Saving Grace

Chapter two

.

.

.

Fifteen minutes later, Meredith was standing in the same position as she had been when Addison left. The news about her and Mark had left Meredith dazed.

"Poor Addison." She whispered to the night. She started thinking back to the last few months that had flown by in a blur.

.

After the prom "incident", Addison had asked Derek for a divorce. Once she found out about him sleeping with Meredith, she couldn't take it anymore. The pain of trying to get Derek to love her like he used to was too much for Addison and she filed for divorce. It took a few weeks, but eventually Derek signed and Addison Shepherd was once again Addison Montgomery. At least during her personal life. At work she was still known as Dr. Shepherd.

Derek and Meredith had ended up together after the split, as was expected, but their relationship didn't last for long. Derek was too deeply in love with Addison at that point, even though he had never shown her.

When he slept with Meredith, it had been the bottom line for him, a parting….something. Not that he didn't love Meredith. It wasn't just for the sex. He did love her, but he was in love with Addison.

And Meredith knew that. She respected that.

Addison was his wife, they had been married for eleven years, if he wasn't in love with her then something between them was entirely wrong. But Derek did love Addison and Meredith understood that.

Yet once the divorce had been finalized, Meredith and Derek had gotten together. At the beginning he had been moody and upset but after that first week he had lightened up tremendously.

Until the whole thing with Mark and Addison started---they had hooked up.

Nobody knew why Addison had ended up with Mark and nobody was about to ask her. Nobody except Meredith.

One day at the hospital, Meredith had walked over to Addison after a surgery and pulled her into one of the supply closets. Addison had reacted towards her in a cool, calm, collected manner. Meredith had literally grabbed her and shoved her into the empty closet, locking the door and all Addison did was cross her arms over her chest and look at her.

She seemed to have decided not to give in to the urge to bicker with Meredith about it and had settled for indifference.

However, indifference was never Addi's strong point, especially when it involved Derek Shepherd and she sincerely doubted Meredith Grey was locking her in a closet to gossip about the weather.

"Grey, what are you doing?"

Meredith looked like an animal trapped in a cage regardless of this whole thing being her decision. Why had she done it again? It was stupid; she should just let Addison go. But she needed to know. She wouldn't tell Derek but she needed to know, for her own sake, and maybe Addison's too.

"Grey, I don't have all day. What do you want?"

"I…" Meredith hesitated.

Addison's patience was gone.

"Come on Grey! You want to know if I hate you, I don't. I don't hate you and I don't hate Derek. I don't particularly like you, but hate is too strong a word. It's not your fault. Well, it is, but not entirely. I don't hate you."

Addison's hands had moved from being crossed over her chest, to being thrown up in the air in some sort of acceptance, to finally at her sides where they rested for a few minutes until she turned to lean against the supply rack next to her, all her weight resting on her arms as they stretched out in front of her.

"I don't hate either of you." If Meredith looked closely she could see the slight tremors that shook Addison's body. They were very slight, but they were there. Meredith looked up at her face which was now buried in one hand.

"Then why?"

Meredith's voice echoed around the small room. Addison's shoulders shook as the tremors grew and quiet sobs filled the closet. She crouched down so she was on her knees and placed her hand against the rack again so both arms were supporting her. Meredith squatted next to her.

"If you don't hate him, although I don't see how you couldn't, but if you don't then why are you doing this? I know you still love him. You love Derek, Addison, not Mark. So why?"

Addison's sobs had calmed a bit, and she looked at Meredith while she said

"Because you do too, and he loves you." Her gaze returned to the floor. Meredith kept looking at her.

"But …Mark? Him, of all people!! I can't believe you would go to him after what you did in New York."

Addison shot her a glare.

"What happened in New York is none of your business. I made a mistake and I paid for it. Mark was there, he's always there. He cares about me."

No sound penetrated the silence that had fallen between the two. Suddenly a quiet chuckle escaped Meredith and as Addison, no longer crying, looked at her bewildered, Meredith's chuckle turned into a full blown hysterical laugh.

"I'm glad you find this funny." Addison started to get up off the floor "I'm leaving."

Meredith calmed down enough to grab Addison's arm and pull her back down.

"No, don't go. I'm sorry I laughed. It's just, you're…" She was cut off by another small chortle. "You're so dense."

Addison looked at her like she was crazy.

"Thank you Meredith. That's exactly what I need to hear."

"I didn't mean it like that. It's just…the both of you…Derek cares about you too."

"He used to."

Meredith shook her head. "You know Derek said almost the same thing you did, when Burke asked him why he didn't stop you from going to Sloan."

Addison didn't say anything. Meredith continued.

"He said he didn't stop you because Mark cares about you and you love each other."

"It's true Meredith." Addison let out a small laugh "but now Derek cares about you and I'm with Mark. That's it."

"Addison…"

"No, that's it. It's over between us. Derek moved on and I'll move on." She sighed. "We'll both just keep going."

"But he cares!"

Addison sighed. "You don't know what you're talking about Grey."

Meredith was about to say something when a beeping filled the room. Addison's pager had gone off.

She got up and left the closet without saying a word to Meredith until she turned the handle and stepped out into the hallway. She turned around and whispered quietly.

"I don't hate you and I don't hate Derek."

Meredith was left alone in the storage closet mulling over her thoughts. She sighed deeply. "I don't know what's going on with you and Mark, Addison, but you'll never move on, you or Derek."

She thought of the fact that she never got to mention that she and Derek weren't together anymore.

.

That had been a few months ago. She and Derek had broken it off two days before the closet scene and Addison didn't find out till a month later. She had heard from Mark when he had come home after a surgery. Addison had been waiting in the kitchen when he walked in.

She looked up from her magazine as he addressed her.

"Did you hear the news?" she removed her glasses slowly

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, it's not exactly novel news, but you can't complain about it—gossip is gossip."

Addison was getting agitated. She hated that he never got straight to the point. He always had to beat around the bush. "Just spit it out Mark. What's the news?"

"About Grey and that asshole."

"I told you not to call him that. I was the one to ask for a divorce not him."

"Yeah, but he slept with Meredith. He cheated on you with an intern."

"And I cheated on him with his best friend, which was you. He's not an asshole Mark."

"Addi…" she glared at him over the top of the magazine. "Fine, but he's not being called McDreamy by me anytime soon."

Mark usually had a smug tone when he talked about Derek, now he sounded smug and slightly elated.

"Mark, just tell me what you're talking about. I'm not interested in playing guessing games right now." She placed the glasses over her eyes again and looked back down at the magazine.

"Meredith broke up with him. They're over." The smugness dominated in his voice.

Addison's head shot up.

"Meredith broke up with Derek? Why? She loves him, why would she do that?" It came out in a rush. Mark was staring at her. Addison stopped babbling and let out a small laugh.

"Never mind. I don't really care." Mark smiled at her before heading into the bedroom.

Later that night, Addison lay wide awake with Mark next to her in the bed, her head full of thoughts about what she had heard earlier.

What if Meredith had told Derek what she had said? What if Meredith had broken up with him because of her?

As much as she loved Derek, Addison wouldn't be able to live with that.

Thoughts about the two of them kept running through Addison's head. She was so preoccupied that she didn't notice Mark waking up.

"Addison? What are you doing up still?"

"I couldn't sleep." She didn't want to tell him that she had been thinking about Derek.

Mark put an arm around Addison's waist as she snuggled next to him, his body wrapped around her. He rubbed gentle circles up and down her arm as she sighed deeply.

"Should I get you anything? Maybe a cup of hot chocolate." She smiled at Mark as he gently kissed the top of her head.

He really did care about her.

"Thanks, but I'm fine. I think I'll be able to sleep now." She meant it.

"Alright Addi." Mark gave her arm a small squeeze. "I'm here if you need me."

Mark knew she was thinking about Derek. He always knew when she was thinking about him, she would get a certain look on her face that he learned to recognize long ago.

Addison had that look on now.

He had once sworn that he would, on no account, let Derek bother her, and if he had anything to say about it, Derek never would.

Mark kissed the top of her head again as they both drifted off, the smell of Addison's hair surrounding his senses.

.

.

.