That is another possible option. Have you read about what they did to Tantalus?"
Nabiki responded by clapping a palm over each of her eyes and shed genuine tears from her fear and grief.
Other than the sobs from the distraught Nabiki, the chanoma became so quiet that you could hear an aluminium one yen coin fall on the tatami. Ranma puzzled over the envelope in this thick silence, trying to understand how it was supposed to be opened, but then it suddenly unfolded on its own. It fell out of Ranma's hands onto the table. Then it emitted a series of bright coruscations accompanied by the sound of distant thunder. After that, a three dimensional image of Zeus appeared hovering over it. The image looked Ranma right in the eye as it began to speak.
In the matter of Saotome Ranma, I, almighty Zeus, the King of the entire Universe, do hereby decree that he shall be given twelve very difficult tasks to fulfill. Should he succeed in all twelve of these heavenly chores, I shall make Saotome Ranma a demigod. As the current demigod and representative of mankind to the Kami Plane, he shall enjoy an enormously long life. I shall also give him a place in the heavens once he eventually dies, provided he does something useful and sacred with that long life. Saotome Ranma," Zeus paused his speech for effect. "You have great expectations to live up to. Do your absolute best."
Ranma, contrary to everyone's expectations fell to his knees and put his forehead on the floor.
"O, mighty Zeus, Lord of the Universe, I am but an humble martial artist. I do not yet even have a license to teach my family's art. I shall be eternally grateful to you and all the other Kami who have honored me with this opportunity.
"The image of Zeus beamed at Ranma. "You are most welcome, Ranma."
"However, I beg that you forgive Tendou Nabiki for her alleged sins against the Kami. If necessary, I will meet any challenge you name to save her from the heavenly wrath about to be visited upon her."
"I am glad to hear you make such an offer, O Mighty Hero and Heroine," Zeus cried out between bursts of laughter. "Nabiki shall be given to you as an advisor. Should she give you good advice her and you follow it closely, thereby successfully completing the tasks soon to be set before you, your shall be her salvation or your failure her demise. Her fate is in the hands of you both. Her cunning and knowledge combined with your hard earned muscle and physical talent should prove to serve as a nearly perfect pairing for your tests."
Nabiki had planted her forehead on the floor just as the coruscations from the envelope started. She stayed in that humbled position. Zeus looked down on her and smiled.
"Take heart, Tendou Nabiki. Your cunning is far better than that of Odysseus. Your anger is as justified as that of Clytemnestra - may her soul rest in peace. You can give my son Apollo a run for his money when it comes to intellect. Your fate is in the safest hands I could ever hope to find. It is in your hands, Tendou Nabiki. Take heart and hold yourself innocent that you may prove your worth."
This last statement was followed by the flash of more bright blue coruscations and that was followed by the sound of distant thunder. Ranma sat up, and looked around. He was surrounded by astonished members of his closest friends and his father. Akane was especially surprised. Nabiki remained prostrate, crying her eyes out.
"See? I toldja!" Ranma said as he looked Akane in the eye. "She really has been accused of hubris and sacrilege. Got anything you want to say now?"
"I'm sorry, Ranma," Akane said, "but you must admit that she made you a very sincere offer."
"Yes, she did," Ranma said, "but I thought of you and turned her down."
"This is not going to be like that time she took you as her fiancé, is it?" Akane asked.
"That's up to you, Akane," Ranma said. "All I can tell ya is that I am honor bound to marry you or one of your sisters."
"So, you don't really have any feelings for me," Akane said as she began to cry. "It's only about your family honor, isn't it?"
"What honor, Akane?" Ranma asked. He pointed at the now slumbering Genma, he and Soun had passed out right after Zeus appeared, and said, "How is there any honor to be had from a man who steals for a living and abandons his wife for ten years? You call that, honorable? What about your dad, Akane? You and Nabiki were complainin' to him about what he ain't done for Kasumi right before I walked in here. Dontcha think that he comes up short in the honor department?"
Akane's face looked angry and she opened her mouth, but nothing came out of it.
"Oh, yes - I know - you just hate it whenever I'm right!" Ranma paused to inhale deeply through his nose. "You love playing the jealous girlfriend as well, I think. It seems to turn you own. What is it with you? Do you get off on the erotic pictures that flash through that ready-to-go-off brain of yours or what?"
Ranma had just said more to Akane than he had during any one conversation they had. Of course, she loved to beat on him and he hated letting her do it because he disliked pain, but he never failed to incite anger in Akane when they talked to each other, no matter how hard he tried to avoid it.
"Other girls rubbin' themselves on me probably makes you imagine things that you always feel guilty over, right? I mean, it must be like peaking over shoulder of one a them guys who reads x-rated manga on the train, right?"
"Oh, you son-of-a-bitch!" Akane shouted in a hurt and angry voice.
"Yeah, well, Mom ain't no prize either, is she?" Ranma said. "She still carries that sword around just in case I fail to be 'manly." How wouldju like it if your dad did that to you? Only, fer you, I figger it'd hafta be not 'womanly enough,' wouldn't it? I mean, you do act like a tomboy almost all the time."
Akane lunged at Ranma, but her punch failed to land. He ducked and dodged her assaults.
"Oh, come on, Akane! Surely ya know by now that when I'm pickin' on ya its for a reason!" Ranma said. He sounded amused and concerned at one and the same time.
"Well, here's picking on you,Ranma!" Akane shouted as she seized a flower vase and threw its contents at the aqua-transexual Saotome. The cold water invoked his curse, of course. He shook his now red head and gave his fiancée a knowing grin. "See? Gotcher blood up, didn't I?"
"You! You! You!" Akane shouted as she pressed her clinched fists on her hips.
"Yeah, yeah, I know. You're overwhelmed with your passion for me," Onna-Ranma said in a taunting voice. "Ya know why I like ya, Akane? 'Cause I figger you can do me more good as a woman than Kuno could ever do me as a man."
Akane's face turned a fiery red when she heard this. "You bastard!" She shouted.
"Nyah, nyah!" Onna-Ranma said. "Sticks and stones!"
Akane charged forward and seized Onna-Ranma about his waist. She threw him over her shoulder as though were merely a rug to be beaten and charged up the stairs.
"Hey!" Onna-Ranma shouted. "Where er you takin' me, Akane?"
"Someplace private so that we can work out our differences and not be overheard!" Akane shouted.
"So, you're gonna carry all the way to Mars on yer shoulder?" Onna-Ranma asked. A door then slammed and nothing more could be heard from either of them.
Nabiki and Kasumi were still staring after them with their chins drifting around on the table top when Athena suddenly manifested herself in the middle of the chanoma of Tendou-ke.
"I trust that everyone here is happy to see me, right?" Athena asked.
Kasumi stared at her blonde hair and light blue-gray eyes, her bronze Grecian armor and smooth white cotton dress and nearly choked. Nabiki had planted her forehead on the tatami again, just as she had in the presence of Zeus.
Athena looked at Kasumi for a second and said, "Oh, my! You look as though you might have seen a demon, Tendou Kasumi-chan."
Kasumi's only response was to splutter incomprehensibly. Athena smiled and turned to Nabiki. "Must I remind you about how I feel about those who grovel before me, Tendou Nabiki?"
Nabiki sat up. "I'm sorry, but I just feel so inadequate. I mean, before yesterday, I did not believe in anything supernatural at all."
"Oh, really?" Athena said as she raised her left eyebrow. "You live with a person who has been cursed by a magical spring in China and you do not believe there is anything that is supernatural?"
"My reasoning suggests that the existence of a thing makes it perfectly natural," Nabiki said in a cold voice. "Otherwise, it would not exist at all. There is but one way for anything to exist."
"What does it mean to exist, then, Tendou-san?" Athena asked.
This caught Nabiki flatfooted. What does it mean to exist, I wonder, she thought. "Now that I think about it, I haven't the slightest clue, O Goddess of Wisdom."
Athena smiled. "Two things grant natural existence," Athena said with a smile. "It must exist independently from the imagination of a mind or minds, and it must have enough characteristics to manifest itself to the senses in some way."
"That would seem to cover a great deal of ground, Athena-sama," Kasumi said.
Athena turned and walked toward Kasumi. "So you do not agree?" Athena asked before she got within arm's reach of Kasumi.
"No, I do not, agree, Athena-sama," Kasumi said. "I have never laid eyes on or heard the voice of Kami-sama, yet I still believe in His existence."
"Ah, yes! Jehovah's insistence on his believers having faith in naught but Him," Athena said with a sneer on her face and in her voice. "What do you believe about the Devil? Does He exist?"
"His work is all around us. I see it on a daily basis," Kasumi said.
"Oh, the works of the Devil, right!" Athena was clearly amused by Kasumi's answer. "But what of the Devil? Have you ever seen the Devil himself or heard His voice? Do you have any idea where the English word 'devil' comes from?"
"Not personally, no," Kasumi answered truthfully.
"Good for you!" Athena exclaimed. "Had you heard Him you would be insane and beyond my reach. It is like this, Tendou-san, all of civilization, good and bad together, is the creation of man. We Kami have no use for such stuff. We are deathless - beyond the reach of death. Being immortal gives us no reason to bother with moral behavior, let alone to build civilizations. After all, of what use is architecture to a being who is immune to bad weather? We just get on with our immortality as best we can - usually fighting off boredom. We often fight amongst ourselves just so we can avoid being bored."
Kasumi was now so astounded that she found herself unable to say a single word.
"Only you mortals have uses for morality and civilization," Athena said. "Not even your beloved Jehovah has need of such stuff. He's just another immortal being like Me."
"But - but - but -the first commandment says..."
"Thou shalt not have any other Gods before Me," Athena said, quoting Exodus 20:1. That verse in your Bible makes no proclamation about the existence of other Kami though, does it? Believers in the existence of YHWH are forbidden to worship other Gods. That is all that verse means."
"He - He - He can't be so jealous and petty!" Kasumi exclaimed.
"Lah!" Athena said with a smile. "He is quoted as saying as much elsewhere in that Bible of yours, Tendou-san, Athena made a motion and suddenly a Bible was in her hands. She read from it aloud saying, "Deuteronomy 6 verses 14 and 15, 'Thou shalt not go after other Gods, of the other Gods of other people which are round about you; For the Lord thy God is a jealous God among you.' Jehovah is a very jealous and petty God and, for a God, he is very foolish in My estimation."
"What happened, then?" Nabiki asked. "Why did Christianity, Islam and Judaism become some of the most dominant religions?"
"Mostly because we older Gods were out politicked by Jehovah," Athena answered, and because My Shit-daddy..." Athena paused at the sound of distant thunder..."got bored with humanity there for a long time. Hephaestus and I stuck around, but the other Gods followed Him off to soak up praise and sacrifices from races elsewhen and elsewhere."
"I'm surprised that you and Hephaestus haven't become a number over the millennia," Nabiki said. "Brains and industry? You two fit like gloves."
"When I stop to think about it, so am I," Athena said with a sheepish grin. Such a face looked odd on a Goddess. "You have to remember though, that Hephaestus and I both have very intensive fields responsibility. He is almost always beating on something with one of His hammers, and I am almost always working out new ways to do something and struggling to inspire humans to think before they act."
"Encouraging people to think before they act has got to be a seriously labor intensive chore," Nabiki said. "I see them do unthinking stuff all the time."
"Hah! You should have to deal with being me on a Monday morning," Athena said with a rueful grin.
"I can just imagine," Nabiki said in a sadly reverent tone as she stared at the two passed out men in their late forties. "I have been struggling with people suffering Monday morning hangovers for the last two or three years."
"As have I, Nabiki-chan," Kasumi said.
"And here I thought that I had put you into a fatal tailspin, Tendou-san," Athena said looking at Kasumi wither brilliant grey eyes.
"With all due respect, Athena-sama, no," Kasumi said. "After I thought about it, I realized that nothing in contact with Earth can be completely pure or perfect. The Holy Bible is rife with creatures that appear to be immortal, but have nothing truly sacred about them."
"Perfection is a false standard. It is one of Plato's sicker illusions," Athena said, "but, you mean like demons and angels, right?"
"Yes, but no Gods," Kasumi said. "Just about the only thing the Bible says about Gods is to not worship any Kami but the 'one true God.' It does say that Kami-sama is both jealous and possessive and that He does not want us worshiping other Deities such as yourself, Athena-sama."
"And you are very devout follower of Jehovah and His Son, Jesus, Tendou-san," Athena said. "That is why you have not been charged with hubris and sacrilege the way your sister Nabiki has."
"So, if Gods other than Kami-sama exist, how did Christianity and Islam become so dominant?" Kasumi asked. "The overwhelming majority of Japanese were either worshippers of Shinto or followers of Buddha prior to World War Two."
Athena smiled as she sat down at the table and shoved her beautiful legs beneath it. "This is warm and comforting. I can understand why you Japanese like a kotatsu so much. Nabiki? Why don't you take a shot at answering this question. You were atheistic once."
"It almost certainly had to do with power and politics," Nabiki said. "It is far easier for politicians to share power with a single Deity than it is for them to share power with a large pantheon."
"Pray, do expand on why, this is so," Athena said.
"Well," Nabiki said, "here in Japan we have multiple religions. Japan has several epithets and one of those epithets is 'The Land of the Gods.' Only the United States has more religious beliefs than Japan, but the Americans are not nearly so tolerant as we are. We have Shinto as our native religion. Shinto itself has a practically infinite number of immortal beings in its pantheon, which is key to our religious nature overall, but then we imported Daoism and Buddhism and following those, the Portuguese brought Christianity to our shores. We Japanese have so many Kami to worship that their number no longer matters really. None of them have total sway over anything in Japanese society as a whole, save that Christianity has been slowly increasing its influence over the last several decades of the twentieth century."
"Please excuse me, Nabiki-chan," Kasumi said, "but that made matters about as clear as mud."
"You have to take into account the effects of a moderately large pantheon has on society, Kasumi-chan," Nabiki said. "With a mere twelve Gods and a body of followers for each, you get chaos, confusion and general discord. Each God or Goddess has His or Her particular feast days and special holidays. If enough people in a nation worship roughly the same set of Gods, you get a situation where all the work and all the business is constantly being interrupted by a religious duty or celebration of one sort or another."
"And your point is?" Kasumi asked.
"The point is that it is easier to have everyone in a country worshiping the same Kami - a single God. The worship of just one Kami reduces the need for numerous and differing duties and ceremonies. Making laws under the alleged authority of a single God is much simpler than making laws with exceptions for conflicting beliefs among various followers. One Kami with a single theology makes for much simpler politics, which in turns makes it vastly easier to run a nation. We Japanese have many Kami, but only one set of religious practices along with a tolerance for the practices of other religions."
"That's so simplistic that it verges on mindlessness," Kasumi said.
"Occam's Razor, Big Sister," Nabiki said in answer.
"What Nabiki said is more or less the truth," Athena said. "It is far less complicated to rule over a people who celebrate a single religion than it is to rule over a people who worship a complicated pantheon such as ours. We Gods have far too many conflicts between us to ever support a peaceful population. Our very nature encourages strife and bloodshed."
Kasumi opened her mouth to speak, but Nabiki cut her off. "Careful, Kasumi-chan. You'll get shouted down by history and current events."
Kasumi put the back of her right hand to her forehead. She looked dizzy.
"The real solution," Athena said, "is to recognize that we Gods exist, but then for humans to hold their on against Us. Who are the Gods to bully humans, after all? Why are We privileged to support a lone psychopath against the well-educated and productive citizenry of an entire nation? If so, why? The mentally deranged are irrational by definition, and no one should follow the orders of an unstable sentient - not even a sentient who happens to be immortal. No one should be forced to act against his or her own judgement. Even if they are wrong, they should not be forced. No one can rightly force the mind of anyone - not even us Gods."
This lengthy statement was greeted with a respectful silence - save for the snores of the somnolent Soun and Genma. Kasumi glanced over at the two middle-aged men and shook her head, as though she had just looked upon something particularly odious. Nabiki merely sneered at them. Athena gazed at them fondly, as though the two of them were her children.
"They have done their modest best by you ladies Tendou," Athena said. "Do not begrudge them their tiny vanities. Just know in your heart that theirs is merely a puny little dream to be outdone by the three of you and Ranma-sama."
Nabiki gave Athena a grin. "You sound as though you have fallen for Ranma, Athena. Shall we add your name to the list of his suitors?"
"Of course I have, you silly woman childe," Athena said. "You have already been told as much. We Gods worship a man as brave as Saotome Ranma."
"Why?" Kasumi asked. "Why would beings so powerful and undying as you Kami be worshipful of a little boy?"
"Because he can die and We cannot, Tendou-san," Athena answered. "Courage for the immortals comes easily because We cannot die, but your Ranma must put his very life at risk every time he engages in a battle. You and your Ranma will eventually explore a part of reality that we Gods cannot and will never know, save for my Uncle Hades and his wife, Persephone. They rule over that particular portion of the Universe. It is walled off from the rest of Us."
"And why can't you visit that part of the Universe?" Kasumi asked.
"Because you must be dead to get there, Tendou-san," Athena said. Her eyes were lit with amusement. "We Gods cannot die."
Kasumi seemed satisfied by this answer, but Nabiki's face was riddled with doubt. Athena turned to face her.
"Tread carefully, Tendou Nabiki," Athena said. "Your little sister is much like Ranma in that she is beloved of more than a few Kami. Hera for one, is very fond of her, as is that lover of unmodified nature and virginity, Artemis, along her twin brother, Apollo. Enyo, Ares twin sister, is also fond of her. All of them are unforgiving and bloodthirsty. Treat your youngest sister with great respect. She will soon come into her own and she may or may not want to keep your beloved Ranma."
"So, there might well be a chance for me," Nabiki said.
"For you and Kasumi, Nabiki-chan," Athena said with a fond smile. "Even though your eldest sister is about to run off with My Cousin Hermes tomorrow."
"He's a Kami?" Kasumi shouted. "I'll never forgive him!"
"Tut, tut, Tendou-san," Athena said. "Your Bible says nothing about having a dalliance with a God, it just warns you not to worship any Kami but YHWH."
Kasumi and Nabiki alike sat there with their chins on the table until the manifestation of Athena suddenly vanished.
"Hermes?" Kasumi asked. "Hermes came here to deliver a messaged to you and Ranma? Really?"
"Well what did you expect, Kasumi-chan?" Nabiki asked in a dry voice. "He is the Messenger of the Gods, after all. The Verdict of Heaven had to be delivered in some way."